A can of ASPARAGUS, 73 pigeons, some LIVE ammo, and a FROZEN DAQUIRI!! % Barbie is a slut. % All your base *are* belong to us! % 1:1.618 % 137 % Faith is not enough. I worship Chaos. % Whistle while you work Biden is a twerp He's half barmy so's his army Whistle while you work % Clown World has long passed the Stupidity Event Horizon and we're now in a dimension where there is no reality. Nothing is real, everything you've been told to believe is a lie. Everything. % All I know is that when I was five I saw a TV programme about the decline of civilization and I knew I wanted to be part of that. % When all you believe in is power when humanity is nothing but a wall to project your own self-loathing onto then there are no restraints on your behavior. % My favourite new insult is, "you sound vaccinated." % Dr Freud will see you now Mr Hitler. Mr Stalin you'll be next. % Your reality sir is lies and balderdash and I am delighted to say that I have no grasp of it whatsoever. % The Slippery Slope Fallacy is, it turns out, not a fallacy. % Humans didn't invent agriculture. Humans were domesticated by wheat. % Goddam ticks are everywhere, it's like Joe Biden on a six year old. % No matter how paranoid I am I take comfort in the fact that the NSA always listens to me and all my concerns. % Most of the morons produced by todays universities don't even know which toilet to use. % Ten years from now you'll put on your jacket and find a paper mask in your pocket. You'll chuckle to yourself and think, ``man what a weird year that was.'' Then you'll pick up your machete and continue across the wasteland, keeping to the shadows to avoid the roving bands of cannibal raiders. % There is a reason why a sane America once laughed at Corporal Klinger. Today Klinger is an admiral. % Lacking an internal monologue they need others to confirm their very existence, reinforce what they believe. Without the group they are truly an empty vessel stranded alone in the darkness. % Once you lose your ignorance you never get it back. % The problem is us. The problem is human nature. The problem is men not taking charge of their own lives. % I am neither a glass half full guy nor a glass half empty guy. That glass is full of piss and they're trying to tell us it's apple juice. % A rule not ultimately backed by the threat of violence is merely a suggestion. % The laws and procedures do not matter. What matters is who decides. % Nothing calms an empty mind like a little mindless entertainment. % They stopped following Jesus and took the wide road on a Walmart shopping scooter to hell. % The people beating up cross-dressers are other cross-dressers. Normal people simply avoid these people. % You keep feeding your enemies, if you are not slaves what are you? % Fisher never objected to the possibility that smoking caused cancer only the certainty with which public health advocates asserted this conclusion. % Welcome to the Monkey House. Your government is a ball and chain shackled to your leg. % I call them tranny peddling gay ass propaganda no way in hell they are getting my money cookies. % Instead of evidence-based policy-making we have policy-based evidence-making. % We're getting to the stage where the only thing that really matters is what the guy who has the gun pointed at your head is telling you to do. You can only hope they're not telling you to kneel down in front of the mass grave. % They all want to keep their jobs. Your life is not important to them. % They will hold you back while your children die. % Remove clothes before ironing. % All that the empty suits that are ``in charge of countries'' need to do is read a teleprompter and follow a cue card and apparently they can't even find someone in the USA, or UK, capable of doing something as simple as that. % Some people carry the water. Some people drink the water. % The Party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command. % Never underestimate the power of large groups of stupid people. % Because it is sometimes so unbelievable the truth sometimes escapes being known. % Death is not the worst thing that can happen to you. Do not fear death. Fear slavery in a transhuman society. % There is no science any more only scientism. Like any religion you've got to be careful about being outed as a heretic because the believers will administer the harshest punishments. % Georgia Guidestones % The last aristocracy that showed this kind of contempt for its own people and popular folkways was the French in the days of Marie Antoinette. % There's a tampon shortage and monkeys are stalking gay men while they watch Christina Aguilera perform wearing a 12" strap-on dildo. % Bankers decide wars not politicians. % Don't try to understand women, son. Women understand women and they hate each other. % Being alone for a while is dangerous. It's addicting. Once you see how peaceful it is you don't want to deal with people anymore. % She's got more red flags than a Soviet era May Day parade at the Kremlin. % Lunacy is now the law of the land. % The Train: Most people will get on the Train to suffer a long lingering death of... hope. % The nature of them will never change. You are looking to make sense of their goals in comparison to your own. % Protect and Serve is just like any other marketing campaign it's not strictly accurate or factual. % Is this movie going to end with Elon Musk battling Darth Schwab until Musk finds out Schwab is his father? % Kinda like Fatty Arbuckle and John Wayne Gacy had a love child. % They are just congenital liars and shake down artists. Laughing at us for being so gullible. % If learning were profaned by being made available to all and sundry it would be found that there were more people capable of creating doubts than of resolving them and many would show themselves more apt in opposing truth than in defending it. % my yard has more guns than blades of grass % All models only say what they are told to say. % I regret my vote for Kodos! I'm voting for Kang from here on out! % The ``K'' in Monkeypox is silent. Which also explains how it spread around the world so quickly. % Stop asking me why there is no why. We have to adhere to national guidelines. % We have a saying here. Safe is anywhere a hungry person cannot walk in three days. % There is nothing more frightening to the beautiful people than having their illusions of themselves lampooned by the hoi polloi. % Apparently in Clown World not only can things disappear into the Stupidity Event Horizon but they can come back out via the White Hole of Madness in all their magnificent absurdity. % They might be foreigners. % We know they are lying they know they are lying they know we know they are lying we know they know we know they are lying but they are still lying. % You can fool most of the people most of the time and that's plenty good enough for government work. % The year is 2040. Every McDonald's is manned entirely by robots. The ice cream machine still doesn't work. % When you are shot 68 times you are naturally gonna die. % For democracy to survive it needs more censorship. % So much transparent BS is received wisdom nowadays I feel like I'm living in a Philip K Dick novel. % Remember campers you don't have to out run the bear just the person you're camping with. % The elites insanity used to be hidden. Now it is being normalized. % Sometimes it is better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness. % Sadly, people today still live under the illusion that the government is a necessary evil. It's not. Unless you think evil is necessary. % I'm an old man I'm no longer interested in taking people seriously. % A time is coming when men will go mad and when they see someone who is not mad they will attack him saying, `You are mad, you are not like us.' % Any conclusion or proposition by itself has no need of any argument to be true. Any conclusion is true or false on its own. % The American empire is a horizontal organization modeled on the Mafia. It is a collection of elite gangster organizations jostling for power within the elite. % Nobody ever defended anything successfully there is only attack and attack and attack some more. % In ten thousand years my numerous salient words will still be stored in the cryoarchive and comprehensible when your terse ingroup quips have been superseded by the intervening hipster nonsense, wiped clean by your excessive triviality. % The reason the economy did not collapse when millions were sent home from their jobs is that most of the people being sent home were not doing anything all that useful. % You have attributed conditions to villainy that simply result from stupidity. % The future will be one crisis after another each more bizarre and ridiculous than the last. % When I was young I was poor. After decades of hard work, and many setbacks, I'm no longer young. % Live your life understanding that there is a criminal gang in charge and behave accordingly. % Be cool. Don't panic. Chaos is good. Chaos creates infinite possibilities. % The sort of grey, nowhere places where ordinary people spend their lives. % You are the carbon they want to reduce. % Remember, there is a special place in hell reserved for people who rat out their neighbors - or even their enemies - to the government for victimless crimes. % 2030: the TV flashes red because you lied to Amazon Prime about how many people were watching Toy Story 23, the door is kicked in and 15 riot police burst in and shoot your dog. You are banned from Whole Foods for the next fortnight and your social credit score is debited 1000 points. % We're being held hostage not so much by the tyrants as by the gullibility and compliant subservience of the bovine masses. % The push for world government and total control is happening now because the technology is here to enable it. It's that simple. % What monstrosities would walk the streets were people's faces as unfinished as their minds. % One of the main reasons the govt/media system is able to get away with all its lies is that the vast majority of people have the intellectual and emotional level of about a 12 year old. That is just a fact. This situation makes real solutions very difficult to implement. % The tax is owed because the king says it is owed. The subjects must pay the king because the king has the guns. It is the height of absurdity to think the king will forego his tribute because of magic words. % Most people are too weak to think for themselves, they only see things in the context of others approval. % The technologies of social control are vast, and ancient. The pyramids and their very construction were a technology of social control that still has power today. % What a bunch of hoofwanking spanglecunts. % If it was real, there would be no warning. They would go to their bunkers and let us die. They do not care. They have proven that time and time again. This is evil at play. % i dont even know why im watching this i lost all my guns in a boating accident % Last known picture before the tragic boating accident. % We go from ``that's a conspiracy theory'' to ``actually its no big deal'' in like 6 months now. % The problem is people stopped shooting at tax collectors. Big mistake. % We used to walk around with an onion on our belt because that was the style at the time. But not white onions those were for the war! Give me five bees for a nickel you'd say % The only thing preventing people from noticing the absurdity of the Right is the over-the-top lunacy of the Left. % This really is the ``just get in the boxcar'' moment. % Did you know that reality is an illusion? Most of what you believe is the result of psychological operations by corporate or government personnel. % I wanted a zombie apocalypse and instead I got this shit. % It turns out that the post-scarcity world is like a giant carnival tent. The only thing holding people together is a desire for attention. They need the crowd in order to get the attention of the crowd. % It's a new normal, in a Brave New World run by clowns. The lunatics have taken over the asylum. % We are being run by people who are voted for by the insane. % and finally, the water will start to boil and the frog will die. % It may not be the worse time to be alive but it the most embarrassing. % Most have paddled out so far into that well-known river in Egypt that they can never make it back. % It's clear there is nothing the people won't believe so long as it comes from ``authority''. % Stupidity is far more dangerous than evil for evil takes a break from time to time stupidity does not. % Resist much, obey little. % False opinions are like false money, struck first of all by guilty men and thereafter circulated by honest people who perpetuate the crime without knowing what they are doing. % You can't wake the dead. You can only reach out to those feeling lonely amongst the dead, so they know they are not alone. % Anarcho-tyranny in politics results in emotionally charged drama over abstract concepts and ruthless ignorance of anything specific. % Going to mainstream media for news and information is like going to the toilet bowl for your drinking water. % It's always the naive well-meaning people that are the problem. % All government laws are nothing more than opinions with guns. % I'm manfully restraining the urge to plant thermite charges and steal a salt gritter. Unfortunately everyone would know it was me. % Resistance only works when no one has any illusions about what is being resisted. % The media companies no longer worry about the audience because what are you going to do start your own Amazon? Create your own Hollywood? % We reached scorched earth in autumn now we're exterminating the cockroaches and ants that didn't die in round one. % You discover a man's intentions not by his words but by his deeds. % We are actually governed by bureaucracy while the bureaucrats themselves claim to be mere functionaries. % If you want to defend a building, you need to be on the Roof. Like the Rooftop Koreans. % If unsure who to work with pick the person that has the best chances of breaking you out of a 3rd World prison. % Technology does not just make dreams come true. It makes the unimaginable into reality. % My dude the ruling class is never, EVER going to give you your rights back. This is about power. % Rules aren't made to be broken they're made to be enforced selectively. % Humankind cannot bear very much reality. % Quite an experience to live in fear isn't it? That's what it is to be a slave. % Anything is possible in this world where everything is a lie. % There is a lot of hope within being despair The dark night ends with bright daylight. % Don't argue with stupid people: you have to become stupid to argue with them. % Getting a freedom pass for doing exactly what the government has instructed is the very definition of Orwellian. % Every day you're not at war is a day to sharpen your axe. % Life imitates art far more than art imitates life. % The pistol is only to cover your embarrassment about being caught without your rifle. % In the eyes of a psychopath there is no joy. % Is it difficult or time consuming? % It's like I'm in a weird dream where the world has become a pantomime and I'm shouting ``behind you'' but however loud I shout everyone is oblivious. % High mutational load. % Why can't NPC/SJW meme? Because they're P Zombies. Without qualia they can't meme, they can't lucid dream, they can't truly have spiritual experience. They have to substitute drugs, alcohol, pornography, vapid consumerist lifestyle, in a vain attempt to achieve an inner life. % They're waiting to get personally punched in the face while ash falls from the sky. % The evidence is pretty good that Western man is dumber than his ancestors. We have more overall knowledge than our ancestors but our ability to add to it is in sharp decline along with our ability to use it. % Ironically, the anti-mask protest demonstrated that the mask is off. % Taxes are a means of control. The power to tax is the power to destroy. % Alas, boating casualties. % And so it goes: COVID-19 became ``coronavirus'' and another, never-ending, war on a symbolic enemy that can never be defeated. % The thing is, democracy does fully represent the culture of the time. The inner party having a dementia patient as their leader makes perfect sense in this age. The fact that he really was their best option makes it more poignant. % The past is another country and I can't go back there. % Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and hard. % We had to destroy the entire country to keep you Safe. You are going to be hearing a lot about 'Safety' in the months to come. Usually while staring into the gun that is keeping you 'Safe'. % We accept the reality of the world with which we are presented, it's as simple as that. % Normies are not waking up. Normies are normies for a reason: they are imbeciles impervious to reason. % Clown World Paradox: just when you think you've reached peak Clown World there's another half step to take. % When the mob comes you're on your own. % Protest only works if you're pushing at an open door. % The 2020 you woke up to on New Year's Day this year is gone forever and that world will not be seen again. % The Chinese are like the Borg in Star Trek: they don't seem to create anything, just ``assimilate'' tech stolen or bought from other countries. % The whole thing stinks like an overcrowded wet market in August. % We've realised the answers to the great questions can only be found within ourselves: the phenomenal universe is a product of consciousness, not the other way around. % Those fat bastards aren't my guys: my guys have been ruck training hard. % Not with a bang but a whimper came this Black Iron Prison Planet. % Politics is theatre to sustain the illusion of choice. % The future we have been sold and the future that is coming are two different things. % For those new to prepping there's a rule: when you have twice as much as you need, double it. It may barely be enough. % Accept the reality that political leaders are not going to save you they are only going to make things worse. % Sheep spend their lives afraid of the wolves only to be eaten by the shepherd. % If your first response to the prospects of a pandemic are to fill your basement with toilet paper you are unlikely to draw the best lessons from this panic and its results. % And, just like that, everyone went insane. % This ain't the roaring twenties. It's the rotting twenties. % We must have censorship to ensure freedom. % SETI is trying to find intelligent life in the universe. I've been trying to find intelligent life where I work. We've had the same luck. % Today school classes look like the bar scene from Star Wars and the teachers are dangerous weirdos. % Have a look at Hiroshima 1945 versus 2019. Now have a look at Detroit 1945 versus 2019. Demographic change happened in one of those cities. % People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. % The place is like a deleted scene from ``Zulu.'' % 1 Corinthians 15:17 % The fanaticism and insanity of the current age is really just the final spasms of a society that has been in decline for generations. % That's the beauty of democracy. It completely consumes the fools who support it most. % Non-thinkers have somehow been convinced that an enormous body of criminals will protect them from the largely illusory 'other guy' criminals. % Serious question: did you ever think as a child your life as an adult would be so unpleasant that you'd actually be envying Medieval peasants? % Do not underestimate the `power of underestimation.' They can't stop you if they don't see you coming. % I am altering the deal, pray I don't alter it any further. % They detest that. They detest mass society and its inhabitants: the masses. % Why, one might even suspect the ``problem'' is primarily an excuse for the ``solution.'' % The government can't even fill in the potholes, what makes people think they can fix climate change? % Who doesn't have a pile of ARs lying around already. % The people attracted to democratic politics are always the worst society has to offer. % Journalism is about covering important stories. With a pillow, until they stop moving. % No such thing as spare time, no such thing as free time, no such thing as down time. All you got is lifetime. Go. % This the only conspiracy theory I believe in. Everything else is just fact at this point. % Science is dying, replaced by the demon haunted dark of peer review. % No matter how paranoid or conspiracy-minded you are what the government is actually doing is worse than you imagine. % The old America is dying. A new America is struggling to be born. Now is a time of monsters. % Shekels make shackles. % What is this mind of ours: what are these atoms with consciousness? Last week's potatoes! % Have you any idea how successful censorship is on TV? Don't know the answer? Hmm. Successful, isn't it? % I'm just a retard running around my yard trying to figure out who killed my duck. % You're listening to madmen in lab coats who lie to you all the time. % Men respect honor, women respect strength. Disown the faithless daughter, wait for the prodigal son's return. % Last time I saw this much delusion it was International Womens Day. % Meatspace only, between trusted associates, only on a need-to-know basis, upon pain of death to any informant and those who vouched for them. % I don't expect you to agree. I don't even expect you to understand. % The fence sitters will follow the winners anyway. % Sometimes it's best to cut your losses. % The Western world is collapsing so rapidly that I am afraid that I am going to outlive it. % Heels in the sky, Western spy. % They can't see the wires. % He got his Zapruder Briefing and the rest is history. % The real rulers of the State are unknown, faceless manipulators who because they are not known are able to wield power without let or hindrance. % Soylent Green now in exciting new colours! % The thin veneer of lies and illusions has become thick coating of blatant lies and delusions. % Mere years away from the end of the industrial food paradigm and idiots are still fantasizing about flying cars. % Obstacles not covered by fire and observation are ineffective regardless of their composition. % No one here gets out alive. % I did not expect the future to be so weird. % In order to maintain a mathematically unified theory valid for the entire universe we must accept that 95 percent of our cosmos is furnished by completely unknown elements and forces for which we have no empirical evidence whatsoever. % We have a post-truth culture that calls good evil and evil good. % How do you appeal to morals that aren't there with people who can't think? % I'd rather live in a trailer park with Vern and Flo. % Truly, there is no greater satisfaction than to serve your neighbor. % An obstacle is only an obstacle if it is covered by fire. % See, the dirty little secret of civilization is that it's designed to maintain order when 99.9% of folks are orderly. But, say, if just 2% of folks stop playing by the rules - uh oh. % Beware the fat man in a skinny land. % May the bridges we burn light our way to Valhalla. % It's time to be a man and start putting your foot down. % There aren't but a handful of people holding national office that I would trust to park my car or that I would want to spend any time with. % It's easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled. % They're nuts but they don't know they're nuts. % Rich people are exceptional because they lack morals not because they are more intelligent. % In a world of psychopaths those who are not genetic psychopaths are induced to behave like psychopaths simply to survive. When the rules are set up to make a society ``adaptive'' to psychopathy it makes psychopaths of everyone. % Serial killers ruin families. Corporate, political, and religious psychopaths ruin economies and societies. % Every possible excuse to get out of admitting one's own power is invoked. % Our monkey-brain may be smart but it's the lizard-brain that's still firmly in charge of our lives. Emotions and urges drive our lives not rationality and calculation. % The people with the most power and influence claim to be oppressed by the people they are oppressing. % Democracies always murder themselves. % Having lost a reason to exist the ruling classes indulge in whatever craziness they can muster. % In politics factual accuracy is only important if it advances the narrative. % Ever notice ``tolerance, equality, and inclusion'' means banning something or ejecting someone? % Stay away from crowds. % At some point they will simply stop pretending. % When in doubt, trust in long-existing cliche because they exist for a reason. % The perfection of the just-in-time delivery system meant that, like the finest Swiss watch, it had to work perfectly or it would not work at all. % Drill Instructor Frick's Rules For Unarmed Combat. 1: Never be unarmed. % History shows that whoever tells you capitalism is a recent economic system intends to murder you. % Dialectic is based on the construction of syllogisms, so it's very obvious when one is lying. Rhetoric is 'the faculty of observing in any given case the available means of persuasion.' % The streets of San Francisco, littered with human feces, foreshadow what Harvard has in store for the suburbia that it hates as did the feces on the streets of Haiti during NGO rule. % Don't stand up in a rifle fight. % Silicon Valley is our Notre Dame: a vacuous mix of decadence, worship of the obscene, a black hole churning out broken people and magnifying the worst in us. % You don't have enough friends who will kill when needed. % Humans are still mostly the same filthy little beasts that crawled out of the primordial ooze and those who have risen above that state are targets of the rest. % All but a few people, one in a hundred maybe, are delusional to the edge of clinical insanity. % Predators surround us and parasites infest us unless we actively and aggressively remove them without mercy. % There is glory to be had in the ruins. % Their feelings don't care about facts. % This isn't clown world. This is demon world. % I'm not `man-splaining' I'm saying something that is obviously true. % It's fair to say that we can now fully abandon the idea that, ``sanity will eventually prevail.'' % The guerilla wins by not losing. % The ruling class is above the law. % A drowning man will grab even the blade of a sword. % The next one will begin on the side of a highway using someone's pistol. % Buckle up kiddos we haven't even hit peak degeneracy yet. % This is pretty bad but I fear we have quite a ways to go before peak Clown World is achieved. % Love everybody but never sell your sword. % Shoot until it changes shape, catches fire, or bleeds out. % Every day I see fewer men and more boys. We are living in Neverland except it's far gayer and nobody can fly. % As Judeo-Christian influences wane our pagan ruling class, which puts its faith in the apocalypses of its PhD priesthood, turns once more to murdering children in a ritual cleansing to appease the anger of Mother Earth at our unclean science. % THEY'VE GOT PIG PEOPLE JOE! YOU KNOW THIS! % As a general rule if your plan involves, ``Waking people up with the truth'' it's going to fail. % People who will murder their own children won't think twice about murdering others. % The easiest way to tell you are dealing with Cultural Marxist is if he denies the existence of Cultural Marxism. % You should get your children war toys to help them learn to not be sissies. % Trust-fund Antifa shock troops unwittingly re-create the conditions of an even gayer (if that's possible) Weimar Republic. % The castle on the hill doesn't exist; it is diffused all over the planet and well protected by state minions who listen only to neofeudal corporate interests. % Those who mind don't matter And those who matter don't mind % The point of the lying is not to conceal or deceive but to demonstrate their worthiness to the cause. % Fitness is about self-improvement and will to power. % Principles are the things you create after the victory to lock in your gains and give the people a reason to celebrate your dominance. % How can you be a man and not want a bunker. % They have opinions on everything and knowledge of nothing. % Unless one side or the other sends death squads into my neighborhood I shall observe my Most Excellent and Inviolable Rule One For Survival: stay away from crowds. % He's the guy who begs for his life at the end of the Hollywood action movie but the good guy shoots him anyway. % From there we came outside and saw the stars. % Reality is that thing that does not go away when you stop believing in it and the people who rule over us are at war with reality. % Shut yer cock holster you noisy ho! % Everything about the prevailing orthodoxy depends on the blank slate being true. % Culture is the hand that holds the tool of economics. % Vote harder. That'll fix it. % There is no reform for this system. It is a system that operates exactly as it was designed. % I thought we were going to get enlightenment and all we got was more vaudeville. % Life is for living. Don't cheat yourself. % Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools. % Peace at any cost isn't peace, it's just temporary cessation of conflict, and the necessity of compromise means you lost. % You cannot change their mind, even if you exposed them to authentic information. % The best laid schemes o' mice an' men Gang aft a-gley. % Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth. % No plan of operations extends with any certainty beyond the first contact with the main hostile force. % Produce. Don't consume. % Mentally ill meatophobes who are likely driven insane by a lack of Vitamin B-12. % She's hopped up on a cocktail of SSRIs, Toxoplasma gondii, and box wine. % It's so hot the crackheads are putting the copper back in the AC units. % I never test my beliefs against words of little pissants like you. I use reality, which I observe directly. % Ice-cold Machiavellian narcissists holding the leashes of disturbed, emotionally-incontinent attack dogs. % The Faust legend is wrong. Surrendering one's soul is a long series of capitulations not some shadowy one-time bargain. % I don't hate my enemies I pity them. % We aren't seeing the man behind the curtain. There is a world order that is entirely covert and only seen through a glass darkly, a breakaway civilization that is running the world for its own interests. % Perhaps that is the real shame of it. The men are no longer able to keep pace with the women in the race to the asylum. % The American ruling class started going sour a long time ago. We're just getting to smell the rotting corpse of it. % Forget it Jake. It's Chinatown. % It is sobering to think of mass schooling as a vast demonstration project of human inadequacy but that is at least one of its functions. % You are not an individual. You are a social problem. % My hate is too pure to waste any of it on you. Don't confuse hate with contempt. % It is better to be a warrior in a garden that a gardener in a war. % Depend upon it sir when a man knows he is to be hanged in a fortnight it concentrates his mind wonderfully. % THE RULE OF THREES Three seconds without blood, three minutes without air, three days without water, three weeks without food, three months without commerce, three quarters without government. % Political power is, in essence, the capacity for violence and the will to use it. The power of a leader comes from his authority over, his ability to command, those with the capacity for violence because they believe he legitimately has authority to command them. % All the men have gloryhole face and soft, plump cheeks suitable for storing cocks for the winter. % No ruling class in human history has peacefully agreed to step aside based on the logic of their own rules. They always have to be removed by force. % I always appreciate expressions of honest concern from those who want me dead. % Robots? Many of the office dwellers I've met over the years could be replaced by a very small shell script. % They loved the way he looked them in the eye and lied with conviction and with the smoothness of a used car salesman. Lying well is to be aspired to. % Hold your head high and your middle finger higher. % How to win while keeping the moral high ground: 1 Do whatever you need to do to win 2 Win 3 Write the history. % They want you to pay a weather tax to avoid hurricanes in the future. If there are hurricanes it is because the tax is too low. Once you're paying enough I'm sure that all storms will be gentle rain and heavy dew. % Oi! You got a license for all that free speech?!! % He had a .32 gun in his pocket for fun he had a razor in his shoe. % They're all ``educated'' waaaaaay past their hat sizes. % One day there will be a knock at the door and you'll realise they have come for you. % Appeals to reason will have no impact because we live in an unreasonable age, ruled by ridiculous people. % He still thinks we live in a rule based society and that you can appeal to reason when defending yourself. % The environment influences people want to exist mostly don't. % Just wait patiently for the purge. It will be over soon. % The answer to the Fermi Paradox is that they're here already and they're running things. % Go back to your bathhouse. % Democracy is Satan's form of government. % America is ruled by nine shaman in black robes who are allowed to make up whatever laws they like. % Soap dodging oxygen thieves. % Spectacle is the last refuge of the illegitimate. % Committees. None of us is as dumb as all of us. % Things are better. Not as good as yesterday but certainly better than tomorrow. % Plan for tomorrow, live for today, blame yesterday on the booze. % They're getting high on the fumes of their own crap. % A boy who spent his formative years playing video games and being asked if he would prefer to wear a dress is unlikely to have the ability to make it through basic much less be a good soldier. % Nobody knows yet how to wring the full potential out of current computing technology. Quantum computers largely exist in a indeterminate state between vapourware and painfully immature niche technology. % They no longer see any humanity in the Dirt People. We're just here as props in their endless morality plays they stage for one another in the land of the Cloud People. % No one in the ruling class thinks about the mob showing up with torches and rope. They don't even think the mob will show up at the voting booth and cast a protest vote. % Intelligence isn't declining. People have always been stupid. We simply have more dumb people surviving than ever before on the planet. % The present order of things is rotten. It will eventually collapse under the weight of its own absurdity and moral corruption. % The fanatic is driven by self-loathing. They are attracted to causes because it allows them to swap their hated identity with that of the group. % Thoreau was wrong. The mass of men do not lead lives of quiet desperation. The mass of men live in mortal fear that they will one day find themselves alone, separated from the pack, facing the dangers of the world alone. % When we were young of course we always wanted to change the world and thought we could. But now I think we're smart enough to know we're only here to help the neighborhood. % You are either in a gang or on the menu of a gang. % My guess is the percentage of people thinking fondly of Pinochet is at an all-time high right now. % Do you have enough ammo? It's a trick question, you never have enough ammo. % Fahrenheit 451 is here and the Firemen are patrolling your Internet connection. And they're robots. % Egalitarians think they're better than the rest of us. % When people see a strong horse and a weak horse they will naturally want to side with the strong horse. % In a democracy government becomes a liquor warehouse during an urban riot. Everyone, even the naturally honest, has an incentive to rush in and carry off as much as they can as quickly as they can. % When starving people are fighting over rats to eat then at least we will be rid of vegans. % the streets are littered with speed cameras, red-light cameras, and other surveillance equipment to tax motorists. On the other hand if your car is stolen the cops cannot be bothered to look for it and you have to hope the insurance company is generous. % Much of what defines the modern age is that everyone forgot the timeless lessons of the human condition and now we have to rediscover them. % Who washes a rental car? % When people assign the natural order to divine forces they can be indifferent to alternative forms of worship as a part of the great mystery of life. When the natural order is a man made creation and the moral code is created and maintained by man any deviation must be viewed as a challenge to the creator's legitimacy. % It's not just about surviving the storm. It's about learning how to dance in the rain. % The ideological state, regardless of design, must always become a suicide cult. It simultaneously boils off the skeptical and rewards the most fanatical. A society run by fanatics always ends in a blood bath. % They don't use the word democracy to mean people voting on public policy. They mean it as a synonym for the neo-liberal order and the cosmopolitan ideology that animates it. It's why the wrong person winning an election is a threat to democracy while the right person winning is a celebration of democracy. % The tragedy of the commons applies to all public goods including government. % Tell the sheriff that his posse had best be well-mounted and to leave the married men at home. % This time we'll make communism work! % Oh, and BTW, Mike Godwin can once again kiss my ass. Calling Nazis, acting like Nazis, Nazis isn't Godwin's Law: it's quaintly been known as ``Reality'' for at least 6000 years of recorded human history. % The truth of war: you get the conflict you get, not the one you imagine and then you do what has to be done to survive and win it. % I see a baby, I'ma throw a grenade at dat baby. If da baby blow up twice, da baby was booby-trapped. % Nobody got their flying cars and lunar hotels but we got the corporate cyberpunk dystopia promised by Gibson, Sterling, and friends. We even got a boorish game show host US President. % You can believe anything but you can only know what is knowable. % But more and more, the main function of our University Districts from coast to coast is to provide a safe haven for the homeless, the useless, the addicted, the soul-dead, and the politically perverted poltroons and pussies of all stripes. % Anything goes if the enemy is trying to kill you. % Look around at the elected officials and it is hard to find someone you would trust to run the second shift at a convenience store. % The cognitive dissonance of most people nowadays is mind-blowing, I'm surprised you don't see them walking round with their heads randomly exploding like that scene in Scanners. % The future belongs to those who show up for it. % The detritus of damaged thots. % It really amazes that our globohomo overlords are such creepy looking untermensch. % Never get on the bus. % Limiting your options by self-imposed rules and inviolable principles is a recipe for failure. The truth of life is that politics is about power. First you seize power and then vae victis. % Political arrangements are not about ideals. They are about power. % They were also motivated by all the usual stuff like patriotism, regional loyalty, and petty stupidity. % Antifragility is beyond resilience or robustness. The resilient resists shocks and stays the same; the antifragile gets better. % Vae victis % We live in a dogmatic bureaucracy that regulates every aspect of our lives in order to keep us working and paying taxes. % Everything the empire does abroad it will bring home. % Get along with the people you can Make communities amidst those you will Resist those who would kill or enslave you Track down and kill the ones who just won't leave you alone. % Never has such a generation been so completely brainwashed and easily duped yet been so completely convinced of their faux intellectual superiority. % You don't beat a moral order with reason. You defeat it by attacking it on moral grounds while offering an alternative moral framework. % No one in the US intelligence community predicted the 1989 collapse of the USSR. % If you want to win effective propaganda is required. There's no way around it. % Keep shooting until your target changes shape or catches fire. % Who would you jump out of the raft into shark infested waters for? % They want this stuff to be true so they tend to gravitate toward others who have the same fantasies. % We live in the universe of cant. % Why should cattle have the gifts of freedom? Their heritage from generation to generation is the belled yoke and the lash. % For the first time in history we have reached a stage of absurdity in which a reductio ad absurdum is no longer viable as a rhetorical maneuver for there is nothing so absurd that everyone recognizes it as such. % Everyone is always forced to choose a side even though most people don't really want to. % Do unto them before they do unto you. % I'm not interested in preserving the status quo; I want to overthrow it. % You'll be promised ``change'' but real change is impossible. % Intellectuals are naturally attracted by the idea of a planned society in the belief they will be in charge of it. % Get used to the failings of your familiars. % The point of life is for old men to plant trees in whose shade they will never stand. % When we go into the matter more deeply we find that bad conditions are largely due to bad people. % Before you go after an old man you'd better find out what kind of young man he was. % Very pretty Colonel, very pretty, but can they fight? % You can't steal 21 trillion dollars without mind controlled slavery. % Cognitive dissonance is only dissonant if you recognize it. % Principles are for the victory party. % A culture war is a zero sum game. The ground you gain can only come at the expense of the people in charge and there can never be peace. % In 2010, 8.5 million tourists visited Syria accounting for 14% of their entire GDP. Eight years later they have almost half a million dead citizens and ten million more displaced into Europe. They didn't see this coming because if they did they would have fled sooner. % Things work thanks to a handful of people; the rest operates by situational imitation, narrow mimicry, and semi-conscious role-playing. % ``Symbols Rule The World, Not Word Nor Laws'' % Don't look back - you're not going there % People naturally want to be led but they also naturally want to be seen by their peers as moral people. Moral confirmation is very powerful magic. % You haven't been reading your Taleb or doing your deadlifts, why should I listen to you. % It's hard to find people smart enough to be friends. % The threat is more terrifying than the thing itself. % Assume nothing. % Never go against your gut. % Everyone is potentially under opposition control. % Go with the flow, blend in. % Vary your pattern and stay within your cover. % Lull them into a sense of complacency. % Don't harass the opposition. % Pick the time and place for action. % Keep your options open. % Collecting the information, parsing its credibility and its relevance, evaluating its use, and incorporating it into your belief system or next actions is a skill set that underpins all else. It requires a thirst for truth and a personal requirement to let that truth lead where it will. % You can't wake up people pretending to be asleep. % You cannot make up with enthusiasm what you lack in prudence, maturity, and intelligence. % Dumb people do not become smart when their numbers increase. % It is nearly impossible to find an elected official who has ever done honest work. Most are phenomenally stupid outside their reptilian ability to fool voters and cozy up to the billionaires that bankroll them. % People always go for the blue pill. % Sharpen Your Hatchet While The World Screams % Your loyalty should be to people who share your values or philosophy on life. Whatever is important to you. That could be any of a thousand things, including your religion or occupation. Or maybe just a hobby. % Boeing, Raytheon, Lockheed will develop those weapons that are most profitable not those that are most effective. % Hard times create strong men Strong men create good times Good times create weak men Weak men create hard times % I said, ``government is powerless to protect you'' not, ``government is powerless to punish you.'' % The State cannot protect you but it certainly can punish you. % My indifference comes from being indifferent. I don't give a shit about other people so long as they leave me alone. % If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart? % Fear works far better than swords in keeping the masses controlled. % A lion does not concern himself with the opinion of sheep. % In Britain everything is policed except crime. % No limitation on government guns is on the table. Ever. % You have zero privacy anyway. Get over it. % A slave is one who waits for someone to come and free him % You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist. % Protesting or stated differently, petitioning your jailer for better food and conditions, doesn't address the problem of being in prison in the first place. % Do not attack strength Live in their minds Exploit weakness % It is a haiku The final solution now Japanese waifu % The lifeless abyss and cold emptiness of the thousand cock stare. % ``You know what Mattis's call sign is?'' He shook his head. ``Chaos. How fucking cool is that?'' % Always carry a knife with you, just in case there's cheesecake or you need to stab someone in the throat. % Most people are slaves. This has been true throughout human history and it's true today. The depressing fact is that most people are happy being slaves. % Never argue with slaves. Their opinions are worthless unless tortured out of them. % Never argue with slaves. Their opinions are worthless unless beaten out of them. % It was not preached to the crowd It was not taught by the state No man spoke it aloud When the Saxon began to hate % Who would've thought a 7th Century paedophile would end up being the most influential figure of the 21st? % There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. % Sperm is economical Eggs are valuable Men are expendable Women perishable % The sudden airing of the repulsive, vile, unthinkable, treasonous, and corrupt truths about the powerful few who run this country might be too much for many to accept. % Every totalitarian, every proponent of curtailing freedom, knows this. It's the equivalent of the smoking hot babe: fear sells government. % People in past times were much like us. Not heroes, not barbarians. Whatever their ideas were they were ideas reasonable people could believe. % This entire scene was adapted straight out of the trial of Private Joe Bauers in ``Idiocracy.'' % I'm a monarcho-anarchist. If I can't be King I sure as hell am not interested in other peoples' ideas of how to organise things. % That's the thing with people in cults. They hate themselves. That's why they are in a cult so they no longer have to face themselves or have their own identity. % Men do what is necessary. Regardless. % Keep testing what you learned against the bitter truth of reality. % Society is produced by our wants and government by our wickedness; the former promotes our happiness positively by uniting our affections, the latter negatively by restraining our vices. The one encourages intercourse, the other creates distinctions. The first a patron, the last a punisher. % Social-democracy only works if everyone is at one another's throat. % It's not OK to be a communist. % Do not give in to evil but proceed ever more boldly against it. % The only shortage is brains. % Women should only work outside the home out of extreme necessity or as a hobby, maybe to save for a nice dress or better sandwich making implements for the kitchen. % All of our best people now agree that the only way for the people to be truly free is to require everyone to get permission from the authorities in order to have an opinion. % Both sides agree that tax policy is about social engineering by rewarding certain behaviors and punishing others. The debate, such as there is, is about which behaviors to prioritize. % There is no utopia. % Land of the deceived and home of the depraved. % There is actually no limit to the amount of work to be done. Work creates work. What A produces constitutes the demand for what B produces. % The defensive power of neo-tribal militaries isn't necessarily being able to defeat national militaries outright. Like a sea urchin or a cactus pad they need only represent a net energetic loss for large predators. % Just another day in Clown World. % They are utterly convinced of their own moral superiority and yet they don't even believe in morals. % Praise the Lord and pass the machine gun ammo. % Taxation is theft no matter how you dress the pig. % When you are dead you do not know you are dead, it's only painful and difficult for others. The same applies when you are stupid. % I turned his fight into flight. I did what I had to do. % Don't just stop because an opponent is crippled. If you have broken his arm, for instance, that is only of value because it is then easier to kill. % Anybody recommend a heavy-duty brush shredder? A friend wants to know. % There are no innocent bystanders. % Thanks, for a country where nobody is allowed to mind his own business. Thanks, for a nation of finks. % I don't care if people hate my guts; I assume most of them do. The important question is whether they are in a position to do anything about it. % The first and most important thing an individual can do is to become an individual again, decontrol himself, train himself as to what is going on and win back as much independent ground for himself as possible. % Arguing doesn't change minds. Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference. % The enemy will present himself as the solution. % One has to live with others and others are mostly ignorant. % Get used to the failings of your familiars. % If you kill enough of them the rest stop fighting. % Gas up the helicopters, boys, because these evil goddamned commies are never going to quit. % Never hire anyone with a tattoo. % You know, I live in a remarkable country Allen. We can understand the present and predict the future perfectly but the past, the past keeps changing every day. % It is now clear beyond all reasonable doubt that Hitler and his associates believed they were socialists and that others, including democratic socialists, thought so too. % What is the nature of evil? Evil is the force that believes that its knowledge is complete and it can do without the transcendent. As soon as it makes that claim it is instantly exists in a place indistinguishable from Hell and it could get out merely by admitting its error and it would never do that. % The scientific method removes the value proposition, you're supposed to be left with only that which is objective. % Crush your enemies. See them driven before you. Hear the lamentations of their women. % Civilization begins and ends with the rope. % Jesus christ, act like a man - push down your feelings and act like you have answers. % A system that doesn't have a mechanism of skin in the game will eventually blow up and fix itself that way. We will see numerous such examples. % An absurd human knows about his mortality and yet doesn't accept it, knows about the limitation of his reasoning, yet still holds it dear, feels the pleasure and pain of his experiences, and yet tries to take in as many as possible. % It is the greatest truth of our age: information is not knowledge. % A free person does not need to win arguments, just win. % You can define a free person precisely as someone whose fate is not centrally or directly dependent on his peer assessment. % Just as the slick fellow in a Ferrari looks richer than the rumpled centimillionaire, scientism looks more scientific than real science. % We know from chaos theory that even if you had a perfect model of the world you'd need infinite precision in order to predict future events. With sociopolitical or economic phenomena we don't have anything like that. % The Koran, which PC types love to treat with respect, is just poorly written medieval sci-fi. It's living proof that humans are capable of believing absolutely anything. % No. Get in the fucking helicopter. % SplinterItIntoAThousandPiecesAndScatterItIntoTheWinds % A riot is the language of the unheard - the unheard that need to be shot and/or run over. % I strongly disapprove of violence done to me. % Both communists and capitalists build walls. Capitalists build walls to keep people out, communists build walls to keep people in. You can tell a lot by seeing what side of a wall people want to be on. % Nobody gives you power. Real power is something you take. % The reason the left has such a hard on for victim disarmament is because it makes the population more fearful of government authority. They know very well what they're doing. The left is perfectly happy with guns so long as they're in the hands of government agents. % The sage has one advantage: he is immortal. If this is not his century many others will be. % Always have a blade. % Violence is rarely the answer but when it is then it is the only answer. % ``Yeah, that's not an option. You're still getting a bullet.'' I'm stealing that quote as the best description of our system of democracy I've ever heard % They think inside a box containing only a part of reality. % Out of every hundred men, ten shouldn't be there, eighty are are just targets, nine are the real fighters and we are lucky to have them for they make the battle. Ah but the one, one is a warrior and he will bring the others back. % Gold is the money of kings, silver is the money of gentlemen, barter is the money of peasants - but debt is the money of slaves. % Sometimes I cannot believe what I'm looking at. That's like watching a Jew wave a Nazi flag while walking toward a cattle car. Unreal. % Severed heads never go out of fashion. When used sparingly and with some artistic skill they can make a point much more eloquently than any of those still attached. % Forget? Oh that's far too much to ask, the trick is not to care. % Whatever happens we have got The Maxim gun and they have not. % David Icke sorry, I'm ranting. % Just add this jokers name to the list and move on. % It is difficult to free fools from chains they revere. % Prime ministers and presidents are selected for their proven efficiency as morally uninhibited demagogues. Thus democracy virtually assures that only bad and dangerous men will ever rise to the top of government. % Yes, last time I fired a shotgun inside a bank I was deaf for a week % More workplace violence caused by global warming? % The rifle itself has no moral stature, since it has no will of its own. Naturally, it may be used by evil men for evil purposes, but there are more good men than evil, and while the latter cannot be persuaded to the path of righteousness by propaganda, they can certainly be corrected by good men with rifles. % Of course, we live in a completely corrupted world where every government is just a bunch of businessmen working for a bunch of bigger businessmen and none of them give a shit about the people. % If the fight is inevitable, throw the first punch. I learned it on streets of St. Petersburg. % I realise I've over used the phrase, ``bed wetting commie faggot'' so I'm going to move on to, ``panty shitting commie faggot.'' % Socialism's only 'human face' is the face of the cop at your door. % The fate of a nation is not my concern. My concern is that my sails are full of wind, that my cannon are primed, that the black flag has been hoisted and that I have a fat galleon in my sights. % They come here as invaders because they see us as weak. % If it once became general wealth would confer no significance. % Now, we have rifles and our enemies think twice. % ``Democracy'' is the majority mob living at the expense of the minority. This demonic political system was invented in Greece, so it is both ironic and just that Greeks are suffering because of it. % When the Gestapo come to your door you meet them kitchen knives and carpenter axes. What's hard to understand about that? % Rule 1: never believe anything the government says. % The scientific debate can be won with facts and figures but facts and figures have absolutely no effect on the social media debate. In social media the most effective weapons are peer pressure and mockery. % When you say, ``I want guns banned'' I hear, ``I want to be a slave.'' I pity you. % It's official: AGW is a religion. % Why would we seek equal rights? You are not our equals. We will eat you, after we eat your children. % They keep referring to Obama as ``The Entity''. Do you think they already know he is a Reptilian or a temporary host for the anti christ?? % Until they become conscious they will never rebel and until after they have rebelled they cannot become conscious. % The Bruce Jenner story is a metaphor for modern America: virile, capable stud in the seventies degenerates into feeble, effeminate freak-show in the new millennium. % Walk a Christian walk and carry a loaded Glock. % Again and again and again I hear people tell me they never believe anything that read in the papers (or hear/see on the broadcast media), only for them to regurgitate in various forms, with different levels of belief, exactly what they have seen and heard. % I read novels to see what I can get away with. % Who do I vote for to get all the bureaucrats sacked with their pensions cancelled and all the politicians lined up and shot? % Government is really just a bunch of people in costumes listening to other people in costumes, committing massive crimes. % It's just some idiot turning something useful into garbage. What could be more commonplace? % `How would you make a table?' `I would make a chair without a back and I wouldn't sit on it' % The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he is on. % Government achieves nothing that we don't do, first. It simply takes what we produce - when it's not outlawing production - and re-arranges it with the sheer loaded-gun force of law. % In the era of ubiquitous big-screen cable television, the Internet, and smart phones the circus part of the equation is never in doubt as long as the electricity flows. But the bread is highly problematic. Food must be delivered the old-fashioned way: physically. % An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools. % The Holocaust is their moral cornerstone still used today to justify nefarious behavior. % You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end - which you can never afford to lose - with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be. % It's time to quit worrying and learn to love the battle axe. History teaches us that if we don't someone else will. % There's a tiny elite showering itself with free money and political favours at the expense of everyone else. % Whoever is winning at the moment will always seem to be invincible. % Never argue with stupid people they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. % The lie in the black heart of democracy is that we can overcome Caesar by electing another Caesar. % I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you. % The Muslim terrorism meme seems to be running out of steam, so now they've resurrected the Russian demon. % Whatever he says about anything, we can usually assume the opposite is true. % Exploding bullets?! Shut up and take my money! % The mills of God grind slowly but they grind exceeding fine. % Soap, Ballot, Jury, Ammo. % Am I being detained? Why? Am I free to go or am I under arrest? % A good conspiracy is unprovable. If you can prove it that means they screwed up somewhere along the line. % It's not a good lapdance until the stripper is crying. % Man, the living creature, the creating individual, is always more important than any established style or system. % Whistle while you work Obama is a twerp He's half barmy so's his army Whistle while you work % Until good cops arrest bad cops there can't be any good cops. % The system is not fixable because it is not broken. It is working, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, to give the insiders their royal prerogatives, and to shove the regulations, the laws, and the debt up the asses of everyone else. % We live in the era of smart phones and stupid people. % I was required to exchange chimeras of boundless grandeur for realities of little worth. % If I had my time over I would do the same again. So would any man who dares call himself a man. % I wish you all had one neck and I had my hands on it. % One high-level policymaker conceded that tossing a paper airplane for research or educational purposes would technically require FAA approval. % I can't hear you over the sound of my giant throbbing erection. % Now you understand. Anything goes wrong, anything at all... your fault, my fault, nobody's fault... it don't matter... I'm gonna blow your head off. It's as simple as that. % By the time security gets here it will all be over. % Your insecurity and alcoholism may well be attributable to your mum not showing you much love as a child but in her defence you are pretty unloveable. % Your life is about to go into standby mode. Please do something vaguely interesting to continue. % We were promised ``electricity too cheap to meter'' but instead we got Three Mile Island, Chernobyl, and Fukishima. % Whoever beat you with the ugly stick must be really, really tired. % The question isn't `why me?,' it's, `why not you?' % Godwin's law does not apply when the objects of your comparison are acting according to National Socialist doctrine. % A pizza delivery guy is faster than a police officer in a lot of locations. % The reality which elitists at least partly understand is that the truth cannot be destroyed but it can be forgotten, at least for a time. % Every move you make, every breath you take, the NSA is watching you. % Bill Cooper was correct: if UFO are alien then ET is running everything (They Live!) else they're an PSYOP used for mass mind control. % History has rarely required a majority for social change to occur. % The transhumanist cult: a group of insane technology worshippers who believe they will upload their minds into quantum computers and `merge with the machines,' achieving some weird shadow of immortality in the same way, I suppose, that a photograph of you makes you `immortal.' % You grew up believing you were free which made it even harder for you to see when you weren't. % There is no history that leads from slavery to freedom but there is a history that leads from the slingshot to the megaton bomb. % Two years ago we observed that the entire world was exporting over $300 billion more than it was importing (numbers which should net to zero) leading us to wonder if it was aliens that were importing all the excess Louis Vuitton bags. % One can choose to ignore reality but one cannot ignore the consequences of ignoring reality. % Zombies eat brains so you're safe. % A popular war is all the proof anyone needs that intelligence isn't additive. % What NASA's Apollo XI mission has come to represent, historically and psychologically, is a not-so-cheap publicity stunt, commemorating not the great purposefulness and the power of the unfettered human mind but the purposelessness - and the power - of the modern managerial state. % Some people haven't even bothered to learn how to encrypt their online talk, find free online TV shows, or jailbreak their smart phones, and never will. % We risk becoming the best informed society that has ever died of ignorance. % You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it. % Shall I tell you what the real evil is? To cringe to the things that are called evils, to surrender to them our freedom, in defiance of which we ought to face any suffering. % At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want. % Coffee is for closers! % The wise man retires into silence, and if he allows himself to come out of it, he does so in the shade and before few and fit persons. % This week your name will be trending on Twitter. The bad news is it will be part of the phrase ``throwawaythekey.'' % It is difficult to free fools from the chains they revere. % Nothing matters until the day that it does and then everyone asks why it didn't matter before. % The US dollar, you know, that piece of green paper with pictures of dead criminals painted on it and a picture of a pyramid with an all-seeing eye that no one ever seems to notice? % Unlike dogs human beings have the ability for self-deception and rationalization. % It is not enough for a careful man not to interfere with others, he must see that they do not interfere with him. % Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared. % You're strangely confident for someone who hasn't made my Don't Kill List. % Who will pick the cotton if we free the slaves? % In the absence of orders, go find something and kill it. % You had me at, ``lack of ethical oversight.'' % Someone throw a bucket of water on the witch. % My loyalty shall lay with my family, and with my friends who return my loyalty but that is as far as it shall go. % Everything from basic modern conveniences to necessities like food and water are only made available because somewhere a man is getting shit done or because he solved a problem that needed fixing. This is a man's world because men built it. Every brick and every nail. % All the logical arguments, backed up with all the empirical evidence in the world, is simply never going to challenge an entire ideology that is based on nothing more than good feelings and wishful thinking. % The price of freedom is the willingness to do sudden battle, anywhere, at any time, and with utter recklessness. % The people on the hill smile as they kill. % There's room at the top they're telling you still But first you must learn how to smile as you kill If you want to be like the folks on the hill % The Super Bowl has become an embarrassing parallel of the circuses of the late Roman Empire. % Football, beer, and above all gambling, filled up the horizon of their minds. % It is false to die without drawing your weapon. % Ultimately, the Second Amendment means what serious people with guns say it does. % `Nobody needs an AR15' `Well, nobody needs a whiney little bitch either but here you are.' % The term ``individual rights'' is a redundancy: there is no other kind of rights and no one else to possess them. % You can blame dole scroungers, or immigrants, or single parent families, but why not - actually, just doing that seems to have worked for you so far, forget I said anything. % Much of my life is a mystery to me. Suffice it to say: I just did it because I could. % Real gamers use adult diapers. % Sometimes paranoia is just having all the facts. % The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest possible amount of feathers with the smallest possible amount of hissing. % Code Pink - a sort of liberal, feminist version of the Westboro Baptist Church % One final note regarding burial tubes - if it's time to bury your firearms, it's time to *use* your firearms. % We need to ban gun control laws. % My son asked me how the government works, so I punched him in the face and took all his sweets. % Their repeated failures are what enable them to come back demanding more. % Never trust a man who has never been punched in the face. % Actually there is a knife for bringing to a gunfight. It's called a bayonet. % Of course, travel in the so-called free world is not allowed without permission. % May the enemy find peace in death they did not have in life. % I'll send you all my love, every day, in a letter and seal it with - well, you can probably guess that. % Remember, ZuangZi says, ``When falling, attempt to land on someone soft.'' % Though all the world is full of fools there is none that thinks himself one or even suspects the fact. % By any means necessary. % No matter how subtle the wizard, a knife in the shoulder blades will seriously cramp his style. % Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience. % I don't believe anything but I have many suspicions. % Now remember, when things look bad and it looks like you're not gonna make it then you gotta get mean. I mean plumb, mad-dog mean. 'Cause if you lose your head and you give up then you neither live nor win. That's just the way it is. % Ill-will notices every error and no success. % Remember, evil exists because good men don't kill the government officials committing it. % In an age of information ignorance is a choice. % To crush your enemies and see them fall at your feet, to take their horses and belongings, and to hear the lamentation of their women. That is the best life. % The entire planet is covered with governments like some sort of horrible skin disease. % In the United Kingdom, for example, you can be prosecuted for wearing an offensive T-shirt but not for commissioning the murder of hundreds of thousands of foreigners. % Wake up, help is not coming and neither is permission. % They have rights who dare maintain them. % Real threats are suppressed. Fake ones are headlined. Western media consumers get round-the-clock managed news misinformation. % `RailBuggy, most of the guys I shoot with use Blue Helmets as targets.' % Someone's going to have personalized genetic medicine and android servants, just not you or I. % I can see the smoke. I can smell the fire. The battle is drawing nigh. % One thousand years later they had reached the sixth grade, the year he had discovered masturbation. % Because sometimes things happen to people and they're not equipped to deal with them. % It's time for the Audacity of Rope. % As a creative person you're keen on hypothetically asking how people could do dead-end 9-5 jobs their whole lives, mainly because nobody has ever said `Well, if they didn't there'd be nobody to pay the wages of gobshites like you.' % I have strong feelings about gun control. If there's a gun around, I want to be controlling it. % At first, the weak perish. Then the rest fight. % If there is unrest, the government will seize all the registered guns. Never forget that. % Can you name one tyranny which was voted out of office? % There are three classes of people. Those who see. Those who see when they are shown. Those who do not see. % The Queen is just Paris Hilton for old people. % Get me my bullhorn. % Any false or partially false premise extended with accurate logic will generate an approximate simulation of insanity. % They're setting up a spy network here that makes East Germany look like a wonderland of freedom. % Land of the groped, home of the slave. % They want 95% of us dead, it is written in stone. % We'll know the gun-grabbers have been put out of business when you can buy a blister pack of six Glocks at Costco. % Politicians are despicable, even more despicable are the people who believe in the systems that make politicians possible. % Is that what you listen to in the elevator to Hell? % If you choose not to buy their product (the main one being murder of foreigners) you are either kidnapped and locked in a cage or murdered for resisting. % We are living in a South Park episode. % Those who have the money and the power look down on us and rightfully shake their heads at our lack of will, our lack of honest principles. % The rich aren't stupid. They gave people democracy because they knew it changed nothing. % The only way you will manage to reach your holiday weight is if that holiday is due to take place on Mercury. % It is better to live with one free man and be fearless and free than to be a slave in company with many. % As a goose is not alarmed by gaggling, nor a sheep by bleating, so neither be you terrified by the clamour of the senseless multitude. % I've got news for you: Your heaven is not mine. If I can't take my pistol, I don't want to go. % The lies don't fit. That's why they're so hard to cram in your head. % When I was preparing to move after selling my house, I found an M1 Garand under a bed in the spare bedroom. It was mine, I'd forgotten all about it. % Mexicans know what kind of government they have. Americans do not. % British establishment corruption is distinct from corruption in, say Guatemala or Thailand, being less visible and better organized. % To hell with them fellas. Buzzards gotta eat, same as worms. % They want a Daddy who provides for them, and for Everyone, and they don't understand why some of us just want to play with our blocks in the corner and be left alone. % You are relived to find that, although you've left the window open and pages are indeed being torn from the calendar, you're not actually hurtling though time at a breakneck pace. % This just might be the year when you stop listening to spurious advice and trusting to fate. Remember to keep checking your horoscope to make sure. % A year from now, ten? They'll swing back to the belief that they can make people - better. And I do not hold to that. So no more runnin'. I aim to misbehave. % You will be forced to reveal to your new boss that your Facebook password is ``ismokecrackatwork.'' % Don't you see that the whole aim of Newspeak is to narrow the range of thought? In the end we shall make thoughtcrime literally impossible because there will be no words in which to express it. % Alcohol is not the cause it is the instrument. % I know what we can do. Let's vote about it. That'll work. % I don't believe anything until the Government denies it. % Hey, no problem. Just leave me the keys to the whisky cabinet. % There are over 550 million firearms in worldwide circulation; that's one firearm for every twelve people. The only question is; how do I arm the other eleven? % All that government is good for is to break your legs and hand you a crutch then claim if it weren't for the government you wouldn't be able to walk. % We endlessly bomb these countries, then we wonder why they get upset with us. % The rational mind is only as good as the information base it has to draw upon. % Revenge is a dish best served cold. So is trifle. You don't see trifle on menus much these days, do you? It's a shame because there's nothing better than a really well-made trifle. Except revenge. % You can call it an 'isotonic performance fuel' all you like but you know perfectly well your main customers are the severely hungover who were last seen inside a gym during PE. % When men hire themselves out to shoot other men to order, asking nothing about the justice of their cause, I don't care if they are shot themselves. % Be slow in enjoyment, quick at work, for men see work ended with pleasure, pleasure ended with regret. % You can't escape the police state, you know. It's global. % The US government is everywhere. Whether you're rich or poor, it's there. The eye of Mordor on the Potomac sees around the globe. % Imagination control is political control. This is far more deadly than TV, which is deadly enough. % It's right out of a dystopian novel. % I've seldom done anything sensible that wasn't boring. % Voting, the slave's suggestion box. % Avoid therefore falling into error, seeing that ill-will notices every error and no success. % It's not the despair, it's the hope I can't stand. % The sleeper must awaken. % Until they become conscious they will never rebel and until after they have rebelled they cannot become conscious. % OK so I'm ranting here, the point is % The only time the ``Prince of Peace'' became violent was to drive money changers from the temple. 2012 years later the money changers rule the world. % Why do adults even need to have this explained to them? % There is always time to add a word, never to withdraw one. % For some it's a warning. For others it's a ``How To'' manual. % I'm sending this out telepathically as well. % I think it was volume III of either the ``Kama Sutra'' or ``Fear and Loathing in Bangkok.'' % Lies may be told by deeds as well as in words and this deceit is more dangerous for practical life. % Lying is the usual thing; then let belief be unusual. % A smart man only believes half of what he hears, a wise man knows which half. % Do you understand how late it is? How far down the road we are? How dark it is? % Next, a poll on whether the moon is made of green cheese. % As the houses of Leo and Cancer converge this week, I have some bad news about your cat. % When you wish upon a star you're a few million years late. That star is dead. Just like your dreams. % The human race divides politically into those who want people to be controlled and those who have no such desire. % Hard times are indeed coming but they are going to have to be significantly worse and much more widespread before what's left of the middle class gets off the couch for anything but a refrigerator run or to hit the can. % The public looks like they've been shot by a mutation ray or something. % They live. We sleep. Awaken. Awaken. Awaken. % How powerful is the ideological state apparatus at imposing proven lies on the public mind? % We live in incredibly dangerous times and not for the things that the government tells us, such as terrorists. It is dangerous because of all of the things the governments have been doing. % The observant are far fewer in number than those who are deceived by appearances. Deceit rules the roost, things are judged by their jackets and many things are other than they seem. % When freedom fails the best men rot in filthy jails. % `You can't solve all the world's problems with a shotgun.' `It's the only way I know.' % I'll try to be nicer if you try to be smarter. % Warning: in the world of energy, there are no rules - except to make money - and there are no referees and umpires! % Why is it nobody can see the hypocrisy inherent in the belief (or is that understanding) that a democracy requires a disarmed, helpless people? % Things pass for what they seem, not for what they are. Few see inside; many take to the outside. It is not enough to be right, if right seem false and ill. % A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends. % There's small choice in rotten apples. % Who'd have thought it, ``The Running Man'' became a documentary! % You climb to reach the summit but, once there, discover that all roads lead down. % You're either one of those who adapts, or you're one of those who will perish. % It's a looting arms race! % Are you concerned about the Globalists having their own drone robot army? % We'll hide in our tunnels with our young ladies while everybody else up on the surface dies. % There is an absolute truth here, which we must confront. Power of any consequence is never given. It always has to be taken. % All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. % Despise the enemy strategically but take him seriously tactically. % Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons. % A population in a permanent state of fear does not ask questions. % Alex, the general public just doesn't want to accept the truth; you might as well be a predator. % Only the little people suffer at the hands of Justice; the creatures of power slide from under it with a wink and a grin. If you want justice, you will have to claw it from them. Make it personal. % Pistols at dawn, Sir. Never mind Sharpe, that gives us twelve hours drinking. Come along. % God created man but Samuel Colt made them equal. % God created man but Mikhail Kalashnikov made them equal. % It isn't the fact that people go on and on reinventing the wheel that I mind so much, as their idiotic insistence on reinventing it square. % They took our rights and sent us the bill. % Once you have something again they'll want it again. Don't go back to Egypt. % The last time things were this bad we ended up beheading Charles I. % This week why not lecture everybody on morality whilst standing next to a full size cut out of you grinning and shaking hands with a murderer who has some oil. % An abrupt end to the dinner party conversation about films with superior sequels when you volunteer Anal Whore Bath VII. % In the Kali Yuga spirituality has degenerated into religion and religion has descended into fundamentalism. % And this, too, shall pass away. % Should I even have to ask, is it any less real because we imagined it into existence? % You've got to be deaf, dumb, and blind to not know that crooks are running things. % Few can foresee whither their road will lead them, till they come to its end. % What all the wise men promised has not happened and what all the damned fools said would happen has come to pass. % Humiliation is unwise, better to kill your enemy than leave him poor and alive. % The only things more stupid than politicians are the people who vote for them. % Meanwhile, in Manchester, debate continues over whether the city had experienced serious social unrest or a Tuesday. % Rather amusingly the same commentators in London who hailed Twitter as ``a wonderful revolutionary tool'' and criticised the Egyptians for suspending it are now calling for it to be suspended in London. % By the way ladies and gentlemen you don't need a gun to kill somebody, it just takes the will. % They will kill you, there is no law here. What the fuck do you think you're doing? Run. % The greatest bank robbery in history and the banks are doing the robbing. % Land of the cowards, home of the slave. % Welcome to the civilization of fear. % Take it personally. % Lady, you're not in distress. You're just stupid. % Do not wait to strike till the iron is hot but make it hot by striking. % Heaven help us what men do in the name of good. % The good die young so they may not be corrupted and the wicked live on so they may have a chance to repent. % You hired my time, Brennan. Nobody hires me. % You know, until a few moments ago I was feeling very superior to a Chinese friend of mine. I forgot that he came by his superstitions honestly; he learned them from the cradle. I can't find any such excuse for you. % In all my life I've only seen a dozen real killers but I've seen ten thousand people that would stand by and let it happen. Which is the greater evil? % Now that's a very apt toast. To the discomfort of our enemies. % A pretty girl completes a beautiful morning. % You can have it any way you want it gentlemen. % Respect can be as contagious as measles if it's properly spread around. % First, you wouldn't be worth two cents to the show as a lady and, second, it would be impossible in the first place. % So far I've seen you lie, cheat, steal, and try murder. You tried everything but begging. Now get down on your knees Billy Joe. % When Milton declared that heaven's best gift is a woman perfected, he forgot to mention what a hellish job it is perfecting one of them. % Madam, the fact that a chicken can lay a perfect egg does not entitle her to crow like a rooster. % Sit down gentlemen and sit still. I've come to order a coffin for the first one of you that makes a move. % Remember, you pay more for money than for anything else. % The killing of men, women and children is perfectly acceptable, as long as it is ordered by grave men in suits, sitting at tables in the offices of government, and carried out by men in pretty uniforms with lots of badges. % But, I digress % I'm ranting, the point is % Don't worry about what people think. They don't do it very often. % It will be another normal week, assuming you're not forced to resign from your high-powered job, arrested or found dead under incredibly suspicious circumstances. % Always watch the other hand. % People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs. % I did nothing, the pavement was his enemy. % My ambition is handicapped by my laziness. % However vast the darkness we must supply our own light. % We have reached a point in our history where lies are protected speech and the truth is criminal. % The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me. % If you think you are free, there is no escape possible. % Bureaucracies may be thought of as vast systems of organized irresponsibility. % Don't believe everything you think. % Be yourself is about the worst advice you can give to some people. % Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. % As a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool repeats his folly. % All change is not growth; all movement is not forward. % You can't photoshop your ugly personality. % Beware of he who would deny you access to information for in his heart he dreams himself your master. % Not all those who wander are lost. % I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do. % Just because you are unique does not mean you are useful. % The anticipation is killing you at work as that sheet of paper containing the photo of your genitals must surely be approaching the top of the photocopier's pile by now. % Growing up and living through the cold war, I never felt the need to procreate and offer up more lives to be snuffed out by some government gas or bombs. % It's quite easy to reason logically and still be wrong. % I'm above your silly paradigms. % Despite its German origin, schadenfreude is more British than a bulldog eating a scone. % The eyes cannot see what the mind does not know. % Sorry dude!! I totally thought you were going home with bomber jacket guy you met in the toilets. % I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here. % The public are just like a herd of retarded zombies % I was so upset last night I couldn't even enjoy my cheese enchiladas. % Refusal to accept an unsupported assertion does not of itself require the formulation of an alternative hypothesis, the null hypothesis is self-generating. % They hang the man and flog the woman That steals the goose from off the common But let the greater villain loose That steals the common from the goose % Morale is no substitute for victory. % There is a groupie for every male endeavor. Except World of Warcraft. % He sodomized my fiance! % So I can't stay for dinner. I assume that smell is cabbage and not just you two. % No, I'm sure it's perfectly normal for a boss to schedule a one-to-one meeting for 4:45 on a Friday afternoon where they ask you to bring a cardboard box and there's a security guard hovering at the door. You've earned that promotion. % Your upbeat attitude, positive outlook and unquenchable optimism prove that you obviously haven't been paying attention. % Does Internet porn know you're cheating on it? % Well excuse me Lana, it's a rampage. % This of course is why the US is not a democracy: a country whose population consists chiefly of baffled gerbils cannot be a democracy in more than form. % I'm afraid the lemur got into the pudding cups. % I would have qualified if I made it to the thing. % Shut yer dick holster. % I am going to die as I have lived: alone and surrounded by enemies. % The difficult and vital step is to separate what happened from what you made it mean. % That's what they do. They shoot the dogs first. % The driving force of society is not love but fear. % You can kill me but you cannot judge me. % Should someone do violence to you, retaliate without hesitation, without reservation, without quarter, until you are sure that he will never wish to harm - or never be capable of harming - you or yours again. % Just remember that in the fantastical system of government, taxes, debt and borrowing that the entire apparatus is built on one very simple principle: armed robbery. % What you have are shambling mall lampreys tied umbilically to their various electronic devices all of their waking hours having the quality of life only the dead would envy. % Gold is for the mistress, silver for the maid Copper for the craftsman cunning at his trade `Good!' said the Baron, sitting in his hall `But Iron - Cold Iron - is master of them all.' % The British Royal Family in time I have no doubt will be forced to abdicate, they are as mad as rats in a tin out house. % Remember: the patient raindrops can eventually wear away even the hardest stone. Don't let them get to close if you value your life. % After loudly denouncing the abuse of the English language brought about by Twitter and 'textspeak,' everyone is eagerly awaiting your shimmering work of linguistic genius. In your own time. % LOOK HERE YO THE SAFTEY IS OFF AND SO IS THE OWNER % Now please take a seat in Plato's Cave and fasten your seat belts! % When the deluge comes the Banksters will have already settled in their penthouses in Singapore and spreads in Aruba, their assets parked in yuans, gold ducats, and forward wheat options. % We can no longer effect change at the ballot box; to pretend so is a gross perversion of the truth. % Anyone actually observing what's really going on perceives that the democracy circus has left town decades ago and all this noise now is palaver over weed control in the windswept plaza where the tents were once pitched. % Not much is gained by the 9/11 Truthers unprovable assertion that the US Government had pre-wired the Towers with explosives but, whether it did or not, it had pre-wired the Unites States for 9/11 anyway. % Every actual state is corrupt. Good men must not obey laws too well. % To claim the world is run by ``governments'' is to miss the point. It is run by powerful banking families and their allies, mostly out of London, using the levers of power that governments provide to the truly wealthy. % You're only as good a negotiator as the guy behind you with a gun. % The brilliant Cerebron, attacking the problem analytically, discovered three distinct kinds of dragon: the mythical, the chimerical, and the purely hypothetical. They were all, one might say, nonexistent, but each nonexisted in an entirely different way. % Walk like an Egyptian! % Tyranny thrives by feeding on human necessity. % There's no sign of life Just the power to talk % We're not trying to change the world, we're just trying to question everything. % This week urinate into a jam jar and place it in the office fridge but not before labelling it with the name of your least favourite colleague. Who are they all going to believe? You or the dirty freak who keeps their piss in the fridge? % After reading the crossword clue, 'Physically aggressive behaviour (8)', you realise that violence is the answer. % Seriously, you don't look over 40. What are you, 36, 37 stones? % You've not been yourself recently, which explains why people can finally bear to be in the same room as you. % When seconds count the police are only minutes away. % With a bit of a mind flip. You're into the time slip. And nothing can ever be the same. % If you don't know yourself you cannot know anything else. % We suffer from the greatest surfeit of yin in history. % Think about the emotional impact of words, learn to disassociate the emotions from the words. % Boycott all products advertised on TV, radio, and in glossy magazines. % Reality does not care how you feel about it. % Fu di chou xin - Steal the firewood from under the cauldron. % You've got to figure out the dimensions of the box before you can think outside it. % And yet Madonna is still alive. Is there no justice in this world? % Just because an idea is true doesn't mean it can be proved. And just because an idea can be proved doesn't mean it's true. When the experiments are done, we still have to choose what to believe. % The first rule is to believe nothing unless you have checked it for yourself. % It is safe to assume that whatever NATO does to the inhabitants along the Pak/Afghan border, it is willing to do to its own people, since the crime would be the same. Our plebs are not cut from the type of cloth to resist that. % Large groups of people with guns make the rules. % The use of super computers to calculate anything at all does nothing to improve the reliability of the results. Super computers just tend to get the wrong answer faster and with considerably more precision. % Conspiracy is the engine of history. % Never watch the television. It's the greatest scientific indoctrination tool ever devised. Haven't you figured that out? % Truth is only true when it is convenient to you people. % We can only be kept in the cages we refuse to see. Wake up. To see the farm is to leave it. % Tell him that everything he stands for is soul-shatteringly worthless and you would love nothing more than to vomit into a gaping wound in his chest. % Q: How far is it from Germany to Belgium? A: Two hours by tank. % Waves are 3D things. Flatness is a concept of man. % This room looks like the room on that spaceship where I got probed. % Wake up out of your trance! It's insane! % If there was hope it must lie in the proles because only there, in those swarming disregarded masses, eighty-five percent of the population of Oceania, could the force to destroy the Party ever be generated. % Pass me that sponge. NOW! % You realise the weird day you're having must be a dream when you switch on the television and they're showing an episode of ``Friends'' you've never seen before. % Tyranny that's so science-fictional it just blows me away. % In many ways it is better to be uninformed than ill-informed. % They are dangerous hog-goblins. % Whatever you might think of them the much denigrated conspiracy theorists are being proved right. % Then there are all these nutters talking about lamp posts and piano wire who are looking less nutty by the day. % Politics is the art of lying. % What you do speaks so loudly that I can no longer hear what you say. % The 21st century is already making the 20th seem like the Age of Reason. % On the bright side, people will now die *knowing* what kind of people they are, as opposed to those that die in their nineties, ``never having lived.'' % The perceptive neo-Barbarian knows instinctively that the reign of the soul-dead bureaucrats is ending, that this rather dreadful ``revenge of the nerds'' chapter of human history is coming to a close, and the next chapter will be titled: ``the thugs strike back.'' % Among other evils which being unarmed brings you, it causes you to be despised. % One thing we can count on: collapse will be just another opportunity for the kleptocracy to cash in and move on. % Cut the enemy. % Although they say it's not over until the fat lady sings, increasingly unrealistic body-image standards mean it's now over when there is a vocalization by any female over 135 pounds. % This is a good time to make aggressive moves in your romantic life but not so aggressive that you actually cause yourself physical harm with the Fleshlight. % Someday you may learn that it is indeed possible to take a fun thing too far but not before next week's experimentation with autoerotic asphyxiation. % Next week will be a time of magical romance and unending joy for you, thanks to your boundless talent for self-delusion. % You'll finally realize a dream you've had since childhood, when a huge scary monster comes out from under your bed and eats you alive. % Kill 'em all. Then cover and reload. % Signs and symbols rule the world not words nor laws. % Fear the shadowy terror enemy that can neither be identified nor defeated. % The common belief is that only the liars and thieves are moving ahead in this country. % Politics is a tool of the elites to control the public. % Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates. % The Bad People understand that normal folks are afraid to break the law, let alone break shit and kill people. Until normal folks get over that fear the bad guys have free rein. It's that simple. % If you do not already own a good knife, you obviously won't know how to use one safely anyway. % Resistance is victory. % Horrendous floods have devastated Pakistan so Washington is sending weird Darth Radar drones, piloted by wet-lipped CIA psychopaths in Florida, to blow up those who haven't drowned. % True heart of darkness stuff: I twiddle the knobs on the blinking Left Eye of Hollywood and see nothing but unsmiling sexless female detectives waving guns and delicate hairless men with feelings. What would Davy Crockett think? % Democracy means ``rule of the people,'' usually by Wall Street looters and blockhead generals with the minds of giant clams and all sorts of feathers and colored tinsel stuck to them. % War to the knife and knife to the hilt. % It's going to happen, that much is for sure. The question is, what are we going to build on the ashes? % Do we dream reality or is reality a dream? % Recognise the symbolic concretions of great abstract truths. % There has been a plan in effect since at least 1917 to create, *create*, an *artificial* Extraterrestrial threat to the planet Earth, so as to bring about a one-world, Luciferian Totalitarian socialist government. % No one becomes popular by telling people the truth. History records what happened to the true prophets of the past. However, some have listened to their warnings and were not caught off-guard. Others have put their heads in the sand and refused to listen. They have died. % I'm sick of these politically correct whores not understanding my cheeky, yet adorable, humour. % Those who seek to impose their will by force on others are the enemy, regardless of the color flag they fly or uniform they wear. % I'm already on every list anyways, so who cares. % Revolution is an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment. % At each election we vote in a new set of politicians, insanely assuming that they are better than the set turned out. And at each election we are, as they say in Motherland, done in. % Why not try setting a moral precedent by getting drunk and asking a pregnant woman on the bus to give up her seat on the basis that your self-inflicted condition also plays havoc with your bladder and makes standing up difficult? % No claim is too outrageous for them to make. No claim is too ludicrous for the press to print. Which means that no plot by them is too outrageous to be discounted. % Your vanity walks in front of you Mr Tears - it has outgrown the small crevice of that head of yours. There is clearly no room in the relationship for the three of us. And I wouldn't have married you even if you'd asked. % It is a known fact that any grouping of five or more will be infiltrated. % Just in time for my Afternoon Fap. % I don't obey the law. I take practical steps to avoid the application of overwhelming coercive force. The reason why I don't murder, rob, rape, etc., has nothing to do with the law. % The government has decided that they are going to selectively enforce laws. Therefore I have decided I will selectively obey them. % It's official. I've been watching this site too loooong. This picture just didn't strike me as that weird. % To defeat the Enemy, we are going to have to change the moral assumptions of our fellows, who are trapped in an Aztec madness. % People are living in fantasy not a reality, trapped in Aztec madness where morality is turned on its head. % The way the progression works is that you have a spell of regulation (with the creation enforcement and administration bodies) and then a reaction, which leads to a partial deregulation. This, however, simply acts as a step towards a new bout of regulation, giving the march towards authoritarianism a jagged, ``staircase'' profile. % He says fighting this kind of terrorist recruitment is especially difficult because viewing websites is not necessarily criminal. % This is why the Internet is awesome. A bunch of ignoramuses get a sendup from a bunch of asshats. % The peasants are indeed revolting but the peasants have close to zero influence, it doesn't make much difference. % People get spiteful, mean, like mistreated dogs. They want to make others as miserable as they secretly are themselves. % The stupidity of a closed system tends to remain the same or to increase. Usually, increase. % They need to control us because they know we could take it all away in an instant just by enough people ignoring them. If Hell is the impossibility of reason they're there and the only way they can survive is to bring us to it as well. % Don't believe the enemy propaganda. The New World Order can be defeated. % Government is a band of robbers. % For years now Osama's restless and lonely ghost, clad in white robes and towing a broken dialysis machine across rugged and bare mountain passes of Waziristan, has been relentlessly hunted by a swarm of endlessly circling Predator Drones. % Do you remember those valiant freedom fighters who expelled foreign invaders from their ancient land, the mujahideen? What do you think happened to them? Well, they've been rebranded as the Taliban and are now evil. % For the benefit of those who believe that the future is fictional but that the present is real it may be helpful to point out that the present is largely fictional as well. % It's not that she no longer loves you, it's that she never did. She is a plastic doll and cannot love. % I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you. % The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list. % If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong. % It's time to lay off the Botox when you have to denote surprise by holding up a little sign saying `goodness me!' % All the evidence against me is already online. % That doesn't make you a bad person. It's all the other things you do. % You are free to do as you are told. % The division between religion and politics is, of course, a modern invention. % War is the growth hormone of the cancer that is big government. % Fire without movement is indecisive. Exposed movement without fire is potentially disastrous. % Everyone has a plan until he gets punched in the face. % Everyone has a plan until they get shot in the face % In a closed society where everybody's guilty the only crime is getting caught. In a world of thieves the only final sin is stupidity. % Countless people will hate the New World Order and will die protesting against it. % Your fears over identity theft are eased after a security expert reassures you that your identity is utterly worthless. % In my experience people do not respond to fact or argument. They only accept arguments that fit their preconceived notions. % They have long forgotten what it means to be happy and carefree and their labored attempts at feigning enjoyment are painful to watch. % If the poor can't be made miserable, then what exactly is the point of being rich? % At least, if it comes down to it, give 'em one hell of a fight! % They may act like idiots, they may sound like idiots, and they may even look like idiots but don't let that fool you, they really are idiots. % This week your call for humans to colonise space as soon as possible or face extinction goes largely ignored even though you're the cleverest person in the world. If only you had great, big knockers. % Please take this as a general notification that I will not be attending any Facebook event you ever invite me to. Unless you're up at the front. In a box. % Your love life takes a turn for the worse this week after the installation of an infra-red intruder alarm at the local zoo. % The world comprises three kinds of people: a small group who make things happen, a larger group who watch things happen, and the great majority who do not even know what is happening. % Someone ever tries to kill you, you try to kill 'em right back! % Remember, folks, DON'T GET ON THE BOXCAR. Kill the thug sent to put you on it. Then kill the collectivist politician who sent him. Kill them all, to the end of time. % The world has not witnessed such total failure of government since the final days of the Roman Empire. A handful of American oligarchs are becoming mega-billionaires while the rest of the country goes down the drain. % Today, in the American Superpower, one of every eight Americans is living on Food Stamps. % Are you people for real, are you deranged, or just plain evil bastards? % Education is a weapon whose effects depend on who holds it in his hands and at whom it is aimed. % Government does not redistribute wealth, Government redistributes poverty. % So long Earth, thanks for the air and whatnot. % Our willingness to tolerate the State is based entirely on a perception of threat. % The techno-fascists' ability to sell their wares arises almost entirely from their alliance with like-minded persons in the Old Media. As just about everyone in the Old Media is sympathetic to techno-fascism, that amounts to an enormous, unopposed megaphone, blaring out its beauties at all hours. % Haven't we seen enough of this to know better? % Life is much more manageable when thought of as a scavenger hunt as opposed to a surprise party. % Cowards die many times before their ultimate death. A King never tastes death but once. % More to the point, perhaps, we have allowed ourselves to be taken for fools. But the lesson is still there to learn. The State is not your friend. And, if you let it, it will kill you. % You're OK, in fact I'm gonna put you on the Don't Kill List. % I did like the part where they screamed. % Thanks to denial, I'm immortal. % I hate to pop your blimp-like ego but you're not perfect. % I never said I wasn't a drama queen. % I've never gotten into gold coins, I prefer investing in copper, brass, and lead. % The police state isn't coming. It's here. % They're just gibbering monkeys. % When all else fails they take you to war. % I don't know what it is but every single garage sale has these ceramic houses, I mean tons of them at every one I go to. What the fuck is that all about? One of you married guys have to explain that one to me because I'm still scratching my head on that one. % And even if she is still alive, she'll have been fucked to madness by Roman cock. % The richest men on the planet could afford to buy an ice age. % Remember, never call the cops unless you have a body you want them pick up. % I am gravely disappointed. Again you have made me unleash my dogs of war. % It's what Jesus would do. % The only thing that comes to a sleeping man is dreams. % Outside the limit of our sight, feeding off us, perched on top of us, from birth to death, are our owners! Our owners! They have us. They control us! They are our masters! Wake up! They're all about you! All around you! % The police scanner is talking about you again. % Term limits are not enough. We need jail. % Once you know a man deserves to die, you have to kill him. If you don't, you're committing a crime against everyone who doesn't deserve to die. If you get him down but can't bring yourself to do it, and he gets up off the mat and kills you instead, you're only getting what you deserve yourself. % We will never, ever, put an end to the dreams and machinations of the power-seekers unless we punish those among us with proper severity. % Who the hell is this & why should I care? % They always go crazy and turn into Baron Harkonnen. % You never thought you'd end up a billionaire, living in a palatial mansion, and jet-setting around the world. So it's no real disappointment, when you don't. % While it's true that love has no boundaries, no limits, and no rules, your court-appointed restraining order has all three. % Remember that most of the truly disastrous decisions are made by very bright people. % I mean, it's unnerving to sail through the vastness of an unasked-for universe, round and round a minor sun, on a ball of rock with billions of people, none of whom are adults. % I've got some news, we're taking names We're waiting now for the judgment day % Say no to work. Say yes to looting. % I'm too sexy for your words. % If I have to phone a friend to bring some shovels, you're gonna think it's a Mad Max movie. Not in a good way. % It will be hell on Earth. As we have seen in the past it doesn't take much to turn decent people into monsters. % Why take the structure intact when I can destroy it and search the rubble. % In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. % You have the right to free speech. As long as you're not dumb enough to actually try it. % Listen to me roidheads, you should join us now. % The Roman Empire was reborn in various guises in the Middle Ages and later, and each modern clone has grown through exploitation of its citizens and neighbours in exactly the same manner as its ancient progenitor. % The foundation of all mental illness is the avoidance of legitimate suffering. % There simply is no such thing as a right to vote on others' rights. % They will use the things we love, against us. % I bet you're the kind of guy who would fuck a guy in the arse and not even have the common courtesy to give him a reach-around. % You look like the vermin-ridden son of a bitch you are. % If I wanted a joke I'd follow you into the john and watch you take a leak. % You are a smelly pirate hooker. % Power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men are almost always bad men. % Shut up and swallow your Soylent Green. % I went to Egypt on vacation and those bastards will screw you like a paranoid Jack Nicholson who thinks his dick is going to turn into a Twinkie at midnight. % Obama is many things but, of the very few good things he is, we can say he was the best gun salesman in history. % It ain't exactly glamorous but it beats the balls out of retail. Any job you don't have to wear pants to is a good one. % You can't get good Chinese takeout in China and Cuban cigars are rationed in Cuba. That's all you need to know about communism. % War was not the Twentieth Century's biggest killer. Tyranny was. % No matter what practical or pragmatic reasoning drives it, collaboration with enemies always ends badly. % Any evil you imagine, they've already done it. % In a couple of generations Europe will be fit for nothing but to be a source of maids and houseboys for the Chinese. % Problem Reaction Solution. % They are lunatics who think they are God. % It is Kali-Yuga, baby. % A path will emerge. % They don't talk to slaves. You're nothing but a blood-bag to feed the New World Order. % Fire all weapons and open a hailing frequency for my victory yodel. % If you can make your point with words superimposed on a picture of a cat it's much more likely to get across. % Could you do me a tiny little favour and change everything about yourself immediately? % Why do doctors wear white lab coats? It is because the white lab coat is the ceremonial garb of the religion of science. % It seems that most people prefer to be right than to learn anything. % We all so love our opinions that we often choose them over truth. % Biel! I ought to have sex with her and then not call her! That'll teach her! % For millennia, great thinkers have contemplated the purpose of life. It's best to just relax and assume they've figured it out. % In an emergency, dial 1911. % Why do I feel the sudden urge to buy another couple thousand rounds of .223 and .308? % We will not be voting our way out of this. % This could be the summer of scorched megalithic stupidity. % The simple truth - born of experience - is that tyranny thrives best where government need not fear the wrath of an armed people. % It's called ``The American Dream'' because you have to be asleep to believe it. % Despite what the Necromicon said bathing in virgin's blood has not granted you eternal youth but you do smell like a black pudding. Yummy. % That's like finding out that Jesus knew karate. % `Do you want to argue about it until we both die of hypothermia?' `No but I'm prepared to.' % Do you want the moustache on or off? Too bad. % I've got to up his saltpeter dosage. % My nipples are hard just thinking about it. % Mark Anthony buggers boys like you for breakfast. % Everyone loves a charade. % Convincing the police you are a conservationist monitoring the nocturnal habits of badgers will be slightly easier if you remember to put it away this time. % There's no 'I' in 'Team'. But there are five in, 'Piss off and leave me alone, you idiotic shit.' % I know I said I'd be wearing a red carnation, I just didn't say where I'd be wearing it. But if that's wrong, I don't want to be right. Good day to you. % It's going to be a ruling elite and everyone else. And I've got news for you - you are everyone else. % A situation just begging for the application of automatic weapons fire. % This is why God inspired Hiram Maxim and John Moses Browning. % The proper function of spies is to remind those who rely on spies that the kinds of thing found out by spies can't be trusted. % Racism has never been destroyed by the force of law and it never will be. % The erectile dysfunction clinic may have advised you to masturbate as often as possible but I'm not sure the woman next to you on the bus enjoyed it as much as you did. If at all. % True, many of us hapless Western men find we deny women sexual pleasure, without even trying, but we don't demand genital mutilation to guarantee it. % The best black propaganda is a simple myth-connected message repeated over and over again. Repeat a lie enough times and even the liar starts to believe. % I'll take liberty. Death just isn't my style. % Here's a hint, spaceman - when they strap you into the holodeck for decades of sleep, always choose the virtual career of a porno pizza delivery guy. That was a good job in the 1970s. % Should an action be judged on its moral intent or on its benefit to society? And can either method be used to justify you repeatedly having sex with your neighbour's dog? % Oh yea, well what happened was, have you ever seen Brian's Song? Well it was, basically, that. I helped some guy with cancer. % If only it were as simple as putting on a pair of shades to tell friend from foe and to see clearly what their intentions, methods, and ends are. % Who says you're too fat to be an astronaut? Just ignore them. Space needs fat people too. % In our War Economy, death is good for business, poverty is good for society, and power is good for politics. % Use your time and money to learn valuable, transferable skills. The rest is just stuff. % You're not seeing the other side of the One-eyed Jack. % Go to bed early, and often. % I'd like to see a hanged Parliament. % Government is the great fiction through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. % Your social life will become hectic this month as the voices in your head and the evil spirit that lives in your radiator both start arguing with the messages you've been receiving via your fillings. % The only part of the Gospel of Violence that is set in stone is that *nothing* is set in stone. % The natural world is not so much a fixed structure, waiting to be symbolically reproduced in our science, as it is a complex source of experience which can be described in various and alternative ways. % What science produces is neither universally true nor real but is created by the observer and is relative to his predispositions and equipment. As a result, it is not complete but selected, not objective but subjective, and not unique but partial. % Paddle faster! I hear banjos playing. % As for how you may identify him, I know that he will be wearing camouflage. Hope that helps. % I've had good results with ether. % Hey! I am over me but apparently you're not. Hey! What smells like shrimp? % So where does this leave us? In the end, all such existential matters are settled by the sword. % The course of human history demonstrates that applied, practical violence is the ultimate arbiter of philosophical and theological disputes. % Never let yesterday use up today. % What kind of town is this anyway, selling liquor to Indians? % The little voices in my head are still arguing about what to set fire to first. % The stars indicate that this is a good week to start up new and steamy romances. Your office's sexual harassment policy, however, indicates otherwise. % You'll be credited with a new kind of piracy that is even less glamorous than ``software'' and ``music'' and a hell of a lot less sexy than ``butt.'' % How do you topple a sleeping giant when you're shackled to the very shadow upon which it surely will land? % The source of freedom is money and the way to keep money is to emplace it strategically and have weapons to protect those emplacements. The source of freedom is not the vote, nor the illusion of elections, which can be and are bought and sold again with money. % Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof. % My newest project has met with some success, I have been accepted in the lesbian chat rooms as a bona fide girl, once I've lurked enough to pick up the lingo I will strike. % You'll continue playing dress-up this week despite being an adult and feeling kind of silly every time you put on that professional-looking suit. % The human mind is a thing of startling beauty. Unfortunately yours is mostly filled with old phone numbers and minor celebrity trivia. % Advances in science will soon allow man to travel to the most distant corners of the Universe. Still no word, however, on it being able to get you off that couch. % Be nice to America or we'll bring Democracy to your country. % You're right your life is like Bridget Jones, inasmuch as it's insufferably tedious and makes me want to weep at the depth to which our wretched society has now irreversibly plumbed. % I'd say that was a bit less cordial than what they expected. % You will reach the heights of sensual ecstasy this week as you finally work out the optimum time to microwave a pumpkin. % It's been a testing period for you recently but, you have to admit, that DNA profiling is clever stuff. This time try 'diminished responsibility.' % I've seen the life on this planet Scully that's why I'm looking elsewhere. % Evolution by selection is not a random process at all and is actually a hugely efficient design algorithm used extensively in computation and engineering. % Huge amounts of intellectual energy and resources are being expended on a non-existent or low-order problem, while the more important issues are tucked into the background, unresolved. % Visit my blog or I will stop shaving my bikini line. % Do not project who you are on to someone else. They are not you. % Yes, love is a total mystery. Those semen stains, though, are probably a clue. % Remember that little acorns grow into mighty oaks. Except the ones that are eaten by squirrels. They just end up as discarded, lifeless turds. % Accept the fact that most people are confused and are just barely hanging on to their last shreds of self-esteem. % All they have ever had to offer is a land fit for police spies and agents of provocation. % A man who tells the whole truth should keep one foot in the stirrup. % The older the tale, the more miraculous it is. % Lie down I think I love you! % You could probably get a public service award for committing suicide. % When you have facts, bang on the facts, otherwise bang on the table. % An opinion can be argued with, a conviction is best shot. % There can be no useful debate between two people with different first principles, except on those principles themselves. % Luckily, a good Polish man gave my father a rifle and 150 bullets. % the cake is a lie. % The best laid plans of mice and men often go astray, although it has to be said the mouse is currently making a considerably better fist of things than you are. % A stage show involving an 80-foot ape, enraged beyond belief? What could possibly go wrong? % This is a bread and circuses culture. % The sceptic points out why there is no need to save the world, they aren't obliged to come up with a new plan to save the world for the sake of form or to satisfy the prejudices and erroneous beliefs of the world-savers. % Censorship and distortion is manifest most strongly in what organs like the BBC don't say, as much as what they do. % Although we may not be alone in the universe, in our own separate ways, on this planet we are all alone. % Last night someone came into my house and replaced everything in it with an exact duplicate. % I always hope for the best. Experience, unfortunately, has taught me to expect the worst. % Inter arma enim silent leges. % Happy endings are stories that haven't finished yet. % Turning and turning in the widening gyre the falcon cannot hear the falconer % The best lack all conviction, while the worst are full of passionate intensity % Unless you believe you will not understand. % Proving that Jesus Christ never existed would have little effect on our society in terms of belief systems; at this point, the influence of Jesus would remain even without a historical Jesus. % Opportunities multiply as they are seized. % Time you enjoy wasting isn't wasted. % What scientific evidence is there for a ``pause'' in global warming, other than looking out the window and finding conditions that don't match the predictions? % The uncontested absurdities of today are the accepted slogans of tomorrow. % Immortality - it doesn't banish death, for your humanity must inevitably perish for you to become immortal. % We can only exist in the eternal now. Even if we find creative ways to postpone the eternal sleep of non-being, nothing is forever - not even immortality. % I used to dread getting older because I thought I would not be able to do all the things I wanted to do but now that I am older I find out I don't want to do them. % If it's warm it's climate, if it's cold it's weather. % A man is only defeated, when he admits it to himself. % If I'm not back in five minutes, just wait longer. % And I might have allowed myself to forget that, perhaps, there is something out there that we don't understand, that we may never fully comprehend but that reminds us life is more than what we see, more than what we touch, and far, far more than we believe. % DARPA claimed that packet-switched networking was all about military communications or something of that sort: whereas in fact it turned out to be predominantly a vehicle for global distribution of pornography. % It's not about wealth, it's about power. Keep that in mind and the decisions of the powerful will make a lot more sense. % I do not answer to you. It is not your place to question me. % Entire Societies Can and Have Gone Stark Raving Batshit Fucking Insane. % The war is not meant to be won, it is meant to be continuous. Hierarchical society is only possible on the basis of poverty and ignorance. % There is no darkness but ignorance. The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose. % We are living now not in the delicious intoxication induced by the early success of science but in a rather grisly morning after when it has become apparent that what triumphant science has done hitherto is to improve the means for achieving unimportant or actually deteriorated ends. % Hey! What do you want for the dead man's boots? % As people toil to manufacture armaments and the paraphernalia of war, a few get ever more rich and powerful whilst the poor get ever poorer. % In case you were unaware, it turns out that successful male athletes with multi-million dollar contracts have sex with lots of women. Who knew? % Seriously, there is a reason you don't have Mexican beer cartels planting fields of hops in the California forests. % It only takes one creep to ruin your life. % The sheer amount of energy that has had to be invested to create and sustain today's Internet, along with its economic and cultural support systems, beggars the imagination. % Yes folks, escalation is withdrawal, war is peace, freedom is slavery, and ignorance, my friends, is bliss. % How powerful is the ideological state apparatus at imposing proven lies on the public mind? % People like you stood in the guard towers of the red socialists' wall, they stood in the brownshirt socialists' guard towers. And people of your stripe will stand in the guard towers of the green socialists and their reeducation camps for climatologically correct citizens. % But you fascists already knew that. You just don't care. % Note that Chaos Theory is an outcome of a conclusion by a Meteorologist (Lorenz) that computer models cannot successfully model climate. % If Al Gore hadn't invented the Internet none of this would have been possible. % We're going to need more piano wire. % I beat the little dog like he owed me money. % Quit your frowning and grab your Browning - time to lock n load. % Keep your powder dry and your eyes on the target. % This week you will read an article on the Internet that will, at long last, convince you to start drinking your own urine. % In the dying throes of our democracy, the divide between rulers and ruled appears to be as wide as during the worst excesses of absolute monarchy. % Vote Guy Fawkes: the only man ever to approach Parliament with honest intentions. % It's good that you're focusing on changing the way you present yourself to the world but what's going on inside you? Looks to me like the same petty minded spiteful nastiness as usual. % Instead of withdrawing from your lottery syndicate the week before they win the jackpot, keep on paying a fiver a week for the rest of your life for precisely nothing. % Polar bears eat baby seals. % Any ruling faction needs an established religion to control the people and health care is the most likely candidate in this secular age. % Q: What is global warming? A: The Reichstag as eternal flame. % The system will remain in place, because no one dares admit the very existence of The System at all. The System requires denial of The System. In fact, that's rule one of The System. % I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I was simply agreeing with you that your life does suck. % When it does kick off it will be over something that no one expects, in a place they would last guess, over an issue that comes as a surprise to everyone, except in retrospect. % Duty now for the future, spuds! % That nothing is ever free is a basic fact of reality. Someone has to pay to acquire it with their labour. % Fiction, because it is not about somebody who actually lived in the real world, always has the possibility of being about ourself. % I tried explaining but they just stared at me like I was mad. Perhaps I am. % But we live today in a post-factual, post-logical society. % Anyone over 25 who is not cynical has not been paying attention or is as dumb as a bag of hammers. % Much of the allure of collectivism is relief from the weight of individual responsibility, the sense of moral externalisation that comes from outsourcing choice to a ``higher power.'' % Collectivism is a form of mass delusion, an ``opiate for the masses'' method of replacing profane objective truth with sacred, subjective ``acceptable'' truth i.e. ``truth'' is what the collective wants it to be. % Make the enemy do useless things. % I see an innumerable crowd of like and equal men who revolve on themselves without repose, procuring the small and vulgar pleasures with which they fill their souls. % The cherry on the icing of the cake of the night was the mealy-mouthed General Cone simpering from the lectern about, `We don't go armed around here, this is our home,' which caused me to look at the loaded pistol on the nightstand in bafflement. % Fear can only prevail when victims are ignorant of the facts. % Authority has every reason to fear the sceptic, for authority can rarely survive in the face of doubt. % The mark of an ``advanced'' society is division of labour, with the dependency on each other coming from specialization of labour being more efficient and less costly. However, we have evolved into a society of primarily urban dwellers who produce nothing necessary for core survival needs. % In times of change, learners inherit the Earth while the learned find themselves beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists. % It soon became obvious that everyone saw and heard what they wanted to see and hear. % The best type of candy is eye candy! % The object in life is not to be on the side of the majority but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane. % FRONT TOWARDS ENEMY % Don't despair, your ideal lover is waiting for you around the corner. % Justifying your alcoholism by saying you never drink before midday is coming under increasing scrutiny as people start asking in which time zone this nominal midday is occurring. % It's the greatest bank robbery in America history but the banks are doing all the robbing. % Now, there is nowhere to run to. What next? % Try to understand this elementary principle of collectivist politics: you are not yours. Your life does not belong to you. You are a ``resource'' to be employed at the discretion of others and, if you don't think so, then your only alternative is to uproot your life, leave your home, and become a refugee in search of freedom. % Anyone who believes in peace at any price will deserve the bill they'll have to pay. % Of course I'm compensating, if I could kill bad guys with my penis I wouldn't need a gun. % The federal criminal code has become so vast and open to interpretation, Silverglate argues, that a U.S. Attorney can find a way to charge just about anyone with violating federal law. In fact, it's nearly impossible for some business owners to comply with one federal regulation without violating another one. % Furthermore, it is my opinion that Carthage must be destroyed. % `Ah, Jaysus,' he said, `I've never seen a boogerin normal day.' He paused to set down his pint, then added thoughtfully, `And I never met a fookin average man neither.' % The intelligence of the creature known as a crowd is the square root of the number of people in it. % No, that was before the police came but after the hooker. % A Ministry of Defence guide to preventing information leaking into the public domain has leaked into the public domain. % Make your attacker advance through a wall of bullets. I may get killed with my own gun but he's gonna have to beat me to death with it, 'cause it's going to be empty. % I was gonna tell a really embarrassing story about you but then I remembered I'm in all of them. % Every man who goes into the Indian country should be armed with a rifle and revolver and he should never, either in camp or out of it, lose sight of them. % FEAR? Hell yes Americans have fear, `From my cold dead hands. I'm not dropping the remote control. The play-offs are on ESPN!' % She thought Don Quixote was a type of tequila. % If you do not wish a man to do a thing, you had better get him to talk about it; for the more men talk, the more likely they are to do nothing else. % Let me guess - your parents are cousins. % I was fine until I saw the infinite gun rack in ``The Matrix.'' From that day on I was never the same. % I couldn't bear my father's humiliation. I thought I should try the bold act of encountering militants before dying. % The attempt to turn factual questions into moral questions is the essence of dogmatism and has long been a hindrance to scientific progress. % In a world where war criminals are rewarded and those that oppose war criminals are imprisoned and tortured, it comes as no surprise that a war criminal has been rewarded for his stoic service to imperial blood-letting with the Nobel Peace Prize. % If you're mellow when you're stoned, you're doing the wrong drugs. Try PCP for a more insane, rage-filled high. % If war is so bad, why are war video-games so awesome? % Look around; what people won't invent to get out of WORKING. The reason College was invented; after all, who really wants to shovel anything but bullshit all day. % It's not the crude old-fashioned dictatorship, the kind with cool uniforms and parades. Instead, today we have a kind of highly-evolved dictatorship concealing itself as a functioning democracy. % I'm living like there's no tomorrow because there isn't one. % Don't touch the bacon, it's not done yet. You let me handle the bacon and I'll let you handle what ever it is you do. I guess nothing. % The Universe does not give a fuck about you. You are a speck in its shit. % There is no such thing as bartering in a genuine natural economy because the only thing of value is food. % Watching television without a plan is a risky business. % All too often, there is precious little of what is now. Reality is therefore very much a secondary reflection in this artificial projection of the unreal realms of past and future. % Remember kids, if there's a loaded gun in the room be sure that you're the one holding it. % AUTOMATIC FOR THE POPLE. % The Nazgul are abroad - the ringwraiths - the Black Riders. It is time to prepare. % Let me see your War Face! % I mean, I know how these animals lust for power but it's a recurring question to me just how stupid they think people are and also: how right they might be. % These days the media are more characterised by what they do not report than what they do. % You could learn from past mistakes and move on with new strength and direction. Or you could just dive straight back into another abusive relationship with an older man who looks like your father. I'll give you two guesses. % You'd describe your recent mood as one of crushing ennui, if you actually knew what ennui meant, you illiterate peasant. % The natural world is not so much a fixed structure, waiting to be symbolically reproduced in our science, as it is a complex source of experience which can be described in various and alternative ways. % Time and space are modes by which we think and not conditions in which we live. % Those allegations of sexual misdemeanours just won't go away. Especially not if you keep committing sexual misdemeanours. % Millions lost their jobs with the invention of the combine harvester. So let's just hope somebody doesn't invent a tea-drinking machine that can click F5 constantly while on Facebook. % If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck and quacks like a duck, then you are having sex with a duck. Yet again. % What is the explanation of fires so hot that steel fails but paper does not combust? % Never forget, even for an instant, that the one and only reason anybody has for taking your gun away is to make you weaker than he is, so he can do something to you that you wouldn't let him do if you were equipped to prevent it. This goes for burglars, muggers, and rapists, and even more so for policemen, bureaucrats, and politicians. % All stories, if continued far enough, end in death and he is no true-story teller who would keep that from you. % If you can reliably hit a man out to 500 yards or more - and you have the will to do so every single time it is necessary - you have created a 700,000 square yard ``freedom zone'' around you. % I hope the Good Guys win. But that is not inevitable. It never is. % Because we live in a world where with communications media based on digital networks, a small group of people can have a tremendous impact on the belief of the masses. And we also live in a world where the belief of the masses is a strategic weapon. % It's not called, ``the hard problem of consciousness'' for nothing. % and the women, my God, the skinny ones just don't make it through the winters. % Mathematical descriptions do not constitute a physical explanation. % Some people in each successive generation believe that theirs is the one that has at last seen everything clearly, that their insights point to the truth, the final answer. Yet scientific discovery marches on and today's truth will become tomorrow's anecdotes. % Despite the cornucopia of information from the Internet, where original sources can be found and the error-strewn MSM can be challenged, the bulk of people imbibe the pap they are fed and largely believe it. % Hey, somebody has to be ``that'' guy. % The very first thing to do is to make sure that you actually are thinking. Rote recitation of premises that you have absorbed uncritically over the years is not the same thing and there is no way around ethical determinations of right and wrong. % Make sure that you actually are thinking, rote recitation of assertions that you have absorbed uncritically over the years doesn't count. % The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again. % `That's in every contract, that's what you call a sanity clause.' `You can't a fool a me there ain't no sanity clause.' % It is damn near impossible to out think their ability to not think and to break things. % If I turn my cheek, I'm coming around to make a kick. % We now know that even the most authoritative sources, such as the seminal Harvard University Press work, The Black Book of Communism, were conservative when estimating only 100 million deaths at the hands of communist governments. % Tyranny and Genocide are the norm. Freedom has been the exception. % A contract without swords is meaningless. % Put on heading Two Seven Zero. Assume attack formation. % Put on PSYWAROP. Make it loud. This is Romeo Foxtrot, shall we dance. % History tells us that the sensibly cautious - not paranoid - way to look at government is with the presumption that it's corrupt. % Calls are charged at 75p a minute from a BT landline, which really is astonishing value to talk to someone who could predict next week's lottery numbers if he wanted but chooses not too, obviously. % We're called ``The Stepdads.'' If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us. % When they've taken it all away, then there's also nothing holding us back. % We're ammoed up pretty good. Got a discount too, on account of my intimidating manner. % This guy wrote this, using a computer, and then posted it to the Internet on a blog? He discusses how evil technology is on a blog? Has he no sense of irony or is he just a dipshit? % We are like lab-rats, living out our entire existence never questioning the confines of the cage or the scientists who experiment on us. % The architects of the New World Order are in a race to perfect their World Government. % Also, this just in, Teddy Kennedy is still dead. This makes him eligible to vote in Chicago. % The answer to 1984 is 1776. % Admit nothing, deny everything, make counter-accusations. % Mostly spent on liquor, horses, and women and the rest I spent foolishly. % If you're still confused please turn to the faq which you'll find on page 404. % Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know and understand. % This is what Obama has done. He ran for president as the antithesis of Bush. He has conducted his foreign policy as if he were Bush. % She's not too bright but she is real pretty. She'll probably die first when the Terminators come. % In Soviet Russia, tractor production figures were always on the rise. In modern Britain we have our own equivalent: the annual increase in exam passes and improvement in grades. % Of course I have porn. I'm a man. What kind of retarded question is that? % 'Peace' is that brief, glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading. % I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room. % My Grandfather told me to always be nice to women because they have half of the money and all of the pussy. % If someone is coming to kill you, get up early and kill him first. % I'm pretty sure God just pointed at me and laughed. % They say that home is where the heart is but little do they know about the metal box, the bloody towels, and the crosscut saw beneath the floorboards. % This little piggy went to market, and this little piggy stayed home, but this little piggy - this little piggy right here - will be mailed to friends and family members for a healthy ransom. % I'm driving in the middle of nowhere and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around. % The ju-ju man smiles. He knows how far Hero has to journey before he frees the shape from the block. % I have killed mothers and their babies. I have killed great philosophers and proud young warriors. I have killed the evil, and the good, the intelligent, the weak, and the beautiful but it's been a while since I slaughtered a whole room full of petty bureaucrats % Expect the unexpected this week. But don't expect it too much as then it will be expected and you won't be expecting it anymore. And then you'll be sorry. % Look, every existing thing is born without reason, prolongs itself out of weakness, and dies by chance. Happy now? % 'Indefatigable' is a useful watchword until October. After that try 'shibboleth' until mid-November, then, in the run-up to Christmas, 'pandiculation' or 'furphy'. % More and more I think most moral, normal people spend most of their energy *not* thinking about anything - history, stats, money, or even remembering what they were like when they were still alive. % The law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich as well as the poor to sleep under bridges. % So for what reason, exactly, was this story allowed to see the light of day? % Don't sprinkle sugar on your bullshit and then tell me it's candy! % They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck with cancer. % Was offered Swedish love and French love but not American love. American love; like Coke in green glass bottles, they don't make it anymore. % It's awful out there, like scenes from ``Dawn of the Dead'' except with most of the women inexplicably dressed up as prostitutes for clowns. % We did not rid ourselves of the Divine Right of Kings to have it replaced with a divine right of politicians. % It has been abundantly clear for some time that you cannot believe a single word the horrible bastards say. If they tell you it is night, it must be day. % Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze. % I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed. % If someone is hiding something, they have something to hide. % When you finally get pulled over by the police with a blood-stained shovel in the boot of your car and half a dozen handbags on the back seat try to come up with a better story than, 'I'm a haberdasher whose cat just died.' % You've been sent back in time to kill the mother of the leader of the human resistance. But hang on: if you succeed there's no reason to send you back in the first place and so you should not exist. But if you do exist then you must have failed already so you may as well give up. Leave it with me. % All of these cults try to define something called the real and you get beaten to death if, like Plato, you don't accept the real. The twentieth century alone has some fifty million corpses to prove that. Scientists are as difficult to get rid of as traffic wardens, TV Personalities, and anal warts. % Today's politicians promise us unending war in the cause of ``freedom and democracy.'' Is that what you want? % She looks like a prostitute for clowns. % Dragonslayers need the threat of scary dragons to frighten the villagers into providing their next free meal. % So, on Facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex but not premarital butt sex which is what I was aiming for. % It's time to say goodbye to years of negativity and failure and go ahead and seize the positive. In case you don't know that's the brown wire. % In essence, a suicide bomber is a very sophisticated form of smart munition that can work its way through gaps in security and successfully seek its target. % His apartment was pretty much a TV and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes. % The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place. % If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now. % `Hey Jen, last night was fun. You're on the pill, right?' `My name is Megan.' % Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra. % So I met my next door neighbour. He's a fucking nutter. I'm buying an axe. % Bring booze and chicks. Separate or one already in the other. Your call. % At my desk at work and I swear I saw the clock move backwards! % There's no such thing as life without bloodshed. % `Do you want the good news or bad news first?' `Bad news' `The bad news is I threw up on your bed, the good news is I found out who ate your Cheetos.' % Not too many home invasions around here. It's a really good way to get shot in Montana. % Intelligence does allow the fabrication of high-sounding motives. Thugs simply hit people on the head. It is a straightforward and honest undertaking. The smart come up with grand justifications. % Brains only provide the means to be more elaborately and ornately stupid. The smart merely make more complex mistakes. % When you are paid to do something, it is in your interest not to finish doing it. % My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do. % If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check back into rehab. % I find your lack of paranoia disturbing. % I told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll. % Kids today, they have no one to look up to. Cuz they're looking up to us. % I said congratulations, didn't I? Although, sometimes when people get what they want they realize how limited their goals were. % You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. % Brains and computers operate on fundamentally different principles, and they mimic each other only when the task is trivial. % PUNKY WAS A SALAMANDER. But his cranium housed the [transplanted] brains of a frog. % You've never been one to take offense at accusations of arrogance, especially since they're all bullshit anyway. % The situation at home continues to be warm, comforting, and secure. But not your home, of course. % Stick stubbornly to your long-term agenda. However crazy it seems and disastrously wrong it looks to be going at the moment, the rest of us are enjoying it enormously. % `Can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this Harry Potter thing, it is kind of long.' `Aren't you going with children?' % `I think I have a pornographic memory.' `Don't you mean photographic?' `No.' % You'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small. % Nazis. I hate these guys. % EcoNazis. I hate these fuckers. % I plan to be heavily medicated. % They're not arguing about whether or not they should control your life, only about which aspects of your life they will control. And not much difference even there. % Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram I'm not going to smile. % Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood. % Women are like Alzheimers patients. You can compliment them a million times in a day but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over. % I need to stop coming to work sober. % Well, maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want. % He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me. % I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy. % My friend's 9 years old son just informed me that for a cop station you can't use a shotgun, you have to use a machine gun. Thank you Grand Theft Auto. % So, I woke up to her 8 years old asking for a bowl of cereal. % If we're going to be concerned with every individual human life - which is as it should be - then I always start with mine. % The world began when I was born. % If I were a hot girl, I'd whore around. I'd be awesome. % I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to. % What part of, `waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon' sounds like a good night to you? % My girlfriend all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned? % My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship. % Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now. % Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women? % `Happy early Fathers Day!!!' `I'm not a father.' `About that' % Just caught grandpa beating off in the living room. % So I went on a date with this girl and who's our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my birthday present. % I just saw a bird vs squirrel fight. A car won. % I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words, `dibs on the chunky one' came out of your mouth. % Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home. % Seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable. % `I'm fucking your sister right now.' `You motherfucker.' `She's next.' % Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee. % I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom. % I just found, ``pokemon orgy'' in my search history. % If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message. % Laziness has reached new heights if you're too unmotivated to buy pot. % I'm torn. She's everything I ever wanted but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school. % I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever. % I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star. % She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit. Well she has my infectious spirit now. % In retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake. I meant to say, `I'll fuck you stupid, baby' but of course I said, `I'll fuck your stupid baby.' % No, I'm a firm believer in, `Swallow or it isn't love.' % When I'm drunk I like to pretend my penis is Zeus and instead of peeing I'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet, it helps me focus. % hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america. % I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn. % This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am? % Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg. % He famously once noted that women should wear white like all other domestic appliances. % You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory. % Kirsten Dunst, with a Bren Gun, killing French peasants. Motorhead playing on the background. How the hell did you come up with my second weirdest sex fantasy? % Beware the power of the pussy, many a man's downfall. % Inside of hole: innumerable pleats and protuberance excite you. It's soft touch gives you more luxurious pleasure the ``real'' does. % Usually I don't use my Super-Powers, just to make my Adventures more interesting. % You, well, I'm not so sure about you anymore go drink some Jack Daniels or fix something around the house, your oestrogen levels are scaring me. % Let me stop you right there Patrick, Vampire love stories are gayer than AIDS. Enjoy your weekend and your book. % I presume I'm not the only one who, upon glancing at a set of secateurs in the ``gardening'' section, immediately dreams of tying some random bystander to a chair and going all Jack Bauer on his fingers? % And little by little, but in ever increasing speed, the landscape changes. Home becomes a foreign land. % We are living in THEIR world now. And we are the enemy, and unwelcome. % My whole apartment is furnished with Ikea stuff. I know, I know, it's terrible. But hey when someone falls over drunk on my living room table I'm only out 30 bucks. It's not really furniture, it's blocks of glue made from the leftovers of what furniture is made from. % When they are not protesting, these people must have very easy jobs. The kind of jobs that robots will soon be doing. % It's like I'm living ``Idiocracy.'' % outdid everybody by cultivating arrogance so magnificent it wears a tiny cape and crown of its own. % May you find peace in freak heaven with all the other freaks like you. % News of a new housing estate on the edge of town has you hurriedly arriving in the dead of night armed with a shovel, a roll of binbags and a claw hammer. % Those tough decisions involving your emotional life are best postponed until the medication starts to kick in. % All the computing power that first took man to the moon is now contained in your mobile phone. And all you use it for is to text inanities to your equally twattish mates. You arse. % Despotic governments can stand ``moral force'' till the cows come home; what they fear is physical force. % Nobody ever lost an election by underestimating the public's intelligence. % Politicians are natural born whores. When corporations buy the politicians from both sides of the aisle they control the political process and the government and the inevitable result of that is fascism. % With each year the degree of superficial interest in transitory, pop trivia increases. Everything is five miles wide and one inch deep. What is the point? % I don't know about you but the word penis isn't part of my vocabulary, it sounds too wimpy. It's probably something I picked up from all the women I've been with when I heard them say, `WOW, nice cock.' I've never heard any say, `Aww, cute penis.' % Tact is just not saying true stuff. I'll pass. % It helps to have spent a childhood reading Philip K Dick novels. It means that nothing bizarre really surprises me. % The only thing that could possibly be scarier than a Sexbot made in Japan is a real woman. % The only thing that could possibly be scarier than a woman is a Sexbot made in Japan. % Indeed, the whole of our society opted for the ``blue pill.'' % Some of them have more skeletons in the closet than John Wayne Gacy had in his crawl space. % Society has embraced institutionalized stupidity. % The systematic bombing of villages year after year is explained away as being ``regrettable errors unavoidable during warfare.'' But they are not errors, nor are they regretted. They are deliberate acts of terror. % I like it. The essence not hidden by jujus and fetishes that fall away powerless when the dead rise and the singing stops. % they're robots with big tits programmed to act like toddlers % Man, when the Japanese start building sex robots they're gonna be scary. I still want one. % There is a sham election, after which power still resides with a secretive unelected elite, then a few days later the same thing happens in Iran. % I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion, C-beams glittering in the darkness at Tan Hauser Gate, slippers with their own headlights, and an electric box for your pills which even has its own water supply. % The Holocaust Museum shooter isn't one of ours, he's one of yours. He was and is a collectivist. % You'll be pulled over by the grammar police this week, asked to slowly step out of your car, and then beaten mercilessly for using a double negative. % Love means something different to everyone but you immediately come to mind whenever polite indifference is mentioned. % You will fall victim to a dangerous personality disorder that makes you believe that the personal lives of celebrities are interesting and important. % Now this universe has the peculiarly accommodating property of tending to provide evidence for, and confirmation of, whatever paradigm one chooses to believe in. % Inability to accept the mystic experience is more than an intellectual handicap, lack of awareness of the basic unity of organism and environment is a serious and dangerous hallucination. % We urge you to enhance the richness of your life with desire, to trust desire, TO TRUST YOUR DESIRES. % When deterrence fails, conflict is inevitable. % I dislike you less than anyone I've ever met. % When society rejects and decrys your desires, self delusion, secrecy, and alcohol are your friends - check out any fledgling serial killer. % The one function that TV News performs very well is that when there is no news, we give it to you with the same emphasis as if there were. % Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof. % Actually direct contact with reality is what does that for me. I don't live in a cave and I don't deal with shadows. % Women and children can afford to be careless. Men can't. % I'm good at that, you know, when I have to be: forgetting people. % Be thorough about finishing what you started. Remove hands and feet, bury them separately and remember: Dental Records are your enemy! % The only consistent feature in all your dissatisfying relationships is you. % Can you eat it, drink it, run your car on it, sleep under it, or screw it? % I asked my stockbroker, `What are you buying?' and he said, `Canned Goods and Ammunition.' % Also, that girl is the kind of person I would want with me if zombies took over the Earth and I had to build a hideout and everything. % At my age I realize that time wasted on fools is time I could use to have fun before going to the grave. % If anything does happen, I'll torture you to death over a period of ten days and you'll be screaming in the first thirty seconds. % What I can tell you is that the little voices in my head make a damn sight more sense than you people. % This is no dream! This is really happening! % When work feels overwhelming, remember that you're going to die. % Turns out your nightmarish descent into alcoholism and drug abuse will be a lot more fun than expected. % Being a parent doesn't come with an instruction manual, which is too bad as you'd love something heavy to beat the little bastard with. % Jupiter and Mars indicate a time of new opportunities and fresh tarts but it's all lies, especially the bit about the tarts. % People who can see will understand what they're looking at *only* by way of principles. % You can only have power over people so long as you don't take everything away from them. But when you've robbed a man of everything he's no longer in your power - he's free again. % If it disagrees with experience, it's wrong. That's all there is to it. % You are false data. Therefore I shall ignore you. The only thing that exists is myself. % Personally, I like the view from the top of the food chain. % Of course, the AVERAGE person on this board couldn't tell the difference between social democracy, communism, their ass, and a whole in the ground. % I'm more inclined to shooting first and not bothering to ask questions afterwards. % You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you. % A Locrian who proposed any new law stood forth in the assembly of the people with a cord round his neck and if the law was rejected the innovator was instantly strangled. % I'll be in my bunk. % The trouble with living in a sea of bullshit is that you eventually begin to believe in your own bullshit and don't remember the difference between bullshit and truth anymore. % Bacon's not the only thing that's cured by hanging from a string. % I didn't think you had it in you. And I mean that sincerely. % `I hate to break it to you but there is no big lie. There is no system. The Universe is indifferent.' `Man, why did you have to say that.' % Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation. % Do you grok at long last that voting, elections, and the necessary consequences thereof, are precisely and exactly what got us to this point of history and thus cannot, by definition, be the means by which this madness gets cured? % You can define a mythical creature with precision, observed St Thomas Aquinas, but that doesn't make a phoenix exist. % OK, pal, try that again without your teeth. % Hot dogs give me energy to fight my demons. % People have lost their minds to metaphors in the place where the English language once stood. % I only know that there are still people walking the planet who actually cannot grasp the fact that ``2+2=4.'' Human stupidity will never disappear. % The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits. % Most importantly, when the name of the game is deterrence, you always want the enemy to be unsure what action will provoke which reaction, especially if the reaction choices include devastating responses. % Everybody gets to go to hell in their own go-cart. % No fuckin' do-gooders allowed. % This whole sorry mess has become, in essence, a religious debate between the bishops of differing sects. A shameful but quotidian failure of the spirit of the Enlightenment. % Will you be addressing this whole ``zombies are edible vs zombies aren't edible'' debate that has been popping up on the post-collapse cannibalism discussion threads? % At least the Mafia has the decency not to put such transparently phony claims over on you. They're honest: `We're taking your money because we have power and you don't.' % Interesting. But, the enemy of my enemy is my enemy's enemy. That's it. % ``Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria!'' Bring it!!!! % `We're not gods who get to decide who lives and who dies.' `I disagree fully with your previous statement.' % Don't make me get my gun, boy. % You have a mind like a steel-trap, much to the horror of all those poor naked women locked inside. % You aren't going to change this by electing new politicians. % He screamed like slutty girl number one in a teen horror movie. % Tyranny is always whimsical. % `Did you find the CO, Captain?' `There's no fucking CO here. Let's just get going.' % As things fall apart, I expect everyone to fall into their natural pits of foolishness and evil. % If you're not at the table, then you're on the menu. % Only those of us who have memories that go back to BC (Before Censorship) recall that it was once widely accepted that tobacco halves the risk of dementia. The knowledge went through the normal progression of the politically incorrect, first a stage of being a ``paradox'' and then disappearing off the face of the Earth. That's the way stuff happens these days. % Biology is a numbers game. % Some of the leading figures in the Nazi economy became leading builders of the European Union. % What separates us from the animals is that we'll do anything for money. % Some say you can tell how the world stands by the prices of AK-47s. % Dude, she may not be much to look at but she's got enthusiasm and enthusiasm goes a long way. % Dude, move the pot plant before you post pictures on the Internet!!! % Build a politician a fire and he will be warm for a day. Set a politician on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life. % The first one is that the winner of the hand-to-hand fight in combat is the one whose buddy shows up first with a gun. % I believe that being despised by the despicable is as good as being admired by the admirable. % I too pray for peace. Peace and justice. If we can't have both, I choose justice. % He wants all the cheeseburgers in the world. % One click down for automatic. Two clicks down for semi. Mikhail Kalashnikov was not a man to mess around. % One click down for automatic. Two clicks down for semi. What else do you need to know? % There is no relation between the ability to win an election and the ability to run a country. % Yet another example of TV being better than real life. % Someday they won't let you, so now you must agree The times they are a-telling, and the changing isn't free You've read it in the tea leaves, and the tracks are on TV % No one analysis fits the reality of the world, said the Doktor, you must evaluate the facts and the truth, which is sometimes unsupportable by mere facts, and make your own judgments. % Does God actually like anybody? After all, he tried to drown us all once. If it wasn't for that sweet-talking dude Noah we'd not be here at all. Maybe he's still holding a grudge over the whole Garden of Eden debacle. % Panic now and avoid the rush. % Summer Glau: cuter than a basket of puppies. % She's cuter than a basket of Labrador puppies. % No matter what else you got, you're right, you gotta have a Glock. % Propaganda requires the active participation of a citizenry willing to be suspend rigorous skepticism in the self-serving hope that illusion can trump reality and that ``others'' are to blame for self-inflicted wounds. % hahahahahaha He's typin' drunk again. % The Government yesterday launched its Pork Flu information campaign underlining the fact that, despite 2000 years of civilisation, the people of Britain still have to be reminded to use a fucking hanky. % How else can you explain Jethro, he's his own uncle. % If you had a dollar for every time a gorgeous woman invited you back to her place, you probably wouldn't be saving for that prostitute right about now. % Write down 15 things about yourself that are lowering your confidence. And don't just go for the really obvious ones. % I'm looking for someone with syphilis. % I have difficulty maintaining relationships with women. Mostly because I mistreat them. You know, I lead em on, I bag em, tag em, kick em down the stairs. I blame it on my deep commitment to self-love. It's my Achilles. % When the water reaches the upper deck, follow the rats. % I don't care how many enemies I make, they can take a number and get in line. % In the last three months of 2008, that's right, three months, Americans bought enough guns to outfit the Chinese and Indian armies, combined. % The Sheep Look Up and can't figure it out. % Few things are more dangerously retarded than people in large groups. % No longer working to create life modern science is now dedicated to conquering the human mind, to turning man into a machine that can be controlled. % Stalin had already murdered more people than Hitler ever would before the little German creep had even come to power and Stalin never stopped murdering. % Leave me the hell alone or I shall not leave you alone this side of Hell. % Denial is a powerful weapon in mind control. % I do not object to being denounced but I can't abide being school-mastered, especially by men I regard as imbeciles. % Officers of the police or revenue easily adapt themselves to any form of government. % Unlike me, he abhors physical violence. % I have a zombie contingency plan but I won't share it. Hysterical people who don't have one are a meat wall between me and the undead hordes. % A man looks out for those around him and he can speak to dogs. % What did I learn? Avoid bringing reality into the conversation if I want to get in to an attractive woman's pants. % You may still have some shred of humanity left in you that makes you want to save that child but he's just going to slow you down. % You will last two days before the madness takes you. % You won't see a jury unless you survive. % I might as well be living in a village in the Middle Ages trying to argue that demons don't exist. % Every Man Should Have a Rifle. % The AK will shoot and kill while the Armalite copies are being cleaned so they can fire. % Yes, there are a lot of things you want to say right now but that would mean I would have to take the rag out of your mouth. % When it comes to dating I'm going with what I know works: a bottle of chloroform and a buddy waiting with a van. % Better that you bring me tobacco in prison than flowers to the cemetery. % I'm buysexual. When I want sex I buy it. % Anyone who isn't confused really doesn't understand the situation. % Never leave an enemy behind or it will rise again to fly at your throat. % I'm better now. I ran a test. Everything's good now. % Dark Age peasants had an excuse to be ignorant as they had marauding Norsemen competing for their attention. % I am not a schemer. I show schemers how pathetic their attempts to control things really are. % Often, I wonder what it would take to bring some people into contact with reality. All I have ever learned has me convinced that the principal crisis of our times is that most of them simply do not think. % If we were all of us government employees there could be no recessions because the government never ever gets downsized. % The chair is against the wall. The chair is against the wall. % John has a long moustache. John has a long moustache. % John has a long moustache. The chair is against the wall. Next to my AK. % Here is the awful truth: it's not what is true, it's what you can convince others to believe. % Eighty percent of people think they're better than average. % Great legs! When do they open? % When the Japanese start mass-producing sex robots in 2018, they will look just like Summer Glau. % You lied to me once before. I should have killed you then. % ``Trust me'' is just another two letter word that means the same as ``fuck you.'' % Never offend with style when you can offend with substance. % One who kills the dog of another is less human than the barbarian. He may not be trusted in matters great or small and, if met in the path, should be dispatched at once. % She looked at me with her big brown eyes as if I had just smashed her heart with a ball-peen hammer, which was fine with me, `You don't need to say that.' % You're not sure if they are all plotting against you but why not have them assassinated just in case? % Look deeply into your own psyche and work out what you really want and how much you think it's worth to have someone dress up like that and do it. % An underground goat is a fretful creature, stroke its beard and milk it. % I reject your reality and substitute my own. % Every brain is profoundly unique, a landscape of cells that has never existed before and never will again. % What you mostly discover is that the mind remains an immense mystery. We don't even know what we don't know. % Sometimes it's a wistful shame that murder is illegal. % Dream on pal. My boys have been stockpiling since long before all this hit the headlines and they're itching to cross the Start Line. % The techniques of marketeers have regularly out-paced the intellectual resources of consumers across the socio-economic landscape. % Step one in ``let's win'' is to refuse any further collaboration in our demise. That's Billy Beck's point - delude yourself all you want with your participatory democracy fantasies but leave me the hell out of it. % A person is not obligated to devote their life to eliminating evils from the world but is obligated not to participate in such evils. % The court will sentence you to three weeks of community service work at a nearby park, which is exactly what you were doing when the police picked you up. % Start with the basic stuff first, the Five Bs: building, bullets, beans, bacon, and buckshot. % You think you're tough for eating beans every day? The scarecrows in Denver would give anything for a taste of what you got. They've been under siege for about three months. They live on rats and on sawdust and sometimes on each other. At night, the pyres for the dead light up the sky. It's medieval. % He's an oxygen thief. Prep the airlock. % Remember the motto of Team Reorg: survive the first die-off. % The surest poison is time. % They're building their castle of the New World Order on sand because they have subverted the very reality that would be the foundation to a just and humane world order. % When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then, when life least expects it, throw the lemonade right in its spiteful face. % Yes, I'm serious. And don't call me Shirley. % Seriously it's like getting married, you trade in your dignity, and get nothing in return but time to kill until you die miserable and alone. % I gave up on Second Life when I couldn't find the famed Porn Islands everyone seemed to be talking about. % We have designed our civilization based on science and technology and at the same time arranged things so that almost no one understands anything at all about science and technology. This is a clear prescription for disaster. % I tried phone sex once but the holes in the dialer were too small. % Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory. % Human Instinct 101: dead body? Poke it with a stick. % It used to be said to be proof of how evil the Soviet Union and Communism was that you needed ID to travel anywhere but here and now in the ``free world'' having to show ID to do anything in public is a virtue, we're told. % All the usual suspects. Oxygen thieves to a man. % You have to teach people how to treat you. % The truth is told by whoever is left standing. % Where's the cats, where are they?! % Is an L-shaped depression sorta like an L-shaped ambush? % Last warning guys! If you don't have three months worth of mattress money I think you might want to re-think it. % I don't know you well enough to dumb myself down for you. % A nation of sheep shall be ruled by pigs. % The revolutions in the history of science are successful escapes from blind alleys. % No man can be a pure specialist without being in the strict sense an idiot. % But scientists, who ought to know Assure us that it must be so. Oh, let us never, never doubt What nobody is sure about. % Most people today want to be slaves or, at the very least, do not have any conception of how to be anything but slaves. % Be normal and the crowd will accept you. Be deranged and they will make you their leader. % Technological determinism, much like consumerism, is an ideology. They will not go down easily. % As somebody who considers the State to be nothing more than a criminal syndicate pursuing a monopoly, I consider sedition to be a fine and noble calling worthy of all decent people. % When governments have money they buy peace with social welfare programs. When they run out of money the gloves come off. % At least 95% of the population is below average intelligence, so education will have less impact than you might imagine. % The average person is as dumb as a bag of hammers and 50% of people are below average. % Remember that the net is made of about 90% spam, 9% porn, and quite a lot of whining blogs. If that mixture ever becomes self-aware we don't know what it'll do but the odds are against it being anything good. % Wait, WHAT? All I read was ``Summer Glau robot sex.'' Hot. % I couldn't write that much about my life and I have been around five decades. % Everyone knows attractive people's lives are easier than those of unattractive people. Thus, they don't need to be more intelligent. Some of them are but neither will sleep with me anyway. % I don't want anybody with me that won't pull their knife and hatchet and go to work. % Ready on the right Ready on the left Commence firing % Television is the ultimate weapon of mass destruction. % I'm with Billy. I tried to love you sons of bitches but you made it too hard for me. Instead of love all I have left is pity. % Banks exist to make us all slaves to debt. % You'll spend your remaining years hooked up to a machine, which is sad, as it's the kind that checks e-mail and sends out texts. % While it's true that every person has their price, yours is the only one clearly labeled at the top of that burger menu. % A whirlwind romance will sweep you off your feet this week, before destroying your home, smashing your valuables, and leaving you stranded several hundred miles away. % The good news is that you're dyslexic. The bad news, however, is that you switched the good news and bad news around. % Someday it will come to be a towering windowless monument before land-wanderers, dumb-struck at what must once have been. % Machines enslaving humanity. This is not a future that we fear but a past that we are already living. % They're dreaming up new ways to protect us from ourselves. For the sake of the children, of course. % As technology accelerates the need to turn people into machines to enforce tyranny grows less: now one can send a machine to do a machine's job. % ``1984'' is about how people are turned into machines by the state and the ones who remain people are broken. % Was ``1984'' supposed to be an instruction manual? % Without a doubt, how you are allowed to see the battlefield dictates your moral response to it which is why media control has become an essential part of modern war. % I've got to laugh because there's simply no alternative, even for the insane - the world has gone beyond the event horizon of sanity. % Rights come *first* and *then* government is created to protect them not the other way round. This is something modern political and legal elites want us to forget. % Rights come *first* and *then* government is created to protect them not vice versa. Political and Corporate elites want to deny us this. % Post Collapse, whatever that event looks like, there will be a place for iron tools and wooden wheels but, behind electric fences with cyborg sentinels, there will also be factories growing human parts and plutocrats with computer eyes. % I'm shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on in here! % You needn't look any further than Katrina, the NY blackouts, and the Rodney King riots to see that the almighty cell-phone with 911 preprogrammed is of limited usefulness. % Two hundred people died. Terrible. Within a month Indian MPs unanimously approved ``tough anti-terror laws.'' But in India each day around *five thousand children die* before they reach the age of five. No laws are approved to save the life of two million kids that die unnecessarily every year. % I think she is crazy. But then *that's exactly what the aliens want me to think*. % Ah, but the choice of dreams to live, there's the rub. For all dreams are not equal, some exit to nightmare most end with the dreamer. But at least one must be lived, and died. % I'm not insane. My mother had me tested. % This is the Captain speaking. Brace for impact. % The very definition of news is ``something that almost never happens.'' When something is so common that it's no longer news - car crashes, domestic violence - that's when you should worry about it. % Over the past few months you've been forced to face the awful fact that you've been robbed blind on a scale that makes the Russian oligarchy look like squeamish Swedish socialists by comparison. % `I dreamt about you last night, nurse.' `Did you?' `No, you wouldn't let me.' % You'll soon see yourself in a whole new light, which is too bad as it's the kind police investigators use to check for semen stains. % Stop that happy laughing! % There are four times as many registered astrologers in the United States as there are physicists and chemists. Four times as many. % Free men cannot start a war but, once it is started, they can fight on in defeat. Herd men, followers of a leader, cannot do that and so it is always the herd men who win battles and the free men who win wars. You will find that is so, sir. % You guys need to take a closer look at how the world is actually run in practice, rather than in theory. % Why do we believe that 'democracy' is the answer to everything when it so frequently elevates idiots and crooks to power? % What is a lifetime supply of ammunition? Twenty rounds and all you can scavenge out of dead men's ammo pouches. % I think you're confusing me with someone less awesome. % This is just like a video of a hot chick sucking a lollipop - all tease but exciting all the same % Venus and Jupiter align over Uranus, while Mercury records it all on his phone for the News of the World. % At this point I'd advise you to run in a zig zag motion, occasionally dropping to the floor and rolling. Just so's you know, I'll be using a crossbow. % The whole point of socialism is to make you do things that you would not if left on your own and there is only one way to even attempt that, in the end. % Without trust the future is invisible. % Whatever. I'm living a life of sin and blasphemy and planning to recant on my deathbed. God loves his sinners: Luke 15:7 (KJV). % Absolutely everything government does is backed up by the government guns. There is nothing - no matter how innocuous - that the government-types will allow people to do in violation of their edicts. % ``It takes a village.'' Yes, it takes a village. It takes a village of idiots. One idiot won't do. % The new packaging made it so tempting but once we bought it, and all sales are final, we find the same old same old, but less of it, in a bigger box. % How can sane men and women change the status quo without becoming just like THEM? % You don't change things unless you change things. % If someone comes along and tells us we are dreaming it makes us angry. % These people are not sane and their sense of privilege and entitlement makes them capable of anything. % The control of a country's money and information flow grants those with these powers an extraordinary position. They can get away with murder and they do. They can get away with nearly anything except opposing their peers. % A man is no less a slave because he is allowed to choose a new master once in a term of years. % `Are you sure?' `I'm not even sure that we all exist on the same plane of consciousness.' % As Fort, Khun, and McLuhan show, all cultures (including the scientific culture) are essentially sales campaigns. The human mind as a media-hungry entity is a ready customer. % Every single human being without exception needs a regular diet of self-delusion in order to mentally function at all. % If a small child asks you where rain comes from, reply, `God is crying.' Then, if asked why God is crying, the only possible answer is, `Probably because of something naughty you did.' % The scandal is always an homage to the law. % Take a deep breath. Do not surrender to cynicism but do not avoid it if the Truth leads you there. % `Are all men from the future loud-mouthed braggarts?' `Nope. Just me baby. Just me.' % Everybody relax, I'm here. % The Future Begins Tomorrow. % `Why is there a watermelon there?' `I'll tell you later' % Don't tug on that, you never know what it might be attached to. % Laugh while you can, monkey boy! % You'll never get ahead in this company, or in life, until you learn how to delegate blame. % Well, I guess we must be looking for a different kind But we can't stop trying til we break up our minds Til the sun drips blood on the seedy young knights Who press you on the ground while shaking in fright % He who takes the King's coin becomes the King's man. % You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end - which you can never afford to lose - with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be. % Don't spend the rest of your life wondering ``what if?'' Dress the dog in full military regalia before it's too late. % Turns out it was the butler, in the study, with the candlestick. But enough about your love life. % Even if you feel vulnerable the positive energy surrounding you keeps you safe from those who would do you harm, although you probably should still carry two knives and a gun. % Lesson Six: Beguiling Banter. % `You're a woman, Seven.' `Is that an observation or a diagnosis?' % Did you ever find Bugs Bunny attractive when he put on a dress and played a girl bunny? % Someone asked for my opinion once as to whether having gold or silver was better if the SHTF. I replied, `lead.' % I think I'm supposed to feel sorry for them. Actually I think they are a persuasive argument for eugenics. % Even though you answered all the questions totally right, you just showed how you don't understand the insane, childish way these people think. % And it's one, two, three, What are we fighting for? Don't ask me I don't give a damn, Next stop it's Pakistan! % shit if your really interested in tagging a muslim chick might as well go for an Indonesian % I shudder to think what this nuthouse is going to be like by the time I'm drooling in my tapioca. % I do not know what obscenity is but I know what I like when I see it. % Your passionate love-making will wake up the neighbors, making it a lot harder for you to have sex with them. % Everything will go according to plan except for the injured hostages, the brief shoot-out with police and the fact that you were just trying to make toast. % Avoid confrontation at work today. Sneak up behind your boss and slowly strangle him to death. % When it comes to dating time is your best friend as eventually you'll be dead and no-one will care that your corpse is single. % You're so fat. Fatty. % Tackling everything that needs to be done at work right now will take effort, enthusiasm and stamina. Just set fire to it. % It is terrible to contemplate how few politicians are hanged. % Really, this people, only yesterday so intelligent and discriminating, seems to have been overcome by a disease of the mind. They now believe everything they are told, provided it is done with sufficient aplomb. % This is everybody's fault but mine. % Perhaps it's just a defense mechanism imposed by the structure of the human mind, the same safety valve that blocks out the certainty of death and the ultimate tragedy of human existence. In any case, whatever it is, it feels right - and that's all I can ask for the moment. % No, I've never seen one that shape either. % It is not a party till something catches fire. % I like you. You have the boldness of a much younger woman. % Won't you tell me - where have all the good times gone? % Without a rifle you are nothing, worthless, you are waiting for death, any minute, any second. % Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve and, like this insubstantial pageant faded, leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff as dreams are made on; and our little life is rounded with a sleep. % When you're dead and in your grave, when you feel that water coming in it will not be rain. That will be me pissing on you. % They once taught a blind man how to shoot toward the sound of an intruder. % Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance. % The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter. % If pigs could vote the man with the slop bucket would be elected swineherd every time, no matter how much slaughtering he did on the side. % If only I could just use my Vulcan Nerve Pinch on this fool. % Another theory says that female orgasm is a pure myth, which party girls made up to steal other women's husbands. % According to a recent survey 71 per cent of Americans believe in angels though only 47 per cent in Darwin's theory of evolution. % The mystery is not that politicians lie but that citizens believe. % Many folks are just down to earth working stiffs that are trusting and busy with family and the needs of a family. % For those who understand, no explanation is needed. For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible. % I need to see you now. Bring a gun. % He's living proof nature has a sense of humor. % I put women on a pedestal so I can look under their dresses. % They say the calibre of your enemy enhances your own stature. Given you are .177 air rifle pellet material I guess that would make me piss weak for slapping you like the bitch man-ho you are. I'm willing to risk that. Go away. % The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. % I've trained troops on four continents, I guess I can train dumb Alabama rednecks. They're goin' to be comin' down out of the hills in a few months lookin' for someone to show 'em the difference between a muzzle and a buttplate. % Ethical axioms are found and tested not very differently from the axioms of science. Truth is what stands the test of experience. % If you talk to God, you are praying. If God talks to you, you have schizophrenia. % Running away from your problems will fail this week, as will climbing out of your problems' reach and playing dead in hopes that your problems go away. % These are not people who play by the rules they set for the lower castes. % That people believe this stuff is a stunning indictment of the state of the education system. % Dude, just be yourself and girls will like you. Ha ha ha ha ha! % Make a move on someone you've been admiring from afar. Skip subtle hints and go for the most direct approach. When that doesn't work try crying or offering money. % I like Russian girls. Especially my work colleague's girlfriend who is Russian and touches me inappropriately when he is not looking. % I'm a man, we only use words like `bonding' when we're glueing wood. % Who knew that kids these days would want to grow up to become Red Guards? % Any chair in a bar fight. % I can't get into specifics at this time but let's just say I have a new friend from Nigeria who is going to send me a significant amount of money any day now. % He is living proof that the Idiot Filter on the Gene Pool needs to do more than just skim the fucking surface! % Believe me when I say, nothing is to low for me. Nothing. % Dare to know. % Scientists agree that you are a unique and fascinating specimen but there are no practical applications for you as yet. % I think you under-reacted a bit. % If they don't, you can always resort to what I refer to as `Plan G.' I think we all know what that is. % The UN seal on those baby blue helmets is about 2-3 MOA at 100yds. % Tidy Bowl blue head gear, white APCs, what more could a rifleman ask for? % Confucius he say: poke in eye with blunt stick make man see red. % Stupid people can be *trained* to do most things, even brain surgery. This appears to make them look intelligent but it is only *training*. % That your co-workers have cars and responsibilities doesn't mean they aren't stupid. They are in fact stupid and ignorant and will likely remain so. % Viking Handbook page 3: burn down the churches, steal the gold and put the monks to the sword and the nuns to the rut. Those were the days! % All of the evidence will soon point to you, as will all of the witnesses, each and every one of the jurors, and most of the screaming chimpanzees. % The stars indicate that you've really done it this time. I mean, just look around, for God's sake. How did this even happen? % Everything is pornography. You've just got to hold it right. % The sheep pretend the wolf will never come but the sheepdog lives for that day. % Last time I looked you'll find sympathy in the dictionary somewhere between shit and syphilis. % either way, when i'ma done with the rubes i won't be able to show my face in h'burg for years. % Yes, life is a perpetual series of crushing disappointments. Sadly, the alternative is even worse. Proof positive there is a God and he hates me. Bastard. % When seconds count the police are only minutes away. % When seconds count, the police are minutes away, as the bumper sticker says. And if not, they're just as likely to be running in the opposite direction or, worse, setting up a `perimeter' to `secure' the crime scene while the dying inside proceeds apace. % Not everything we do is illegal but we don't mean any harm. % Like taking a plain-jane whore to the prom - sure you won't get many looks but she'll still work for you when you need it. % Sometimes I'm amazed at the awesomeness of my own irrelevance. % If I were in charge around here, I'd fire me. % For most people, coincidence is more significant than causality. % Creationists and climate alarmists are quite similar in that we're dealing with dogma and people who, when challenged, become quite vicious and irrational. % The really scary part is: if people are getting trampled to death over freakin big screen TVs, then God help us if the supermarkets ever start running short on food. % If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed; if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed. % They come knockin' I start shootin'! % I never liked any of you sonsofbitches but I always wished I could have. % If reality and their own mind will not persuade them, then nothing ever will. % Sometimes I get the feeling some people think that as long as you aren't being gassed and cremated you don't live under tyranny. % The Financial Times is pimping a return to gold-backed money. What's next, flying pigs? % If rights do not exist independent of government, then no government can justifiably be established in order to protect those rights. The converse of this, however, that governments may exist to the detriment of human rights, is not falsified. % If that's what we're up against it'll be complete victory before lunch. Some of these people are laughable. The rest are just pathetic. % If they're insistent on setting a honey trap they could've at least chosen a much slimmer whore with good skin and a feminine jawline. % You will realize you've become part of the problem when you board a train that leaves Philadelphia at noon traveling 45 miles an hour. % Even when it's there in plain sight and with someone shouting it out, the blind simply can not see. But these blind people don't even *want* to see - because secretly, on some unconscious level, they don't want to have to face the ugliness they'd find if they were to open their minds. % Unfortunately he still watches TV and does not see the little `emotional sub-conscious down loads' attached to *all* programs. Right there that is one big truth; they are called programs because that is what they do, program your sub-conscious mind. % Politics: a multiple choice quiz with no right answer listed. % Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. % You're confusing reality with porn again. % Hanging on to your sanity will be the hardest part. % For when democracy becomes tyranny, those of us with rifles still get to vote. % People here think westerners are squeamish about killing Somalis? Are you high? Westerners have been killing Africans at a high clip for a very long time. % It's safe to reflect on what you've been up to lately. Other people can't hear the voices in your head. % Don't forget the point of a first date. It's not a job interview and you're not there to learn everything about them. You're there to gauge how they feel about threesomes. % Sometimes, often, I find it hard to believe that other people are truly human and not some kind of experiment evil space aliens are playing on me to discover what it takes to drive a man insane. % I'm finding it harder and harder to reject my hypothesis that people are robots being programmed by space aliens who want to find out what it takes to drive a man insane. % Rule 23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Hang up if necessary. % Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours. % I'm gonna use that and call it my own. % The Empire is the institution, the codification, of derangement; it is insane and imposes its insanity on us by violence, since its nature is a violent one. % It's obvious most people are simply too fucking stupid ever to get a clue. If the rise and fall of the Nazis and Soviet Communism wasn't enough for a wake up call, what the hell possibly could be? % A little food shortage might be good for this country. About half the people I see nowadays could use one. % If innocence is no protection from the weight of criminal law, a crucial incentive to maintain innocence is lost. % Powerbrokers attending this weekend's watershed G20 conference will set in motion plans for a new world economic order, the centralization of financial power into an internationalist inner circle of regulators completely above oversight or accountability. % still, i prefer to cling to my guns and keep my cash buried in coffee cans in the back yard % Voltaire was the most famous man of the 18th century. Today the most famous `person' is Mickey Mouse. % Today's political rhetoric is designed to be comprehensible to a 10 years old child or an adult with a sixth-grade reading level. % In an age of images and entertainment, in an age of instant emotional gratification, we do not seek or want honesty. % Nobody said it was going to be a piece of cake. Or a walk in the park. Or what the hell they were even talking about in the first place. % Turns out you have no discernible talent for gardening, your green thumb is just a ghastly bacterial infection % The `crises' have accelerated now that election season has ended. There is a backlog of `crises' to unleash since news of such was withheld previously. This was done to prevent serious discussion marring the election season. % There are many moments for ruthless action - what is often called ruthless - what may in many circumstances be only clarity, seeing clearly what there is to be done and doing it, directly, quickly, awake, looking at it. % As the 20th Century drew to a close, the connection between hard scientific fact and public policy became increasingly elastic. % None of this is the fault of the left. After the events of the 20th century - national socialism, international socialism, inter-species socialism from Earth First - anyone who is still on the left is obviously insane and not responsible for his or her actions. % This is a cult like the one which grew up around Princess Diana, bereft of reason and hostile to facts. % You'll soon be struck by a painful realization concerning the relative force and speed of ordinary city buses. % Any prosecutor can convict a guilty man, it takes a really good one to convict an innocent man. % Can't wait for the next cure for cancer. Last time I looked it was asparagus tips or something like it. % Maybe it's racist of me to say that. I shall ask my token black friend. % Our preference would be to get a shelter dog but, obviously, alot of shelter dogs are mutts like me. % Voting means many things but what it doesn't mean is justice, respect, honor, or prosperity. % As everyone knows, those who vote have no right to complain about the outcome. % I don't vote because I see no reason to participate in the collective anointing of someone who will violate property rights and end up killing innocent people, when my vote doesn't even have the slightest chance of influencing the outcome. % Voting is like choosing your next meal from the tank of a portable toilet behind the downtown bus station. % We've got uneducated people voting. We've got people voting who're brainwashed - with ignorance! % I've never understood the bias against letting gay folks marry. Why should they be spared the pain? % This is the time for tightening the helmet straps not hand wringing and crying like a liberal sissy. To hell with them and the ugly witch that birthed them!! % Keep flying the airplane as far into the crash as you possibly can. % Nothing will change. Chocolate or Vanilla. The System remains. % I always will have someone to speak to as long as there are fucksticks like you in the world and I got breath to cuss. % U tell that sissy if he wants to talk 2 us, he can get a troll account like every1 else. % Edited to add that I don't have any guns anymore. I sold them all and donated the money to Greenpeace or some other group that talks to dolphins. Can't remember. % Stopped drinking? Wait until you are enlightened as to what regular douches your friends are when they're not drunk. It is soul crushing. % Your phone becomes a vibrating message-whore, hemorrhaging useless torpor-inducing updates from people you already know too much about. % I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you; I was clinging to my gun and it went off. % He's worthless. He should just bitch-slap himself and go home. % Obama isn't the Antichrist and anybody who tries to pass along such craziness needs to be committed to the rassel palace. Such a suggestion is about as insane as anything I've ever heard. Of course, he's a cannibal but he's not the Antichrist so stop talkin' that nutty shit. % Call me a dick, an asshole, or whatever. I can be one of the worst motherfuckers on this planet and the safety is not off the rage switch yet. A little practice on those who deserve it is like stepping on an ant. % That's why I bought the extra toilet paper. I've crammed it into the garage with the ammo. % Abortion? I still think life begins at 40, so you kids stay offa my lawn. I mean it. % Stay low; keep moving. % There are times when a bloody head on a post might just be the best plan. % Anyone else want to tie together the conspiracy theory? We ran out of tinfoil for our headgear some time ago. % Before the night is over you may be fighting for your very lives. % AT 100 YARDS VOLLEY FIRE PRESENT! % If all else fails, drop back 2 Kliks, regroup and call for an airstrike. % For every move by the enemy, there is a counter to it. Do not ever lose sight of this and you will know that there is always an opportunity for freedom to prevail. % There is an infinity spectrum of gray between the black and white. White being your average normal day and black being total TEOTWAWKI, lizard men invading the planet. % Most British workers spend their day forwarding emails and videos that make the Andrew Sachs wank fantasy look like ``Songs of Praise.'' % None of those lining up in gun shops or gun shows these last couple of months is forking over good money for guns, ammo, magazines, etc., just so as to hand them over in a few months time. % III % `Are you crazy?' `Often,' I replied. `Why do you ask?' % He's gone General Ripper and launched the wing, trying to force others on this side to jump in after him. % It's easy to see why they think being armed means going on a shooting rampage whenever you have a bad hair day. For people with complete emotional incontinence and to whom the concept of self-mastery is utterly unknown, that's probably what it would be like. % Why do women close their eyes during sex? Because they can't stand to see a man have a good time. % Every good salesperson knows that the miracle of Mind is that it can imagine itself imagining itself imagining itself ad infinitum. % Consumerism and media have created a kind of intellectual sexuality in which the mechanical explanation has become just one optional act within a range of a kind of powerfully erotic performances within cultural advertising. % Priced nice Garands lately? I've paid less for most of my cars. % We know for a fact that the M-1 works against smelly hippie college students and there's really not much difference between them and mindless zombies. I think that answers the question. % Buy guns! Cash is trash! % Thanks for ruining my daydreams. I'll just sit here and be bitter now. % No warning shots. % You shoot to kill or you don't shoot at all. % Brain rot, aphasia, and God knows what. Maybe brain worm. % [Edit for clarification - I did not post this quote, it posted itself as it has become self-aware like Skynet and a really hot robot chick has come back in time and is trying to terminate me.] % That's all you got? I have a friend from Arkansas that says they will give you a half pint of whisky every time you vote. I said `That sounds pretty good' and asked how many times you could go back and he said it depends on how many half pints you can drink and still make an `X'. % Make the enemy live up to their own book of rules. You can kill them with this, for they can no more obey their own rules than the Christian church can live up to Christianity. % Always remember the first rule of power tactics: power is not only what you have but what the enemy thinks you have. % Tactics mean doing what you can with what you have. % Years of enduring the constant, numbing pain of existence will end this week when you discover 'whisky,' a magical drink that makes your problems disappear. % If you are feeling indecisive today don't let yourself be pressured into making a commitment, unless you think you ought to. % Things might seem a bit weird and disorientating at first today. But everything will be fine again as soon as you've had your first drink. % The chair is against the wall, my cousin is arriving tomorrow. % The gene pool occasionally finds ways to self-chlorinate but *not often enough*. % The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity and it was not meant that we should voyage far. % The sciences, each straining in its own direction, have hitherto harmed us little; but some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the light into the peace and safety of a new dark age. % Why waste time on the economic collapse? Let's go directly to World War III. % In a world slowly going mad you're way ahead of the curve. % I've never bought one's services but I have had a round or two on a well used trail. % Oh come on! What is this? Damn you Neo! % I'll date anyone who isn't an idiot. The reason I'm still single. % I'm in no mood for your shit - take me to the cookie store. Jelly cookies mother fucker. % So, let's get this straight. If women play the field, they are liberated. If men do the same, they are pigs with no self-respect. Give me a break. % The stars apologize for last week's prediction of untold fame and fortune. They keep forgetting that you actually believe in that crap. % Beware the fallacies into which undisciplined thinkers most easily fall - they are the real distorting prisms of human nature. % A new person may show up today to sweep you off your feet but will you notice? Here's a clue, it's the angry Polish woman standing over you with a broom. % God will shine His divine light on you this week, instantly blinding you with His infinite carelessness. % The public? You can kill them, starve them, but do they revolt? No, they just eat their dead. % And the road is coming to its end. Now the damned have no time to make amends. % And I open my eyes to look around, And I see a child laid slain on the ground. % I was a teenage zombie. % I could be looking at porn. Quit wasting my time. % A challenge for US attorneys considering prosecutions based on the collapse of the subprime or auction rate markets will be distinguishing normal business activities from fraud. % Most folk are just zombies who believe the 6 O'clock news. % Actually this is the true meaning from the Bible of let the dead bury the dead. It means the Zombies who have never woken up. % I wait until they begin to ask the right questions, then I can attempt to de-program them but they must want it in the first place. % We live in a society saturated with information. The paradox of this spectacle is that we no longer possess the ability to integrate and evaluate the information which assaults us from every direction. % You live in a society saturated with information, yet don't possess the critical paranoia required to integrate and evaluate the information. % Give yourself a much-needed chuckle by encouraging a blind old person to try and cross a busy dual carriageway. % Lately it seems like you have more questions than answers. Why do you think that is? % You're feeling a little decadent today, so why not skip out of work early, smoke some opium and then hang out with pornographers and whores. % Attempting to avert financial disaster, Obama adds PayPal button to WhiteHouse.gov Web site. % Sometimes you wonder why you bother getting out of bed and re-entering a world full of idiots that are, for the most part, illegal to shoot. % The only thing that would have made it cooler is if a midget on a tricycle had ridden around the block a few times. On fire. % The number of pubs and clubs that have the seats fixed on the floor is growing. Everywhere you go, the public places begin to look like a mental asylum. % This is worse than a divorce. I've lost half my net worth and I still have a wife. % She was an Eloi. The Morlocks ate her. % Once I got home, rather than watch the rest of the debate on TV and give myself an aneurism, I just played Call of Duty 4 on Xbox live and killed 14 year olds. It was far more productive. % The entire world will utterly implode and the next thing you know you'll be hanging from bungee cords having a chainsaw duel against a retarded guy with a bucket on his head in the Thunderdome. % As always, the best time to buy more ammo is *now*. % I will be so happy when everyone on Earth is a sort of medium-beige, Tiger Woods-y hue so that we can stop worrying about race and unite to persecute those sinister left-handers. % Nobody who kills with a knife wastes time training, they just do it. Tons of aggression and savage fury. % If you need to fight fair, you don't need to fight. % A blogger, a type of writer who slanders others on the Internet while wearing sleeping garments. % No law, no common understanding, no rule of civilization will stop these people. If you don't prepare for the consequences you are a coward and a fool. % You people have been voting for the lesser of two evils for so long that evil is all that's left now. % When the children begin mewling in the dark, who will tell them the truth? % So you see, my dear Coningsby, the world is governed by very different personages from what is imagined by those who are not behind the scenes. % Look, fool: that `glass' metaphor entirely depends on the differences between who's pouring and who's drinking. You don't have to be a moron. Stop it. % The glass metaphor entirely depends on the differences between who's pouring and who's drinking. Don't be a moron. % They cannot think and for that reason they are not candidates for reason. % I never got into any of this in order to make friends and I don't care whether anyone likes it or not. % I think I now have a new principle of online operations: my job is to do everything I can to ruthlessly shatter hope without reason. % And, precisely because there are no rational principles underpinning any of this, you will never know what they will do to you next. % That's like dueling banjos of stupidity. % That's because your average American these days is a walking, talking rutabaga, with no remotely discernible grasp of the simplest facts more than about thirty days aft of his own ass. % I don't have a Plan. I can think of good advice now and then, though. % Eat what you want and die like a man. % There is truth and beauty in the world. Truth can be beautiful. But truth cannot describe beauty. % The Internet? Oh come on. This is a horrible place full of lies, hate, pornography and a billion apostrophes, all in the wrong place. % It doesn't pay to argue with fools. You're already the walking dead. % Onlookers will be moved by your quiet dignity, inner strength, and unflinching resolve. Then your pants will fall down. % It turns out that Andy Warhol overestimated the duration of your fame by about fourteen and a half minutes. % When all is said and done only you can make yourself feel bad. But that won't keep everyone else from trying. % Over the past two days my 401K has been ass raped like a cute prison bitch. % Some scoff at this, that we are now in the afterlife and only imagine earthly existence continues for us. Such denials are typical. % I'm a sensitive new-age guy. I enjoy long walks on the beach, sunsets, candle-lit dinners, AND BLOWING STUFF UP! % `It's not based on any particular data point,' a Treasury spokeswoman told Forbes.com on Tuesday. `We just wanted to choose a really large number.' % I'm going to go crazy and I'm taking you with me. % I'm going to go crazy and I'm taking you all with me. % When the government gets involved, it mandates stupidity, punishes the smart, and then takes their money to give to crack whores. % The rivets look flat in the pic but are actually as round as a corn fed cheerleader's ass. % The narcissist does not need to accept limitations; he can maintain the illusion that he is at the centre of the world. % If you love The Environment so much why don't you go live there? % The Nazis didn't lose the war, they just had to move. % Yeah, people might run out in the streets, enraged, and burn cars. Oh, wait, they do that in the Paris suburbs every night. % Just because I don't understand any of this doesn't mean I can't talk about it. % Contrary to popular belief most cult members don't live in a compound or wear funny robes - and they aren't all gullible people led by a crazed leader. They're more likely to be your neighbor, the grocery store clerk or even your principal. % We don't cling to God and guns cause we are bitter, we cling to them cause God is, well, God and the guns are for dispatching the zombie hordes. % Our rulers have now embraced, without qualification, the socialist premise that the government's role is to administer an economy based on scarcity. % You know, it would be easier for me to believe this was a crisis if the people in charge were acting like it was a crisis instead of just an opportunity for graft. % Are you sure you don't want your indecision to hold you back? % Don't let your ego get in the way of important friendships this week. You're better than that. Much, much better than that. % Until then, remain calm. It is `only a movie.' % I don't use the phone much because, generally, there is somebody on the other end. % The light of reason is going out but nobody realises they can't see any more because they're too busy daydreaming in their own fantasy world. % I put vodka in my koolaid but not enough to be incoherent. % I can't understand what you're saying - you must have put too much vodka in your koolaid. % If it's true, it works! % You and your partner will once again argue over money in bed but then that's what you get for not agreeing to a price beforehand. % PUT THE MESS TO THE TORCH,,,AND SHOOT THEM WHEN THEY COME RUNNING OUT,,,,,, % Shoot the hostage. % Hard times don't last, hard people do. % Multi-ethnic societies are fragile; when they fall apart, everyone loses. % As the saying goes, revolutions eat their children. Then they turn on everyone else. % Politics has great potential for making a bad situation worse, much worse. It can cause war, ethnic cleansing and genocide. Whenever people gather into political organizations, whether voluntarily or forcibly, it is a sign of trouble. % In all, I expect drugs and alcohol to become one of the largest short-term post-collapse entrepreneurial opportunities in the United States, along with asset stripping, and security. % The last remnant of industrial activity is usually the scrap iron business. There seems to be no limit to the amount of iron that can be extracted from a mature post-industrial site. % A PhD is just a license to shoot your mouth off - usually about things you know nothing about - not a designation of wisdom. % My death waits like a bible truth at the funeral of my youth oh weep loud for that - and the passing time % My death waits to allow my friends a few good times before it ends so let's drink to that and the passing time. % You worry too much - it's always the Apocalypse. % That I even acknowledge your pitiful existence is a boon I may revoke. % Don't misunderstand me. I have nothing against an honest liar but he seems to believe this stuff. I'm not kidding: he needs to be shrink-wrapped and put somewhere safe for the duration. % Let us now praise organized crime - the free-market variety, I mean. The last frontier of freedom. Ain't it weird when you have to depend on criminality for human values? % Try to understand: you're living in an ethical mob-scene; a riot in which there is no sense to the destruction of values and you can never tell when the next animal will come around the corner, club in hand, to beat your brains out and throw you to the maelstrom. % Precisely because there are no rational principles underpinning any of this, you will never know what they will do to you next. % There are today in this country [USA] hundreds of thousands of men, women, and young folks who will not be enslaved - even at the price of their lives. Those are the 3%. They are real. And they will fight. % Cherish your enemies - they teach you the best lessons. % It was 1975, just after the fall of Saigon and I was in Taipei studying Chinese and waiting for the next war, which didn't come. % We're talking wars of religion, boys and girls. Christian loons in the US, Jewish loons in Israel, and Moslem loons widely distributed, all wanting to blow people up because God told them. I want a signed affidavit from God. Or a drink. % As usual, the election is a popularity contest run for dimwits. And to elect a dimwit, which is worse. % A great deal of our nation has never grown up. We have no rites of passage, of manhood, of adulthood. % You'll soon meet your maker which, according to your model number and serial code, is the Globotech Corporation. % If you knew what was coming you wouldn't be wasting valuable time reading your horoscope. % Somewhere, a true believer is training to kill you. % Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them. % Misogynist: a man who hates women as much as women hate one another. % It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office. % The very definition of news is something that hardly ever happens. If an incident is in the news, we shouldn't worry about it. It's when something is so common that its no longer news - car crashes, domestic violence - that we should worry. % Life should be taken with a large helping of laughter and sufficient firepower to keep it tamed. % We know what happens to people who stay in the middle of the road. They get run over. % Mine eyes have seen the horror of the voting of the horde. They have looted the fromagerie where the guv'ment cheese is stored. % Why would anyone give a crap what a tattooed bag of Hep C thinks about politics? % I love it when these guys say dumb things. You always knew they were dumb but it's great that they are not afraid to show it. % Like they say in the National Parks, 'Once a bear is hooked on garbage there's no cure.' % You know she was beautiful to you then but now you can only see the ruins of that beauty and you are glad you had the best years. % Sheep have two speeds: Graze and Stampede. % Ere this night does wane, you will drink the black sperm of my vengeance! % I have no interest whatsoever in being a citizen of the world. The world actually sucks. In the world, having indoor plumbing and electricity are signs of disproportionate wealth. Never mind personally owned vehicular travel that is not mammal powered. % To call him dumber than a box of hammers is to risk insulting the intellect of of blunt objects. % Hamsters have exercise wheels. We buy things. % We spend a remarkable amount of time fleeing ourselves. Maybe instead we should build a place we like. % When I ponder our curiously unbalanced civilization, able to put golf carts on Mars but unable to equal the verse of muddy Elizabethan London, I wonder why we are as we are. % Feminists see oppression everywhere, men see urinals. It's a design feature. % Nuke Berkeley. It's where they grow hippies. % Never trust a hippie. % Yelling 'shark' and running around in a panic will only get you hurt, especially if you keep doing it at shady pool halls. % Like Dr. Doolittle you've always been able to talk to the animals. Unfortunately this has more to do with your crippling loneliness than any special talent or gift. % They say there's plenty of fish in the sea but everything you catch is either covered in scales, has concentrated levels of mercury or suffers from deep-seated abandonment issues. % Though you are a vindictive, cruel and miserable son of a bitch, you will be rewarded with great happiness and good fortune this week. This is just how the universe works. % When attracting a mate this week, emit several high-pitched calls, display your tail plumage in a colorful fan and avoid getting arrested by horrified zoo officials. % The good news is that all that blood is actually ketchup. The bad news, however, is that all that ketchup is actually blood % Slow progress on your love life has you frustrated. Try some frenzied masturbation. % You've got big ideas but something is stopping you from making them happen. Could it be your utter stupidity? % Communication isn't the same for both sexes. While women like to vocalise their affections, men use actions instead of words. Is he rubbing his groin and pointing? He's interested. % It's a good day for you to get things in order. Remember, it's underpants before trousers. % You have a lot to offer the right, lucky person. And chlamydia for the unlucky. % Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies. % She caught him in the kitchen with a cherry pie, masticating furiously. % Personally, I'm all excited about the big battle between the Whore of Babylon and the giant Dragon. How cool is that gonna be. % Though last Wednesday may not have seemed like much to you, trust me: it was the best day of your life. % Next week, you will suffer a broken heart, or whatever it is you call it when all your aortic valves tear loose at once. % Your wildest dreams are about to come true, much to the horror of your high-school gym teacher, several large pumpkins, and a pair of bedroom handcuffs. % I don't normally do this. % What you reward, you get more of. % What really matters isn't how crazy an idea is, it's working that magic that makes it part of the received wisdom and pushes it into the mainstream. % If the police fired eight rounds into my head as I was boarding a train I would be disappointed but not particularly surprised. For I live in Caracas and the Venezuelan police, like many Latin American police forces, operate British-style death squads. % The only magazines Obama wasn't on the cover of was 'Guns & Ammo' and 'Monster Truck Weekly.' % I can't hear you over the sound of me being so awesome. % Democracy sure takes a lot of police. % Don't let anyone call you a coward this week. Unless, of course, they happen to be much bigger than you. % They say that a little hard work and perseverance never killed anyone but you and your trusty knife are about to prove them wrong. % Dreams can reveal our most secret desires. Pervert. % You're all on crack now. % But there comes a time in every guerrilla's life when he must choose between fire and maneuver and escape and evade. % You dare not let them take you alive. Everyone fights here. % There are over 550 million firearms in worldwide circulation; that's one firearm for every twelve people. The only question is; how do I arm the other eleven? % Everyone dies for what they believe. When you consider that, the way we die for stupid, transparent cant, well - you know, those suicide bombers don't look so bad. % Turns out it's not the ability to reason that separates us from the animals but rather a very thin, very flimsy wire fence. % My own personal moral ambiguity doesn't restrict me from seeing the necessity for others to have to tow the line. % New Orleans needed a bath anyway. I wonder where all the crying and stealing and looting is in Iowa - oh wait - it's full of white people with guns. Never mind. % And you may ask yourself - well, how did I get here? % Hot blonde lesbian action. What could possibly be wrong with that? % I don't understand why, if you don't eat meat, you make tofu look like sausages or burgers. % Fuck it. I'm gonna get me some mangoes. % My chest is aching, burns like a furnace the burning keeps me alive. % Personally, I disagree with your take on dogs and would add that there are over six billion humans on the planet and that most of them aren't worth the bullet it would take to kill them, unlike the majority of dogs I've met. % Detroit is gone. Lost. There are people leaving it and they are even going so far as to dig up their dead relatives from the cemeteries and take them to different cemeteries far away. % Therefore no plan of operations extends with any certainty beyond the first contact with the main hostile force. % Roses are red violets are blue sugar is sweet and so are you But the roses are wilting the violets are dead the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head. % Out of touch and feeling like society is out of control, the political class knows that moralising our behaviour is one of the few ways in which it can exercise some influence. % I suspect that most technical achievements in history have started out as, `Here, hold my beer and watch me try this.' % Information is no longer a staff function but an operational one. It is deadly as well as useful. % Decades of trying to make sense of the world will come to an embarrassing end this week when you realize you've been staring at the damn thing upside-down. % Regret will be yours this week when you're forced to choose between a slice of cherry pie and everlasting life. % You're feeling a little worried about what people are saying about you behind your back but why bother when no one even knows you are alive. % Be on your guard for overly flirtatious co-workers. They are desperate and much easier to shag. % Feeling too tired to go out and have some fun? Stay in and masturbate. % Get your finger away from the trigger and the muzzle away from you and then it'll be in a happy place. % What's the worst that can happen. % So give your loved ones an extra hug, admire the sunshine and flowers in the lane, maybe have an ice cream cone. Treasure these times. You never know when they'll end. % She asked me if bullets came in different sizes. Isn't that that cutest thing you've ever heard? % I bet you are one of those mutant fuckers in the `Hills Have Eyes' movies. % Remember: while resorting to violence is never the answer, starting off with violence almost always is. % One who knows the enemy and knows himself will not be in danger in a hundred battles. % Pink House, you faggot. Always thinking which faggot to vote for. I am voting for Paris Hilton. Faggoty faggot morons. % I'm not seeing the hilarity in it, simply following the same old path trodden by so many before me. I must see new things with new eyes. % To the contrary my learned fellow, your words wound me deeply. I spend hours thinking of how to improve my writing skills just to ease the hurt from your literary assaults. % Our media has diverted all attention concerning Internet censorship towards what is happening in China when the exact same control measures are being put in place right here at home. % Do I look like I have a plan? No, I'm a dog chasing a car if I caught it I'd have no idea what to do with it. I don't plan things I just do. % If you think sex is wonderful now, you should try it with a partner. % You might get away with criticizing the government for stupidity or incompetence but if you even hint at intent or intelligent design on their part you're *one of them* - a Conspiracy Theorist. % Construct a plausible narrative and maintain the moral high ground. Then even things you thought impossible can become real and all sorts of unexpected things can happen. % The only reliable feature of other people is that, however low you set your expectations, they will always disappoint you. % Among animals, it's 'eat or be eaten'; among humans, it's 'define or be defined.' % The `success' of government programmes is usually measured by the growth of spending on the programme rather than the outcomes. % If I were walking down the street and came across a crowd of people at the end of your driveway, taking a vote on whether to break into your house and steal your stuff, would you recommend to me that I should cast a vote? % Crime is contagious. If the government becomes a lawbreaker, it breeds contempt for the law. It invites every man to become a law unto himself. It invites anarchy. % It is discouraging to think how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit. % At any given moment there is a sort of all pervading orthodoxy, a general tacit agreement not to discuss large and uncomfortable facts. % You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life. % The distinction between children and adults, while probably useful for some purposes, is at bottom a specious one, I feel. There are only individual egos, crazy for love. % The state represents violence in a concentrated and organized form. The individual has a soul but as the state is a soul-less machine it can never be weaned from violence to which it owes its very existence. % The most persistent sound which reverberates through man's history is the beating of war drums. % Life is pain. Those who say differently are selling something. % Death by violence, death by cold, death by starvation - they are the normal endings of the stately creatures of the wilderness. The sentimentalists who prattle about the peaceful life of nature do not realize its utter mercilessness. % Osama, and the Islamist movement he represents, have calculated that we are the modern Rome and that we are bored, decadent and have no faith in ourselves. % His marksmanship could have been better, though, for his twin sister Mary had to finish one of them off with the butcher knife from the kitchen. % Those without swords can still die upon them. % Eventually, one man may even be able to wield the destructive power that only nation-states possess today. % The media is the most efficient weapon of tyranny and oppression ever created. No need to physically control populations anymore when you can do it mentally - program it in, internalize the rules. % PSYOPS have evolved to the point, thanks to the all pervasive mass media, where we can make you believe or at least passively accept whatever we want you to. % Remember: just because they haven't found the bodies yet doesn't make it a victimless crime. % Global government: power corrupts, complete power corrupts completely. % The question of whether science can ever recover its innocence is moot. After life as a harlot on the mean streets of political imperative, a return to the sanctity of the cloister looks out of the question. If so, humanity has forever lost a bright jewel in its culture. % Only a fraction of mankind has emerged from the Dark Ages. Have you? % Giant planes throb through the stratosphere but half their passengers are wearing magic amulets and are protected from harm by voodoo incantations. % Either you live frugally, and have nothing other people want, or you become part of a gang big enough and nasty enough to protect you - and you pay your dues to that gang. % That's life. We're just apes, maybe with a little less hair than most, when all is said and done. % Now, Synarchists work behind-the-scenes to ram through their perfect world. A fig leaf of democracy covers imperious, hierarchical plans. % I love women. Just haven't found one that'll put up with me. % I love women. Just haven't found one that doesn't take out a Restraining Order. % I love women. Just haven't found one with low enough self-esteem. % It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning. % Global warming, is there *anything* it can't do? % What this country needs is a return to the stability consequent to predictable corruption. It is not wise so rashly to abandon the values of our forefathers. % When knowledgeable people can't agree on the best course of action, there's no reason to think ignorance will get you to a worse place than knowledge. The only thing you can know for sure is that the ignorant people wasted less time reading about things that didn't help. % As you know, fairness is a concept that was invented so that children and idiots could participate in arguments. % Many textbooks make little or no attempt to distinguish fact from theory, failing to cite doubts or alternatives offered by reputable experts (or even acknowledging that a legitimate alternative view is possible). % Given everything we have seen, show us why shooting the bastards cannot make the situation any better than it is now. Perhaps then we will think of more humane ways to deal with them. % When you get your shot you take it. % You'll fail to find happiness at the bottom of a bottle this week but by that point you'll be too drunk to really care. % You faked all your orgasms? Too bad, all mine were great. Maybe you should speak up next time. % It boggles the mind to think that until something like Jonestown or Heaven's Gate happens no one has any interest in critical thinking. They don't teach it in schools. It's not practiced in our mass media. It's so bad that anyone who does practice it is considered weird, troublesome, the enemy of reason. % I refuse to mortgage my time here on Earth for someone else's future. I'm too concerned about the here and now to worry about what the generations born hundreds of years from now will breathe. % There's no longer some lone guy standing on a street corner with a sign saying `the end is near.' There's millions of that guy now all holding different signs, vying for your panic, fear or guilt. % The heretic is condemned because he has dared to question an authority that must never be questioned. Here, `overwhelming evidence' serves as the equivalent of revealed religious truth and those who question `scientists of unquestioned reputation' - that is, the new priestly caste - are guilty of blasphemy. % The charge of denial has become a secular form of blasphemy. % Scepticism towards the received wisdom on global warming, or public health issues such as AIDS, is described as `denial' and today, `denial' has been transformed into a generic evil. % The dogmatic demand to `believe' has become a kind of moral imperative. Moral entrepreneurs argue that victims have, `a right to be believed.' % Attempts at self-medicating with alcohol will once again completely fail to treat your rampant alcoholism. % If work stress has you feeling burnt out and close to a nervous breakdown, consider taking up yoga. That will sort everything out. % An insightful friend could have the solution to a problem that's been nagging you for quite some time now. Shame you don't have one. % You've had so many things on your mind lately that it's starting to take a toll. Give yourself some much needed masturbation. % Sit down before facts like a child, and be prepared to give up every preconceived notion, follow humbly wherever and to whatever abysses Nature leads, or you shall learn nothing. % `How many new writers does it take to change a lightbulb?' `Let me tell you about the lightbulb I've been working on' % Love many, trust few. % As anyone who has mis-spent his youth can testify, what constitutes a bladed weapon is limited only by the imagination. % Last time we met I let you live. Don't make me regret that decision. % The Soviet Union was the full fruit of Marxist ideology, the realization of the great Utopian dream. % We describe therefore such stellar objects as if they were still in existence in what the Media calls real time. In other words science is asking us to accept as real a total stage-construct organised by a determined framework of both language and concept. % If a nation expects to be ignorant and free, in a state of civilization, it expects what never was and never will be. % That drunk who became your dad thought your mom was a guy in drag. % `Are you familiar with the term delusions of grandeur?' `I believe I coined that phrase.' % Ignorance is no excuse for a law. % Everything the State says is a lie and everything it has it has stolen. % A nation of slaves is always prepared to applaud the clemency of their master, who, in the abuse of absolute power, does not proceed to the last extremes of injustice and oppression. % We have repeatedly come face to face with the obvious fact that those in positions of power and authority lie to the masses of humanity as a rule rather than an exception. % We should think of `corporate rule' when we hear the term `the economy.' % If you apologize after someone slaps your cheek, expect them to slap it again. % Remain easy-going today when it seems like Hell has broken loose. It won't actually break loose until tomorrow. % There are truths for us to find. These truths are self-evident. You simply to have to open your mind and accept them instead of believing what you want to believe or are told to believe. % Give your meat a rest. Thursday is new gal day. % Just watch people driving. If adults were routinely disqualified from operating tools and machinery by reason of stupidity and negligence society in general simply would not function. % Either you submit or you go down fighting and take some of the bastards with you. % Increasingly insane directives from the all-powerful EU bureaucracy are driving an entire continent into poverty and chaos. % Almost the entire political class has isolated itself not only from people, but from the laws of physics, economics and common sense. % Now the real reason this is all moot is because nobody in America gives a fuck. % I like that `settle it in the streets.' Last time I looked, the good guys still outnumber the common criminals, carjackers, rapists, armed robbers, gangbangers and drug dealers. If every good guy shoots one criminal, in no time we will have no lawyers or politicians at all. % Rule 34: if it exists, there's porn of it. % But we must have power, power to order all things as we will, for that good which only the Wise can see. % Sharing? I don't like the sound of that. % I don't like threats unless *I* make them. % We are supposed to be in a panic about man-made global warming and the whole thing takes a ten year break because of the lack of Sun Spots. If this weren't so serious, it would be laughable. % It is not the same country. It is now a cross between Sodom and Gomorrah and the land of Oz. % They would rather die insane than to recognize the web of lies their whole lives have become. % The shock of compartment meltdown will be too much for the plastic reality of many. But it is underway. Anal retentive forces will try to stop this. Ultimately, they will not succeed. % Unfortunately, scientists not whored by grant monies and prestige are a minority. % When we thrust our soldiers into the role of occupiers we are giving them a choice: commit war crimes or die. Become a monster or a corpse. % The bobsled is already over the edge of the slope, all we can do is try and ride out the bumps. % For every person with with whom I disagree who is willing to engage in intelligent debate and present an argument consisting of more than sound-bytes, there are roughly 5,000 more mouth-breathing idiots who simply and fundamentally cannot think. % I think he may have been allergic to the spaniel in his sandwich. % `Stumpy, where's the sun?' `Over the yard-arm.' `Then open the gin.' % If the wrong President gets elected peace could break out! % I'd hate to have re-learn all those ranging spots. % The first step is to admit that you have a problem. That is all I know, I have never gotten past the first step. % I've even cut back on my on line porn for this group. % All Beliefs are Products. There are no Believers now - only Customers. % I'm not calling for civilization to fall and kill billions of people in ways other than old age, any more than I'm calling for winter to come and kill a lot of plants. I'm just noticing it coming and declaring that it's perfectly natural. % The propaganda industry will blame corporate greed, as if this could have been avoided if corporations weren't greedy and fish didn't swim. % A good economy means you can get a job, and in a really good economy you can get such a good job that if you work 70 hours a week for years you can buy a nice house in a nice place where you never have to deal with those disturbing poor people who are too lazy to work 70 hours a week. % We are not given any options but total submission or death. That's why all of us who have not been killed are full of suppressed rage. % Not a person but a sort of walking, hiding symptom of their way of life. % Sometimes a spade is actually a sharpened entrenching tool you can use for CQB. % This system is an anti-system, a multilevel negation, built of blocks of lack of power, lack of responsibility, lack of awareness. This raises mind-bending questions: How do you destroy a void? And if nobody has any real power, where does the power go? % Often the only way to describe arseholes is to describe them exactly as they are: arseholes. % Old-school political satire has a basic problem today: our politicians are so ridiculous that ridiculing them further is about as difficult as kicking a Chihuahua. % War is entering a new phase where blurring the line between civilian and military isn't just an accident or cheating but crucial to any irregular force facing first-world attackers. % I believe zombies and unicorns will battle as the world burns to the ground and everyone in their path is gored or eaten. They told me I should perhaps see a doctor about this. I told them maybe they should be preparing instead of worrying about my mental health. % I don't care what other people do so long as they *leave me the fuck alone!* % The only thing that Representative Democracy has to recommend it is that it sets up a system of competition between rival groups of politicians. That way rivals are always 'sending' people against each other and, with any luck, tie each other up enough for ordinary life to go on. % Have you ever considered any real freedoms? Freedoms from the opinion of others, even the opinions of yourself? % As for the charges against me, I am unconcerned. I am beyond their timid lying morality and so I am beyond caring. % There are two of you, don't you see? One that kills and one that loves. % There's mines over there, there's mines over there, and watch out those goddamn monkeys bite, I'll tell ya. % I used to think if I died in an evil place then my soul wouldn't make it to heaven. Well, fuck. I don't care where it goes as long it ain't here. % I watched a snail crawl along the edge of a straight razor. That's my dream. That's my nightmare. Crawling, slithering, along the edge of a straight razor and surviving. % The thing is, hope is for sissies. % The best way to defend is to attack. The best way to attack is to attack. % Remember: anything can be accomplished with enough grit, determination and cups of coffee. % You will drink from the well of wisdom this week, instantly learning all there is to know about contracting dysentery. % Friends having relationship woes could really use your sense of humour to snap them out of it. And you could use their confusion and vulnerability to get sex. Everyone's a winner! % Learning is the only thing for you. Look what a lot of things there are to learn. % One thing you have to say for mechanized warfare, it saved a lot of horses from horrible deaths. % Jesus Christ was accused of being a murderer in his time. % That's why I love the Horn of Africa. It, and maybe Afghanistan, are the last parts of the world where humans live proud, like killer chimps, like we were meant to. % When you've got Saudi boys choosing one-way tickets to the WTC over a lifetime lying by the pool with your imported Swedish girlfriend in Riyadh, you've got a serious ideology to deal with. % The enemy of your enemy is usually also your enemy. Duh! % Short of genocide, there is no military solution to urban guerrilla warfare. % Everything's cool right now but there might be some problems later. % Kill as many as you can and eventually there'll be nothing left but brave corpses and live cowards. % Sure as I know anything, I know this: they will try again. Maybe on another world, maybe on this very ground swept clean. A year from now, ten? They will swing back to the belief that they can make people better. And I do not hold to that. % Do what ever gets you a good night's sleep. % The Germans never even made it to Moscow. And they fell much harder than the French. Since 1945 Germany's been nothing but lame hippies in metal-rim glasses skulking around trying not to offend anybody. Pathetic. % It was one of the few really glorious exploits you get in war these days. Why they haven't made a movie of it, I don't know. Guess they think we'd rather see tennis pros fall in love or some shit like that. % And all that is beauty, fades. % Damn, it sounds so awful it almost makes my life seem OK. % The whole point of guerrilla war is to commit human-rights violations. There are no battles in this kind of war, just massacres and ambushes. % They just knew that the whole world was supposed to be run like some stupid high-school Student Body election. % The world is goin' Fag Planet faster than the leading man in your high-school drama class. % I just read the new polls. Americans are losing their war hard-ons faster than a fag in a whorehouse. % Let's be honest here: what `multiethnic' really means is, if your car breaks down in the wrong neighborhood you get beaten to death with your own tire iron. % Don't knock on my door if you don't know my rottweiler's name. % That's why we need a war now and then. You can drain your dick at every bondage site on the web but you can't really drain your head there, it takes something bigger like a decent war and some of those guncamera shots. % The Chechen guerrillas have gone to a new formation, with three-man teams consisting of two RPG gunners with one AK man whose only job is to protect the RPGers. That may be the wave of the future. % Everything they told you is wrong. Everything you believe is wrong and worse than that - it's dull, too. % After the primal manifestation of the sword, the universe was created. % I don't care about anybody. Not since my dog died. Especially not on weekdays, or when the commute's bad, or when it's as hot as it's been around here lately. % The only girls I get to see naked are old whores pretending to get whipped on websites like Slave Farm, where they use lipstick streaks on the ass-cheeks to look like stripes from a riding crop. % Nobody in the world really gets the multi-ethnic deal anyway, we all just fake it. % But then that's me and people are always telling me I'm 'cynical,' whatever that means. I mean, either you're right or you're wrong; and if you're right, how is that 'cynical?' % Don't tell me terror doesn't work. Only amateurs think that. % Your social studies teacher told you this cross-cultural stuff is a wonderful thing but what it really means is permanent gang fights. % Britain doesn't do suicide killers? Think again, check out the life expectancy of a bomber crew in WW2. % The Brits, up to the mid-20th-century, were stone killers, the most ruthless conquerors of the past thousand years. % Weapons are only weapons if you're willing to use them. % And it won't even be the fun kind of dictatorship, with snappy uniforms and battleships, just some sad nerf-fascist state. % How many `little compromises' must we make with our own souls to fit into this oddfellow society? % No one can be sure they aren't guilty, since no one can ever be sure exactly what the crimes are. % Why is it so many people can be comforted with the thought of some bureaucracy standing by? % Men marry women hoping they'll never change, while women marry men hoping to change them. % Meat is murder. Tasty, tasty murder. % Meat is murder. And murder tastes good. % The only true method of selecting a superior is with an eating competition. The winner is the one who eats everyone else. % Oh boy, I tell you I haven't felt this good since I came up with that new place to hide my porn. % Just remember it's not my fault. % Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die. % Reports that a little girl in a gingham dress immediately looted her shoes are as yet unconfirmed. % Use meditation techniques to help refocus on your love goals. If that doesn't work go back to pornography. % At work, try sneaking some nuts into your colleague's salad to see if she really does have that allergy she's always boasting about. I bet she can't even spell anaphylactic. % The biophysicist William Bialek of Princeton University calculates that Temporal Coding would boost the brain's information-processing capacity close to the Shannon Limit, the theoretical maximum that Information Theory allows for a given physical system. % What we do know is that the brain's complexity dwarfs anything we've managed to fully understand, let alone build. % Corporate America has been running the show for a long time now. % Modern government schools: planting tomorrow's Soylent Green. % You may notice that `Sex and the City' is not actually written for real women; it's written for gay men, by gay men, and the characters are in fact gay men in women's bodies. % Everybody has a philosophy, a belief system. Everybody. Some are just more jumbled, flawed, self-contradictory, and useless than others. Balls and chains, instead of wings. % If people are free to do as they wish, they are almost certain not to do as we wish. That is why Utopian planners end up as despots, whether at the national level or at the level of the local 'redevelopment' agency. % Now, somebody explain to me how one of your enemies dying choking in their own blood is not a good thing that you should feel happy about. Well, except the small point you didn't arrange it yourself, that is. % Yes. There does come that time when you are forced to don the tinfoil hat. % When things look bleak pick up your favorite rifle and look at the future once more through the sights. It'll make you feel better, if only a little bit. % I'd hit it so hard, if you pulled me out you'd be the King of Britain % I'd hit it like a 308 FMJ smacking an empty propane tank from 300 yards out. % I'd hit it like a jackhammer on a hot summer day in NYC. % You will see your penis on MTV. % Elephant trunk will be looking shy in front your bolt. % You have to understand, most of these people are not ready to be unplugged. And many of them are so inured, so hopelessly dependent on the system, that they will fight to protect it. % Two great mysteries dominate or lives: love and money. % They are building underground bases. % If you never ask the right question, it doesn't matter what the answer is. All the wrong questions and answers are being broadcast into your brain over the television, via the newspapers and radio, in the mindless activities of the Internet, and via the gossip around the water cooler at work. % A Predator like Fritzl is a good example of the damage that a single psychopath can do, alone. Less obvious is the potential for destruction represented by the socially adept types; many of whom currently occupy the halls of power and have well-formed networks with which to protect themselves from exposure. % She looked good. Last night. % My pen is huge. % Keep your shitty music to yourself. % I am your girlfriend's pimp. % Mail order was meant for discrete pornography. % The streets will run red with the blood of the innocent and the pure this week. Relax, *you* have absolutely nothing to worry about. % They may make your heart race and your knees tremble but remember: women are just as scared of you as you are of them. % Perfection is absolute. You must be made perfect. % We get newspapers from time to time. We get the old ones from a neighbor to line bird cages. % Western civ has crossed the stupidity event horizon, from which not even the most energetic particle of common sense can escape. % He took a silk purse and made it into a lovely pig's ear. % Yep, we still have a rigged poll running for that. % It might be wise for you to lie low a bit this week. The photofit is not perfect but it's still a good likeness. Good job she did not get a look at your face. % You find yourself getting into arguments with just about everyone today. Yes, you do. % Don't play safe. Sometimes you have to ruffle some feathers to get what you want. Especially if it's chicken sex. % You're feeling great and it shows! Why is everyone pointing? Have they never seen a penis on a bus before? % Today you're the one who seems to be creating a buzz around the office. Have a look in your handbag. It must have turned itself on again. % `I'm in the bathroom! Is nothing sacred to you people?' `Just the right to keep and bear arms.' % Of course I know what a restraining order is. Do you think I've never had a girlfriend? % ``The Experts Speak: The Definitive Guide to Authoritative Misinformation,'' came under attack back in 1990 because, at the time, it failed to find a single expert who was right although the authors readily conceded that, in statistical theory, it was possible that the experts were right as much as half the time. It just proved exceedingly difficult to find evidence of that other 50%. % New Zealand sent 2000 plastic Chinese made tents back to China under the aid program to assist in the earthquake hit areas. % Being single doesn't have to mean you're all alone feeding 20 cats from your armchair while watching cop show re-runs. It just does in your case. % You know you're properly armed when you cannot use a compass except held at arm's length. % A day without blood is like a day without sunshine. % It looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your mama's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress. % You're so ugly you could be a modern art masterpiece. % Those who understand their own limitations can embrace the world without limitations. % I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure. % Alright. We nuke the site from orbit. % Sigh. If only we could dust off and nuke the entire site from orbit. % Witch hunts don't happen without an educated elite behind them. In the past, bishops and priests let panics loose. Today it is the police, social workers and broadsheet journalists. % Looks nice, though I have trouble calling it a `Truck Gun' for anything over $200. % hey man relax. did you find out your online gf has been cheating on you again? % Each time I looked around, the walls moved in a little tighter. % We must kill them. We must incinerate them. Pig after pig. Cow after cow. Village after village. Army after army. % What do you call assassins who accuse assassins? % Never get out of the boat. Absolutely goddamn right. Unless you were goin' all the way. % There's nothing that I detest more than the stench of lies. % They weren't looking for anything more than a way home. Trouble is, I'd been back there and I knew that it just didn't exist anymore. % It's amazing what a difference a little hard work and perseverance can make. Or, at least, so I'm told. % Remember: nobody is perfect. Whatever you lack in talent and ability you more than make up for in well-timed excuses. % When was the last time you took yourself on a date? Treat yourself to a night out or special dinner. Then give yourself a good seeing to but don't return any of your phone calls or texts. % Linger over coffee, take a leisurely walk around your neighbourhood and spend the evening contemplating the mysteries of the universe. Then go home and masturbate frenziedly. % You certainly *can* yell `FIRE' in a crowded theater if it's on fire. % I love it when a plan comes together and I didn't even have a plan in the first place. % I love it when a plan comes together. % Having testicles is like being chained to the village idiot. Sad but there it is. % I guess the moral of the story is: the best things in life are usually the result of luck, so take any good pussy that comes your way. % After that `customer service' experience I wouldn't subscribe to their service again if it was the only way to keep a truckload of puppies from a certain and horrible death. % As someone who has had a profound UFO experience I can tell folks here and now that such 'ain't anything to do with mechanism as we know it. % Its a great day. Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift - thats why it's called the present. % Coughing up blood is usually a sign of serious illness. In your case it simply means you're drinking it too fast. % A mob of torch-wielding villagers will soon gather outside your home but I bet you don't remember inviting a mob of torch-wielding villagers over. % Though a number of instructional tools already exist, physicists will recommend using your fat ass whenever the concept of inertia is taught in high school classrooms. % Just remember, boys and girls, a handgun is something you have with you when you suddenly discover you should have gotten the shotgun out of the trunk. % A handgun is what you use to fight your way to the rifle you shouldn't have put down in the first place. % I'll bet George Orwell didn't realise he was writing a `How To' manual. % Others less clued up than you are looking to you for the answers to some tough questions, so choose your words carefully. How about these: Go. Fuck. Yourselves. Losers. % When someone upsets you, instead of burying your real emotions for the sake of politeness, bury them. Alive! % When in Rome sack, rape, and pillage. % If you cannot opt out of something you have not previously agreed to, in what manner are you free? % Friends! That actives my hilarity unit. % If you're running into an unresolvable contradiction, check your premises. One of them will be wrong. % Ideas are more dangerous than guns, we don't allow our adversaries to have guns, why would we allow them to have ideas? % Did he say, `Strap in' or `Strap on?' % Work is getting you down, and you are feeling pretty low. Go to a bar, get drunk, and sleep with a stranger. Now that feels much better, doesn't it? % Today you will find yourself in a situation where another person's feelings could easily get hurt. Enjoy! % Take some time today to reflect on all that you have achieved in your life so far. It won't take long. % Your friends are teasing you about your safe and easy dating choices? At least when you pick them off a website and hire them you are guaranteed sex. Now who's laughing? % Environmental campaigners should change their slogan from 'Save the Planet' to something more relevant such as 'Save Your Sorry Arse.' % Questions are a burden. And answers a prison for oneself. % Sweetie, this is one of those times when I know what's right and everyone else is wrong. % If you will practice being fictional for a while, you will understand that fictional characters are sometimes more real than people with bodies and heartbeats. % This is the police, you are surrounded, give yourself up. % And come The Day, when civilization experiences setbacks, and Life is no longer leisurely, the soft, spoiled, and metrosexual are going to be better known by their traditional descriptor: prey. % I haven't yet been charged with unauthorized possession of testicles but I figure that's next. % There's no `I' in `blame.' % Jayus Christ! I'm glad you cleared that point up! Now I gotta' go stab my mind's eye out with a fork. % Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. % Perhaps, back in the thatched huts, the tribal seer is laughing his head off. Perhaps he knows, like Shakespeare's Prospero, that the world of the imagination is the only world that counts. % Explanations help us to get some sleep at night. In the morning they are gone. % The symbol becomes intercalated into the cycle of corporeal changes. % When you walk in the door at your place of business and start shooting your coworkers, it's safe to assume you've decided your job isn't working out and that you're ready to move on. % All Beliefs are Products. There are no Believers now - only Customers. % We are not realists. We are not idealists. We are intermediatists that nothing is real but that nothing is unreal: that all phenomena are approximations one way or the other between realness and unrealness. Like purgatory, I think. % I know I'm early. They kicked me out of the strip bar. % Every time some clown up the ladder is feeling insecure we get a barrage of meetings to attend. I just want to tell them, `look I'm sorry you're stupid and useless but don't drag me down with you.' % It is plausible to assume that there are further existential risks we have not yet thought of. % I was ignoring you. I'm a man. % I reflected on how swiftly the majority of people would perish in an Apocalypse, psychologically and physically unprepared to an extent such that it's amazing they manage even ordinary life. % I respect other people's religious beliefs in the same way I respect a man's notion that his wife is beautiful and his children are brilliant. % There live not three good men, un-hanged, in England and one is old and grows fat. God help the while! % If you tip up into my house unannounced I will pump your ass full of the Second Amendment. % The best survival tool you have is your mind. Careful planning and preparation will help you through almost any situation. The time to prepare is NOW. % All of your disaster preparedness will be a waste if you can't protect yourself and your family. Buy a gun. % I'm pushing to rename `Earth Day' to `Punch a Hippie Day.' % Earth First! We'll strip mine the other planets later. % Who doesn't have the odd moment of wondering whether the Nazis in fact won the war? % Just as environmentalism has replaced Marxism as the central economic theory of the left, so too has environmentalism begun to replace liberal Christianity as the left's motivating religious force. % Whup their ass, Mr President. Give 'em their 72 virgins. Now would be a good time. % Nothin' wrong with killin', long as the right people are kilt. % Yes. A bullet through the head is always the best cure for love. % He started feeling his wine and everything else he could get his hands on. % I'm on your side, lady. It's my only politics, anti-wife. Any woman who devotes herself to making one man miserable instead of a lot of men happy don't get my vote. % Ahh, women! I never met one yet that was half as reliable as a horse! % It's usually at its darkest before it goes completely black. % You've annoyed her now. She's small but she's vicious, apparently. % Amusingly, hippies are amongst the people most reliant on the crutch of so-called technologically advanced civilisation to indulge their fancies. % It is amusingly ironic that hippies would, by and large, be amongst the most poorly psychologically equipped people to survive any kind of societal collapse. % I think we should give animal rights activists the same rights as animals. There are several billion humans so no bag limits. Humans breed all year round so no closed season. Won't need very elaborate or well-disguised traps to fool a hippy, they're all too stoned to react to danger. % That's it! Scan, pump up your gun, and holster. % I wasn't crying. There was dirt in my eyes. % I spent Earth Day looking for hippies to beat up. Hippies smell bad and scare children. WON'T YOU PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN? % If all the ice in Antarctica were to melt, it would cause sea level to rise by 200 feet. It's also currently the only plausible theoretical way to make hippies bathe. % His wife stopped asking him to do chores around the house because he was always getting his head stuck in the mop bucket. % We're gonna chase 'em, catch 'em, cook 'em and eat 'em. % I can't figure out why I just don't care? % You're playing your part, I'm playing mine. % Nice sluttoo you've got there. Were you drunk? % Either come to terms with your own inadequacy or kill yourself. % Can you believe that in the Soviet Union they needed special papers just to travel in their own country? Thank heavens that will never happen here. % Let's face it. This is not the worst thing you've caught me doing. % You have to admire them for being utterly guileless in their irony. % Of course we're happier. We own guns. And everyone knows that happiness is a warm gun. % Happiness is a dirty gun. % Who's pickin' the banjo here? % What the hell does `Deliverance' have to do with this? % Anyway women like a good cry, settles their hormones. % Talk about genetic deficiencies, isn't that pitiful? % In the event of `emergency,' we're all meeting at Otis' house since he's got all the ammo. % There's a man going round, taking names % I once watched Joan Crawford do better but I have never seen a performance of such reptilian creepiness from a mere politician. % Stock up on piano wire. % Who knew shooting zombies could be so educational. % Half of the world's human population is infected with Toxoplasma. Parasites in the body - and the brain. Remember that. % On some instinctual level all humans know it's just a matter of time until the zombies show up. % Normal conscious experience is where neural activity is part of the activity of a pre-experienced whole subject within a living body. To suggest otherwise is to border on absurdity. % Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose. % No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers. % You can't respect a man who carries a dog. % At the end of every party there is always a girl crying. % But they're protesting communists. And it's San Francisco. They're protesting communists in San Francisco. Really. % Because deep down he really wants one but knows he's not able to handle it. % I see dumb people. They're all around me. They don't know they're dumb. % Do I need to kill you now? % He said very little. And then was quiet. % Get your own damn gun and quit waiting around for somebody else to come save your ass. % The situation felt surreal and slightly amusing but I knew that crazy people could be unpredictably dangerous. % I started thinking of excuses to give him about why I needed to leave. Martial arts class? Nope, he already thinks I'm too militant and he doesn't even know about my gun collection. Church? Fat chance of that. Date? I wish. Sick mother? Worth a shot, I thought. % It was obvious to him that the world was out to wrong him. After getting to know the man, I could not blame the world one bit. % On one otherwise normal Tuesday evening I had the chance to live the American dream. I was able to throw my incompetent jackass of a boss from a fourteenth-story window. % You know what the difference between me and you really is? You look out there and see a horde of evil, brain eating zombies. I look out there and see a target rich environment. % Q: You enter a room and see a murderer, a rapist, and a lawyer. You have only 2 bullets in your gun. What do you do? A: Shoot the lawyer twice and then pistol-whip the bastard until you're sure he's dead. Then get yourself a better gun. % How come when someone says, `a gated community of Ron Paul supporters,' the thing that pops into mind is Arkham Asylum? % Looking for World Dominance. Or chocolate. % Speaking as someone who would have shot the burglar more times. % Besides, I'm pretty sure that TEOTWAWKI would involve an interruption of broadband intarw3bz connectivity. % If the dirt is black, there are no hippies in sight, and nobody says `y'all,' you're probably in the Midwest % Depending on how close you live to Broad Ripple Ave, you can see zombies every Thursday-Saturday night around 2am. % I heard pictures rattling but figured it was the cat and dog being rowdy. % While waiting for the elevator it is always good to analyze whether your level of laziness exceeds your level of impatience. % If you have to ask, it wasn't the end of the world. % You know as well as I. Some men are monsters. % `Oh wow, is this your car?' `No, it belongs to the guy I killed and stuffed in the trunk.' % Now my friend. How brave a boy are you? % It was an idea, I dunno, who knows where they fuckin' come from! Isaac Newton invented gravity cause some asshole hit him with an apple! % When seconds count the police are only minutes away. % It's okay to die unsuccessful but never die unsatisfied. % Oh, that's right. You work. I've always admired you people. % When he gets his head stuck in a bucket he can usually get it unstuck fairly quickly. % He was once in the presence of a gun for five whole minutes without screaming like a little girl. % As for coat hanger lobotomies - how could that be wrong. % `Mister, you're butting into something that doesn't concern you. Either you're extra good with that gun, or you're bluffing.' `All you gotta do is figure out which it is.' % `I never did thank you. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have gotten married.' `As long as you're thankin' me and not blamin' me, you're welcome.' % `Don't you realize that I might be killed in the morning?' `Anybody can be killed, any day.' `Anybody is me. Any day is tomorrow.' % What you've gotta do is make up your mind and go do it. Whatever the situation is. % If I have to kill you, I don't much care whether it's tomorrow or now. You can save us both time by starting the trouble now. % `You look different, bigger.' `Well, maybe it's the gun. It would make anyone look bigger.' % Don't feel sorry kid. Don't ever feel sorry. Like poison to a man. % Don't wait around for a fair fight. Just get him any way you can. % I guess you're stocking up on ammo, not love. % It's the darkness where your souls should be that scares me. % I'm picturing you naked. And helpless. % I'm picturing you naked. % I thought about it long and hard. Then I examined my conscience. Then I thought `fuck it.' % I'm a figment of your imagination. Welcome to the Matrix. % The voices are telling me to stay home today and clean my guns then read the Book of Isaiah and the Book of Revelation. % There's no question, though, that the AK47 is a good rifle. You can bury it in the sand for 100 years, dig it out and it'll fire first time. % The Kalashnikov is cleaned just by covering it in diesel. It comes out looking spotless. % Hail to the King, baby. % It's a trick. Get an axe. % Love, desire, ambition, faith - without them, life's so simple, believe me. % Stop trying to rationalize everything, will ya? Let's face it, we have a mystery on our hands! % There's no emotion. None. Just the pretense of it. The words, the gesture, the tone of voice, everything else is the same but not the feeling. % Listen to me! Please listen! If you don't, if you won't, if you fail to understand, then the same incredible terror that's menacing me *will strike at you!* % (The preceding has been a satire. Not all statements are accurate.) % Please help yourselves by surrendering now. % Everything I need to know I learned by killing smart people and eating their brains. % I don't have time to surf for pR0N. I'm too busy surfing the gunboards, preparing for the coming Zombie Apocalypse. % Some people are castrated through accidents but I don't know what everyone else's excuse is. % The Internet is where information goes to die and become a part of The Inevitable Zombie Apocalypse, eating people's brains and leaving the empty husks rotting at the keyboards. % I forget sometimes I'm talking to girls. % Love is a verb and Verbs show action. % Actually, we're just here cause we're hoping some hot protestor chicks will take their tops off. % By the time rescue workers reach you this week not only will you have eaten all of your fellow passengers but moved on to some of the food they had brought along as well. % The stars indicate this is a good week to try new and exciting experiences. See what happens when you consume a second, larger meatball sandwich. % A passing stranger will steal your heart this week and, after a few too many drinks have been consumed, your kidneys as well. % I don't understand, they're called `public servants' yet I have to do what *they* tell me. % I pity the fool who doesn't understand that real men box and train. % I pity the fool who drinks soy milk. % I pity the fool who did your mother! % I remember one time I tried to pity this fool. He told me his name was Jeff. He was married. He pulled out his wallet and showed me three pictures of his kids; Kelly, Robert, Brittany. Real cute kids. Don't get too close man. It's hard to pity a fool if you get too close. % I believe in the Golden Rule: The Man with the Gold rules. % Today's Internet still has borders and, increasingly, countries want to control what passes through them. % Security is both a feeling and a reality, and they're different. % Fear offers endless business opportunities. % Scientists are really smart people and if we give them lots of money they'll come up with really neat stuff for us. Like the Manhattan Project. Look how well that turned out. % Sure, at some level scientists know nanotechnology will destroy mankind. They just can't resist seeing how it happens. Don't believe me? Check out the Manhattan Project. % I don't really want to cry, because I'm British. % You're on the Glory Hole girlyboy, so blow me. % He's a zombie. Kill him now. % Pornography is a state of mind. EVERYTHING IS PORNOGRAPHY. It's great to be me. % Heretic! BURN HIM! % I know where it's at. I just don't want to be there when it's happening. % The hell with yah! I'm gonna kill him while I'm still temporarily insane. % Don't knock foetus throwing. That umbilical cord really works to your advantage when it comes to distance. % Maybe it's just me but I never carry reloads for self defense purposes. Someone told me one time that if you ever have to cap somebody the prosecutor could say you worked that load up expressly to kill them. % I suggest you sleep with one eye open and the handle of the machete well within reach. 'Course, you should be doing that anyway, given the coming Zombie Apocalypse. % Thank you. I hope I can live up to your stereotype. % I tried being reasonable. I didn't like it. % Frank, your recent unemployment has obviously caused you to cling to your guns and religion. Wait a second - you were clinging to those even when you were employed. So what's your excuse you typical white cracker? % I fell asleep working on my doomsday weather control machine. % Given our leaders are entirely without principle why the heck should we expect foreign leaders to be any less venal? % This is the Disinformation Age. You've got to have your spam filters set to `high.' % I spend a lot of time thinking about the coming Zombie Apocalypse. % I spend a lot of time preparing for The Inevitable Zombie Apocalypse. % Why do you bother with it? It's obviously crossed sanity's event horizon and is beyond recovery. % It's your friends that are the ones that stab you in the back. % `Have I humiliated you in the last half hour?' `No.' `Check your email.' % `Can't we just be friends?' `Hmmmm, how do I hang an air freshener on this? You are a complete waste of skin, I often dream of killing you. *sniffs the air* Mmmmm pine fresh.' % My rifle is my primary self-defense weapon. My pistol is used to fight my way to my rifle. % What works in deer may or may not work in humans. The same goes for hogs, varmints, pigs, dogs, zombies (headshots only please), and aliens (particularly grey skins - go for the big eyes, not center mass). % Without commenting on the wisdom of engaging roving packs of zombies without adult supervision, the best performing rounds, in terms of penetration of 6mm laminated front windscreen auto glass and other automobile structures, are probably the Federal Tactical 55 and 62 grain bonded JSP (LE223T1 and LE223T3). % Open-minded people are hard to find. % We keep our heads down, never bothering to look behind the mask, and in doing so we resign ourselves to fates we can never see coming. % Look at you! Brainwashed imbeciles! % It is dangerous for our children to know your philosophy even exists. % If you have any opinions, suggestions, or comments please do keep them to yourself. % If only we all really had the special sunglasses! % I see a hungry mind - I'll feed it on wormwood and gall. % All propaganda has to be popular and has to adapt its spiritual level to the perception of the least intelligent of those towards whom it intends to direct itself. % Shoot him, Lil! % `You can't shoot us all!' `No but I can shoot you.' % Makes me want to go out and burn a few tires just for spite. % To the Earth a hundred years is nothing. A million years is nothing. This planet lives and breathes on a much vaster scale. We can't imagine its slow and powerful rhythms and we haven't got the humility to try. We've been residents here for the blink of an eye. If we're gone tomorrow the Earth will not miss us. % The `gun might be taken away from you' hypothesis is always amusing. By that argument we should promote criminal access to weapons. Then, when attacked by a criminal, simply `take his weapon away from him and use it against him.' % What a drab and joyless life you must lead. Eating only the bread and water and vitamins required for basic nutrition, dressing only in second-hand clothes to keep from freezing to death. Avoiding nonsense and frivolity of all sorts so that people will recognise your moral superiority. % Keep your mouth shut. You can't make a deal with that lying rat. % You're tough baby. I like that. But not too tough. I like that too. % Do not provoke me woman. I will not tolerate ridicule about my moustache. % The laws that forbid the carrying of arms disarm those only who are neither inclined nor determined to commit crimes. Can it be supposed that those who have the courage to violate the most sacred laws of humanity, will respect the less important and arbitrary ones? % I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass and I'm all out of bubblegum. % The last time I had this much fun some furniture got broken. % If you are committed to accomplishing your social goals by using government power then, by definition, your only tool is the hammer of coercion. % The mass belief in the general beneficence of democracy represents a kind of Stockholm Syndrome writ large. % I've seen monkey crap fights at the zoo that were more artistic. % Treasonous, lowlife scum the lot of them. I'll bring the tar. % Treasonous, lowlife scum the lot of them. I'll bring the piano wire. % In a truly civil society peopled entirely by enlightened, sober individuals, the carriage of arms might be deemed gratuitous but it is nonetheless harmless. In a society that measures up to anything less than that the option to carry arms is a necessity. % In defense of all us drunken sailors, I have to remind you that we only spend our own money. % It is now impossible for the average citizen to accept the official version of reality and still lay claim to their own sanity. % Later, as he sat on his balcony eating the dog, Dr Robert Laing reflected on the unusual events that had taken place within this huge apartment building during the previous three months. % I hope he falls asleep behind the wheel and slams into a telephone pole. Then he wakes up and burns to death. % Electricity will replace God. The peasants should pray to it. % What have we here? A human being or a very close approximation. % If you're looking for warm embraces and kind flattering words then get a hooker. % Put ya Mr Spock ears on and go back to playin video games. % I took too many self-esteem classes in school. % If you've got something to say, then say it. Innuendo is for pussies! % Now we are all sons of bitches. % With government, the more they get the more they want and the more inefficient they become. % The circular firing squad is loading the retard bullets. % Mr Finch, there's just some kind of men you have to shoot before you say hidy to 'em. Even then, they ain't worth the bullet it takes to shoot 'em. % We don't need less guns, we need more guns. We need more guns and give them to the right fucking people. % I've informed the people at work that my attention span is governed by Male Pattern Attention Deficit Disorder. Anything over 2 minutes or uninteresting and I'm off. % Gunnut1 posted the pics for me as I am computer illiterate. I can find gun sites and look up porn but that is about the extent of it. % When I have completed these daunting tasks, I will once again offer my inflated ego, arrogant bastard services to assholes who are too elitist to accept anything less. % It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude. % Hey, anything's possible. And so long as people believe that, and that anything means everything they want, the cycle repeats and self-perpetuates. % The harder truth may be that this is our destination. And they're not coming for us; they're here already and they've always had us. % They're here! They're here! You're next! % They're here already! You're next! You're next! % As usual, you're confusing your own opinion with fact. % `Night John-boy.' `Dammit, can't a guy masturbate in peace around here!' % is it just my imagination, or is the one da lefft a guy? look at the big hands % Remember last month at the video store when I saw you in the porn section? I felt like you snubbed me. You ducking behind the rack didn't help matters either. % It wasn't me that you saw in the porn store. I have high speed Internet. % We are anonymous and we are legion. % Those kids kicking around people's heads like footballs will be tomorrow's government jack booted thugs. % They would have destroyed themselves anyway. They deserved what they got. % She thinks a cock looks like that? I guess she's a lesbian who didn't pay attention in biology class. % It really comes down to who can pay for the best lawyers. % The good people are hamstrung. They can only go so far before their conscience stops them. There are no such barriers for the others. % The rich get richer and the poor stay poor; dreaming of lottery tickets and alchemical gold. It never changes. It never gets old and they breed on the highway and die by the roadside. % You can't control the population if you can't convince them of what you want them to believe. When they stop believing your power wanes. % They are content to live out their lives within the restrictive limits set them by the political and corporate elite of this world. % It makes sense for psychopaths to act as they do, as such is their nature. But what about the rest of us? How is it `fear got the best of us' and why is it a paralyzing fear descends on us when we consider resistance? % Pathocracy has taken global control. % You have censors and systems of surveillance coercing your conformity and soliciting your submission. How did this happen? Who's to blame? Certainly there are those more responsible than others but if you're looking for the guilty you need only look into a mirror. % You know you want one of these, they're small and easy to hide from the wife. % Do unto others as they would do unto you. % You're not in Kansas any more. % I discovered salt and created FM radio. % We used to have such fun. Why isn't there any fun anymore? % Global warming has now got to the stage where it is only maintained by media self-censorship. % Carbon dioxide is a bad thing? Yeah, right. Ever wonder why they kept banging on about `carbon-based life forms' in Star Trek? % The demonisation of carbon, the very basis of all life on Earth, can only be explained as a religious phenomenon. % Alcohol is not the cause: it is just one means by which the disaffected young express their defiance. % A short life and a merry one, no more: by political decree, life has to be long and grim. % The Scientific Method can't be used to empirically verify an hypothesis. The Scientific Method is a tool to reject hypotheses. % Maybe we have the issue of cherry-picking cherry-picked studies. How many cherries can a cherry-picker pick, if % There are few problems that can't be solved with an N-frame Smith. % Liberal intellectuals are the running dogs of big business. % When in doubt empty the magazine. % I spent a week there one night. % In a world where the perception is the reality, all countries need to have the capability to manage their own perceptual alignment - otherwise someone else will. % He who molds public opinion is greater than he who enacts laws. % When they perfect cloning I'm gonna order 12 of those. % Come the revolution there will definitely need to be a full time attendant assigned to the gene pool. % Women like silent men. They think they're listening. % People give directions according to what's important to them. Ask a fat woman for directions, she will give directions according to the restaurants on the way. Try it. % Frankly I'm insulted that you asked me out. It means you think we're about the same level of attractiveness. % Lately the only thing keeping me from being a serial killer is my distaste for manual labour. % Uhhh Phil, you are supposed to save those little blue pills for the real thing. % Oh, you may want to shave them legs next time you skirt up. It ruins the whole thing. % Kiss and tell. They expect it. % Difference is, at least I know I'm pissin her off, she really thinks everyone should agree with her! % My sister won't go downstairs in my house because of all the dead critters on the walls. % At least it wasn't a dream where you see yourself standing in some sort of sun-god robes on a pyramid with a thousand naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at you. Why am I the only one that has that dream? % It takes a crooked stick to beat a mad dog! % A pessimist is an optimist who knows the facts. % If we're going to be damned, let's be damned for what we really are. % While your method certainly worked, a simple diaper change would also have put the child out of its misery. % It's not putting women on a pedestal that's the problem it's the fact that you keep them chained there for your pleasure and against their will. % Why do I never read the small print? % It's the level of incompetence you would normally only expect from a government. % Gay CB talk. How appropriate. Hitting the 70s and gayness in one post. % Never underestimate the capabilities of a truly dedicated idiot. % When the cops give up their machine guns, I'll stop asking for mine. % Given the historical record, a world in which only the `authorities' have firearms is a world hip deep in corpses. % Well to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I've kinda lost track myself. % Contradiction is not a sign of falsity nor the lack of contradiction a sign of truth. % What to spend your stimulus money on to help the US economy? Beer and prostitutes, the only things `made' in US today. % The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man's heart. % There is no fate that can not be surmounted by scorn. % Your report card reads: `Must try harder.' % Diversity is something at the office. It can work for you or against you. % Thoughtcrime was not a thing that could be concealed forever. You might dodge successfully for a while, even for years, but sooner or later they were bound to get you. % Just because you're right doesn't mean I'm wrong. % Bullets are the currency of the future, just don't give any 'change' to someone you don't trust. % The gun culture problem in America is multi-faceted and complex. At its heart, however, it is an emotional pathology because the reverence for firearms among gun enthusiasts supersedes any rational discourse on the issue. % Go back to the Rock Hudson film festival and leave me be. % Free speech entitles one to own newspapers, transmitters, computers, and typewriters but self-defense only justifies bare hands. % SILENCE! I kill you! % It's beginning to look more and more like Monty Python was actually a documentary series. % We should have taken care of business long ago, you know, when ammo was cheaper. % The bombing starts in five minutes. % I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my arse. % The truth, the whole truth, *and nothing but the truth*. % What else are you gonna do, read a book? % We are preparing for the worst but for obvious reasons we hope for slow moving zombies. % People don't seek the highest offices for altruistic motives. % One should forgive one's enemies but not before they are hanged. % I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this. % I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?' % Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day. % Overkill never fails. % `Field trip.' `I call shotgun.' `I call nine millimeter.' % They make their living by manipulating people with oratory and promises. Such people do not say what they believe, they say what they need to to get what they want. % You know the definition of homosexual men we used in Chicago? `Men with small dogs who own very tidy apartments.' % You all can go to hell. I'm going to Texas. % When I grow up I wanna be a steam-shovel. % 53 years old? Oh, now I'll need a fake ID to rent Ultraporn. % In essence Spitzer had to resign because he was a hypocrite. Perhaps you wonder, as I do, about other politicians around the world being asked to resign for being hypocritical. I can't think of anyone who'd survive that either. % YOU! - OUT OF THE GENE POOL!!! % MK-ULTRA your mind under the god Gettin microwave broadcast blues % `I'd like to buy your deadliest gun, please.' `Aisle six, next to the sympathy cards.' % I don't care how I get to the dance, only that I get there. % You know Jesus was a black guy, don't you? % Prison State USA 2008: one in 100 Americans now behind bars. No other country on Earth has as high a percentage of citizens incarcerated. % A primary purpose of the educational system is to train school children in good citizenship, patriotism and loyalty to the state and the nation as a means of protecting the public welfare. % Nothing proudly says, `Made in USA' like a B-52. % When they kick in your front door How are you gonna come? With your hands on your head Or on the trigger of your gun % The only problem was I ran out of bullets. % You can't even understand what I'm saying, most of you. % The minimum that is expected of you is to question your reality. % Deception is a state of mind and the mind of the State. % Who gets to decide what's right and wrong? % We are serfs in the New Feudal World Order. % Maybe this is just the chemtrails talking but `Conspiracy Theorists' are not crazy for wanting to expose the men behind the curtain. The real crazies are the statists blinded by the curtain of red, white, and blue. % The shadow of who I would have been calls out from the grave. % Our world is so corrupted by the deviants that people actually believe that black is white, white is black, good is evil and evil is good: witness George Bush bringing democracy to the Iraqis by force. % You can't live an authentic human life if you're part of The Machine. % You want advice? Grow up. % For the past several months the 'news' has been dominated by presidential candidates and their antics. This has tended to drown out real news, making it harder for conspiracy theorists to get a foothold. % As for disposing of a body quickly, I think we've all seen `Snatch' more times than we can count. Thank you Brick Top! % Of course, being a man, I never read instruction manuals. % The boy weeps for the end of innocence and the darkness of men's hearts. % I don't have to believe in anything. In fact I don't. % The world consists of illogical emotional people, so an emotional illogical appeal is what gets the vote. % Should you come up on what seems like a shack, and smells strongly of chicken manure (but with no chickens around), leave quickly and quietly - you probably just ran into a meth lab. % There ain't nothing you can't fix with 5 gallons of diesel and a match! % When we were dating she had no idea that I was into firearms and I had no idea she was a stupid firearms hating bitch. Oh, well. % War is supposed to be about who's right but it's really about who's left. % If I wanted your stupid opinion, I'd already have beaten it out of you. % When a man is just sitting there, women seem to have the impression that he is actually thinking about some interpersonal matter. % 308 & 45 - when you care enough to send the very best. % Historically, Freedom is bought with steel not gold. % Kalashnikov: the most successful point and click interface in the world. % We didn't exactly believe your story, Miss O'Shea, we believed your 200 dollars. % With so many laws no one is innocent, you just haven't been convicted yet. % Nothing says `Obey Me' like a bloody head on a fence post. % Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to enjoy one of those delicious all-tar cigarettes. % You load sixteen tons, what do you get? Another day older and deeper in debt. Saint Peter, don't you call me, 'cause I can't go; I owe my soul to the company store % If global warming gets any worse we'll all freeze to death. % a welder and silver soldering torch i keep right next to the fuel oil tank % There are two kinds of men in this world, those with shovels who dig and those with guns. % Most people would rather swallow a brick of lies than taste a grain of truth. % Central banking is common to both Communism and Capitalism, so pervasive it barely occurs to citizens that there is a better way to create wealth than issuing public debt. % The common people easily fall a victim to a big lie, since they themselves lie in little things but would be ashamed of lies that were too big. % It should be obvious that people don't really care about other people outside their nearest and dearest. % That pipeline is under construction, two permanent bases are in place ideally situated to protect it, the leader of Afghanistan is a former Unocal Oil official and the US Ambassador to Afghanistan is another Unocal Oil official. % The grass is neither greener or better. It is just grass and it still itches. % In Florida's retirement communities, rates of sexually transmitted diseases among elderly men - who have started visiting prostitutes after taking Viagra - are soaring. % Could you be more gay? Don't answer that. % Seen from their point of view, they are historic actors who are beyond good and evil. % To remain whole, be twisted. To become straight, let yourself be bent. To become full, be hollow. % We live in a world of many illusions, the Emperor has no clothes and much of human belief and behavior is ritualized nonsense. % Assassins believed they could change things, or at least stop them in their tracks. Maybe that's why we don't have them the way we did in the Sixties. The would-be shooter puts his Mannlicher-Carcano back in the box, mumbling sadly, `What's the use?' % To my mind, McCain's the most likely senator to start a nuclear war. % It will not be known as a Detention Center or Concentration Camp. It will be referred to as a Communications Management Unit or CMU. % The National Counterterrorism Center has 775,000 names and is increasing by 20,000 a month. % At what point does a lie become the truth? % I think I'll be the judge of what makes me happy. % Only state-sanctioned happiness is allowed and any non-government approved expression of joy must be squashed. % Hume teaches us that no matter how many times you drop a stone and it falls to the floor, you never know what'll happen the next time you drop it. It might fall to the floor but then again it might float to the ceiling. Past experience can never prove the future. % But you know it's all true because they said it on TV. % The power of the Executive to cast a man into prison without formulating any charge known to the law, and particularly to deny him the judgment of his peers, is in the highest degree odious and is the foundation of all totalitarian government whether Nazi or Communist. % I'm not crazy, I'm actively irresponsible. % I'm not crazy, I just don't give a fuck! % Re-attach your ball-sacks ladies. % That's just not factually accurate. % When we talk of tomorrow, the gods laugh. % Are you this hostile in bed? Cause I like that. % It won't make any difference. Everything is thrashed out well in advance in forums like Bilderberg. The rest is bread and circuses. % We've been conned mightily. We've fought each other over all this rubbish. We've been very predictable sheep indeed. Always learning but never knowing. NEVER KNOWING. % We're taught not to think. That's what we're educated for. % We are self-maintained slaves. We're trained for one thing and that's work in a system to produce and consume. % We are the Sheep. They are the Good Shepherds. % The little people at the bottom of the hill, you've got to keep them in the dark, the profane. % They accept the world as it's been presented to them. % The rich have no country. % We live in a world where political power and corporate wealth are possessed by different wings of the same ruling class. It is a ruling class that presides over whole nations of people transformed by brainwashing and mild but continuous discipline from human beings to human resources. % New Thoughts, particularly those which appear to contradict current assumptions, are always painful for the mind to contemplate. % The war system makes the stable government of societies possible. It does this essentially by providing an external necessity for a society to accept political rule. % Space research can be viewed as the nearest modern equivalent yet devised to the pyramid-building, and similar ritualistic enterprises, of ancient societies. % Now get out of town. Take your dead with you. % I'm listening to what you're saying but I only hear what I want to. % I like to dissect girls. Did you know I'm utterly insane? % I think my mask of sanity is about to slip. % I think first impressions are so important. % Dammit! Who left that baby on the floor. % I'm a stranger everywhere. % I'm able to say things I don't mean for fun or profit. What's your super power? % Let the bone chips fall where they may. % If you set up the false dichotomy of course people will choose security over privacy - especially if you scare them first. But it's still a false dichotomy. There is no security without privacy. And liberty requires both security and privacy. % They call controlling world supplies of basic commodities `promoting democracy.' I call it the Forever War. % If privacy and security really were a zero-sum game, we would have seen mass immigration into the former East Germany and modern-day China. While it's true that police states like those have less street crime, no one argues that their citizens are fundamentally more secure. % It remains to be seen what's ahead in, `the New American Century' but the evidence so far isn't encouraging and that's putting it mildly. % Look at me! No-one is ever safe. % But then I glanced at my family sitting at the dining table in full panoply, with swimcap, diving goggles, snorkel and flippers, waiting for the apocalypse. My youngest brother looked at me through his diving goggles with hopeful children's eyes. So I ran up the stairs into my parents' room. % It's already the apocalypse of communication. The sun doesn't exist anymore. % ANYWAY, PLEASE GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY. % I just don't like Mondays. % This sure beats algebra, doesn't it? % That bullet sure wiped the smile off his face. % I'm just doing my job. % Voltaire announced the Age of Reason two centuries too soon. We are still in the Dark Ages. % No camera can show this experience because it is inside the nervous system. % Conscience is a function of our biology and irrelevant without it. % Inside us all; the fish, the lizard, the rat, the ape, all our past lives, encoded in our DNA during that headlong rush on the river out of Eden. % I will be there and you too, all of us, lost forever in time. % This is moral psychosis on a monumental scale. It is the complete and utter repudiation of every civilized ideal, of every fragment of enlightenment wrenched from the blood-drenched slagheap of human history. Yet it passes for normality in our political discourse. % Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, or whatever it is that you think you remember? % I quickly mentally reviewed the arsenal concealed under my clothing and was relieved to know that I could probably shoot my way out. % After half a dozen years of waterboarding, genital zapping, sleep deprivation and brainwashing, the Pentagon has finally found six patsies who will readily welcome their 72 virgins and take the fall for 9/11. % Be careful what you wish for - especially in a German whorehouse. % Please pardon my levity, I don't see how to take death seriously. It seems absurd. % Let me tell you how your mom did it. She told your dad to cum in her shoes and then let the flies do the rest. % Your mother is so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through. % Your mother is so fat she belched and invalidated the Gravity Probe B experiment. % Whatever dude, your mother did it for money, thats how you got here. % Yeah I know, I'm nasty, and I hope no animals were harmed during the writing of this rant. % `What is the meaning of life?' `Only the living care.' % `Why does mommy cry?' `Cause you made daddy go away.' % By controlling the creation and allocation of money the ruling class maintains near total control over the lives of ordinary people and the resources of the planet. % For those tuning in late mind-controlled zombies, part of the secret military arsenal, are a well-established fact. % WOLVERINES! % Real men spend their leisure time on hobbies that don't require any significant emotional interaction with other people. % What inspired this amorous rhyme? Two parts vodka, one part lime. % I see your face when I am dreaming. That's why I always wake up screaming. % Middle class people are ill-suited for life under a freeway overpass. They need a helping hand from government. % America's place in the world has been guaranteed not by what it produces but by what it consumes. % Never meet the enemy on his terms. % The possession and threatened use of nuclear weapons is at the heart of American political philosophy. % How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a light bulb? The light bulb didn't change - THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO THINK! % How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? None. They just beat the room for being black. % Get the shotguns. And the C4 from the bathroom under the towels. % A real shark. I hope it's female. % Over three trillion per year missing for black ops. I say its a secret space program. % What sort of person would campaign for jury duty? Wouldn't you be suspicious of that, someone pushing to be chosen for jury duty? But being President is also akin: public service, supposedly, i.e. a thankless task. % A jury is twelve people too dumb to get out of jury duty and they are pissed about it. % Buy yourself some piano wire. It worked for the Italian people under Mussolini. % I dream of a world in which I can buy alcohol, tobacco, and firearms at the same drivethrough window and use them all before I get home. % Now, if you boys just apologize to my mule % Would you rather live with unanswered questions or would you rather live with unquestioned answers? % Please, you give me too little credit. % You really couldn't make it up. The world is becoming a Monty Python sketch. % So, is it hard to get a cab around here this time of night? % America is not at war; The Marines are at war. America is at the mall. % Whereas filmmakers Kubrick, Lucas, and Spielberg once made us ponder what it means to be human, Michael Bay makes us wonder *why* human beings exist. % Yesterday is dead and gone and tomorrow may never come. % The psychopath's psychology is so profoundly alien to most people that we are unable to comprehend their motives or recognize one when we see one. Naturally, the industrious psychopath will find this to his advantage. % Most psychopaths learn to mimic the appearance of normal emotion well enough to fit into ordinary society. % He's dumber than a bag of rocks. And not regular rocks but the dumb kind. % If I'm in a virtual reality the graphics are great but the plot sucks. % Reading diet books won't make you thin. % If they can get you to ask the wrong questions they really don't care about the answers. % Live as if you'll die tomorrow. Learn as if you'll live forever. % Ride the tiger. For, as long as one keeps sitting on top of the running beast, one need not fear its claws and teeth. % The first step on the road to freedom is knowing you're being lied to. % There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is not reading them. % The historical record of US terrorism and support of terrorism occasionally surfaces in the mainstream but is brushed aside on the ground that the United States has taken a new course, so that long record can be ignored. % If Al Qaeda didn't exist the United States would have had to create it, and of course it did create it back in the 1980s, as a means of destabilizing the Soviet Union. Al Qaeda's more recent role is a classic case of ``blowback.'' % The war on terror is an intellectual and propaganda cover, analogous, and in many ways a successor, to the departed `Cold War,' which in its time also served as a cover for imperial expansion. % The `shock and awe' strategy that opened the 2002 invasion-occupation of Iraq was openly and explicitly designed to terrorize the Iraq population and armed forces. % Much of the bombing and torture, and the attack that destroyed Falluja, have been designed to instill fear and intimidate the general population and resistance. % I set my standards pretty low so I'm never disappointed. % A man with a conviction is a hard man to change. Tell him you disagree and he turns away. Show him facts or figures and he questions your sources. Appeal to logic and he fails to see your point. % Problematical global warming is a prophecy, not a reality, so studies of what adherents to prophecies do when the evidence is against them are very relevant. % Is it a conspiracy to think that the same guys who abduct foreign nationals off the streets of cities around the world and take them to black sites - where their eyes are gouged out and their finger nails ripped off - would get squeamish over something as trivial as ballot stuffing? % Look, our elections are being run by corporations that have an obvious stake in the outcome. There's a heap of money involved and nothing is left to chance. The media's job is to make us feel like we have a choice. We don't. % Dude, you're bumming me out. % People are crazy and times are strange. % Don't worry about your friend who fell in love with that stripper and plans on returning, he's still drunk. % How can this particular set of esoteric trivia be constructed to maximize hilarity as quickly as possible? % Nobody will question the winner to find out the truth. % Children are being indoctrinated, not educated. % The final objective of New World Order: the reconfiguration of reality through the sorcery of technology. % According to quantum mechanics, the universe actually consists of much more data than could ever be observed. % Before there were hidden microphones there were confessional booths and the priests reported directly to the government. % A sort of thousand-mile stare has descended on the country. % If we can only accept things in terms of what we already understand then science is no longer an open system. % It's really simple. Zombies don't have inner experience, or qualia. Therefore they think real people don't have it either. Researchers need to learn that not everything that looks human is. % The man who has fed the chicken every day throughout its life at last wrings its neck instead, showing that more refined views as to the uniformity of nature would have been useful to the chicken. % Remember what the Dormouse said: FEED YOUR HEAD FEED YOUR HEAD % The people in America are like the Germans of the 1930s believing that they are still free. % I don't have all the answers. In fact, I don't really have many answers at all. % You do know there's a THEM don't you? % It would not be impossible to prove with sufficient repetition and a psychological understanding of the people concerned that a square is in fact a circle. They are mere words and words can be molded until they clothe ideas in disguise. % Beauty is mute, for the first time in human history and songs have fallen silent. Instead we have noise, chanting, drumbeats, and the only things heard praised are arrogance and mere ugliness. % I would totally fancy you but I'm having a hard time getting over myself. % You will never even know you are slaves. % Wherever they got this, it was modeled after somebody's program. It was not made by some guys on some goat farm outside of Kabul. % The Common People will be deceived by appearances and the end result. And the world is composed mainly of Common People. % A deceiver will always find someone willing to be deceived. % What do you say we just hit a strip joint? % So many choices. And it makes so little difference. % Not only are we to be their slaves but we must eat what they say and sit in the dark. % Sure, we massacred them. But it was for their own good. % Meet the new boss, same as the old boss. % The prognosis is not good for ``the greatest Democracy on Earth.'' % The entertainment factor is really prominent in this election; moreover, it has never been as obvious that the so-called ``democratic process'' is simply a part of the ``bread and circus'' package for the masses. % Civilization, as we know it, is largely the creation of psychopaths. All civilizations, our own included, have been based on slavery and ``warfare.'' The latter term is a euphemism for mass murder. % Civilized people, we are told, live peacefully and cooperatively with their fellows, sharing the necessary labour in order to obtain the leisure to develop arts and sciences. And while that would be a good idea, it is not a good description of what has been going on in the so-called advanced cultures during the past 8,000 years. % Our society is run by insane people for insane objectives. I think we're being run by maniacs for maniacal ends and I think I'm liable to be put away as insane for expressing that. That's what's insane about it. % Men must either be flattered - or eliminated. % In a country whose legal framework authorizes the government to kidnap, torture and murder them, opponents of government policy must decide whether getting out of line - anything from a letter to the editor to direct action - is worth the risk of getting kidnapped, tortured and murdered. % The human mind fails to adapt adequately to what it does not know and therefore assigns irrelevant (not merely incorrect) probabilities to what it does know. % In the end our survival on this planetary ship of fools may depend on us learning to see things as they are, rather than what we tell each other they should be. % We live in a feedback loop of perpetual postponement. For the most part, we are not even aware of what we have lost. % Throughout the ages the state has been the enabling instrument of tyrants. In the last century, it was the state that allowed fascism and communism to impose death and destruction across the globe: millions slaughtered and civilisation nearly dragged back into the abyss of a new Dark Age. % Wars re-distribute a country's money from the poor and middle class to the rich so that the wealthy stay rich and in power. % Brainwashed people will put up with sub-standard living conditions, hardship, and poverty because of a false beliefs of an afterlife and promises of eventual prosperity for future generations. Realistically the wealthy are just exploiting the masses. % There is no possible victory in defence. % Are we at last brought to such a humiliating and debased degradation that we cannot be trusted with arms for our own defence? % We've put psychotics in control of the most powerful weapons in the world. % The marginal energy gain is so small by comparison that we must accept that the biofuels agenda is primarily about genocide. % Philosophers have become no more than the keepers of useful sarcasms, for the secret is out that there is no secret of the universe. % We are not separate from what we observe; our facts are not separate from our beliefs; perception and reality are intertwined. % The American Dream never happened. The American Nightmare is here. % There's more to evolution than a little DNA. % Who is the Master who makes the grass green? % A person who thinks all the time has nothing to think about except thoughts. So he loses touch with reality and lives in a world of illusion. % Your head's like mine, like all our heads; big enough to contain every god and devil there ever was. Big enough to hold the weight of oceans and the turning stars. Whole universes fit in there! But what do we choose to keep in this miraculous cabinet? Little broken things, sad trinkets that we play with over and over. The world turns our key and we play the same little tune again and again and we think that tune's all we are. % You cannot believe in honour until you have achieved it, better keep yourself clean and bright; you are the window through which you must see the world. % We have always sought explanations when it was only representations that we could seek to invent. % 1. Never believe totally in anybody else's BS. 2. Never believe totally in your own BS. % Intelligence is the capacity to receive, decode and transmit information efficiently. Stupidity is blockage of this process at any point. Bigotry, ideologies etc block the ability to receive; robotic reality-tunnels block the ability to decode or integrate new signals; censorship blocks transmission. % Do you know, that there may be no ultimate truth? % Be peaceful, be courteous, obey the law, respect everyone; but if someone puts his hand on you, send him to the cemetery. % Our world is ruled by manipulation, we are told by the media what to wear, how to eat, what pills to take, what is truth and what is illusion and when we disagree and apply critical thinking, then we are the outcast or just strange. % Fifty men have run America and that's a high figure. % Countless people will hate the New World Order and will die protesting against it. % It is often said that if the people of Germany could have been tipped off in the late twenties or early thirties to the terrors of Nazism and the horrors that awaited that they would surely have risen up collectively as a people and put a stop to it. We find ourselves at the same crossroads. % If someone is coming to kill you, they won't be using a toothpick. % It's all about money in this *bastard* world! Money, War and *Sex!* % The police are politically and financially corrupt. They are personally dangerous to be near. The only thing still to be said in their favour is that they are lazy and incompetent. % Democracy is in the first place introduced to control masspeople who are only allowed to transfer once in a while their voting power to elected people who then decide *over* and not *with* masspeople. % The truth does not require the support of legislation. % All the news that gives others fits to print. % Because, like other hired politicians, the new President will know the Drug War must be fought harder to keep the money and drugs flowing and everyone happy. Only in failure will there be success. % Fall under a truck and die choking on your own blood. % Always be prepared for the six foot blonde. % Psychopaths routinely offer excuses for their reckless and often outrageous actions, placing blame on others instead. % In contrast to people with psychotic disorders, such as schizophrenia, who often lose contact with reality, psychopaths are almost always rational. They are well aware that their ill-advised or illegal actions are wrong in the eyes of society but shrug off these concerns with startling nonchalance. % Liberalism cannot exist where it violates its own principles. It cannot exist where the emergency monger or the utopia salesman can obtain a suspension of rights, whether temporary or permanent. Liberty cannot be suppressed in order to defend liberalism. % Freedom is meaningless where its expression is controlled by powerful groups such as the press, the radio, the motion picture industry, churches, politicians and capitalists. % In spite of its inestimable value, science is a tool and has nothing to do with ultimate truth. Herein is the danger of science. % Today's science must forever be free to overthrow its yesterdays, otherwise it will degenerate into ancestor worship. % Whatever the Universe is, by virtue of our consciousness, we are either all or part of it but we do not know which. % Make no mistake about it: the Global Ruling Elite are determined to crush humanity, to make slaves of everyone and they will use any lie, any fraud, any dark and evil deed to accomplish this goal. Never forget that. % I personally accepted the fact I live in a total surveillance police state a while back. Rather than view that as a prison, I've decided to treat it like a stage. This is not a crisis, this is not a nightmare, this is just the world that you and I happen to live in. % If they shut the Strait of Hormuz you'd better have your canned food and shotguns ready. % I wonder if her blood runs slowly or is it thick like ketchup? % `Could I look that tasty?' `Only with chips.' % Only a crisis, actual or perceived, causes a real change. % The dark ages still reign over all humanity and the depth and persistence of this domination are only now becoming clear. % This Dark Age's prison has no steel bars, chains, or locks. Instead, it is locked by disorientation and built from misinformation. % We are powerfully imprisoned in these Dark Ages simply by the terms in which we have been conditioned to think. % I'm going to go have breakfast. A lot of the inmates bitch about it but, actually, the food here is really good. % The worst they can do is kill you. % You're always being monitored. % You're either helping people escape or you're keeping them in. % The voices are back. Excellent. % HUMANITY IS OVERRATED % I come here to dump bodies, not beer bottles. Now I'm just a litterbug. % In Chess or Go, every wasted move is a loss; in rationality, any non-evidential influence is (on average) entropic. % Scientific and engineering breakthroughs themselves aren't the important thing, what really matters is how we fit them into our lives. % There are lies, damned lies, statistics, and then there's Wikipedia. % Is even Hell with statutes paved? % Anyone can kill anyone, even the President. % Perpetual war - the purpose is to kill us all off leaving 20% globally, deliberately brain damaged as a subservient underclass. That way we can never threaten the elite power base. Of the slave underclass only the beautiful and attractive will be allowed to live, so the elite will have a never ending supply of innocence to abuse. % Normal waking consciousness is the product of a true hypnotic procedure that is practiced by parents, teachers, and peers, reinforced by every social interaction, and maintained by powerful taboos. % How can anybody distinguish between dream, hypnotic trance, and reality? % Most humans are stumbling around in mutually-reinforcing trances and it takes a great deal of effort, thought, and time to escape from the trances. % Masters and their wage slaves now threaten the planet with atomic and environmental destruction. % The gangster families who secretly control humanity through corporations, foundations, governments, religions and secret societies for their own greedy, selfish and ultimately destructive ends no longer use food and simple propaganda to control the masses. Instead they control the money supply, the mass media and the public education system. % The chilling truth is that America and the rest of the world is a sophisticated slave society run by sophisticated gangster families. % Once you realize of how little consequence you are in the immensity of time you gain a great power, a liberty, and you can follow your own path in peace. % The human brain is a complex organ with the wonderful power of enabling man to find reasons for continuing to believe whatever it is that he wants to believe. % I never met another man I'd rather be. And even if that's a delusion, it's a lucky one. % When you get to cultural patterns, belief systems, and the like, the guess of the next guy you meet at the bus stop is about as good as that of the best scientist. Nobody knows anything. % They have demonstrated more potently than any argument, demonstrated beyond a question of a doubt, the appalling dangers and enormous effectiveness of popular and theatrical demagoguery. % I can believe anything provided it is incredible. % History may not repeat itself but it rhymes. % Here were sworn enemies, the leaders who beat the shit out of each other all day in public but, the minute those doors closed for the state dinner, the daggers went away and it was one big happy family. Everybody was crossing the aisles and chuckling, and I said, 'Oh, I get it! It really is just a game.' % If you are getting frazzled by all the crises, wait until Saturday. If it is really a crisis, then it will be all over the news then. % Make sure others know not to mess with you. % I wonder about what they will think and do when they hear the machine guns chattering. % Blackwater: coming soon to your neighborhood. % None of them have studied the affair at all but they are experts none-the-less. They know what they know even when they don't know it. % Let's make a bargain. You ask God for help and I'll stop the moment He shows up. % If you're not living on the edge you're taking to much room. % A lost ounce of gold may be found, a lost moment of time never. % It's literally a no-win scenario. Unless someone wins. % Why is there no-one in my head who knows what to do? % All bridges must be burned. There's no turning back. The past is another country. % Eloquence consists of persuading people of things they desperately want to believe. % Does consciousness merely perceive reality or does it create reality or does it modify a pre-existing reality? % That may be true in theory but in the real world % The roots of consciousness exist in ancient neural territories we share with all vertebrates. % Religion and spirituality are not mutually dependent terms. God is larger than the constructs of thought that we build for him. % I'd rather die of heat than eat less meat. % See the happy moron, He doesn't give a damn! I wish I were a moron. My God! Perhaps I am! % Have you ever confused a dream with life? % You just don't have the type of brotherly love that I feel comfortable participating in. % Every time I read stories like this I die a little, inside. % They should go back to their ancestral pursuits of whoring, drinking, gambling, hunting and being beastly to their servants and leave the rest of us alone. % When I look now at some state occasion, I am no longer carried back to an earlier age of freedom and independence. I see only men in silly hats and uniforms putting on a show for the gullible. % Get this straight: yes, governments will kill their own people. % Fighting fire with fire is a standard firefighting technique. % They spotted Bin Laden in the mall with Elvis, in Vegas. % It will be recognised that humans cannot control the climate and must adapt as they have done for millennia to its continual changes. % It is four times more energy-efficient for Londoners to buy lamb imported from New Zealand than to buy it from a producer in their backyard. % Clearly the federal government no longer cares much about providing for health, education, hurricane reconstruction or even bridge safety, as the military budget now dwarfs all other discretionary spending despite the lack of a sophisticated enemy in sight. % A wide variety of evidence suggests that we are only beginning to understand the importance of embodiment in information processing by the brain. % Dr Wolman believes that our society is already showing evidence of an `epidemic of sociopaths' and says he wrote his book as a `wake up call.' % The most dangerous psychopath of all is the educated, socially adept psychopath. % Those who cannot love want power. % Finding a needle in a haystack isn't hard when every straw is computerized. % `See you at the next bloodbath?' `I never miss a party.' % Take responsibility for your own life, which includes seeing the truth of the world you live in. % By now, we all surely know that if they want the intelligence to show that Country X is a `grave' and `growing' threat, they will find it or manufacture it. So once you're debating what the intelligence shows or fails to show, the debate is over. The war will inevitably begin. % Fighting for humanity is a losing battle waged on behalf of herd animals who will be cheering when you get crucified, or beaten to death on pay-per-view. % Polls are only useful in the negative. In other words, they're only giving you actual information when you ask about what people don't know. % Once you really understand Stockholm Syndrome and social entrainment, you'll never look at human relationships the same way again. % Social control is just rich people herding human cattle and so, logically enough, stampedes are a major concern. % Here's a free secret: the US government actually doesn't know shit about UFOs that you can't learn by reading some Jacques Vallee and Richard Dolan. They're covering up because they don't actually know what's going on with UFOs. % A huge swath of our economy is now devoted to preparing for war, making war, and cleaning up after war. % The ruling class relies on academics, scholars and 'experts' to legitimize and provide moral authority for its hegemony over the masses. % The ruling class has many manifestations. It can take the form of a religious orthodoxy, a monarchy, a dictatorship of the proletariat, outright fascism, or, in the case of the United States, corporate statism. % The history of mankind is a history of the subjugation and exploitation of a great majority of people by an elite few by what has been appropriately termed the 'ruling class'. % Extraterrestrial aliens will have long left mechanism behind. They will have transformed to pure media dimensions. % In this case however there is no physical product; the product is a state of mind. % In a Web and Media age, the idea of `facts' should be replaced by the idea of warring information systems battling for Prime Time. % The idea of Fortean percentages can change our entire framework of perception and allow us to enter systems locked against the absolutism of finite rationalisations. % I'm just finishing up a little project but I'll come over later. % I love Halloween. The one time of year when everyone wears a mask, not just me. % There is a difference between accurately relating true events and accurately relating fabricated events that one has been manipulated into believing to be true. % Unless we announce disasters, no one will listen. % There can be only one tiger to a hill. % The stark contrast between the tranquil, recycling, carbon-neutral world of the new establishment imagination and the brutal jungle they have actually created is destined to be the enduring quality of our age. % Famines kill because the distribution system fails, not because there isn't enough food grown somewhere in the world. % If you don't know how to use a compass or first-aid kit, having one in your car won't do you much good. % The most horrifying reality of the illusions to which I am referring is the pain that innocent people are suffering because so many people in America are congregated together in the 51st State - the State of Denial. % Perhaps it's just as likely that our first conversation with extraterrestrials will take the form of a complex psychosocial experiment. % Hey snaggletooth! Can you open my can of beer? % Not only are banknotes no longer backed by gold; the bulk of money isn't even backed by banknotes. % One should keep in mind that there is nothing more difficult to execute, nor more dubious of success than to introduce a new system of things; for he who introduces it has all those who profit from the old system as his enemies, and he has only lukewarm allies in all those who might profit the new system. % They are vicious warmongers, believers in torture, and murderers of innocent people. We have known of such people around the world in the 20th century. We just didn't expect to find them here amongst us and in positions of power. But they are. % We need to realise that if the authorities want to mislead us, there is probably very little we can do about it. % It will eventually be shown that the UFO cover-up has been the most successful deception campaign in human history. % It's a simple matter of accentuating the positive - of steering away from issues of competence and toward the healing political balm of mass public fear. % It really was a wizard prang. % It can take sometimes take a week to get a new hire to learn that logging in with CAPS LOCK on won't work. % The truthful, well-weighed answer that tells the blacker lie. % The Rapture is coming! Santa will save me! % And that can be authenticated. % Beware of what and who you trust. % Every civilisation or empire that has come before us - *every one* - has collapsed, leaving death and destruction in its wake. % Fully acknowledge and internalize that the culture of Empire is destroying the support systems on which the community of life depends and robbing us of our essential humanity. % The US and world economies are on the brink of collapse due to the lunacy of the financial system, not because we can't produce enough. % Hippies believed they were gonna change the world. Funny how well *that* turned out. % Shoppers in a US convenience store stepped over a woman dying from stab wounds with one stopping only to take a picture on a mobile phone. % And that's basically the story of every nation in the world: we're all being run by the most violent, ruthless and powerful people in our respective countries. That's all borders are: ask your history teacher. % The country you live in is full of dangerous people who are mentally insane. % We are being visited by aliens, we are unable to control our skies, we do not know if they are friendly, and we have no idea what they are doing. % Everyone in the world is living a lie. % No king or emperor from the past ever attempted to heckle, harass and regulate the personal behavior of his subjects the way our bureaucracy does now. % These are the types who would make perfect, unquestioning, model citizens in any society in which they were brought up. Young Pioneers, Hitler Youth, Red Guards, whatever, just spoonfeed them the State pap of the day and they'd regurgitate it. % The ideal tyranny is that which is ignorantly self-administered by its victims. The most perfect slaves are, therefore, those which blissfully and unawarely enslave themselves. % There is a glamour in unrestrained evil that even I cannot resist. % Bombing for Peace! % The economy is based on the development and production of the machinery of warfare, and the consequences of world peace breaking out would be economically disastrous. % The system, even though it's legal, is ethically corrupt. % As a firm believer in science and reason, I strive to distinguish clearly between what I can prove and what I merely know is true. % You can't fix stupid. % The vast majority of human beings on this planet are out of their minds. They obey invisible monsters, they're infected with language viruses, and they're all willing to kill you over beliefs they don't even understand. % The most important component of any successful event is lots of friendly, good-looking women in the critical 20-to-35 age range. % They're already here. % You've lied so much you've forgotten what the truth is. % The Internet is a new battleground of mass-social psych-ops. % We are a hungry high tech civilization and culture yearning for Gods capable beyond our technology. We especially yearn since our pre-high-tech era religions are not equipped to really assuage the high tech mind. % The job is not to stop the aliens, since we can't, but to work with the aliens to continue to institutionally deny their genuine existence here on Earth to keep status quo civilization intact. % STOP! THIS DOCUMENT IS A CLEAR AND PRESENT DANGER TO THE MENTAL HEALTH OF UNSTABLE PERSONS % The Internet is to the techno-capable disaffected what the United Nations is to marginal states: it offers the illusion of empowerment and community. % If you have the Creator of the Universe on your side, and you know The Truth about the Cosmos, and yet my stoned sarcasm is enough to offend you it's time to seriously re-examine your beliefs folks. % Smart tyrants stay hidden and manipulate the population into first defeating and enslaving itself. % To never have to use a weapon, have one handy. % Let's face it: those who strive for power are also those most likely to abuse it. % Peer Review now often means that a paper has been subjected to censorship by a close-knit community of like-minded believers. % We thought we could predict the future but we couldn't even predict what was going to happen in this room. % Capitalism is ingesting global warming as happily as a python swallowing a piglet. % The glass half full is the optimist's view, the glass half empty the view of the pessimist. But to an engineer the glass is too big. % I can trust those who hate me because I know that they are out to get me. It's the people who say they're my friends I worry about. % Hope is the last refuge of the defeated. % Perhaps the reason we are so eager to reject any departure from this fiction we call 'normality' is because we have grown dependent on our comfortable delusions; without them there is nothing to insulate us from the harsh cold of reality. % We're cockroaches living under a kitchen sink and we don't even realize there's a city around us. % The greatest challenge facing mankind is the challenge of distinguishing reality from fantasy, truth from propaganda. % They make a wilderness and call it peace. % The fastest-growing occupation in the UK between 1992 and 1999 was hairdressing. % I've watched America go from robotic car washes to '100% hand wash' over the last 25 years. % Zombie Girl ate my brains. % He's the evil of two lessers. % The more you know, the more you know you don't know. % You're out of shape, even for an American. % Kiss me twice. I'm schizophrenic. % 'Johnny quit talkin about Kennedy, man. Let it go. It was a long time ago, would you just forget it?' I'm like, 'Alright. Then don't bring up Jesus to me.' % Here's to cheating, stealing, fighting and drinking. If you cheat, may it be a death; if you steal, may it be a heart; if you fight, may it be for your Brother; and if you drink, may it be with me. % Look at it this way: in a hundred years, who's gonna care? % There never was an exit strategy - fourteen permanent bases are under construction, that was always the plan. % Eisenhower must be rolling over in his grave. % Puritanism - the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. % Real science does not talk about facts; it talks about observations, which might turn out to be inaccurate or even irrelevant. % It is humanity hanging from a cross of iron. % When it takes out of life the moments to which life owes its value, science will not deserve admiration, however cleverly and however elaborately it may lead men along the road to despair. % The music industry has been dying a slow, agonized and completely hilarious death for about five years now, and it will probably be another decade before its cancerous heart finally stops pounding. % You are never dedicated to something you have complete confidence in. No one is fanatically shouting that the sun is going to rise tomorrow. When people are fanatically dedicated to political or religious faiths, or any other kinds of dogmas or goals, it's always because these dogmas or goals are in doubt. % Disgruntled socialists are finding rebirth in environmentalism. % Santa Claus DOES NOT masturbate, you lying bastard! Take it back! Take it BAAAACK!!! I'm pretty sure the Easter Bunny climbed up the open leg of my shorts one time, tho'. % He's saying you know it's true, we have all been stripped of our very souls. % And behold joy and gladness, slaying oxen, and killing sheep, eating flesh, and drinking wine: let us eat and drink; for tomorrow we shall die. % I would ask which human beings - where and when - are to be accorded the privilege of deciding that this particular climate that we have right here today, right now is the best climate for all other human beings. % The Never Ending Days of Being Dead. % The most perfidious way of harming a cause consists of defending it deliberately with faulty arguments. % The worst thing that can happen to a good cause is not to be skillfully attacked but to be ineptly defended. % We need to start seeing the media as a bearded nut on the sidewalk, shouting out false fears. It's not sensible to listen to it. % There is nothing wrong with the scientific method, so long as it is not misunderstood as the be-all and end-all of inquiry. But the way modern science is carried out is more and more problematic. Bureaucratized, corporatized, and above all politicized, science is becoming a highly questionable endeavor. % Which Philip K Dick story are we in today? % This morning, after reading this, I am convinced I've woken up in a Philip K Dick novel. For sure, it's not my world anymore. % Lately I can't shake the feeling I've woken up in a Philip K Dick novel that's been heavily edited by HP Lovecraft. % China has not embraced less-efficient options like wind or solar power. It is far behind being able to satisfy demand, it cannot afford to waste resources on concepts that feel good but do little. % They aren't lying - they're creating `new realities.' % For the public to play its proper checking role at the ballot box, citizens must know what is done by the government in their names. % Those seeking `consent' to exercise power view voters mainly as targets for manipulation. By using focus groups and elaborate polling techniques the elite classes are able to derive the only information they're interested in - feedback useful in fine-tuning their techniques of perception control. % ATTENTION: NO WARNING SHOTS IN THIS AREA. % My theory is very simple: the reptilian always wins. I don't care what you're going to tell me intellectually. I don't care. Give me the reptilian. Why? Because the reptilian always wins. % Most of the time, people have no idea why they're doing what they're doing. They have no idea. So they're going to try to make up something that makes sense. % That's what bureaucratic systems do. They perpetuate themselves. They create work, to ensure that there is always work. They increase work, to ensure they can always increase their empires. They justify work, to ensure they will always increase their budgets and the system rolls on. % There is nothing like having your finger on the trigger of a gun to reveal who you really are. Life or death in one twitch - ultimate decision, with the ultimate price for carelessness or bad choices. % If you haven't found a correlation, you're not looking hard enough. % Try not to live up to all my expectations of you. % Every gun owner has a duty to pass on their skills and knowledge to subsequent generations. % Does the truth matter? Or does power matter? % On September 11th, 2001, over 30,000 children around the world died of starvation. Every single day since September 11th, 2001, over 30,000 children around the world have died of starvation. % Do you want a safe life or an authentic one? % I learned an invaluable lesson in drug experimentation that would stay with me for life: *never go first*. % Do you honestly think I've checked my credit account? I've got forty years left, at best. I'm as good as dead. % Everything that is fun, that promises a bit of warmth or distraction, is to be regulated, taxed, or banned. % A newborn baby with wild wolves all around it. % Any democracy beyond the scale of the town meeting can't work. 'Representative Democracy' only rewards the conniving. % On the Senate floor in 1977, Senator Ted Kennedy said, `The Deputy Director of the CIA revealed that over thirty universities and institutions were involved in an 'extensive testing and experimentation' program which included covert drug tests on unwitting citizens at all social levels, high and low, native Americans and foreign.' % There is evidence that certain kinds of weak electromagnetic signals work exactly like drugs, so the promise is that anything you can do with drugs you could do with the right electromagnetic signal. % We assuredly live in a world run by complete psychopaths. % Maybe it's just a question of not bothering with the meta-narrative anymore - if the individual pieces of the Machine are working so flawlessly, who needs the embarrassingly stupid official story anymore? Free market, spreading democracy, the march of scientific progress - who really believes that shit anymore? % Sometimes a lone nut is just a lone nut. But sometimes he isn't. % All official narratives are always just stories. % Sick and tired of being lectured by global warming hypocrites. Jet flying, CO2 belching, bags made by slaves in China transported thousands of miles buying, bulb banning, Al Gore worshipping morons wagging their finger at me when I don't even drive a car. % Since we are routinely lied to by authorities and experts, of course educated guesses must be relied upon. % As part of the Nazi agenda for racial purity, Hitler spearheaded a national campaign to ban smoking in all public buildings and denounced the practice as a betrayal of the fascist drive for bodily purity. % There's intelligent life in our solar system? Where? Surely not here on Earth! Take a look around you. % Either we have to hope we are alone in the galaxy at this time or that anyone else out there is a lot nicer than we are. % A lone gunman can kill 30 people. A government can commit genocide. I know which I'd rather face. % It's a necessary human failing that we imagine that everything can be `fixed' if only we find the right strategy. Sadly, life isn't really like that. % You'll never go broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people. % You could have surrendered back in 1990, you had your chance. We've got dudes who can summon UFOs and levitate now. STEP YOUR GAME UP. % ODDS ARE PRETTY GOOD THAT ANY HIGHLY ATTRACTIVE WOMAN WHO APPROACHES YOU AND WANTS TO TALK TO YOU IS BEING PAID TO SUBDUE OR EVEN KILL YOU. % A woman has skills a man simply does not have. The history of modern intelligence is filled with accounts of women who have used their sex for the good of their country. % Global warming seems to have made journalists extinct. % There are no answers, only choices. % Jesus repeatedly talked shit to religious officials and law enforcement officers, in public. Jesus got a job offer from Satan himself and turned that shit down with total contempt, and a joint dangling from his lower lip. The joint detail is based on some personal conversations, it's not actually recorded anywhere in the Bible. % Men shouldn't buy 'self-help' books unless the subject matter is car maintenance, or how to disassemble a fucking Browning BAR. We don't improve ourselves, we improve our stuff. % It takes the average woman eleven minutes to get aroused, by which time the average man will have been asleep for nine minutes. % Let's just be friends and make no special effort to ever see each other again. % I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don't have as many people who believe it. % The fact is that, if global terrorism of the kind the government wants us all to be constantly terrified about actually existed, there isn't a single city on this continent that wouldn't be in flames this minute. % You're like a stagecoach passenger who, during a holdup, helps the highwayman go through everybody's pockets to make sure they're robbed as thoroughly as you are. % Don't look at me. I just got here myself. % What you have got to come up with is some strategy for making government impossible. If you can't it will grow like a weed, QED. % Fear does not just happen; it is socially constructed and then manipulated by those who seek to benefit. % If the police ever paid him any attention while he was driving to a rave in the possession of illegal powders he would simply turn on Radio 4 before they asked him to wind his window down, `because it formed an impenetrable bourgeois sphere that the police simply couldn't penetrate.' % He'd been in the cells the day before for holding up a sign by the Cenotaph that said: `You have the right to remain silent.' % These days it's not enough to talk or write about something. People don't notice. They haven't got time. You've got to do something visual: you've got to make a statement by proving you can be stupid on a scale never seen before. % They don't need evidence. Evidence is just something you create to persuade other people. % If you cannot win the game, move the goalposts to one you can. % It's important to have people to look down on, you know? Otherwise we'd have to start examining our own lives or something. % `In what ways was it a giant leap?' `I really don't know.' % Never trust anybody whose arm is bigger than your leg. % A state's perimeter extends only so far as men stand with guns to defend it. % Our political system is based on power. All attention should be given to the elitist centre of power and not to democratic institutions and elections. Democracy has influence only on a small part of society, often it only implements rules that affirm the leading position of the elite. % If one theory is laid aside, then they find another. First there was the threat of overpopulation. Then there was the ozone hole. Now they come with their thesis about global warming. % Now that we have the door to genetic engineering open, we probably can fit the fat ass of the rich man and his goddamned camel through the eye of that needle. % People ache for the damn fiction, it's the truth they have no use for. % Reality is literally dead. Crimes are committed in broad daylight and the victims will bitterly attack you for even mentioning anything happened. Old models no longer work, old approaches are doomed to failure. % People believe what they want to believe and they can prove anything they desire. % Chickens fear me, for I have eaten many of their kind. % The nations of the western world, under the influence of a ragbag of homeless Marxists, new-age hippies, and fund-hungry pseudo-scientists, compete with each other to develop more and more bizarre methods of ritual economic suicide. % If you want an audience, start a fight. % when one of my kids' guided rocket shoots down a sibling's UAV, I will be a very proud father indeed. % It is little known that Germany still sends in uniformed police officers to physically remove children from their families, enforcing the home-schooling ban which originated with Hitler. % There are simply more important things in life than attempting to respond to a soul absorbed by his own conceit. % Hierarchical, `civilised,' technological societies crush and suppress our innate humanity and empower the machine-mind which is the antithesis of life and humanity. % The lie that civilisation suppresses our savage instincts is not merely a lie, it is the exact reverse of the truth. Examine the evidence from anthropology and history and you'll see what I mean. % The overwhelming majority of gay men - like all men, of all types and `orientations' - have no desire to get hitched. What they want is an endless series of sexual encounters, preferably with a different partner each time - although a few repeats might be merited - for as long as they can keep it up (so to speak). % I have visited. The UK is like a sort of dystopian prison of the future to anyone with a highly keen sense of personal freedom. % This is the story of civilisation. The elite classes maintain their power and privilege by psychological manipulation. % I don't wanna roust you about stranger but this smells like gun-fighting weather. % You will be under 24 hour monitoring in public and in private with automated systems that can also automatically punish you. % You'd get your pockets picked in a graveyard. % The simple truth is that you can't child-proof the world - you can only world-proof your child. If you are unwilling or unable to undertake that task, you should never have had children in the first place. % Science is not about taking a vote on things. % Various rock stars have been enlisted to spread the creed to drug-crazed fans. % We no longer have the original tapes of our 9/11 coverage (for reasons of cock-up, not conspiracy). So if someone has got a recording of our output, I'd love to get hold of it. % I find it extremely difficult to believe in or admire `white hats' who act indistinguishably from the sinister black trenchcoated Gestapo operatives who populated movies back in the 40s and 50s. These days `our heroes' are even backed up by squads of machinegun toting goons wearing Nazi helmets! % That's right: those nice people that do such a swell job handing out all those crutches are the same ones who broke our legs. % Seemingly irrational decisions are actually quite rational (but often immoral) if seen in their proper context. % Our corporate state uses the coercive taxing power either to accumulate corporate capital or to lower corporate costs. % He's a legend in his own mind. % He's a legend in his own lunchtime. % Everyone necessarily struggles for their rights, and no government can ever guarantee anything except death and taxes. % Penal systems are vast chains of universities in criminal activity. % If you permit society to oppress you then it will oppress others and the result will be decadence and cynicism. Eventually `society' will become a blood-thirsty god with a will of its own that acts contrary to the will of its participants. % Everyone understands the value of usefulness. But how many perceive the value of being useless? % Empty your mind of useless anticipation. Principles are tools for making decisions when inspiration fails or prolonged deliberation is impossible. Ideology and analysis are only preparation. For naked awareness characterizes the moment of clear and perfect action. % You must cultivate a deep and intelligent interest in the patterns and processes of the natural world and a desire to model human life upon the observable principles of nature as distinct from the arbitrary principles of a social order resting upon violence. % Welcome to the World of Tomorrow % It seems that the onrushing tidal wave of ignorance has reached a point where vast numbers of people are totally unaware of the nature of the world they live in. % The essence of good marksmanship is self-control and self-control is the essence of a good person. % Facts and figures are ruthlessly distorted to justify each new increment of state power. Surveillance increases by the day. % For a health service that routinely wastes millions every day and is building for billions a computer system that will never work to cry `economy' is just one of the many bizarre manifestations of this age of nonsense. % The state is out of control but firmly in control. % Ripping off the EU is now Europe's largest industry. % Our models just carry the present into the future. They're bound to be wrong. Everybody who gives a moment's thought knows it. % To predict anything about the world a hundred years from now is simply absurd. % Nobody believes a weather prediction twelve hours ahead. Now we're asked to believe a prediction that goes out 100 years into the future? And make financial investments based on that prediction? Has everybody lost their minds? % Once you abandon strict adherence to what science tells us, once you start arranging the truth in a press conference, then anything is possible. % In science consensus is irrelevant. What is relevant is reproducible results. The greatest scientists in history are great precisely because they broke with the consensus. % Whenever you hear the consensus of scientists agrees on something or other, reach for your wallet because you're being had. % Sunspot activity has been declining for a number of years and is expected decline by 40 percent over the next decade. The world is about to enter a cooling period. Be prepared to change your lifestyle. % I tend to lack concentr % The true state is the entire political class, the parasitic net beneficiaries of the coercive apparatus of government. % Most non-Americans think they understand America because they watch US films. But Hollywood is not representative of America. % We know nothing of tomorrow; our business is to be good and happy today. % Politics is the business of getting power and privilege without possessing merit. % What's it like seeing all your ideals and principles come crashing down around your ears? About the time the Berlin Wall came down, I was there celebrating, you would have been crying you cunt. % This was almost entirely financed by United States taxpayers who had no idea it was happening. Of course, US taxpayers usually have no idea what's happening anyway. % I should probably just chalk it up to the Kali Yuga. % The Bush administration has consistently abandoned the limitations of `reality-based' politics. They govern through demagoguery, force and deception. % There is no more reliable propaganda-system in the world today than the western media. % The distinction between war and peace will be blurred to the vanishing point. % So it is possible to target those foundations and focus on their weakest points which, even if you strike only one-tenth of them, then the whole edifice will totter and sway, and relinquish its unjust leadership of the world. % It was a profound shock to discover that crime was rather less prevalent among savages with no government than in a society with authoritarian government minutely applied. % Full function without full freedom is impossible. % Being absolute, and maintained by police force, a Government monopoly need not please its customers. % Although some of the goods and services provided by government are essential, it is not essential that they be provided by government. % One cannot defend liberty by destroying it. The contradiction is blatant. % Like Santa Claus, the State can exist only as long as people believe in it. % Government is, by its very nature, an agency of initiated force. If it ceased to initiate force, it would cease to be a government and become, in simple fact, another business firm in a competitive market. % That flagrant insult upon all reason and justice, the deciding upon truth by the casting up of numbers. % In the International Journal of Epidemiology, in 1991, a review of 11 studies showed that non-smokers suffered 50 per cent more Alzheimer's disease than smokers. And researchers at Erasmus University Medical School, Rotterdam, found that more non-smokers had early-onset dementia than smokers. % It has been pointed out that the same data can be used to `prove' that tobacco saves 200,000 lives a year. % In those days scientific disputes were gentlemanly affairs, untroubled by ad hominem attacks launched by politically motivated intellectual dwarfs. % The prejudices of PC are wayward and arbitrary: as exemplified by the British Government, who positively encourage the self-evident evils cannabis and gambling while firmly clamping down on the long established tradition of tobacco. % Now the quality of our politicians is at an all-time low. They are venal and idle, responding to the loudest claques and errantly ignorant of scientific evidence. % He is probably the only person in Stockholm who wears a cowboy hat. % It is in truth not for glory, nor riches, nor honours that we are fighting but for freedom, for that alone, which no honest man gives up but with life itself. % `It's Valentine's Day, so here's a card with a heart inside,` it read. `I'd tell you whose it is, but the less you know, the better.' % `God works in strange ways.' `Yeah, he's got me confused too.' % Sadly, the world is full of weak-minded fools eager to embrace any cause that they imagine will clothe them in virtue. % I shall revel in my heresy. % There was no hominid pack on Terra that did not show the effects of domestication and slave-mentality, a fact first noted by a dour German primate named Nietzsche. % Do they secretly serve Mighty Cthulhu? % We're now in thrall to a proliferating, cancerous, eco-theocracy where your `carbon footprint' is the spreadsheet age embodiment of original sin. % Where's the Inquisition when you need them? % The Media, like the Church, does its work through `magic,' the manipulation of images. In fact our biggest problem in assaulting the Media will be to invent a tactic which cannot be recuperated by Babylon and turned to its own power-advantage. % I can only meet a man at the level of his intentions. % Um, hello? Are you an idiot or what? % I only eat meat. Well, the way I see it, that cow is eating all the vegetables I'll ever need. % If that offends you, feel free to leave outraged comments for me to ignore. % So you can see that a lot is hanging in the balance here, including our collective sanity. % We have thought in terms of fighting dictatorships-by-force through the establishment of dictatorship-by-manipulation. % Sigh. So many rabbit holes, so little time. % One thing is clear. Things are not as they seem. And the way things seem is bad enough as it is. % My mission in life is to know everything and do nothing. % I saw the pilot. He had cuts all over his body. But I imagined death would cure all. % One must be cunning in order to get away with being bold. % Physicians discover diseases, such as malaria. Psychiatrists construct and deconstruct diseases, such as homosexuality. % Being the member of a community, a religion, a nation, a civilization entails joining the cast of a particular national-religious-cultural drama and accepting certain parts of the play as facts, not just props necessary to support the narrative. % FREE, you say? Sign me up! % We're grateful for your ignorance, that's what makes you so easy to control. % Freedom of association also means *not* having to associate with people you don't want to. % Preferring people you perceive as like yourself isn't racism; but there are plenty of bigots who like to characterise it as such. % A spirit of national masochism prevails, encouraged by an impudent corps of effete snobs who characterize themselves as intellectuals. % They just want us to shut up and obey. % The muzzle end of a .45 pretty much says `go away' in every language. % Careful cherry picking of data has always been a reliable way to mislead hoi polloi. % Terrorists didn't take away our freedoms - our government did. % Things to remember. Sight picture, trigger control, good solid position, and breathing. Aim small, miss small! % In Britain, the `public services' are now a vast trough from which a large class of educated people feed. % `We are Muslim, black, and Jew, there are many more of us than you.' % Economically and politically, Western societies have stagnated over the last 30 years or so. The idea that tomorrow will look radically different from - and better than - today seems unrealistic to many. % The US attempt to combine domestic democracy with such tyrannical control over foreigners is hopelessly contradictory and hypocritical. % Never give a sword to a man who can't dance. % Be aware you interact constantly with zombies. % You may not finally succeed in holding out against the zombie mentality. The point is, you have got to try. The effort is everything; the result is not necessarily a loss. % But, wherever a man goes, men will pursue and paw him with their dirty institutions and, if they can, constrain him to belong to their desperate odd-fellow society. % Are politicians governing the nation, or are they already running for re-election? % Today, one of the most powerful religions in the Western World is environmentalism. % Spending money is not the same thing as creating value; spending money is easy, creating value is not. % All the evidence to date, especially from Europe, shows that carbon trading is great for capitalists but that it does absolutely nothing effective about reducing carbon emissions. % Now go outside and punch a cop. % There's 500 channels of braindead crap because *people want braindead crap*. % `I used to be an anarchist.' `What happened?' `Too many rules.' % My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. % Professional does not mean expert. % Has it ever occurred to you that half the people you run into are below average? % Fighting against the advanced weaponry and tactics of Western coalition forces is an effective means of winnowing out many of the stupid and inept militants. % The Pistol. Learn it well; wear it always! % A pistol is primarily a means of saving life - stopping a fight that someone else started. % What are you trying to do? % The reason I'm smiling is because I have no idea what's going on. % You wonder sometimes whether we live in a real world or in a surreal world. % For every short term global record warm weather event that is heralded in the media as an example of global warming there is a counter balancing global record cold weather event, usually ignored by the media. % Every tribe and nation has its own neurological style, its way of orchestrating the received signals into Emic Gestalts (local reality-tunnels). Every infant quickly learns a few crude power tactics and emotional games or cons to impose one's own reality on others. Politicians, clergymen, and advertisers become pragmatic experts at such reality brokering. % The expectation of extraterrestrials is a sociological effect which in itself can be, and is, exploited for down-to-earth sophisticated psychological warfare. % Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms should be the name of a store not a government agency. % I'm going to stop procrastinating, starting tomorrow. % Consider the Cold War. The `defence' of the West was predicated on Mutually Assured Destruction - the calculated, deliberate, premeditated mass-murder of millions of non-combatants on both sides. Genocide on a planetary scale. % The enemy had shape-shifted from Communism, to crack cocaine, and then to radical Islam. All these enemies called for a national response, thereby unifying the USA % What's the difference between the Mafia and the Government if they're both trying to take your money by force? % The only difference between the Mafia and the US government currently is that the Mafia is much smaller and, by many orders of magnitude, less violent. % In fact you can safely up the dose to 80mg of Prozac per day and it may be necessary in your case. % There is no way of having a free society in which there is not abuse. Abuse is the very hallmark of liberty. % The trade of governing has always been monopolized by the most ignorant and the most rascally individuals of mankind. % There is no nonsense so arrant that it cannot be made the creed of the vast majority by adequate governmental action. % The problem is we don't shoot enough of our politicians and lawyers. % Money talks, bugger freedom of speech. % All this bollocks about `devolution' and `democracy' is fashionable now but it will soon become clear how irrelevant and hypocritical all that is. % If the three wise men had given Jesus a dollar, instead of all those crap presents, invested at four percent compound interest that dollar would now buy 100,000 solid gold globes the size of the Earth. % The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilization. % Any sexual excitement is great for blood circulation. Looking at large breasts makes men healthier and can add years to their lives. % Curses on the law! Most of my fellow citizens are the sorry consequences of uncommitted abortions. % Statistics - consider this: it is a fact that 98% of all humans ever born are now dead. Statistically this means that, as you read this, you have only a 2% chance of being alive! Better check your pulse! % There are no stupid questions, but there are a *lot* of inquisitive idiots. % There comes a time when every team must learn to make individual sacrifices. % A company that will go to the ends of the Earth for its people will find it can hire them for about ten percent of the cost of Americans. % The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures. % If you're not a part of the solution, there's good money to be made in prolonging the problem. % If you're attractive enough on the outside, people will forgive you for being irritating to the core. % Why strive for excellence when mediocrity will suffice? After all, most people won't notice until it's too late. % If you need anything at all don't hesitate to ask someone else. % The ultimate goal of the deception plan is to make the enemy quite certain, very decisive, and wrong. % Never explain - your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway. % The oppressed are allowed once every few years to select which representatives of the oppressing class are allowed to represent and repress them. % Credible sources tell me that Google is an Alphabet Agency startup company, with 40% of their stock being US government owned. `The best way to snoop on what people are looking for on the net is to setup and provide the best means to do it.' % There is always more to explore and more to learn. % Wow, have you seen the booth babe two aisles up? % I respect your diversity to the extent that the law requires. % The views expressed here may not necessarily be those of anyone. % The art of entertaining oneself is practically a thing of the past, yet without it people become mere soul-less reflections of other people's imaginings. % Every nation-state has a defining characteristic and that of the United States is manic-depression, cycling between insanely optimistic plans and total despair. % Oh yes, whenever you think you've got something really great, add ten per cent more. % Past performance is no indication of future results. % There's a patsy in every game and if you don't know who the patsy is you're it. % Trusting to escape scrutiny by fixing the public gaze upon the exceeding brightness of military glory, that attractive rainbow that rises in showers of blood, that serpent's eye that charms to destroy, he plunged into war. % Same as it ever was. Same as it ever was. % Statistics, like computer modelling, is a very useful scientific tool. However, like modelling, it can be used very cunningly to present a pre-conceived outcome, whether subconsciously, or consciously. % Progress in science is something like climbing a mountain. Only most mountaineers don't set up a new basecamp every ten feet, then leap out and attack anyone who tries to climb past them. % To explain anything worthwhile there is no single right answer. Unless you have several different ways to explain something, you don't understand it yourself. % One could not be a successful scientist without realizing that, in contrast to the popular conception supported by newspapers and mothers of scientists, a goodly number of scientists are not only narrow-minded and dull, but also just stupid. % It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. % Never judge the strength of foundation by size of building. % The fact that we find that oil and gas exist on the other planetary bodies, obviously not due to biology, is completely ignored. % You know there is nothing that says that things that are fair must also be the things that work. The world is just not so benign to us. Life is not that easy. % Our intellect does not draw its laws from nature but it imposes its laws upon nature. % What we observe is not nature itself but nature exposed to our method of questioning. % What's it like at night when the demons visit you? % The most important thing is to question authority. Why should I believe this because you say so? % You made a fatal error, you trusted us. % I keep six honest serving-men (They taught me all I knew); Their names are What and Why and When And How and Where and Who. % If both the past and the external world exist only in the mind and if the mind itself is controllable, what then? % Instead of flinging feces, crushing skulls with clubs, lighting off cannons, or shooting machine guns, the creatures are now armed with nuclear weapons. Same ape consciousness as ever but with the power to exterminate with god-like efficiency. % Warlords will rise from the smoldering ruins, climb the mountains of skulls and do it all over again. % How much more absurd can this thing get? % We do not know for sure it was Saddam Hussein who was hanged, nor do we even know with certainty a hanging actually happened. % The eyes can only see what is in the mind. % Preventive war was an invention of Hitler. % History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives. % The Central Intelligence Agency owns everyone of any significance in the major media. % Evil men, obsessed with ambition and unburdened by conscience, must be taken very seriously - and we must stop them before their crimes can multiply. % The simple fact is, all who look human are not human in the way we normally understand humanity. A small but very destructive minority of those who look human lack some of the most basic of human characteristics - empathy and conscience. % Politicians' Logic: something must be done, this is something, therefore we must do it. % It's not a matter of what is true that counts but a matter of what is perceived to be true. % Since the end of the WWII the United States has fought three `small' wars and lost all three of them % Politics and crime are the same thing. % The lies the government and media tell are amplifications of the lies we tell ourselves. To stop being conned, stop conning yourself. % Think of the press as a great keyboard on which the government can play. % None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free. % The politicians in this world have at their command weapons of mass destruction far more complex than their own thinking processes. % The welfare of the people in particular has always been the alibi of tyrants and it provides the further advantage of giving the servants of tyranny a good conscience. % War has become a spectator sport for Americans. % The supreme excellence is to subdue the armies of your enemies without even having to fight them. % Vietnam was the first war ever fought without censorship. Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public mind. % What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans, and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty and democracy? % Phony pretexts repeated often enough become real reasons. Things that are not true become true in the public mind simply through endless repetition. % A man who kills on his own is a murderer. A man who kills at his government's request is a national hero. % Terrorism is the war of the poor, and war is the terrorism of the rich. % As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand. % `That's very sweet of you,' she said, `but I'm allergic to chocolates. Besides, they make me fat. Are you trying to make me fat?' % Be careful when you wish for security. You may get what you wish for. A police state, where security patrols are everywhere. % We note with some amusement that in Tony Blair's New Britain, a man may sodomise a schoolboy in a public lavatory and the police must look the other way; but if he gives the boy a cigarette afterwards he will be committing a criminal act. % He admits to having dated a woman he believed to be an extraterrestrial. % Two decades after the Kremlin started beating the retreat from the Soviet empire a new hegemony, based on pipelines rather than tanks, is advancing - and shows every sign of proving durable. % By definition anything I do, whatever it is, is righteous. % And, after all, the poor bloody infantry, and us proles are the ones who will suffer the consequences. The elite classes will be in their gated communities shorting futures - our futures - and making merry whilst the cities burn. % The world's a madhouse. And most people are operating in fantasy anyway. % You'll meet someone, someone very special. Someone who won't press charges. % RFID tags in banknotes allow you to identify who's most profitable for a mugging. % I object to leaving my password on every glass I touch. % Do we want global cooling? If so, how much? % Sleepwalkers in the Slave Society. % America is not a democracy. It is a plutocracy: a system in which the wealthy retain control by making it impossible for anyone other than the wealthy to run for office. % The American President is an ugly symptom, not a cause. % In fact, if you look at the vast majority of those who claim to be Christian, they worship a form of fundamentalist paganism that has no similarity to the teachings of Christ. % We holiday as far away as possible from what we have created because what we have created is so ugly. % People do not make wars; governments do. % Your enemy stabs you in the front. Your friend stabs you in the back. Your partner stabs you in the heart. But me, Your closest friend, Carries a knife. To stab those mother fuckers. % Rule number 8: never take anything for granted. % Rule number 9: never go anywhere without a knife. % America is a land of myth and fantasy. Reality is seldom welcome. % Polls suggest that 1/3 of the population (that makes about 100M) believe that the government was involved, directly or indirectly, with the 911 attack. Then why are they not on the streets demanding justice? *That* is really frightening. % Remember, Hitler happened. Stalin happened. Lenin happened. And George Bush is now happening. % Wake up and smell the *thermite*. % And no surprise; the founder's greatest fears have come true. For a corporate Vampire State is exactly what we have. % The fact is criminally insane people want power while most people are just trying to live. % The idea of what makes civilization needs to be rethought, because evidently in its current form it cannot survive without war and destruction. % What government in the history of the world has not tried to screw their citizens out of freedom? Could you name just one? % That's just another amazing coincidence. % The real problem is psychological, most people have probably never encountered true evil in their lives and they think that monsters look like monsters. No they don't, they look just like you and me and, of course, Bush and Blair, who are responsible for the killing of at *least* 30,000 Iraqis and arguably as many as 600,000, and who then go out and kiss babies. % It is important to remember that, behind the office of the President, there are ruthless men who will do anything at all to maintain and increase their power and to attain their ends. % He's a whore willing to surrender his honour for fast buck. No, sorry, I apologise for that. He had no honour in the first place. % These people are capable of anything. *Anything*. % Forty three years after the assassination of JFK the public continues to believe that LBJ and Earl Warren covered up credible reports that the CIA and Organized Crime, together with at least the passive acquiescence of the FBI, arranged the murder of a US President. Correctly. % According to a July 2006 poll conducted by Scripps News Service, one-third of Americans think the government either carried out the 9/11 attacks or intentionally allowed them to happen in order to provide a pretext for war in the Middle East. % Most of the members of Saddam's government were Shia. % Our children now play games of 'sniper' and 'jihadi,' pretending that one hit an American soldier between the eyes and this one overturned a Humvee. % There may not be tanks in the streets, but the fact that the people of this country no longer have any say in how our country is run tells me that the police state is already here. % Calling it your job doesn't make it right. % They said Hitler's antics were exaggerated, until the stench of burning human flesh was in the air. Today's America is no smarter. % That's what the police state is all about. Protecting the wealthy elite so when the next depression hits (and it will in our lifetime) so we can't devour the rich too easily for our next meal. % No, I don't know how to hypnotise people. If I did I'd be getting a lot more sex. % When you consider the 4,000+ lynchings of African Americans between 1868 and 1968 you know there has *always* been a Police State in the USA but now they are expanding it to include those previously protected by their White Privilege. % If you think that the government is there to protect you, remember people dying on TV during hurricane Katrina. % The trouble with satire is that it keeps turning into prophecy. % A national politician being referred to as 'anti-torture' is one of those clever background details that a science-fiction novelist would drop to clue us in to the fact that we're in some brutal fascist dystopia of the future or a nightmarish parallel history where the Nazis won the war. % George Bush said that the terrorists hate the West because of its freedoms. Makes sense that he's taking those freedoms away in order to stop the flow of hate. Once you're all living in a police state then the terrorists will have nothing to hate you for. % If terrorists actually existed as a massively-funded international conspiracy with thousands of suicidally dedicated soldiers, the United States would be paralyzed today under the weight of *actual terrorist attacks*. % Sadly, my campaign for a ban on fat people appearing in public places isn't going too well. % I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong. % So what you're saying is that free speech must be limited to protect the society that makes free speech possible. % I read the papers and watch TV, it seems to have no sort of meaning in it and yet it's certainly English. % It's not a cell phone that you need, it's a pistol and the skill to use it well. % You know the world's gone crazy when what David Icke is saying makes more sense than the stuff you see on the TV and read in the papers. % I'm more accustomed to handling a rifle than a pen. % A society has failed when it exports its women as whores. % Recedite, plebes! Gero rem imperialem! % Veni, Vidi, Dormivi. % `Development' is, it seems, about destroying subsistence agriculture, replacing small farms with massive plantations, and turning farmers into low wage factory slaves. % What's the difference between having half of your money directly taken (taxed) by the government and having half of its value disappear due to inflation? Nothing. % I bless you madly Sadly as I tie my shoes. I love you badly Just in time, at times, I guess. % So much has gone and little is new And as the sunrise stream Flickers on me, My friends talk Of glory, untold dream, where all is God and God is just a word. % In capitalism `science' must serve the objectives of elites, who manipulate the scientific community within a system of financial rewards and accompanying political pressures. % The Establishment has repeatedly demonstrated that, in the pursuit of energy, and other commercial riches, it is willing to cause the loss of millions of human lives based upon a system of lies and fabrications. % There is nothing as permanent as a temporary government programme. % `Why are you dedicating your life to blasphemy?' `Don't worry sweetheart, if I'm wrong I'll recant on my deathbed.' % Primitive animal hierarchies are based on bluff and bluster and each member is well aware of and accepts, at least temporarily, its position in the hierarchy. The same wild enthusiasm and fascination for dominance and submission rages in human hearts. % I was an atheist until I discovered *I'm* God. % People are walking around in a daze, with no idea. No idea. % I think I should grasp your heart and you cannot struggle with this female magic. What will you answer? % Oh yes, I am a sheeple, and oh so proud to be. I am way too smart to believe in a conspiracy. % The only way to escape this empty life was to submit to it. % You can't turn men into women. Well you can but it's very expensive and you still end up with an Adam's Apple and big hands. % You're just another freak in a freak kingdom. % US-trained death squads in Iraq are not much different from the death squads in El Salvador during the 1980s - subordinated to the same `divide and rule' tactics. % For the billions remaining, globalization and its consort, the information revolution, merely open a window into an exclusive shop they are not allowed to enter. % One of the characteristics of the psychopath and other pathological types is that they have a different relationship to the truth than do people of conscience. % Well anyway, shooting them in the head leaves the maximum number of organs to be harvested for transplant. % Although the sale of body parts is forbidden organ transplantation is just about the most lucrative branch of medicine in the US, for the surgeons, their staff, and the hospitals themselves. % Huge sums of money were committed too soon and now even good scientists prostitute themselves to obtain research money for their students or laboratories, otherwise they risk being fired. But the laws of physics are eternal and cannot be changed with additional research, venture capital or majority votes. % The Lexus has collided with the olive tree and its crumpled hulk spins in a ditch as the orchard smolders. % There's really no point in listening to other people. They're either going to be agreeing with you or saying really stupid stuff. % I was already astonished, and fascinated, that so much that so clearly matters could be suppressed in so many people. % Anonymous authority is more effective than overt authority, since one never suspects that there is any order which one is expected to follow. % In any given argument the chances are both sides are bullshitting. % A giant, lumbering military is of little value in a world where power and prosperity depend mainly on commerce. % Most scientists never look at UFO evidence, which leads to their conclusion that there is no evidence. % From the Bacons, through the likes of Locke, Hume and Russell, to the magnificent climax of Popper's statement of the principle of falsifiability, the scientific method was painfully established, only to be abandoned in a few short decades. % How about freedom *from* religion? % In reality, we are always one election cycle away from tyranny. % Infantry holds the ground. Everyone else, they're there to support them. % I have '666' in my NRA membership number. % Where are we going? Who is taking us there? Should we be kicking and screaming? % Do not worry about understanding it. Just pick up the lingo. % When you've got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow. % Thus our real life and purpose are conducted below our threshold of consciousness. % In today's rapidly changing business world, `increased corporate rewards for risk taking and non-conformity can offer the psychopath faster career movement than before,' Babiak says. % When you realize that much of the problem comes from a relatively small (6%?) group of humans who are not fully human, who don't have consciences and have no possibility of developing them, the seemingly insoluble problems may actually have solutions. % You are *so* going straight to Hell. Get me a seat next to the kitchen, OK? % It's like we walked into an episode of the X-files. % Nearly ten percent of the American people live in gated communities, well guarded against intrusions from people who live in the surrounding world. % The world revolves around *me*. % They embrace fictional accounts of the process in books and movies but are unable to marshal anything approaching an effective societal protest to the process itself. % In the camps one lost everything, except the last of the human freedoms, to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way. % The law does not influence what I do, for better or worse. The law is largely arbitrary and thus irrelevant. It may influence how I do it, though. % No group of professionals meets except to conspire against the public at large. % Help save the Planet. Commit suicide. % Help save the Planet. Commit murder. % Help save the planet. Kill a hippy today. % News is not what it used to be because a dumbed-down population, well represented in newsrooms, cannot distinguish evidence from assertion and fact from feel-good fiction. News is now nothing but a slick, demand-driven product designed to please - not inform - the public. % Saddam's last major massacre was in 1991, during which 3,000 Shiites were murdered. That's less than the monthly quota under 'democracy.' % The Thinkers & Planners, also known as the Meddlers, are perpetual busy-bodies. They always try to `fix' things. Even though they keep making things worse, the T&Ps ignore bad results and continue their `fixations.' % We can't do anything else right but we can at least bomb the shit out of people. % The planned `New World Order' is not the result of democratic, popular pressure. It comes from above, from people who are not as smart as they think they are. % The reconstruction of your consciousness into this automaton thing is being executed in such a manner that it goes virtually undetected; in fact you are doing it to yourself and don't even know it. % Today's society has become rich in academic twisted knowledge and very poor in awareness and truth. % Your mind has been turned into an unfathomable and imperishable ocean of deception. It is your own mind that has become your enemy. % George W Bush is pictured in numerous poses with a halo around his head. In other pictures he stands tall with dozens of American flags blowing in the wind behind him. Another display features him speaking in front of the cross of Jesus Christ. The message couldn't be more clearly presented. % 1936 or 2006, what's the difference? % The Thought Police are here They've come To put you under cardiac arrest And as they drag you through the door They tell you that you've failed the test % Some of the simplest things in everyday life are the most complex for science to understand. % The very powerful and the very stupid have one thing in common. Instead of altering their views to fit the facts, they alter the facts to fit their views, which can be very uncomfortable if you happen to be one of the facts that needs altering. % There's stupid, and then there's stupid. % A survey of five thousand British women in 2000 found that four in ten had suffered from an eating disorder, such as anorexia or bulimia. % That was long ago in a country that has passed away during my lifetime. % There's less science in the world all the time. % Science has succumbed to political correctness. % You have lost consciousness of who you really are. You are a prisoner in your own mind. You are being held hostage by the invisible strings of others you do not even know. % You are being controlled. Your life is becoming more and more illusionary, lacking less and less in the substance of experience. The computer, the Internet, and virtual reality are quickly habituating many minds into automatons, to function like robots in the labs and slave factories of society. % People, today, are bombarded so heavily with emotional stimuli that very few can ever accomplish anything in life. % Look at how the puppet masters have raped minds through disbanding, fragmenting, splintering and even destroying knowledge that might have helped many realize their own true being and essence. % Your mind is being controlled by others and used against you. % In almost every act of daily life, whether in the sphere of politics or business, in your social conduct or your ethical thinking, you are dominated by a relatively small number of people who understand the mental processes and mental patterns of the masses. % You must realize that there is a reality that exists outside of this controlled artificial system. % It's a world where Hollywood can make you believe anything, even that you are free. % The loudspeaker whispers, `All our problems are by accident, never design.' Across the room the system's minion snorts, `If you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to fear.' % In the end, our minds are already preconditioned to accept living in a police state economy and society because we read it in the paper, saw it praised on the news and talk shows, or saw it in a movie. % Instead of `Fair and balanced' it's `We say it enough times and you believe it.' % It's no longer an overstatement to note that the youth today that are raised and taught through network television are intellectually dead by their early teens. % I went to a restaurant that offered, `Breakfast at any time.' So I ordered French Toast in the Renaissance. % Practical thermonuclear fusion energy is a wonderful dream. Its capacity to be a viable solution is unknown and, after its 55-year history, further promises are difficult to take seriously. % Theory guides but experiments decide. % `The sky is falling!' cried Chicken Little. `We must tell the king.' `I know a shortcut to the palace,' said Foxy woxy sweetly. `Come and follow me.' % Life's a beach and then the tide comes in and drowns you. % The Internet is on track to be consuming half of all the world's output of electricity by the end of the first decade of the 21st Century. % The total of electricity consumed by the hardware supporting the major Internet search engines in 2006 approached 5 gigawatts, similar to what was needed for the Las Vegas metropolitan area on a hot day. % Genes that code for proteins make up only a tiny fraction of the human genome. The function of the remaining non-coding sequence is just beginning to be unraveled. % Steal a little, go you to jail; steal a lot, you become a king. % The `poverty pimps' of the 1960s have given way to the `democracy' pimps of the 21st century. % By claiming there's a terrible problem they, as experts, hold the occult knowledge to they gain stature and position. It's inevitable the `experts' believe what they believe, nothing else makes sense in their world. % There was always a minority afraid of something, and a great majority afraid of the dark, afraid of the future, afraid of the past. % Congressional investigations are not about coming to the truth of a matter in order for the laws of the republic to be improved for the common good. They are designed to extract political benefit and put opponents in the wrong. % The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun. % The purpose of government is to hire and employ government workers, to collect money from the citizens and spend it; the goal of politicians is to stay in office and avoid having to go back to work. % On Tuesday night, in an ironic turnaround, Iraq brought regime change to the US. % None of us thought that meant the end of TIA, only that it would turn into a classified program and be renamed. Well, the program is now called Tangram and it is classified. % Now, one piece of useful information frail humans: add reflective Mylar to your wardrobe and you may live at peace amongst our robot terminators. % Never send a man to do a robot's job. % In physics, as in much of all science, there are no permanent truths; there is a set of approximations, getting closer and closer, and people must always be ready to revise what has been in the past thought to be the absolute gospel truth. % Tranquility Base here. The Eagle has landed. % You will soon acquire a large sum of money and will be in seventh heaven as you head to the nearest supermarket and buy all the beer they have in stock. Whoever said money can't buy happiness didn't know how to shop. % Your mileage may vary. E&OE. % Goat is the world's most popular red meat. % I would give it three decades, no more, before contact with extraterrestrials is made. % Amongst the myriad stars I stand alone and wonder how much life and love there was tonight % I'm gonna take particular delight in seeing you hang. % Remember, democracy never lasts long. It soon wastes, exhausts, and murders itself. % Both oligarch and tyrant mistrust the people, and therefore deprive them of their arms. % No one understood better than Stalin that the true object of propaganda is neither to convince nor even to persuade but to produce a uniform pattern of public utterance in which the first trace of unorthodox thought immediately reveals itself as a jarring dissonance. % War is a matter of vital importance to the state; a matter of life or death, the road either to survival or to ruin. % They used to complain about people having `compassion fatigue.' Well now I've got `terror fatigue.' What the hell is it we're supposed to be terrified of this week? % Even before they start taking secret bribes Members of Parliament can easily earn over £100,000 a year. Given their lack of ability in holding the Government to account I would not employ them on a tenth of that to clean toilets. % For a democratically-based political system to function there must be a reasonable amount of congruence between what people believe and what is actually the case. % You can change the structure of society at the most profound levels, as long as you keep the old appearances. % All societies have a schizophrenia; it simply varies according to the level of repression that exists. There are always official truths and there are always quiet, real truths. % There are some people who just need killin'. % Social balance has evolved into a war of the metaphor - neurolinguistic programming meets George Orwell. % Social institutions only work if people believe in them. And what we've seen over the last 5 years is an object lesson in the impotence and failures of democracy. % A government is nothing more than an agency with a monopoly on force in a given territory. % This isn't about the truth, this is about what we can prove. % Can anything be more Orwellian than identifying patriotism with the abolition of habeas corpus? % Habeas corpus is the principle that a free people have the right to see the causes and the evidence for any arrest. Without this basic protection a government by definition becomes a tyranny. % For the living know that they shall die: but the dead know not any thing, neither have they any more a reward; for the memory of them is forgotten. % We are so corrupt as nations that our rulers are still heaping less misgovernment on our heads than most of us would be happy to accept. % Democide, or death by official government forces, has long been known to be the leading cause of civilian death but is generally unreported, or categorized blandly as strife, tragedy or civil unrest. % One look in his eyes told me that thinking wasn't his sport. % Conquest is easy. Control is not. % May the FARCE - as always - be with us. % Life is like a good deli. Even if something isn't on the menu, if enough people order it they have to make it. % How is that, you may ask? Well, I am reminded of a story my guru Harry Cohen Baba used to tell % The Bush Administration's `pro-life' stance appears to be limited to the unborn and the brain-dead. % This is getting complicated: we've got people trying to blow up airplanes with KY jelly and Gatorade; we've got Iran doing the nuke walk and thumbing its nose at us; meanwhile, we're knee-deep in sexual predators, insurgents, rogue states, terrorists, and whack-job wannabes. It's difficult to know who we're supposed to be terrified of any more. % As I've said many times, secrecy is not the same as security. And, in many cases, secrecy hurts security. % There is considerable overlap between the intelligence of the smartest bears and the dumbest tourists. % But I want it more than you do. % They say I've gone completely off the deep end. That's not possible, I started out by jumping off the deep end and I haven't noticed the water getting any shallower lately. % So `family planning' is for when you plan *not* to have a family? % I realize that, by not using a four-digit year, this code is not Y3K-compliant. Even given the impressive advances in lifespan due to modern medicine, I do not expect to live to the time at which it will be a problem because I would then be well over 100. % The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which. % It is inevitable that all prolonged booms eventually go bust. % Diplomacy without a realistic threat of significant action, in the event that diplomacy fails, is just empty chatter. % `They'll all die slow and horrible deaths.' `No, not all. The lucky ones will be executed.' % You can never be too rich or too thin or too well armed. % The fuel of radical Islam is our petrol-dollars. % In school, low-IQ teachers try to make little boys into girls and expel them if they play soldier and say Bang. Then the Pentagon recruits these transvestite artifacts and sends them off to shoot people they've barely heard of. What a plan. What clarity of vision. What consistency. % It is a purely consumer society. There is not much to life out there except buying things. Granted, a medieval serf would have regarded this as a problem much to be desired but it leads to a certain bleakness today. % Deeds, not words. % Judge a tree by its fruits. % Code 501: Ostentatious ugliness % Code 601: Conspicuous stupidity in a public place % I am not a piece of your inventory. % You do what you want; I fight back. % Worry is the misuse of the imagination. % We cannot direct the wind but we can adjust the sails. % Argumentum ad dystopiam: something is true because it will make bad things much worse. % Argumentum ad botulism: something is true because it makes you dangerously ill. % Argumentum ad mominem: something is true because your mother said so. % Argumentum ad Discordian: something is true because you are The Pople. % Argumentum ad vermiculum: something is true because it makes your house plants drain better. % Argumentum ad solipsism: something is true because I found it in my navel. % `You went out there to talk, why'd you have to shoot the man?' `Conversation kinda dried up ma'am.' % You can't shame or humiliate modern celebrities. What used to be called shame and humiliation is now called publicity. % `We should loosen his collar.' `I hardly think such drastic measures are called for, Miss Basset.' % I wonder what the poor people are doing? % What's the weather like up your own arse? % Never trust a politician. % Isn't it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists? % We have so many laws that we cannot possibly enforce them all, a situation that usually leads to anarcho-tyranny in which selective enforcement of laws is used in a deliberate manner. % When we consider that 300,000 Soviet troops could not subdue Afghanistan, we get a sense of how large a force would have been needed. % When you look with your eyes, everything seems nice But when you look twice, everything is all lies % The test of police efficiency is the absence of crime and disorder not the visible evidence of police action in dealing with it. % The distortion of science for ideological purposes has a long history and the results are generally ugly. % It's a shame that when the revolution does come I'll be way too apathetic to capitalise on it, apart from the occasional, `see, I told you.' % Like the mighty Leviathan rising from the deep, our numbers swell. % I don't think I'm alone when I say, `Hail Eris! All Hail Discordia!' % If boys are deprived of risk, leadership and discipline they provide those commodities for themselves. % That a lie which is all a lie may be met and fought with outright, But a lie which is part a truth is a harder matter to fight. % The barbarians are no longer at the gates, they have taken over the citadel. % There are a lot of snouts in this particular trough. They produce nothing and they make their living from taxes on the poor, much like the priesthood in the Middle Ages. % The American public has been lied to for so long, they wouldn't be able to recognize the truth if Jesus told them personally. % When the Bushians call bin Laden a `fascist,' the only proper response is, `Look who's talking!' % The point, however, is that the `Islamo-fascist' meme is a classic example of projection - that is, superimposing one's own motives and psychology on someone else. % Somehow, the face of the enemy always morphs into the mustachioed visage of the German chancellor. Somehow, it's always 1939. % Give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. % The prequel to Orwell's nightmare was not a violent revolution but democratically elected leaders who simply did not care. % If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face - forever. % Two gin-scented tears trickled down the sides of his nose. But it was all right, everything was all right, the struggle was finished. He had won the victory over himself. He loved Big Brother. % You're so ugly, when you were born the midwife held you up then slapped your mother. % Save the Planet: it's the only one that has chocolate! % Save the Planet: it's the only one that has coffee! % Now the oil is thicker than blood How many lives to the gallon, now bud? % The key requirement deception is knowing what the enemy wants to think. Once you know that you can help him along the path. % To the Church the University is a hotbed of heresy, to be investigated and purged. % Who ate all the pies? You did! % The high ground is where it's at. Always take the high ground. % Do not reject these teachings as false because I am crazy. The reason that I am crazy is because they are true. % You can fly over the land, you can bomb the land, you can render the land uninhabitable but you don't own it until you can stand a 17 year old kid with a rifle on top of it. % There was never anything by the wit of man so well devised, or so sure established, which in continuance of time hath not been corrupted. % The irony is that the science that these solitary geniuses of the past created also produced mass communications. The groundlings now gape at manifestations of the celebrity culture, unwittingly manipulated to do the bidding of their self-appointed masters. % Like a knife, statistics is just a tool that can be used for good or ill but man is a perverse and political animal. % There are some ideas so wrong that only a very intelligent person could believe in them. % We have now sunk to a depth at which restatement of the obvious is the first duty of intelligent men. % What can you do against the lunatic who is more intelligent than yourself, who gives your arguments a fair hearing and then simply persists in his lunacy? % The very concept of objective truth is fading out of the world. Lies will pass into history. % We know we have not won the debate but we will pretend we have and no one will hear the counter-argument. % We are lying, we will continue to lie, we are looking for better ways of lying. % And what about Magna Carta? Did she die in vain? % Wake me up when the saucer lands on the Whitehouse lawn. % Wake me up when they finally detonate a nuke. I might give a shit then. % Do whatever we tell you and believe whatever we tell you or YOU WILL BE KILLED BY BROWN PEOPLE!! % And what rough beast, its hour come 'round at last, slouches towards Bethlehem to be born? % Even with the 9/11 attacks included in the count the number of Americans killed by international terrorism since the late 1960s is about the same as the number of Americans killed over the same period by lightning, or accident-causing deer, or severe allergic reaction to peanuts. % If you could see into the future then what would actually be the point - of anything? % Sure, there are going to be computer-security controls protecting this thing but we all know how well that sort of thing has worked in the past. % So Dubya goes to war because God told him to. There's a woman down in Texas who bashed in her kids' skulls for the same reason. % Over the years I've met a handful of people who regularly talk with God but they usually do so only when they're off their medications. % Satan hasn't a single salaried helper; the Opposition employ a million. % The urge to save humanity is almost always only a false-face for the urge to rule it. % Is God willing to prevent evil but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God? % Could the savior you believe in save Osama bin Laden? % Technology is powerful but history is more powerful. % You'll feel much better once you've given up hope. % They hate us for our freedoms and yearn to be bombed into having them. % During the Rodney King Riots in Los Angeles my very Liberal neighbors closed off Laurel Canyon Boulevard to blacks, including the black driver of an Airport SuperShuttle. Of course they felt horribly guilty about doing it after the riots were over. % Just remember, nobody is so small they can't set fire to something. % Soon after Israel takes Jerusalem the end of the world will occur. It says in the Bible, `this generation shall not pass till all these things be fulfilled.' A generation in the Bible is 40 years, so the end of the world will be 40 years after 1967, i.e. 2007. Please take this warning seriously - in 1982 I spoke to an angel of Christ confirming the above. % I asked my cat and she said, `No it's all crap. The world will end when *we* decide it!' % The claim that Bliar has lost his marbles concerns me. In fact, I find it outrageous. The writer should back up his claim by demonstrating that Bliar ever had any marbles in the first place. % That guy must have quite a sore back, considering he walks through life with his head up his arse. % The only stupid question is the one you don't ask. % If a satirist had invented such characters only ten years ago he would have been dismissed as being totally over the top. % What is an `original memory?' The process of interpretation occurs at the very formation of memory - thus introducing distortion from the beginning. % Out Yankee troops and the World Bank % All warfare is based on deception. % Real brains have some capabilities for working with a continuous external reality that digital computers will always find computationally *very* demanding. % On a notice board, I took note of a rather desperate plea from the local Brentford Neighbourhood Watch for rifles and ammunition. % The notion that the government (and other parties) is interested in tracking and eavesdropping on common, everyday communications is not paranoia at all since we know for a fact that this is being done. The only question is what, if anything, one wants to do about it. % However desperate the situation and circumstances, do not despair. When there is everything to fear, be unafraid. When surrounded by dangers, fear none of them. When without resources, depend on resourcefulness. When surprised, take the enemy itself by surprise. % Kurzweil's arguments about DNA, brain biology, and human intelligence are so fantastically wrong it's hard to know where to start. % The only answer to, `How many advanced civilizations are monitoring the events in this room?' must be, `As many as want to.' % Our dogs are fed on Jehovah's Witnesses. % We often distort our already imperfect perception of reality to fit into some preformed pattern. % We can never directly know reality and we can never be sure that anything we think or sense is an accurate representation of reality. % It's a great example of people using new technology to solve a problem that doesn't exist. % The public elect these hopeless career politicians and will get what's coming to them. % If Adam and Eve are admitted to be ignorant of good and evil before the eating of the forbidden fruit, how could they be expected to know that disobedience was evil? % The war on poverty is over. The poor lost. % If the end can't justify the means then what can? % The Washington `gaydar' is pinging wildly today as British Prime Minister Tony Bliar pays a visit to George W Bush while Laura Bush continues her vacation in Alaska. % The unexamined life is not worth living. % Step one is to know what you're trying to do. % Cut yourself some slack. It goes good on crackers. % We like to lie to ourselves a lot about why we do things because often our true purpose isn't very nice or noble and doesn't fit the ideal image we have of ourselves. You can't know what your will is if you lie to yourself. % In every action you do, pay attention to why you're doing it. What is your will? % Propaganda isn't so much the art of telling lies but the art of using `selected truth, oversimplified to the point a child could understand it and then repeated,' as Goebbels so succinctly put it. % You haven't seen me, right? % We're in the era of non-stop resource wars. The dominant feature of American capitalism is theft. % Are we not drawn onward, we few, drawn onward to new era? % It's not what you know but who you know. % Ghengis Kahn conquered the whole world but died falling off a pony. % How many fingers am I holding up? % I'm not on any side. Sides are for losers. % You can do what you can get away with, you must do what must be done. % Another chicken and egg question: does political power tend to corrupt or do those who tend toward corruption seek political power? % You fund mine, I fund yours, that's peer review. % Everything that you have ever been taught is a lie. Now go and find truth. % If you're looking for problems, you will find problems. % Bollocks to Blair % The proverb warns that, `You should not bite the hand that feeds you.' But maybe you should if it prevents you from feeding yourself. % It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness. % If regulation could make the world a better place then we would already all be living in paradise. And clearly we are not. % It was one of those 3am friend moments, you know the kind of thing, you wake up on the bathroom floor covered in coke, you look round and there's a dead hooker in the bath. % Strange times are these in which we live when old and young are taught in falsehoods school. And the one man that dares to tell the truth is called at once a lunatic and fool. % An extremely small but significant portion of what seems to be electromagnetic noise in outer space is, in fact, intelligent communications. % The facts are clear: there is no such thing as Islamic terrorism in terms of there being a world wide network of terrorists who want to `hurt civilised people everywhere.' Any such suggestions should be seen for the clear Nazi Party-style government propaganda that they are. % We may speculate that flying saucers spotted from time to time may not only include visitors from other planets and travelers through time but also fledglings from an unknown number of cuckoos' nests in secret experimental plants all over the world. % Common sense discerns that most of the beliefs ruling the public mind are also deliberate hoaxes, what Noam Chomsky calls `necessary lies,' to keep the population pacified without brute force. % The essential message is that there are as many ways to understand reality as there are variations on a theme by Paganini and every one of them is a myth. % You don't really know what you believe you know - and neither does anyone else. % Any honest lawyer would tell you that court is a ritual to determine what is legal, not what is true or just. % Science is science just because it makes reality understandable; a science defying comprehension is mysticism. % Compulsory public school is not a sanctuary for free reason but a Skinner Box for conditioning the population to obey authority and a grading machine for awarding social perquisites. % Hysteria is an addictive drug; in collusion with the media, governments find it advantageous to keep the public in chronic hysteria with pseudoscientific emergencies and dietary panaceas lest a critical mass of voters calm down enough to cross-examine political arguments. Popular science is an opiate of the people. % Power today grows from broadcast antennas far more than from the barrels of guns. % A majority of the people themselves are too easily seduced into abandoning their own institutional protections against tyranny by the false promises and poisonous dreams of statist propaganda. % Thomas Jefferson would have asked why the Jews and Gypsies of Germany allowed themselves to be disarmed by Nazi gun-confiscation laws without rising in revolt - and, more pointedly, why the soi-disant civilized nations of the world did not see the confiscation of civilian weapons as a sure harbinger of the Holocaust to come. % Many Wiccans, especially among priests and priestesses, are also Discordians and will look you straight in the eye and tell you that the entire neopagan movement is a Discordian hoax. % We generally feel that any religion that can't stand to have fun poked at it is in as sad shape as the corresponding kind of person. % It is more dangerous to take your religion too seriously than too lightly. % Steal from any source that doesn't run too fast. % We tend to believe that `converts' are dangerous robots and that people looking to be `converted' aren't the kind we want. % The power to travel through time is the power to create sequence at will. Sequence is the principle of order by which all reality is established. Therefore the technology of time travel confers upon the technocrats the power to create entire worlds to order. The engineers accede to the power of the immortal gods, transcending time and space. % The beliefs a society holds about reality determine the technology it will develop. % As long as the basic concept of our civilization maintains that whatever is real must be equally real for all observers, and all the more equal to all laboratory instruments, the flying saucer must be ignored as unreal. % Unless the UFOnauts decide to announce their presence to everyone by means of their own superior communications technology we could be a colony of a galactic empire and never know it; the aborigines of the East Indies were colonies of the European nations for centuries without knowing that white men existed. % Concepts of reality are axioms which cannot be tested. % I was only following orders. % Every time the government fails politicians say, `The problem is much larger than we imagined, give us some more money.' % The idea of the Singularity is just a modern version of the ages-old superstition that human history is, or soon will be, made over by something other and better than human beings. % Barons on opposite sides of the river don't need to be in cahoots if their interests coincide. % You might say reality is the result of complex negotiations between the observer and the observed. But that is simply a point of view. % You know what always cheers me up? Laughing at other people's misfortunes. % With a warning label this big, you know they gotta be fun! % I hate these filthy neutrals! With enemies you know where they stand but with neutrals - who knows. It sickens me. % `Are you sure this is a shortcut?' `Not as sure as I was an hour ago.' % Hey! Do I preach to you when you're lying stoned in the gutter? No! So beat it! % It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. But then the winter came, and the grasshopper died, and the octopus ate all his acorns and also he got a racecar. Is any of this getting through to you? % Everybody plays each other. That's all anybody ever does. We play parts. % O ye hypocrites, ye can discern the face of the sky; but can ye not discern the signs of the times? % Many reporters will repeat word for word, right down to the headline, any media release issued by government press secretaries without even the most cursory checking of the contents for accuracy. % Thou shalt not make a machine in the image of Man's mind. % OK! I'm insane. But I'm still sane enough to know it. % I usually try to keep my sadness pent up inside where it can fester quietly as a mental illness. % I've never seen you so cheerful. What the hell's wrong with you? % There's one way and only one way to determine if an animal is intelligent. Dissect its brain! % Sometimes you just have to allow people to make the mistakes they need to make. % I'll kill a man in a fair fight or if I think he's gonna start a fair fight. If he bothers me. Or if there's a woman. Or if I'm gettin' paid. Mostly only when I'm gettin' paid. % We need to realise that there are many inconvenient truths. % If no science can predict a relatively closed system like the stock market, how the devil are you going to fine tune something a large as the American economy? % How can vegetarians possibly love the environment they keep eating all the plants. % roses are red violets are blue all of my base are belong to you % I'm nobody's pawn. I don't even like chess! % People are a lot easier to get on with if you simply lower your expectations. % Did you wake up insane or was it a slow onset? % She's hot and she's a good judge of character. So what if she holds me in utter contempt? At least she's thinking of me. % What is it you humans say? Take me to your leader. % I can't sacrifice the present waiting for a future that may never happen. % What does it all mean? You tell me. % Through the dark of futures past, the magician longs to see. One chants out, FIRE WALK WITH ME! % Humans will argue any and everything with each other. AND THEY KNOW THIS, MAN!!!! % Reality transforms faster than the speed of thought on the Conspiracy Planet. % As a general rule medications developed by the drugs companies, for whatever purpose, are maintenance drugs for only maintenance drugs allow sufficient financial return to justify the necessary prior outlay on research and development. % Now, about that castle % The idea that ordinary Americans have any control over their country's foreign policy is contradicted by history and refuted outright by Iraq. % We know for a fact there were chemical weapons in Iraq: they were supplied by America, shipped to Iraq by America, for use during the war against Iran. Trouble is they were the only ones, which is a little embarrassing for the USA. % Never go into a situation without a backup plan. % When dealing with crazy people know when to cut your losses and hit the road. % Not all costs of doing business are disclosed up front. % This is the dark world of Auschwitz which, as we know, was run as a joint-stock company by scientists, doctors, and corporate industrialists. % American culture is still the main generator of the controls and designs of the world's dream-machine and its consumer products, like television, are doll's house furniture. % I went to church last week and was in a room with a bunch of experts on religion. None were remotely skeptical about God. Therefore, he must be real. % In my town, if you're a Satan worshipper who likes hip-hop and crewelwork, there are vegan and non-vegan options. It's crazy. % Had the IPCC used the standard parameter for climate change (the 30 year average) and used an equal area projection instead of the Mercator (which doubled the area of warming in Alaska, Siberia and the Antarctic Ocean) warming and cooling would have been almost in balance. % In fact, when CO2 levels were over ten times higher than they are now, about 450 million years ago, the planet was in the depths of the absolute coldest period in the last half billion years. % Everyone loves a catfight. % Psychopaths seek power over others, it's that simple, and they gravitate to any field where there is power: medicine, law, industry, politics. It has always been that way, this is nothing new. % Richard Dolan has pointed out that those at the top will *always* take whatever measures necessary to stay at the top. When knowledge is power that means they will make sure they are in control of what people know or think they know. % It never seems to occur to most people that the perfect place for a psychopathic serial killer to hide in society is as a prosecutor or a judge; but I assure you that it occurs to the Psychopaths of the world. % Despite the decades of research that have demonstrated that people cannot reliably tell who's lying and who isn't most people believe they can. % It is likeability and charm that he wields as weapons. % Since our world is run by people who lie for a living you might expect that they have set things up so that liars will always win. And that is, oh so sadly, the case. % A smart man learns from his mistakes; a genius learns from the mistakes of others. % If there is such a thing as a plausible lie, is it not also possible that there might be such a thing as an implausible truth? % A person who is sincere and speaks the truth really has almost no chance against a plausible liar. % When two opposing sides of an argument are presented, one by an honest man and the other by a liar, the liar usually wins, simply because he is not inhibited by the truth. % Those who are at the top of the heap will always take whatever steps are necessary to maintain the status quo. % All elites take care to manipulate public information to maintain existing structures of power. It's an old game. % A defective head of state will select his staff, his government, based on his own pathologically damaged worldview. % Pathological processes have historically had a profound influence upon human society at large due to the fact that many individuals with deformed characters have played outstanding roles in the formation of social constructs. % Understanding the nature of macro-social pathology helps us to find a healthy attitude and thus protects our minds from being controlled or poisoned by the diseased contents and influence of their propaganda. % Many phenomena cannot be understood and described by natural language alone. % We are not commonly aware of, nor do we usually identify, the large number of nonviolent sociopaths among us - people who often are not blatant lawbreakers and against whom our formal legal system provides little or no defense. % Nothing is rejected or accepted automatically. This requires discernment. It requires a continual reading of everything in the environment and a refusal to accept anything at face value. % Where all parties have turned their god into a real-estate tycoon literal turf battles have a tenacity unrivaled by mere greed for oil wealth or ethnic squabbles. % One way to draw attention to disinformation is to have someone attack it *as* disinformation. % Wishful thinking *will* get you, *every* time. % The human race desperately needs to understand the difference between its need to believe and what it actually believes *in*. % Once you can get people to believe things you can definitely prove are not true you can get them to believe anything. % Sell people on their unworthiness and guilt and you can control them. % With an infinite imagination in your finite brain you try to find a little consolation against the knowledge one day, like all living things, you will be dead and gone. % Information is mostly wasted on TV-lobotomized minds. % You refuse to realize that what is happening to those faceless strangers so far away is one day soon also going to happen to us, right here. % You don't have slang terms for things that rarely happen. % New knowledge is almost always off the beaten path: where others have gone has generally been picked clean. % But don't blame it on the lies of our leaders. Blame it on the lies we told - and are still telling - ourselves. % Despite intact rational processes, normal emotional affirmations and their consistent application in all directions, we are dealing here not with a complete man at all but with something that suggests a subtly constructed reflex machine which can mimic the human personality perfectly. % Assume that you are under surveillance *always*. % People with weird habits are never alone on the Internet. % In one way the Great Black Yonder is better than earlier frontiers; there are no native inhabitants that anyone will have to kill, suppress or enslave in order to live there. % Ever fewer people go to the ballot boxes but that doesn't help because elections are only plays in a theatre. % Many centuries ago religious leaders talked about predestination, the present planners have a comparable idea. % The system to control people that existed in the Soviet Union is being refined in the USA. It has become a super Soviet State with more people in prison than in the Russian Gulag. % There are periods of history when the visions of madmen and dope fiends are a better guide to reality than the common-sense interpretation of data available to the so-called normal mind. This is one such period, if you haven't noticed already. % Soon now, the mask will be off and we will finally get to gaze upon the actual system we created with our decades of apathy and sloth. % Even as bad as 9/11 was it wasn't enough to polarize the world. Something else is going to happen. That event will be transformational in nature, changing the way we think about freedom of speech and movement, money, surveillance, state sovereignty and many other factors. % Since the assassination of John F Kennedy, an international, crypto-fascist syndicate has been rapidly consolidating its grip on this planet. % In reality, we are today in the midst of a theology of pure power - power born of structure, not of dynasty or arms. % It is only through mastery - through transformation - of the past that the present and future can be brought to heel. % Hard work pays off over time but laziness pays off right now. % Seize the day but not at the expense of tomorrow. % There is, and there can be, no standard for the measurement of `higher or lower,' `better or worse' and, in the final count, human happiness is the only criterion by which we can presume to judge. % We are like a two-dimensional person who is not able to `see' the forest which, to him, is no more than an area where there are a number of circular places into which he cannot enter. % Each question which Science has answered has spawned a dozen more that now need to be faced. % What we produce has been scripted to some extent by the composer, interpreted by the conductor and performed and interpreted by the instrumentalists. We are aware of the total result, the symphony of life. % The human organism is like an orchestra which is composed of many different types of instruments, each playing a part in the symphony of life. Every instrument is critically important to the performance, even the seemingly insignificant like the triangle player whose sole task is to give a single `ting' at a critical juncture. % We are not logical, in most cases we cannot `think' before we act but we have a remarkable talent for explanation. % Let's say that everything you know is not only wrong it is a carefully wrought lie. Let's say that your mind is filled with falsehoods - about yourself, about history, about the world around you - planted there by powerful forces so as to lull you into complacency. Your freedom is thus an illusion. You are in fact a pawn in a plot and your role is that of a compliant dupe, if you're lucky. % Even the memory of what was lost was also lost. % Beware of Santas bearing gifts. % The deep politics embedded in the structures of power are removed from discussion and correction, and will, if left alone - as they usually are - continually renew themselves. % The battle for the mind of North America will be fought in the video arena. % The map is not the territory; the word is not the thing. % You must arm the people and disarm the government. % If enough of us want something badly enough we get together and steal it - and if the owner objects we beat him up, kidnap him or just kill him. % Never be led astray onto the path of virtue. % They who seek to establish systems of government based on the regimentation of all human beings by a handful of individual rulers call this a new order. It is not new and it is not order. % Being practical, do we conceal a handgun in a hollowed out Bible? % Your attempts to give up smoking will cease when a new study released in The Journal of the British Medical Association reveals that a single cigarette could take as much as five minutes off your workday. % Don't be afraid to change your opinions in the face of contradictory evidence. % Like a Marine Corps TV ad your sex life will be fantastically exhilarating this week. % Maintain your depravity whatever you do! % We can argue ad infinitum about whether Aliens, King Arthur, the Loch Ness Monster, or even God Himself exists. In the final analysis if enough people believe that something is real it will inevitably begin to manifest in one form or another. The human mind, especially the collective unconscious, is an incredibly powerful tool. % Love and do what you will. % Where Hitler used to sit in the stadium is now a VIP corporate hospitality area. % I shall enjoy my coffee this morning. Might even have a banana as a treat. My way of going ape. % Look in your local bookshop - you will notice that the section on `FAIRIES' is particularly large and that it outstrips the shelves on traditional theology and philosophy by bookmarks. It is the Enlightenment that has been abandoned, not fairy folk. % Our wired world is being wired for sound and vision in all regions of the electromagnetic spectrum and jacked into supercomputers running pattern-matching algorithms. Winston Smith eat your heart out. % Our distant ancestors survived an ice age with little more than animal skins, crude tools and open fire pits. For all the talk of science and progress, the global-warming alarmists betray an astonishing lack of confidence in human creativity and resiliency. % If anyone in the world in a position of authority actually believed that the 'man-made greenhouse effect' has done irreversible damage and is going to swamp and submerge coastlines worldwide in 30 years, then they would have already begun evacuating. % Walk off the stage and find an authentic life. % Where do these people get their confidence that our destiny has no possibility of a necessity to fight? Do they get it from the ashes of Auschwitz or the cinders of Sarajevo? % Power only provides means, not a justification, for ends. % One nation, under surveillance. % Accustom your children constantly to this; if a thing happened at one window and they, when relating it, say that it happened at another, do not let it pass, but instantly check them; you do not know where deviation from truth will end. % It must be happening - can hundreds of Hollywood celebrities be wrong? % Chaos is King and Magic is loose in the world. % Knowledge is power. Learning is fun. % Human beings have a habit of perceiving in Nature more laws and symmetries than truly exist there. % The state cannot protect you, regardless of what the grass-eaters say. Your personal defense, and that of your near and dear, is your own business. % Every home should have a gun. At least one. % You'll be made to feel like the most important person in the room tonight but that's mostly because everyone else will fail to show up to your party. % Death and destruction. Crime. Pollution. All the news stories telling me to be frightened. All the commercials telling me to buy things I don't need. The message that the individual can only be a passive victim or a consumer. % None of this makes sense. The Government says it wants to protect us but it's doing something that makes us more vulnerable. % No one seems to realise how immense consciousness really is. It ties us to the rest of the Universe. % I've accepted the fact I'm going to die the way I've lived: alone and surrounded by enemies. % History is a puppet show for childish minds. % They're watching me. Someone is always watching. % They want us to be robots, obeying the faces we see on television, hating and fearing people we've never met. % All around him different societies were growing larger or being destroyed, forming new traditions or breaking the rules, while citizens pretended that the faces shown on television were the only important stories. % What a man believes upon grossly insufficient evidence is an index into his desires - desires of which he himself is often unconscious. % Apparently, people are too stupid to be allowed to own guns but, fortunately, are intelligent enough to vote for the right politician. % Apparently, intelligent people should support `gun control' because they should realize they are too stupid to be trusted with guns. % Apparently, beer-gutted police have special mental, emotional and physical capabilities that enable them to deal with the incredible complexity of a firearm whilst private citizens can never hope to achieve such competence. % There appears to be a bizarre belief among some academics, and sections of the media, that murder by means other than with a firearm is somehow more socially acceptable. % Get over it, people. There's no such thing as privacy anymore. NSA is collecting much less information on you than your grocer down the street. Your local ISP collects more info on you in a given day than the federal government does in a year. % We are almost there. Have a beer, watch the game. It's almost over. % Who am I? % Sit down and just think by yourself for a while. % Communication is only possible between equals. % They branded us as outlaws. We know, as you, only outlaws can be free. % Read it once, read it twice, scrutinise it a third time, skim it a fourth and then on the fifth time show it to your arsehole, just for shits and giggles. % We Erisians seldom pray, it is much too dangerous. Charles Fort has listed many factual incidences of ignorant people confronted with, say, a drought and then praying fervently - and then getting the entire village wiped out by a torrential flood. % Their conclusions were mainly drawn in crayon but here they are nonetheless. % The *only* reason they let you have the 1st Amendment is because they don't *care* what you have to say. % If our civilization is doomed, it deserves to be. Pity about all the people living in it. % In this kind of war, if America can get the local population to support it the insurgents are out of business; if the insurgents can get the American public to stop supporting the war the American military is out of business. This is what counts. It is what works. % Keep it funny, if we can't laugh its not our revolution. % A Discordian is Prohibited of Believing What he Reads. % It isn't that they can't see the solution. It's that they can't see the problem. % Bin Laden argued for years that the West was hypocritical and did not believe in what it claimed were its highest values: tolerance, equality before the law, human rights, free speech. And, you know, so far Bin Laden has played a blinder, he's been right. % If you have an exponential growth of algae in a pond and on the 30th day it was saturated, what was the concentration on the 29th day? % I have a new rope that needs stretching. % I've read that the US illegal drug industry is over 100 billion dollars a year. If that figure is correct, and the industry only spends 10% on `marketing' and `administration' then they have 10 billion dollars a year for things like bribes and assassination. % Narcotics are worth between $500 billion and $1 trillion a year, an amount that is greater than the global oil and gas industry, according to UN Secretary General Kofi Annan in remarks made in 2003. % Remember that, in Adam Smith's world, it doesn't matter how you make a buck it's only important that you make it. % The switch to systems disruption also points to a way guerrillas can decisively win wars against nation-states. % The future is here. It's just not widely distributed yet. % The value of a systempunkt is measured in the effects it produces and not in the degree of damage to the target system. It is possible to create a desired effect with little to no destruction of the target system. Think hard on this. % Local action, global impact. % Kill a few; terrorize many. % Where we end up, at the end of this process, may be with dynamically stable system that is far from the current political and economic status quo. You might not recognize what you see. % By doing certain things, certain results follow; students are most earnestly warned against attributing objective reality or philosophical validity to any of them. % Chaos is the oldest of the gods - and Chaos never died. % *Everything* belongs to the sphere of personal/imaginal morality - even murder. % The only true conflict is that between the authority of the tyrant and the authority of the realized self - all else is illusion, psychological projection, wasted verbiage. % Each moment contains an eternity to be penetrated - yet we lose ourselves in visions seen through corpses' eyes, or in nostalgia for unborn perfections. % I am both caveman and star-faring mutant, con-man and free prince. % Live life like you're gonna die because you're gonna % Never mind if it's `impossible.' What else can we hope to attain but the `impossible?' Should we wait for someone else to reveal our true desires? % The fact is *nobody* can tell me what *my* life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness is. They may make suggestions as to what might work but only I can find out for myself. % The `normative' past or the future heat-death of the universe mean as little to us as last year's GNP or the withering away of the State. All Ideal pasts, all futures which have not yet come to pass, simply obstruct our consciousness of total vivid presence. % Anyone who can read history with both hemispheres of the brain knows that a world comes to an end every instant - the waves of time leave washed up behind themselves only dry memories of a closed and petrified past - imperfect memory, itself already dying and autumnal. % And every instant also gives birth to a world - despite the cavillings of philosophers and scientists whose bodies have grown numb - a present in which all impossibilities are renewed, where regret and premonition fade to nothing in one presential hologrammatical psychomantric gesture. % `Neuro-hackers vs the New World Order' % The really important Net is not the Internet but the international banking network. % The sacred drift is born again. Keep it secret. % The conspiracies are not causal - but, then, nothing is really `causal' in the old classical sense of the term. % Conspiracies, in effect, are not *the* way history is made but are rather parts of the vast complex of myriads of ways in which our multiple stories are constructed. % Conspiracy Theory cannot explain everything but it can explain something. If it has no ontological status, nevertheless it does have its epistemological uses. % Even if one could prove that all action is illusion we would still face the problem of desire. We are forced (on pain of utter negation) to act as if we freely choose to act and as if action can bring about change. % Quit trying to trade my liberty for your false sense of security. % We use sceptical rationalism not to seek for truth but as a controlling limitation in order to get some sleep at night. % We are near a cultural stage where such is the level of media indoctrination that possession of a TV set is hardly necessary, TV now being both a state of Mind and Being. It is a daunting thought that, with or without a TV set, we will now be producing infinite private episodes of `Roseanne' until we die. % Whether we like it or not we now mentally navigate and reason by whatever performances and images and acts have managed to reach prime time. In cultural consciousness media has become a new state of matter, neither molecular or atomic but built of image-theatres. % Despite ourselves, our minds now contain mythological figures woven by powerful image systems mounted by various technologies whose accelerating growth and vertical development appear to be unstoppable. The ancient Egyptians would have understood this process far better than we do. % Too much belief and the prowling belief-systems will pick your bones clean. Too little and we look for the nearest high building to cast ourselves from, if only because we have scoured ourselves clean of all transcendental possibilities. % If you give government an inch it will take a mile - all in the name of the public interest. % If we took all the energy the Leftists put into `demos,' and all the energy the Libertarians put into playing futile little 3rd-party games, and if we redirected all that power into the construction of a real underground economy, we would already have accomplished `the Revolution' long ago. % Get a life, not a life-style. % Vast tracts of the Babylonian Empire are now virtually empty, populated only by the spooks of MassMedia and a few psychotic policemen. % Ultimately it seems there's no escape from technology or alienation. % I would argue that we are suffering from a crisis of overproduction of the image. % Not every brother is a brother. % Freedom means freedom of corporations, not of human societies. % The present regime is busily building up the structural basis of a police state, one in which they will have the power to see into everything with the possible exception of your very soul - and that, I can almost assure you, is coming. % You should presume that phone numbers are being collated with Internet records, credit-card records, everything. % There is no good or evil, only chaos. % Our technological society, from electric kettles to cyclotrons, is based on such well-managed and glossy propagandisation of certainty and accuracy in which manufactured facts become commodities within an ecology of equally fashionable reassurances. % Charles Fort's idea was that Scepticism and Belief form a synergy and not elements of Fact versus Fiction. % This sceptical tale would not make a bar-stool in a month of Shrove Tuesdays. It's enough to make you sceptical about scepticism. % Do something you like. Forget about the pay, for Christ's sakes. Regulate your style of living to fit your income. Just have fun in your job, that's the main thing. % Everything about this argument is so fantastically wrong that it is difficult to know where to start. % Death is God's work. % Sorcery: the systematic cultivation of enhanced consciousness or non-ordinary awareness and its deployment in the world of deeds and objects to bring about desired results. % Those who mould themselves blind masks of Ideas and thrash around seeking some proof of their own solidity end by seeing out of dead mens' eyes. % Today is Resurrection Day % Booty and pillage should be spent before it turns back into dust. % Don't get caught in the crossfire, keep your back covered - but take the risk, dance before you calcify. % Paradox: to embrace Chaos is not to slide toward entropy but to emerge into an energy like stars, a pattern of instantaneous grace - a spontaneous organic order completely different from the carrion pyramids of sultans, muftis, cadis and grinning executioners. % Accept the fact that you're a criminal and be prepared to act like one. % Galleries turn beauty into a commodity but banks transmute Imagination into faeces and debt. % It sprawls on its divan eating loukoum and entertaining heretical notions, one hand inside its baggy trousers. % It doesn't complain, doesn't explain, never votes and never pays taxes. % In the masturbation of a child it finds concealed (like a Japanese-paper-flower-pill) the image of the crumbling of the State. % Organize a strike in your school or workplace on the grounds that it does not satisfy your need for indolence and spiritual beauty. % Kidnap someone and make them happy. % In media charters, correct dissemination of information and honest reporting of a story are established tenets. I express my deep regret about the disregard shown by certain Western media for these principles. % Quantum randomness as the basis of free will doesn't really give us control over our actions. We're either deterministic machines or we're random machines. That's not much of a choice. % You've heard the saying `you are what you eat' many times before but prosecutors will surely describe you as anything but an innocent newborn this week. % Things are not always what they seem. % Limitations of our biological equipment may condemn us to the role of Peeping Toms at the keyhole of eternity. % Human progress is not automatic or inevitable, history is not an eternal upward spiral and knowledge, once gained, can be lost. % Blood is thicker than water and much tastier. % I want to see his head on a pike outside the gates of the Tower. % Are we having fun yet? % Deny him too the mercy of an assassin's bullet. % In modern England, homosexual orgies are legal: heterosexual orgies are not. % We have seen the completion of the transformation of this country into a panopticon police state. % Strike him so that he knows he is dying! % The Internet is currently on a path of becoming an extension of the corporate media, owned and operated by a few giant corporations that control the information flow. % THERE'S A WAR ON FOR YOUR MIND % The prototypal thinkers are always an elite, a privileged few, whose often-fragmentary recall is that they were indeed once alive in a far more whole sense. % Within a very short time such an image can be pasted into the world-mind, with its capacity for infinite transformations over an infinite period of time. % Poor Aunt Maud, bless her soul, has been transmuted. % We recognise now that individuals, like nations, navigate mentally by self-deception and hallucination and the State machine operates in terms of image, symbol and metaphor; `fact' has almost nothing to do with anything except shoe-size and avoirdupois. % Such things as SpaceShipOne will be dug out of our Western ruins as a reminder that, for some brief moments in history, parts of us at least were capable of living in the fullest sense. % Our present culture was constructed around vast systems built not of Cathedrals or Great Books but of advertisements, toy-stuff and `personalities.' % The sand-grain counting didn't work; the grains wouldn't stand still, many were found missing and strict accounting was almost impossible. To cover the mysterious losses the beloved scientists started telling lies. % Sand-grain counting can't work; the grains move, many are missing, strict accounting is impossible. Scientists lie to hide the lacunae. % The psychology of discovery tells that without self-deception we are nothing. % We create the future as a collage. % We must consider the idea of the decay of a system in terms of the aging of information fields. % We may have to consider seriously the rather uncomfortable idea that pure information is forever an evolving and unprecedented form of life, complete with its own intention fields. % All cultures run out of time. % The English are not, now, the people who saw Shakespeare's original plays. % If we assume that the mediaeval world could not work out any truth for itself because it didn't have modern science to help it is the height of intellectual folly. % In all cultures, whether moral or amoral, the constellated `real' always turns out to be something of a shadowy Platonic approximation. % We have to accept the idea that absurd and mystical elements play a vital part within the creative and visionary structure of social-psychology, despite the protests of skeptics and scientists. % Our generation, he explains, will never fully embrace a world where everything can be tagged and tracked. It's just too new. But the next generation will. % Whether you're on the `conservative right,' or the `liberal left,' The Plan decrees what you think, believe, say and pray. % It's all out in the open now, it's time to prepare for the NWO which will include a new global government, a new global economic system, and a new global religion. % Keep your powder dry. % I often claim to be an anarchist but all that means is you're recognising the existing state of affairs, it seems to me. % `I especially liked the tank clips on the evening news last night, with the soldiers' eyes grimly searching the crowds.' I've been in those ill-fitting boots - they're just looking for women with large breasts and failing that an excuse to open fire on full-auto and then blame it on the other guy. % In the business world appearances are more important than content. % Wheeler suggests that we should drop the word *observer* entirely and replace it with *participator*. % Common themes in women-oriented sex writing include shame, lack of pleasure or libido, and communication issues. % `Diaries,' for you young folks, are what old people wrote before the advent of blogging tools and no one was supposed to read them until after the author died. % Terror and panic will overwhelm you when a police officer reveals that the disturbing text messages you've been receiving are coming from inside your house. % They are without the power to grasp that the world could be other than it is. % All the beliefs, habits, tastes, emotions, mental attitudes that characterize our time are really designed to sustain the mystique of the Party and prevent the true nature of present-day society from being perceived. % Who are you? And why should I care? % I'm so embarrassed. I wish everyone else was dead. % One life. Live it. % In any event the future will be here before you know it. It will be important over the next few years to keep a cool head and to separate the wheat from the chaff. % Life exists elsewhere in the Universe, including on other bodies of our solar system. % `When Prophecy Fails' explains that failed prophecies increase the fervour of the true believers to convert others to their point of view. It is as though, by making new converts, they are able to prove to themselves they still have `the truth' even if some prediction has been wrong. % Such language is for people who are not blessed with an adequate vocabulary to express their thoughts, such as dockers or Labour cabinet ministers. % American intervention in the European war had nothing to do with the Holocaust, did nothing to prevent it and may have worsened it. % As for the madness of science he might have born in mind that the full German scientific, psychiatric and medical establishments (almost without exception) fully supported and worked for the European Holocaust. % As an exemplar of a rather provincial intellectual innocence, Evans assumes that the quick application of a piece of good old-fashioned petite-bourgeois common sense is always more than sufficient to differentiate between what is real and what is false. % Deprogramming organisations often report that rescued victims of science, religion, and consumerism appear left quite drained as if some possessing spirit has suddenly abandoned them. % A human being without illusions or Transient States is effectively dead. % Even in our scientific century the imagination has to be subject to all kinds of almost mediaeval restrictions and conventions as if it were a dangerous radiation. % Streiber's Grey alien and John Keel's Mr Cold are such figures. Both wait in the cultural wings as possibilities, should their entrance be cued at the right time by that vast and hidden consensus at the heart of that central conspiracy which supports the illusions of matter and solidity. % Of course this is accepted in quantum mechanics, although this theory of anomalies is tethered to the microcosmic world as a direct example of a politically-imposed cultural limitation more than anything else. This is mystery-management rather than any kind of truth. % In post-modern terms, reality is beginning to look very much like a negotiation and a pretty down-market one at that. This contrasts with the world of the Victorian Station Masters and their universe conceived as number systems, these being like railway timetables inside a Rubik Cube. % In the burgeoning Matrix world of cyber and media we are dealing with shows and theatres, performance skills and the structured conspiracies deep inside commercial breaks of one kind or another. % The trick here is to conceal that well over 170 years after Michael Faraday's discovery of electro-magnetic induction, still no-one knows what a magnetic or an electrical field is exactly. % I come from information space. Time there is the time taken to travel the space between metaphors. % When you die you're gonna regret the things you don't do. % Living well is the best revenge. % Something else to worry about. Thanks. % The government is a broker in pillage and every election is sort of an advance auction sale of stolen goods. % Pay attention. I'm giving you Keys To The Inner Universe. You may thank me later. % One has to belong to the intelligentsia to believe things like that: no ordinary man could be such a fool. % When will they ever learn? When will they ever learn? % There are a million clouds with a million silver linings. % I say life thou art fair and each moment a joy. The whole mystery and grandeur of the Universe just for me and just in my head. % So many people, so many places, so many pictures, so many books, so little time. % A goldfish has a greater attention span than I. In any case, what matters but the moment? % Human beings always want to know what they cannot know. But you can never tell the future. % It's about mastering one's weaknesses, including laziness and fear, and exploiting a rival's needs, such as sex and pride. % Legend says that, during one battle, Takamatsu snatched an eyeball from a would-be Chinese bandit. % How eager you are to become slaves. % The fools. So eager to become victims. % Beware, for you have unleashed a storm the likes of which this world has never seen before. % He's so dumb he can't fart and chew gum at the same time. % He's a nice guy but he played too much football with his helmet off. % What about him? He's an old friend of arch-war criminal Henry Kissinger, the USG will bail him out. % The distinction between propaganda and news will become even more blurred. % Amid all the other lies and phony and fabricated evidence of the Bush administration in pushing the war in Iraq and the `Al Qaeda' threat, the media continues to accept prime facie everything that emanates from the neocon propaganda boiler rooms in Washington, London, and Baghdad. % Of course, I am functionally insane. The beauty of this complexity can not be that simple. % The policies of this government have given us wars of imperial aggression in the Balkans and Middle East and a police state at home. % And the scum who call themselves journalists and who wrote up this story - and who in other times and other places would have found employment as informers and agents of provocation - will move on to their next assignment. % One of the annoying things about believing in free will and individual responsibility is the difficulty of finding somebody to blame your problems on. And when you do find somebody, it's remarkable how often his picture turns up on your driver's license. % I guess it's the case that these middle class nitwits are so feeble-minded that they can't figure out they're part of the problem rather than part of the solution. % You need not worry about your future. % All right, you son of a two-bit whore, try this one on for size: `This is a good week to start new projects.' Is that ambiguous and non-confrontational enough for you, you toothless hamster-dicked simpleton? Well, is it? % Directing your infant son during feedings to `open up big for the choo-choo train' could easily be seen as playful if it weren't followed by the order to `quick: dispose of those filthy Jews.' % You will finally admit to an obsession with celebrities after hours spent online searching for photos of a Hollywood couple and their day-old miscarriage. % There are lies, damn lies, and then stuff they publish in newspapers. % Action, not words. % What's more important is what you're for, not what you're against. % Bill Gates is by far the richest person on Earth today and the gap is widening. % The opportunity to get our species off the planet is here and now, for the first one to take it. Your chance is now or never. % When you invest in an offshore wildcat platform, you run the risk of getting a dry hole. On the other hand, an asteroid is guaranteed to provide valuable materials already in space, not give you a dry hole. % The Olympics, the US Super Bowl, and the Apollo 11 mission received immense TV coverage, and the money numbers for advertisements for the Olympics and US Super Bowl are impressive - they each made much more money from advertising than the total cost of any of the current and proposed future NASA missions to study asteroids. % `Is this for real?' - but forget the die-hard skeptics - cynics never have found a way to make a difference in making history. % He would say that, wouldn't he? % The fact is, the Apollo-era technology is *better* than the over-engineered rubbish built at vast public expense for the Shuttle porkbarrel programme. NASA should get a clue, cut its losses, and go back to what we have proven actually works. % Set SCE to AUX % The bizarre thing is if the Nazis had won WW2 we'd probably have had permanent bases on the moon long ago. % Better is the enemy of good enough. % There are no significant signs of change with the established technocratic leadership, most of whom seem complacent with their status, income and narrow technical analyses. % No siree, the main event is downstairs right near the wallet. % There is no law except the law there is no law. % The Pilgrim took refreshment not from physical bread but from Beauty, the prettiness of the dove. He next saw Evil, in the form of a raven, which he did not hesitate to combat. The Pilgrim was stronger than he realized, once he had realized Beauty. % And so, indeed, the Pilgrim had made his choice which nonetheless had been destined by immutable fate. % The part of the world that people find most puzzling is the part called `Me.' % Evolution led to mushrooms and oak trees, mosquitoes and jellyfish, paramoecia and people, each one representing a reinvention in itself. How can we improve on that? % But let us return to Mr Prosser, my Member of Parliament. I am never sure when I see him whether I should laugh at him or just vomit over him. % The language used is not neutral. It is a tool of propaganda. % The things you see when you haven't got your chloroform. % Learn to make IEDs. % The military is a necessary evil. It exists primarily for one purpose: destruction. And what the military destroys Halliburton rebuilds with inferior material at a greatly inflated price. All of which is bank-rolled by us, the tax-payin' citizen-slaves. If you stop and examine it the entire concept is rather brilliant in a Hannibal Lecter sort of way. % You cannot accomplish what you can't visualize. % Give me a half a trillion dollars, just one year and I'll conquer the planet for you. Think of how much money the American Military has consumed since 1989. Think of what that money could have done. % Despite virtually unlimited resources the American military frequently fails. % The American military is not efficient. With effectively unlimited resources it has never needed to be. % The country now suffers from a deep pessimism about politicians and government after years of false promises and outright lies. % The soldier fails to live up to his oath to serve the country if he does not speak out when he sees his civilian or military superiors executing policies he feels to be wrong. % This spring weather lark always gets the hormones surging - and in your case that's *definitely* not a good thing!!!! % I was on the phone to Mum on Sunday and told her I was stock-piling cigarettes and pornography in view of the imminent comet fragment impact. She took it rather well I thought, though she did say `I thought you didn't smoke.' % They love it the dirty slappers. % Cockroaches didn't get where they are without being exquisitely purposed survival machines. % That's all very well but - young people are USELESS because their heads are full of shit and they can't even find their arse in the toilet; old people are useless because, well, because they're old and useless, obviously. % That guy is going to have use his boot remover on his arse by the time I'm finished with him. % History has shown us that the only way that countries can rid themselves of fascists is through force. % The only `voices' Bush hears are from his own drug and alcohol damaged brain. % Rumsfeld would have us ignore that it has been Pentagon propaganda machine that has created the bogeymen of Zarqawi and Zawahiri. These are Orwellian figments used to perpetuate continual war. % The authority to classify embarrassing facts, the ability to shut off channels of information, the power to intimidate sources who could tell the truth - all these are on the side of the government. % It is clear that the actions of the Smithsonian, National Archives, CIA, Air Force, and FBI are attempts to censor American history. % The sudden in flow of cocaine and heroin into the United States is an early warning sign that covert operators are attempting to earn large amounts of cash for one or more `special projects.' % CIA? Oh yeah, the Cocaine Import Agency. % Looks to me like `sustainable development' means building an environmental `paradise' on a pile of millions of African corpses. % Medicine? That's just voodoo with added Latin words and phrases. % A Lawyer is a sorcerer who can conjure money out of nothing. % NHS hospitals are a hazard to life from which the public are protected by waiting lists. % An alcoholic is someone who drinks more than you. % Europe has snored through this genocide. % Though we're certain that methods are being studied, it still appears to be true that an American cannot outsource getting a haircut to India. Nor can one outsource jobs like cleaning bathrooms, driving trucks or bussing restaurant tables to foreign countries with cheap labor. % Events accelerate but the consciousness of individuals remain deadened. % It is not now at all a question of belief but of data giving extensive detailed reports that demonstrate certainty in the UFO phenomena. % If modern science readily accepts the very strong probability of the existence of extraterrestrial forms of life in the universe, and even from highly developed civilizations, it dismisses more easily the idea that they are able to come to us in the name of dogmatic scientific principles only one hundred years of age. % Illegal aliens have been found working at nuclear power plants, military bases, airports and other critical infrastructure. % Improving authentication tokens won't improve security unless the verification systems improve as well. % Your world is steeped in terror, blasphemy and death. I will tolerate it no longer. % Time to take stock. Go home with some office supplies. % During the 1846 Mexican War the vast majority of American soldiers in Mexico died not from bullets but from `La Vomita' - Yellow Fever. % As said passim, these whingeing Marxists should be dumped from a helicopter, naked, in the darkest heart of the Amazon Rain Forest and left to get on with it. At least then they wouldn't be interfering in MY life. % `If this is all a dream, why can't there be more girls?' `There probably are but they seen you first.' % I don't want to get to excited but it's obvious that it's difficult typing this out. % nO weLL i GUESS YOU HAVE A POINT THERE , BUT IF YOU KNOW YOU ARE CRAZY THEN THATS OK % Do not people have some form of shame?! % You know what, check your emails OK? % You know, I wish the little voices in your head would tell you to shut the hell up! % `And what did it say about me?' `Let's see, no, oh, here's something - it's in the men seeking men section.' % All this was a long time ago, before I chose not to have a memory. % The power of suggestion should never be underestimated. % Science will never explain the yearnings of the human heart. The Scientific Method is merely a tool, not the source of the answer. % Always look on the bright side of life! % Even if it's true that the majority of people are too stupid to find their own arses in the toilet that doesn't mean I should be deprived of my rights. % Any such right is a right to someone else's earnings and, if it's your right to use force to take his earnings for yourself, he's your slave. % IN ACTUAL USE, THE EFFECTS MAY NOT BE AS DESCRIBED IN THE ACCOMPANYING LITERATURE. % If you're not perplexed about something then you're fooling yourself with entirely unwarranted feelings of adequacy. Don't ever forget you're only human, you're built for survival not understanding. % So long as I don't break myself in my reckless pursuit of self-knowledge that is. I can imagine how it isn't necessarily the best thing for my own welfare if I'm left to my own devices. % Oh it's still alive. I'll change that in a moment. % It's always about sex. % It's all about the endorphins, the rest is just implementation details. % The Left bans what it hates and doesn't undo the Right's old bans. When the Right gets in power they ban the stuff they hate but do nothing about the Left's transgressions. Wash, rinse and repeat until everything not forbidden is mandatory. % Tease her, taunt her, tantalize her - make her think she's not ever going to get it, ever, and then just when she's on the brink of utter madness, give it to her. % My personal rule is a woman should beg at least three times before getting any cock. % The more sedate workshop on Saturday afternoon was entitled, `Orgasmic Abundance For Women.' % He's now a self-avowed sex addict and obsessed with Internet porn. % One woman confided that sex was completely ignored when she was growing up. % She believes that men too can improve the quality of their orgasms and erections through exercises and tantric techniques. Too bad she hasn't discovered any methods to increase penis-size but there's always tomorrow. % Young women are often too timid to ask a man to pleasure them. % Most experts agree that language is what separates humans from other animals but as you all well know it is in fact our ability to choose bestiality. % What makes him tick may not be measurable by our instruments. % His eyes were beautiful, hypnotic. He had the eyes of an angel. A demon with the eyes of God! % I don't care who dies as long as it isn't me. % The belief that human rights can be imposed by statue laws made by governments is false. History shows that only leads to conflict, war and mass death. Human rights can only be achieved by the individual application of personal responsibility and a respect for the value of your own life and that of your loved ones. % The difficult part is to fully understand and embrace your own true desires. The rest is just implementation details and donkey work. % I imagine boyfriends for you are like buses - none come for ages then three come at once and none of them take you where you want to go. % I'd rather have a cup of tea and a slice of cake, myself. % Anyone can have their cake and then eat it. The real trick is eating your cake and still having it. % Cocks are a bit like babies, they're quite repulsive unless it's your own but you can look at them and pretend they're OK if you don't want to hurt somebody's feelings. % For the sake of the little puppies and kittens or whatever it is that floats your boat, anything but THAT! % And thus the core of the conflict: - Governments must disarm their people lest the government be harmed. - Individuals must arm themselves lest the individual be harmed. Each would like to disarm the other, but ain't happening. % A government, and by extension the UN, can only exist insofar as the governed are healthy and happy enough to remain governable. % Because of the ``Shoe Bomber'' we have to take our shoes off before boarding a plane, now we've had the ``Underwear Bomber'' % It's a tough decision, but we made it in Japan. % Time and attention are incredibly scarce in the age of the Internet, multimedia advertising and information overload. % The New World Order dupes being manipulated by cold fish commies truly believe their lot will be bettered. They do not realize they are only pawns to be cast aside later, as the game unfolds. % The `right of the people to peaceably assemble' is now realized to include the right to peaceably assemble in secret. % Staying out of the fight does not mean that the fight won't come to you. % Pursuing justice without a sufficiently large sword will get you whipped. % You're internalizing your irritation lately, which is causing you to explode at people who jostle you, glare angrily at people dressed in lame garb and bite your friend's head off for asking stupid questions. % McDonald's has a TV ad in which they bleep out the word `free,' and the Pussycat Dolls' song, `Beep,' is built entirely around bleeped curse words. These curious developments in profanity will reflect your life, as you take your sexual discourse to new levels of abstraction and self-reference. % She snatches people off the street in her white, unmarked molester van as they try to squirm away. This provides a lesson for you: discretion begets boredom. Don't be afraid to be vile if that's what gets you off. % One can say a lot with only a few words, the sentiment of which will be clear to you when standing before a High Court judge later this week. % After days of panic you will experience relief again when directors at the Bulletin Of The Atomic Scientists realize their mistake in setting the Doomsday Clock ahead for daylight saving time. % While it's natural for human beings to be resistant to change, after losing your family, job, and home, it's probably time you start accepting some from passersby. % So I'm not a lesbian? I fancy women, I'm half-way there. % They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks but that doesn't take into account what's possible with a battery, jump leads and a bucket of water. % The common law does not grant rights, it *recognises* them; human rights are fundamental to being human and *human rights overrule governments and their statute laws*. % The human understanding is like a false mirror, which, receiving rays irregularly, distorts and discolours the nature of things by mingling its own nature with it. % Kill one and two take its place! % But the Idols of the Market-place are the most troublesome of all: idols which have crept into the understanding through the alliances of words and names. % Here's my date, a half-hour early I might add. Who can blame her, sometimes I can't wait to touch myself. % This is a war where modern tools of mass communication, like viral marketing, blogging, flash mobs, targeted sabotage, individual resistance coordinated only by common ideology, give us hope for getting the truth into the minds of people, of displacing the mind-controlling fantasies of the globalists with their impossible Utopia. Many of these tools will be used against us also. % My death waits there, among the flowers Where the blackest shadow, the blackest shadow cowers % Pull up your sheets against the passing time % Bird flu is coming so you had better kill all your pets. % `You neglected to RSVP.' `I assure you that was not an oversight.' % Mind control is about convincing people to embrace a fantasy and actively enslave themselves. People accept `civilisation' because they've been persuaded it's easier to submit to authority than to take control of their own lives. Maybe it is but that doesn't mean I should want to live that way. % The real techniques of mind control are as old as civilisation itself. They work by tried and tested empirically derived methods with the mind seen as a black box. It is not necessary to know how the human mind actually works as a system for these techniques to be used and to work, it is if you're going to use technology to control people like robots by use of implants and computers. % What the core globalist elite understand perfectly is their own individual self interest and the true nature of the reality of human civilisation. They are very, very, smart and totally ruthless. They are people who would order the dropping of an atomic bomb on an unarmed, undefended city or the mechanised, industrialised mass extermination of millions people. % This is a war of ideas, a war of magic, not of armies and weapons: that eternal, timeless war for the control of *your* reality. % Like most socially-applied technology, the calming structure was pure mythological engineering, designed for reassurance prior to the injection of some deep-laid suggestion. % In the late twentieth-century, dungeons and red-hot implements had come a long way. % The heart has its own reason of which reason knows nothing. % Some will simply never learn until they've experienced it themselves and some, not even then. % Hiding behind a mask and/or a uniform liberates the dark side. % `She's pretty!' `And you're ugly, now let's get back to work.' % Don't worry, it's just a matter of time before you're sitting in your trailer waiting for your baby's daddy to make parole. % Fun will now commence. % When you assume, you make an `ass' out of `u' and `me.' % Fiction, because it is not about somebody who actually lived in the real world, always has the possibility of being about oneself. % New and exciting experiences help to colour one's life, which explains why yours is an insipid shade of cement grey. % When Mozart stood before the piano, he was said to have seen not a series of black and white keys but rather an entire symphony. Something similar can be said for you and unconscious women. % They say absence makes the heart grow fonder but, as cardiologists will point out, the diminishing presence of blood flow in your right ventricle is having an entirely different effect. % Landseer soon found out that a wealthy man would pay more for a portrait of his dog than for a portrait of his wife. % You know they seem so unhappy - dead or alive. % Their deeds I judge and much condemn, Yet when did I make laws for them? % What are you doing? You smell of sin. % Yes, dear ol' chap, a common thug can kill a person but it takes the talent of an intelligence service to make a murder appear as a suicide. % They are stunned at their own reiterated, insatiable stupidity. % There is, we can assure you, no fashionable (and secretly revolutionary) cause that this brainwashed, vapid instrument of the New Underworld Order will not espouse. % What that old, well-funded operation does is to seek to strip its targets of all loyalties, the established neuro-control technique, by indoctrinating them into confessing all past `sins' to the collective. % Characteristic of revolutionary jargon is a deliberate failure ever to define any terms at all. % Whereupon I replied by saying that the only thing I knew about the truth was that it was always scandalous beyond all conception and science would have to create a new Calculus of Falsehoods. % Most mortals by far needed the drugs of certainty, of which the innermost circles of hell have always had a plentiful supply. % Perhaps, thought I, aliens dine off them when they have reached a certain level of soap-image fattening for some conceivable alien Christmas. % The scene was the image of the perfect consumer/viewer holocaust. The living and the dead lay in a sea of rotting food, their own sewage, and their own heavings. % A taxi dropped us by a broken road leading to a shut-down pit, where chain-smoking children from pre-war photographs gave Nazi salutes. % So they've got us surrounded?.. good! Now we can fire in any direction; those bastards won't get away this time! % Sometimes it is entirely appropriate to kill a fly with a sledge-hammer! % Pillow talk is extra. % Oh that's just what we call pillow talk, baby, that's all. % The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt. % We are the government and we tell you what you can eat, drink, or smoke, whom you can sleep with, and whom you're supposed to kill. Get used to it, slave. % It is also a waste of our tax money and a symptom of the gloating contempt in which we are held, when the authorities decide to spend six months investigating this non-crime while real crimes go unpunished and even uninvestigated. % Keep an open mind but not so open that your brains fall out. % The human mind is a poor tool for modeling reality, it's adapted for survival and not for truth, but that doesn't mean there's no such thing as the real world. % Everything is open to suspicion because human beings continually delude themselves into believing that they have knowledge when they don't. % To me people appear as weird alien creatures with unknowable motivations, inhabitants of a fantastical timeless dreamscape of possibilities and desires that my mind is unwilling, probably unable, to engage with and to comprehend. % The world of objective facts is a very small part of human experience, a rumour almost, a fantasy in itself; like it or not, in their lives human beings pass through a series of massive pantomime structures: Church, State, Royal Courts, Hollywood, the Military, Scientific, and Religious. % From cave-wall to TV, the raising of images is still the most important form of all human activities. Far more than rationale does it affect psychological health, social relations and political and ideological directions. % In our own countless-channel cyberspace, metaphor comes in the night and when the world wakes up only a few notice that folk are not saying quite what they were saying the day previous. % Never has there been a time in human history when so many prowling systems are hunting, hungry for mass-belief. % This is a battle in which tribal spirits have become transformed into programs at war with other programs, a war for the high frontier of concrete realisation, which of course means power, prestige, and ultimately both social, political, and control over the forces of both dread and love. % This is to suggest that we create the world around us by a management of wonders rather than by fact or fiction as advertised by Western Protestantism. % When Princess Diana died, an old-fashioned Sherlock Holmes search for possible killers had hardly a place in media operations and activity. Within minutes the search was to find not facts but to find Cliff Richard and ask his opinion. % In our present Entertainment State, Personality and Performances have largely replaced traditional forms of causation and valid truths, of which the President Clinton affair is as good an example as any. % Profound significances can be manufactured, spun from the pure ideological protein created by what Coleridge called a willing suspension of disbelief. % There is no limit to the theatres and the productions and the rehearsals which constitute that regime called conscious thought. % Be it psychic phenomena or cinema screen, advertisement, or quasi-religious mass-suggestion, certainly no other animal than a human being needs such massive input of structured artificiality. % Contemporary human beings have countless scores of films running in the head at one and the same time; these things proliferate far beyond any functional need for food and shelter. % Human beings can be defined as those animals who form willingly countless outrageously speculative systems of reference. % Since all expression is built of metaphor the real as a concept remains still a Platonic ideal, rather like the average person. % But it moves. % Airplanes are built according to scientific principles and they work. They stay aloft and they get you to a chosen destination. Airplanes built to tribal or mythological specifications such as the dummy planes of the Cargo cults in jungle clearings or the bees-waxed wings of Icarus don't. % A B29 bomber is primarily a functional concrete object whose form follows its deadly purposes: a cargo cult dummy plane is a fetishistic talisman of immense sophistication and power, a millennia old technology in its own way *at least* as marvelous as the brutal logic of the B29. % A Darwinian fundamentalist is one who recognizes that either you shun Darwinian evolution altogether or you turn the traditional universe upside down and you accept that mind, meaning, and purpose are not the cause but the fairly recent effects of the mechanistic mill of Darwinian algorithms. % A gene is a way of helping us think about a process, it is not a thing in itself. % We use the `word' chair as if it indicates a fully defined something. When doubts arise we argue about the question of whether something is a `chair' and not about what we mean when we `call' something a chair. % `They just don't know,' he sighed, `they just don't know.' He might well have added, they don't even know that they don't know. % If this is Intelligent Design, to my mind, it was not worth a spew in Woolworth's doorway, never mind worship. % The most important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. % The intellect is a sword, and its use is to prevent identification with any particular phenomenon encountered. The most powerful minds cling to the fewest fixed principles. % The only clear view is from atop a mountain of your dead selves. % Using magical consciousness to combat mass communications and the attendant agenda may at first appear to be quixotic. % Each of us is complicit in his own experience and though most accept this complicity I sought to define its borders. % It is a recipe for technologically induced obsessive-compulsive behavior, as our desires are repeatedly amplified and then fed back to us. % We build our questions about reality from the illusions presented to us. % We are complicit in the spread of the mediocre psychic environment we now find ourselves. % To restore our own ability to act wilfully we must accept that we are the ones actively submitting to the influence of others. We are influenced because, on some level, we want to be. % Our individual worldviews are dangling on the puppet strings of the Media's news releases; created in the wake of a thousand persuaders, each striving desperately to sell us their view of reality. % The normal life-cycle of a hypothesis about diet is to start with a nice idea, confirm it using a poor evidence base, create a dietary fad sufficient to justify proper trials - then find it was never true to start with. % I'm gonna beat him like I'm his daddy! % Man's progress is not measured by the reaches of his science but by the limits of his superstition. The truth is known. But the truth is unpopular. % Elections give people the illusion of participation when, in fact, elections mean absolutely nothing in a country like the United States which is run by money. % The USA is not about to turn off the television and read books. % I have it from reliable sources that Long Pig is good eating. % Party like it's 2016! % A lady came up to me on the street pointed at my leather jacket and said, `Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said `I didn't know there were witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too.' % If we expect large benefits from government we must also expect it to be costly and inefficient and corrupt. % If you tell people they are enemies should you not then arm and prepare for them to be enemies? % And if you are angry with us, then all I can tell you is to keep angry and die from this anger. % Mental phenomena arise through the interaction between brain and body and the environment and that whole interactive thing produces an emergent, which we call mind and spirit. % Your brain houses two minds (and maybe more) not one. And they orchestrate into a single personality if - and only if - your cerebral hemispheres communicate. % The outputs of computer models are not `predictions' but are in fact merely scenarios. % If you put feedback into a computer model you can prove anything. % A computer model can prove anything. % People just do not like to face up to the fact that they have wasted time, effort and money, so they rationalise any doubts. % This and no other is the root from which a tyrant springs; when he first appears he is a protector. % Are you 100% sure that it is impossible that some day a fascist regime may control your country and have access to the data? % The characteristic of the hour is that the commonplace mind, knowing itself to be commonplace, has the assurance to proclaim the rights of the commonplace and to impose them wherever it will. % I can easily imagine high tech `modern' societies that are not liberal democracies and don't pretend to be. I can imagine an Imperial United States as well as a 21st Century Caliphate. % As Fred observed some time ago, free speech is a myth. We all know what we can't say and who we can't say it about. % I cannot escape them No matter how I try They wait for me everywhere I cannot pass them by % We are doomed anyway and the few sane people who still care about such things would just as soon retire to a beach somewhere and live out their days contemplating the sunset of reason. % The mind has no firewall. % The best and brightest minds on the planet are busily engaged in secret, compartmentalised, military research whose primary purpose is aiding and abetting the destruction of human life. % Our rulers live in constant fear: of exposure, of rebellion, of the sudden realization on the part of their subjects that the game is rigged in favor of a self-perpetuating elite. % The minute some obscure blogger in some godforsaken Third World hellhole with no tradition of civil liberties is shut down by the authorities, the entire blogosphere is up in arms. Yet we hear nary a peep out of these prophets of cyber-freedom when it comes to the efforts of their government to limit American citizens' access to the Internet. % If you believe you live in the end-times, then everything you do has meaning. You become a warrior and everything is at stake. % You will be humiliated after a club DJ urges those dancing to get funky, only to give a more detailed definition of what he means by `funky' after spotting you in the crowd, when he realizes it would be easier to explain what `funky' is not. % Where's your other head? % He's a modest little man with much to be modest about. % Talking jaw-jaw is always better than war-war. % One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other. % Is not life a hundred times too short for us to bore ourselves? % The masters have been abolished; the morality of the common man has triumphed. % What men really want is not knowledge but certainty. % A little sincerity is a dangerous thing and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal. % Women represent the triumph of matter over mind, just as men represent the triumph of mind over morals. % I am the only person in the world I should like to know thoroughly. % In matters of grave importance style, not sincerity, is the vital thing. % Truth is rarely pure, and never simple. % Other people are quite dreadful. The only possible society is oneself. % We may become the makers of our fate when we have ceased to pose as its prophets. % The collapse of the Soviet empire left the old fashioned Marxists without a spiritual home, so they found a new one in the environmental movement. % I care not whether a man is Good or Evil; all that I care is whether he is a Wise man or a Fool. Go! Put off Holiness and put on Intellect. % It is the silence of ice forming in another galaxy. % This week will see you break two New Year's resolutions: the first after lighting up a cigarette, the second after putting it out in the cornea of the stranger you've tied to the radiator in your basement. % Make a law, make a business. % This is an economy where the real cost of things is hidden behind secret black budgets, complex government finances, under-the-table deals, market manipulations, and economic and military warfare. % Notice how people always associate mental people with carrying knives? If they were really mental they'd try to stab people with a hoover or something. % Sinbad changes topic to '15000 atheists in London rioted after a blank sheet of paper was found on a cartoonist's desk.' % Blowing up a building can change the world. % A little guilt goes a long way. % The pleasure you get from playing the two-finger waltz on the piano is astounding, especially considering it cost the life of an elephant. % While the events that inspired it occurred over 50 years ago, investors this year will still be wary of backing your amusement park ride, The Holocoaster. % Always on the lookout for more challenging games and puzzles you'll meet your match next week after the release of the new Rubik's Tesseract, a brainteaser that's impossible to solve in our four-dimensional space-time. % It could just be a coincidence but you're starting to suspect there's more to your local bookstore's decision to move its Gay/Lesbian books section next to its Self-Help section. % Plato tried to rescue justice from religion in The Republic, and there are those who think no one ever bettered his arguments, but they are compelling only to a very few. % The criminality of the statement is not mitigated by factual accuracy. % It's not just that social network analysis casts a wide net. It's that without oversight by people who really grasp the mathematics and have some distance from the whole thing, they're going to see patterns where there aren't any. % If you know that you have the upper hand, you almost always do have it. % Statistically, there is no real need to shoot a pistol, only to have a pistol, since the mere possession of a sound firearm is nearly always enough to stop a fight. However, one's state of mind dominates the scene here. % The ultimate aim of the martial arts is not having to use them. % Be Aware, Don't Be There. % Although you've never had any particular interest in rodents, aquatic or otherwise, you'll soon become an expert in all of the many different ways that Canadian ditch muskrats defend themselves. % Thomas Edison famously described success as 1 percent inspiration and 99 percent perspiration, which leaves you 1 percent away from succeeding in getting off the couch. % As convenient as it may be, it's time you started taking some responsibility for the mess you've created instead of always blaming everything on the law of entropy. % You should give some thought to buying some non-bunching panties. % `What's it going to be: comedy or tragedy?' `What are you talking about?' `Your life.' % The greatest obstacle we see to the progress of science is the illusion that we have the answers. % Surgeon General's Warning: We are going to nuke Iran. Don't smoke. % Freedom of thought will be at first a deadly sin and later on a meaningless abstraction. % Nothing changes more constantly than the past; for the past that influences our lives does not consist of what happened but of what men believe happened. % We're supposed to be perfect our first day on the job and then show constant improvement. % To demand 'sense' is the hallmark of nonsense. Nature does not make sense. Nothing makes sense. % A force which is inferior but prepared can often defeat a superior enemy by surprise attack. % Space is becoming as essential to the economic and military vitality of 21st Century nations as the sea was for states in times past. % Our ability to achieve military victory in the future rests on the continued capacity to gain and maintain space superiority at the tactical and operational level of war. % Space Superiority is the future of warfare. We cannot win a war without controlling the high ground, and the high ground is space. % The stars understand that faith is difficult in the modern world but trust them when they tell you that the derivative of a constant is always zero. % It's not so much the employment of menstrual fluids in your paintings that unsettles others around you but more your dependence on Jackson Pollock's splatter technique. % Woah! That was just like in ET when that little girl first saw the monkey. % In just seven days I can make you a man. % Some drugs are condemned before they are even really tried, because of some botched and inadequate trial, while others become the foundation of billion dollar industries on the same basis: a lottery. % He who would do good to another must do it in Minute Particulars: General Good is the plea of the scoundrel, hypocrite, and flatterer, For Art and Science cannot exist but in minutely organized Particulars. % Those who refuse to think outside the proverbial `box' are imprisoned in it; and destined to be buried in it. % According to Dubya, God told him personally to invade Afghanistan and Iraq. Bush later stated that God acted through him. Given the media `dropping' the matter (Perception Control) no one cares to talk about those claims. Bush's claims exceeded the assertions of Hitler! % I'm the Decider. % All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the peacemakers for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country. % Perception Control = Emotional Control = Mind Control % There are three sides to every story, yours, mine, and the facts. % In the Country of the Blind, the one-eyed man is in for a hell of a rough ride. % Europeans are hardly the sort of people to push around. They invented the two most lethal modern ideologies, and wielded them with a vengeance in various forms for much of the last century. % I always suspected Nixon's plan was to end the cold war by agreeing to make the US 50% similar to the Soviets and the Soviets 50% like us. % The purpose of government (other than self-government) is to hire and pay government workers, rather than to accomplish whatever it is those workers are assigned to do. % You have given up on the Republic; yet you continue to argue that we should act like a republic, not a competent empire. Why? % Hitler had Germany to work with. Saddam had Iraq. It makes a difference. You know, it's interesting to see just how utterly free of logic, facts, and experience the average person who votes and determines our fate is. % It is politically easier to fight wars than to develop resources. % At the moment we subsidize gasoline and fuel oil prices by paying for military operations required to keep Middle East oil flowing. If the true costs of those operations were added as a tariff on imported oil, the market would be a great deal different. % You can prove anything if you make up your data. You can prove nearly anything if you are allowed to select your evidence and forget embarrassing facts. % The last fully working Saturn rockets, each capable of putting into orbit about five times a typical Shuttle payload, were destroyed. % Almost all long-standing government agencies and projects have people who are worse than merely useless, they are in the way; and the more conscientious they are about earning their pay the more they tend to get in the gears and bring progress to a halt. % If the USG can't make zombie mind controlled suicide killers after MKULTRA and billions spent on psychiatry and psychology research, with the benefit of Nazi Concentration Camp experiments and Nazi doctors and spies working for them post war thanks to Operation Paperclip, how in hell can a guy living in a cave in Pakistan command legions of them to do his bidding? % Osama bin Laden could command legions of zombie mind-controlled suicide killers from his cave in Pakistan and so can the Directorate of the CIA from their offices in Virginia. % Skeptics say, `Come on, the government could not have created zombie killers.' Yet such persons don't doubt Islamic abilities to do so. % Politicians are always interested in people. Not that this is a virtue. Fleas are interested in dogs. % No one ever died from smoking marijuana but millions of people have died by believing politicians. So why is marijuana outlawed while politicians are still legal? % There's no way to rule innocent men. The only power any government has is the power to crack down on criminals. Well, when there aren't enough criminals, one makes them. One declares so many things to be a crime that it becomes impossible to live without breaking laws. % Laws are made to control people, not to protect them. % Since most people are too stupid to figure out what's really going on around them, god only knows where we'd be without blind faith. % The lancet fluke is a microorganism that, as part of its life cycle, lodges in the brain of an ant turning it into a sort of ant zombie that every night crawls to the top of a blade of grass and waits to get eaten by a grazing cow or sheep in whose liver the lancet fluke can propagate. % In the 1980s you could hardly move for suggestions that the Robot Age was upon us. % Robbed of my superpowers I will have to rely on mere human ingenuity. % Because mankind is intrinsically wicked, he has to be governed, such governance can only be established, however, when men are united - and they can only be united against other people. % Those who are fit to rule are those who realize there is no morality and that there is only one natural right - the right of the superior to rule over the inferior. % the world is filled with political leaders who proudly declare that God speaks to them directly, with many casting themselves as central players in an Armageddon-like battle between good and evil. If they were to decide to `hasten' this process along with a nuclear launch, what would restrain them? The answer is nothing. % A nice adaptation of conditions will make almost any hypothesis agree with the phenomena. This will please the imagination but does not advance our knowledge. % For every complicated problem there is a solution that is simple, direct, understandable and wrong. % I have never met a Member of Parliament who was not obviously into drink or bribes or unconventional sex. % Secret services create, finance and control extremist organizations. Without the support of secret services, these organizations cannot exist. % Science is the last unreformed institution in the modern world today, it's like the church before the Reformation. All decisions are made by a small powerful group of people. They're authoritarian, entrenched, well-funded and see themselves as a priesthood. % Honesty does not defeat a well constructed and delivered lie. % The mind has employed science to solve the mysteries of the universe but now is boggled by the riddle of itself. % You would not make the act of submission which is the price of sanity. You preferred to be a lunatic, a minority of one. % If doubts remained in the rest of the world that the United States is engaged in routine torture of prisoners, the new Army Field Manual should dispel them. % Torture is now properly called, `Enhanced Interrogation Techniques.' % A lion devours gazelles, a leech sucks blood, and the domineering dissolute mutant class grows fat off the hoi polloi. % Words have been redefined, corruption institutionalized, and humanity betrayed with malignity which knows no boundaries. % The scientific management of mass psychology is at the heart of globalization - the goal of all power fanatics to unify the globe under a single, seamless, networked system of control. % The war is not against terror, that is a mist of lies; the true war is the perpetual war for the domination of all reality. % The war is not against terror, climate change, a virus, those are a mist of lies; the true war is the perpetual war for the domination of all reality. % Their mission is total control which requires a universal regime, a global prison state. % He's the kind of guy, that, well, if you were ever in a jam he'd be there with two slices of bread and some chunky peanut butter. % We were going to be different. Instead, we turned out just the same. % Recent history is the record of a vast conspiracy to impose one level of mechanical consciousness on mankind. % Think not existence closing your account and mine Shall see the likes of you and me no more The eternal sake has poured from the bowl millions of bubbles like you and me, and shall pour % It was so boring, I had to check my pulse to see if I was still alive. % It is better to be lucky than it is to be good. % He that would make his own liberty secure must guard even his enemy from oppression; for if he violates this duty he establishes a precedent that will reach to himself. % We are told that, because of a man hiding in a cave somewhere, we face an even greater peril than that represented by the former Soviet Union. % The accretion of dangerous power does not come in a day. It does come, however slowly, from the generative force of unchecked disregard of the restrictions that fence in even the most disinterested assertion of authority. % In politics, nothing happens by accident. If it happens, you can bet it was planned that way. % Instead of popping Zoloft like breath mints and drinking till your fiance looks pretty again, embrace the unsightliness around you. % Backhanded insults, like calling them `materialistic,' are transparent manifestations of your own financial insecurities. Engage in self-improvement. Sign up for an Afro-Brazilian aerobic-dance class and accuse your friend of being fat instead. % It will seem even more that the world has gone crazy. % It's only when the tide goes out that you can see who's swimming naked. % It may sometimes be expedient for a man to heat the stove with his furniture. But he should not delude himself by believing that he has discovered a wonderful new method of heating his premises. % As one born-again cleric put it, Christ said to forgive one's enemies but he didn't say not to kill God's enemies. % Though Muslim and Christian fundamentalists are both known for their sexual puritanism, Muslims dream of a heaven with sex, while evangelicals long for a heaven without it. % The Muslim religion will not survive Television as pure unadulterated Control, any more than Christianity could survive the Industrial Revolution as Prime Time. % Joint locks don't work on an invertebrate, they're too slippery. % Taking some time off is fine, necessary even, but before you know it three months have gone by and you haven't killed any more nurses. % The sense of hearing is often the first to go but with you it's the sense of dignity. % Satan will take the form of Excel spreadsheet cell G14 this week and refuse to assume the proper formatting. % I've seen a heap of trouble in my life and most of it never came to pass. % Something's right til proven wrong or something better comes along. % We hold that truth does exist independently of consciousness, a philosophical view that might be summarized by the popular aphorism `wishing doesn't make it so.' % Ask yourself this: would the US government spend $400 million on attempts to sway public opinion via the media if public opinion was not `swayable' in this way? % They promised us fair trade and robbed us all instead. % If innocent people end up getting spied on or imprisoned or tortured or shot, well that's just a cost of what our government likes to call freedom. % If an individual in a position of political power is a psychopath he or she can create an epidemic of psychopathology in people who are not, essentially, psychopathic. % The American populace has been under the influence of psychopaths for quite some time now and that unavoidably leads to a mental illness among the masses. % We noted that Psychopaths can `infect' the minds of the non-psychopathically inclined by mere association. In the case of the US, we see that five years of living under the dictates of a government ruled by obvious Psychopaths has begun to make a psychopath of the ordinary citizen. % On each landing, opposite the lift shaft, the poster with the enormous face gazed from the wall. It was one of those pictures so contrived that the eyes follow you about when you move. BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU, the caption beneath it ran. % They want 94% of us dead and gone and they will stop at nothing to achieve that. % The US government is a government by and for loopholes. % Our rationalisations are our greatest fantasies. % You've felt for weeks as if they were on the verge of figuring out your secret shame, which is ridiculous as no one even knows who you are. % I would remind you that only governments make war. Only governments have the resources to commit mass murder. Government is, by its very nature, a weapon of mass destruction. % At the same time as Ufology is undergoing a crisis in which its very existence is threatened a most curious situation has come about. The number of UFO sightings is on the increase. % My wife can never afford the kind of problems she'd like to have. % In a similar way to other glamorous figures, Candy Jones entered unwittingly into that mysterium of power which forever belies the conscious social-democratic view of nature and society. % As soon as Nebel heard the voice of Arlene he entered the world of trance-state America. It is a world in which exit wounds become entrance wounds and in which Jack Ruby's last hours as a free man remain as enigmatic as the last phone calls of Marilyn Monroe or the mysterious travels of Candy Jones. % Perhaps Orwell was wrong and Huxley was right. Limitless cheap pleasure, not pain or suffering, is to be the ultimate weapon used in breaking the will of a population, without a drop of blood being shed. % We shall be presented with a political system in which the two main parties differ from each other in the way that Pepsi differs from Coke. % Concepts like `empty set,' `zero,' `infinity' etc clearly are results of religious speculations and not of observations. % Sure, they may all be laughing at you now but pretty soon they'll have to stop in order to catch their breath. % They may be laughing at you now but they'll have to stop eventually if only to eat, catch their breath, and get a good night's sleep in preparation for laughing at you all day tomorrow. % You will be forever labeled `quixotic' after mistaking a field of windmills for the solution to the world's energy crisis. % Laugh at yourself because it's the only joke you'll ever really get. % Understand that for every bit of news you hear and see on television there is a world of truth they've left out. Also understand that the possibility exists that material on the news is not only truncated, left-out information, but wholly false. Don't allow your world views, your lifestyle, your mind itself, to be made up by a twelve-second soundbite. % A major part of the budget of the CIA is for film and video production. They aren't making training films. % I've found a lot of problems can be made to go away if you just stick your fingers in your ears and hum very loudly. % Reality is a stranger to us all. % The results of next week's medical exam will send a chill up your spine, or at least they would, if you were able to feel anything from the neck down. % If terrorism didn't exist it would be necessary for governments to invent it. % Could terrorists ever have imagined how easily America and Britain would abandon their moral high ground? % If the terrorists switch targets from airplanes to shopping malls, we haven't really solved the problem. % If we're relying on airport screeners to prevent terrorism, it's already too late. After all, we can't keep weapons out of prisons. How can we ever hope to keep them out of airports? % You're a red-socked fop! % Three young girls from Kansas cannot board an Amtrak train to New York unless they have a government issued photo ID. Not some futuristic sci-fi plot. Now. It is called Corporatist Fascism. % Your death will be so protracted and violent that investigators will let your mother down easy by telling her you were sodomized in half by a horse. % Your resistance to technology comes to a sudden end this week when you're garroted with a length of fiber-optic cable. % The Establishment is populated by people who get their kicks out of pushing other people around. It controls funding and most of the media. It is not so omnipotent that it can proceed without evidence, so it buys the evidence it needs. It does not commission research, it commissions results. % Suffice it to say that, using the methods and standards of the EPA, anyone can prove that anything causes anything. % According to the stars the mysterious wheels of fate have finally begun turning in your direction and soon they'll seize a bearing of fate, jump out of the brackets of fate, and careen into your house. % Scientists have predicted that, one day soon, tiny robots will travel through our bodies repairing damage on the cellular level but tomorrow giant robots will hurl your body over the horizon, shattering it beyond repair. % You've always been the type to see the glass half-full but that will change next week when you start drinking. % The corpse of 16th-century astronomer Nicolaus Corpenicus will rise from the grave this week to explain, once and for all, that the universe does not revolve around you, you self-centered prick. % `Well, thanks to the Internet I'm now bored with sex. Is there a place on the Web that panders to my lust for violence?' `Is the Space-pope reptilian?' % Would-be-tyrants who seek to dominate entire populations must devise some means of inducing their victims to enslave themselves. % Advanced forms of biological warfare that can 'target' specific genotypes may transform biological warfare from the realm of terror to a politically useful tool. % Whatever happens never under-spend your budget, or it will be reduced next year. % Financial power and military force dominate us all because we need to be a part of the big story in order for us to fulfill our personal dreams of heroism. % It is our fate to live in an interesting, awe-inspiring, demonic, tragic and evil world full of people who are nuts. That includes us. % Dance with me by the light of the Earth. % `Is she all right?' `Womens' problems - nothing a good leeching won't cure.' % This model suggests that the Galaxy is currently undergoing a phase transition between an equilibrium state devoid of intelligent life to a different equilibrium state where it is full of intelligent life. % The stars, from what we can see, are lifeless; their planets are empty or occupied by nothing more than slime, and the asteroids quietly await our children's machines, and the all-consuming galactic ecosystem spawned from right here. % Is Fermi's empty Universe proof that we live in a simulation? % Where are they? % Can anyone remember a time in recent years when there was not a major health scare running? Can anyone remember when it actually came to anything? Yet a death from malaria occurs every thirty seconds. % Let's find out what everybody is doing and then stop them doing it. % The life of man is controlled by chance events, something he has always had difficulty in accepting. As a toolmaker he wanted everything to have a purpose, every effect to have a cause. So primitive man invented gods and imagined them everywhere. % We live in the Age of Propaganda. % Ah yes dieting, that strange admixture of vanity and self-loathing. % Why are there no great physicists and philosophers in our universities now? Why has the modern world become such a stupid place? % There is not one iota of scientific evidence that anybody, anywhere, has ever died of passive smoking. % The raw results of the CDC study actually showed that smokers live longer than non-smokers. % Acquiring a dog may be the only opportunity a human ever has to choose a relative. % It must always be remembered that the Iran-Contra affair was not only about Central America. It was also - and far more significantly - about selling weapons to Iran via the Israelis. % Does being able to move faster tell us anything at all about the value of where we were going? % The role of a particular finite technology is secondary. What technology does, rather, is to launch a state of mind. In other words, to watch TV we have no need to possess a TV set. % The soap opera is far better at the pacification of societies than bombs and shells. With Britain alone as an example, populations can be effectively tranquillised by such transmissions without any physical harm being done to them. % A cult is a religion without sufficient political power. Starting your own cult can be a lot of fun. % It's enough to make wart hogs roll over and die, cross-eyed with grief. % Once you lose the ability to laugh at yourself you are on the way to getting well and truly lost. % No-one ever got fired for blaming Microsoft. % Have you ever gone a week without a rationalisation? % People who learn to conduct themselves in a manner respectful of the telephone tap and the surveillance camera have no reason to fear the fist of censorship. % People have the right to confront their accuser. People have a right to examine the evidence against them and to context the validity of that evidence. % Perpetually at war, the state must govern with the instruments of fear. % I say if you stand for something so much to the point of dying for it, you have already fallen for something. You've been suckered, hoodwinked, schnookered, bamboozled. Trapped in a thought pattern that does not allow for escape to actually live in your own head. % They have been left with little choice but to construct a glorified image of society; an image of what they wish society would have been rather than what it has, in fact, turned out to be. % It sounded more Scottish than the worst Glaswegian drunk in a Soho doorway. % While it may be true that the emperor has no clothes you should have taken into consideration how remarkably well-clothed, and well-armed, all his bodyguards seem to be. % When the facts did not support their beliefs, they simply lied. % If a tree falls on your head in the forest and you don't hear it, it still hurts. % He stopped watching television in 1999 due to apoplexy fits caused by constant Bill Clinton invasions of his living room. % There are empty souls which thirst for excitement of some kind to fill their desert minds. % Don't necessarily expect the Devil to wear a Nazi uniform this time. % When a politician says he wants you to serve a cause greater than your own self-interest, the cause he has is mind is his own reelection. % The government big enough to give you everything you want is big enough to take away everything you have. % Your future seems likely to contain a great amount of fluorescent lighting, a lot of spreadsheets, and a great many people trying to avoid meaningful contact with you; basically, everything you went to college for. % The sun and moon themselves will fall madly in love with you and set about vying for your affection by showering you with gifts so, unfortunately, you'll be killed on Thursday afternoon by a dozen roses and a box of chocolates traveling at near-orbital velocity. % Osama don't surf! % But what is it for? % And he that hath no sword, let him sell his garment, and buy one. % Think not that I am come to send peace on Earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword. % Not peace, but a sword. % I lost my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap hotel room. % I may occasionally kill out of anger or to illustrate a point but I'm no Grim Reaper! % Maybe, just once, someone will call me `sir' without adding, `you're making a scene.' % Your toys are fun to touch. Mine are all sticky. % When you're raised in an insane environment and you have no points of reference outside the insane system you believe your environment and its values to be sane. % The more thoroughly people are brainwashed the less they believe they're brainwashed. % Isn't it paradoxical to entrust the nation's welfare to the decisions of voters whom the law itself considers incapable of managing their own affairs? % As we have also seen recently these camps need not have barbed wire and observation towers, they can simply be well guarded sports stadiums. % So let me see: `terrorists' attack us because they `hate our freedoms' and the answer is to get rid of our freedoms? % `This stone keeps tigers away.' `Really?' `See any tigers around?' % There is in fact a purpose to the universe. The purpose is to utterly and completely destroy you. % Bart! Don't use the Touch of Death on your sister. % As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains seemingly unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air - however slight - lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness. % Remember, at any one time in the intelligence game, there is far more gathered raw intelligence available than could be totally analyzed in years. % What once were classed as psychological disorders are today considered perfectly normal, while behaviour for which one might previously have been held responsible is now just another form of mental illness. % Pay close attention to everything, notice what no one else notices. Then you will know what no one else knows and that's always useful. % Somebody asked me if I agreed that `violence begets violence.' I told him that I try my hardest to see that it does. % Hiring other people, public or private, to protect yourself is perhaps not totally futile but it must never be considered more than marginally effective. % Riding to Amarillo, just my rifle, my pony, and me. % The fear of getting caught masturbating is all we have left in this overly accepting world. % All your plans that are not impossible are too intimidating for you to ever seriously contemplate carrying them out but good luck anyway. % Your undying patriotism and staunch `my country right or wrong' stance will continue to prevent you from reading a newspaper. % A picture tells a thousand lies. % `They seem awfully nice.' `So was the chicken I ate last night.' % I felt the same faint quiver that I felt at Paris Island half a lifetime ago. % I prefer to try to take what pleasures I can in life and when a big wave is approaching I'll stop building sand castles and take up surfing, instead of trying to turn back the tide. % The plain fact is that in 1925 Ronald Fisher gave scientists a mathematical machine for turning baloney into breakthroughs and flukes into funding. % Does anyone know what you can determine statistically besides anything you want? % The monotonous, contemptuous events which so far have characterized my life experience are not enough. Out of the coarse and bitter satire that is my life I seek one gentle, simple hour. % Look around you. Take a good look. Just between you and me, are you sure this where you want to be? % Chaos umpire sits, And by decision more imbroiles the fray By which he reigns: next him high arbiter Chance governs all. % While not deeply vicious, he carries disaster lightly in each hand. % Although the incumbent will stand firm on his platform of fair taxes, better schools, and safer streets, you'll win in a landslide from your platform of human skulls. % You knew that house cats liked to play cruelly with their prey before eating it but you had no idea that they grew to the size of the one outside your door right now. % Do not wound what you cannot kill. % Did not the Fall of man require God to affect a degree of inattentiveness not plausible for an omniscient being? % I think, with some precision incompetence, I can get myself out of the running for that particular job. % Well, I dunno about you but I'm gonna stockpile cigarettes and pornography just in case. % Well, I dunno about you but I'm gonna stockpile coffee and pornography just in case. % Well, I dunno about you but I'm gonna stockpile chocolate and pornography just in case. % Delightful changes that will transform your life into a giddy playground may still be ahead for you, provided you can summon the gumption to get out of bed before three in the afternoon. % You always say The Man is holding you down but you never mention the intense sexual rush it gives you. % The camp counselor said there was a `special' merit badge I could earn. % Once again, my penis was in the punch-bowl. % Truth, like morality and aesthetics, is a function of a judging intelligent mind. Truth is not some sort of external entity. % OK, I'm not smart enough to figure out what you're up to but when something goes wrong I'm going to blame *you!* % The logic of Passion leads to the conclusion that all `states' are impossible, all `orders' illusory, except those of desire. % Out of nothing we will imagine our values and by this act of invention we shall live. % *What are my true desires?* And what can *I do* before it's too late? % When elephants dance, the grass is trampled. % If I could have convinced more slaves that they were slaves, I could have freed thousands more. % My cynicism is exceeded only by my disgust. % You've always feared change in your life, so relax: you're going to be in a nice, stable coma for the foreseeable future. % Chaos as `the sum of all orders.' % What does it mean that we have invented a way to destroy all life on Earth? Nothing much. We have *dreamed* this as an escape from the contemplation of our own individual deaths. % As my uncle Melvin used to say, stolen watermelon tastes sweeter. % America has freedom of speech because all words are considered equally vapid. % Pornography has a measurable physical effect on its readers. Like propaganda it sometimes changes lives because it uncovers true desires. % Smash the symbols of the Empire in the name of nothing but the heart's longing for grace. % Words belong to those who use them only until someone else steals them back. % No, listen, what happened was this: they lied to you, sold you ideas of good and evil, gave you distrust of your body and shame for your prophethood of chaos, invented words of disgust for your molecular love, mesmerized you with inattention, bored you with civilization and all its usurious emotions. % There is no becoming, no revolution, no struggle, no path; already you're the monarch of your own skin - your inviolable freedom waits to be completed only by the love of other monarchs: a politics of dream, urgent as the blueness of sky. % Avatars of chaos act as spies, saboteurs, criminals of amour fou, neither selfless nor selfish, accessible as children, mannered as barbarians, chafed with obsessions, unemployed, sensually deranged, wolfangels, mirrors for contemplation, eyes like flowers, pirates of all signs and meanings. % Let's take our pistols to bed and wake up the city at midnight like drunken bandits celebrating with a fusillade, the message of the taste of chaos. % CHAOS NEVER DIED % The Industrial Revolution encouraged factory methods of farming: `agri-business.' Schools sprouted up, partly to warehouse now-surplus labour and partly to condition future factory workers to respond to bells appropriately. % People do not starve in this world because there isn't the food to feed them; people starve because hunger is a weapon, pure and simple, people starve because of politics. % Some mornings it's just not worth chewing your way through the leather straps. % He's an honest politician. He stays bought. % With infinite complacency men went to and fro over this globe about their little affairs, serene in their assurance of their empire over matter. It is possible that the infusoria under the microscope do the same. % What you measure is what you get. % Most religions develop the process of sacrifice. It is designed to create commitment. Once people have given up something for the sake of a belief they are less likely to reneague. % Isn't this just a desperate cry for attention, now that your looks have started to fade? % Just picture John Wayne Gacy in his `clown costume' as he entertained children. % The Psychopath is much more successful than you and I because he is not hemmed in by all sorts of impediments or worries. % Even when the experts all agree, they may well be mistaken. % The reader must understand that, due to the a-priori impossibility of assuring a shared denotation amongst independent agents, nothing (including this message) associated with this site may be expected to contain what the reader perceives to be factual information. % I want you to close your eyes (after you finish reading this sentence) and take a few seconds to forget everything you know - most of it is rubbish and the parts that aren't rubbish can probably be learned again pretty quickly. % On a scale of ten I'd have to give her a two. And that's only because I've never seen a one before. % You can't do the sort of things that I was going to do to that man without being sure he deserves it. Otherwise I would become what they always said I would, a maniac. % Things can get a little bit out of whack when you haven't been taking your medicine. % It's the shake the tree and see what falls out methodology, also known as poke it with a stick and see if it's angry. % All methodologies and disciplines are faith based. % It is known that after World War II unethical fascist elements within the United States government imported into America fascists from the defeated Germany though programs like Operation Paperclip. % In a hundred years this won't matter. It barely matters now. % Law enforcement relies on crime and criminals for its very existence, which sure looks like a symbiotic relationship to me. % Throughout time 'good' people have believed that they know what is best for everybody else, for a populace that is clearly suffering from false-consciousness. Such 'good' people can be extremely dangerous and much deluded. % On both sides of the Atlantic the political class has become convinced that the people do not know what is best for them. % A lifetime ago I sat at school: a little ten years old boy watching the fuzzy pictures from the lunar surface on the black-and-white TV, brimming with a sense of wonder and the infinite possibilities of my future. Little did I know that I was watching the day the future died. % Little did I know that I was watching the day the future died. % Every time I'm convinced I know something or start spouting a belief system, especially in such a way that I might be able to state a creed, I start looking for its foundation in my psyche. When I find it I break out the jackhammers. % Chaos Magic is doing what *works*, for *you*. % I'll be seeing you in your dreams % They mix the truth with their lies until you can't be sure which is which. % The Neither-Neither principle asserts that there is no truth anywhere that is not balanced by an equally true opposite somewhere and there is only perspective and circumstance to determine which seems more true at any given time. % If quantum mechanics is correct human beings live in a universe of mind numbing complexity at an order of magnitude far greater than the ability of the human mind to comprehend. % We are certainly not at the end of science. Most probably we are just at the beginning. % Humans often make the mistake of buying into the apparent hierarchy within nature. There is no hierarchy. Nor does life evolve - it just simply changes. % Therefore always remember that when a God gets out of line it is best to remind him that he needs us as well. % There's no cure. % Chaos has no limits. % The ultimate meaning of the Universe is that there is no ultimate meaning of the Universe. % There is no permanent model for the individual's relationship with everything that he is not. % The antithesis of chaos, cosmos, is the universe suitably defined by the successful magician for his own purposes and that definition is under constant scrutiny and may be regularly changed. % I do not believe in anything. I know what I know. There are no gods or demons except for those I have created for myself. I create and destroy beliefs according to their usefulness. % When you are willing to do that which others are ashamed to do, therein lies an advantage. % She's a woman - how the bloody hell am I supposed to know what she's thinking! % There is no such thing as free will; although we have the capacity to act randomly, or perhaps one should say more precisely stochastically, and the propensity to identify with whatever we find ourselves doing as a result. % I wear my heart on my sleaze. % You bring about a revolution in meaningless chitchat this week when you engage in small talk so miniscule it can't be detected by non-golfers or people outside of upper management. % You'll be forced to run more than 50 miles by some cruel bastard who'll rig your hat with a fiendish device consisting of a chocolate bar, a piece of string, and a six-foot stick. % `What is that in your lap?' `Leonard. He's half kitten and half monkey.' % She was unambiguously beautiful, petulant, and given to wild fancies. Men found her irresistibly attractive. % I must create my own system or be enslaved by another man's. % The contextual coherence of things - how things hold together in fluid, immediately accessible, interpenetrating patterns of significance rather than in precisely framed logical relationships - remains to this day the defining problem for AI. It is the problem of meaning. % Who are you? % If I am speaking to you in a logically or grammatically proper fashion, then you can safely predict that my next sentence will respect the rules of logic and grammar. But this does not even come close to telling you what I will say. % Render under Caesar what you must, keep what you can, and don't swear allegiance to anyone or anything. % Ask not what you can do for your country but what it can do for you - you ought to get some of your taxes back. % Labour for labour's sake is against nature. % Never to work in a job that you cannot afford to quit. % One of the fastest-growing jobs in the UK is shelf-filling. % You could sell these people hookers in a vagina storm. % It is much better to receive than to give. % I call this the body that ice cream built. % Your friends will soon hold an intervention to take away your barge pole, wide-brimmed white straw hat, and Chianti bottle in an effort to stop your wanton and dangerous gondoliering. % Actually, a goatsucker is an order of insect-eating nocturnal birds that includes the whippoorwill and the nighthawk, you pervert. % You've never been afraid to learn the lessons of history, which is why your solution to everything is nuking Japan. % Our data from the past, no matter how big a pile of data it is, may very well be entirely irrelevant. % The tricky thing about the future is that it's different from the past. % The fact that you're not dead yet doesn't mean that the things you've done up until now shouldn't have, by all that is fair in the universe, killed you. % The wise know what to be thinking about whereas the merely intelligent only know how to think. % Um, hey. The hole you're digging is very nice; and it is the right size. But you're in the wrong yard. % Until recently in human history life was much less predictable and we were forced to encounter things not always of our own choosing. We are capable of more interesting and creative lives than our modern cultures often provide for us. % Just because everyone in the room is smart doesn't mean that collectively they will arrive at smart ideas. % Simply because they cannot be proven wrong, does not make them right. % If you learn a few tricks of logic and debate you can refute the obvious and defend the ridiculous. % Should definitely change her medication. Or her agent. % Didn't I once see her once in a circus at Maidstone? % Is that an alien under his kilt or is he just pleased to see me? % Treasure your fantasies, your illusions, your self-deceptions, hopeless desires, ridiculous thoughts, precious silliness, your dreams, and all your nonsense, because without them you are under the control of the system. % At work, your zombie co-workers continually surprise you by the ingenuity with which they knife you in the back. % Don't let the humans nuke each other. They make good eating. % If you can laugh at what happens to you today, you've got a sick sense of humor. % The formulation and solution of problems change throughout history, throughout our own lifetimes, and even through our re-readings of texts. % Billy had the various TV heroes catalogued with that facile precision of the young mind that has been trained to memorize before it has learned to think. % The universe is not only stranger than we imagine, it's stranger than we can imagine. % Yet another bit of my brain cluttered up with useless information I'll never need. % On a good day I believe six impossible things before breakfast. That's even before I start surfing the intarw3bz and thumbing through my David Icke collection. % When the proverbial material really hits the fan I plan to be on the side with the heaviest artillery. I only feel brave holding a machine gun, this I know to be factually true. Well, a decent rifle works for me too. % (Doorbell rings) Door-to-door salesman: `Hello sir. I am offering Jesus. Accept this offer, or else roast for all eternity.' % Jesus loves you but the Devil has candy. % Jesus gets seriously bummed out at times and, since Jesus is `the big guy,' that is no laughing matter. He is known to roast souls for all eternity. % Wait until Jesus gets his hands on you, you little bastard. % We don't hate Jesus; we just test him. % Bet your last dollar on this: as the actual situation deteriorates there will be a corresponding increase in frivolous `news.' % If you're not having fun, you're doing it wrong. You're doing it the hard way. % I won't even have to bother to gag you. No-one around here takes any notice of a woman screaming, especially during the tourist season. % Something will get us - but by definition we won't see it coming. % Your lifelong love of all things zombie becomes a definite liability when former president Ronald Reagan mysteriously returns to life and is told that you wouldn't mind if he stayed at your place. % You look like a million dollars. All green and wrinkled. % You will feel strange and awkward this week when you realize that the little voice in your head is actually James Earl Jones standing behind you whispering lewd suggestions. % Every day is a good day for ice cream. % The Earth has gone through many cycles of extreme warming and cooling in its history, with an associated rise and fall of species. % The Commander in Chief of the most powerful military force in human history has located American foreign policy within a Biblical narrative that leads inexorably towards the plains of Megiddo. % Magic is about the stuff of experience - explanations are secondary. We like them because they can add value to experience or to the experiencer. When they fail to add value, let's just keep with the experience. % No experiment can distinguish between phenomena manifested by visiting interstellar (arbitrarily advanced) ETI and intelligent entities that may exist near Earth within a parallel universe or in different dimensions, or who are (terrestrial) time travelers. % Thus it is now widely acknowledged that the nature of our universe is far more complex than observations based on anthropocentric self-selection portend. % There is a great deal more stuff out there than can be grasped by the measuring instruments of the human nervous system. % One of the more confusing aspects of Discordianism is the fact that it seems to be little more than a parody of religion. To a certain extent it is. At the same time, it's meant to be the real thing. % Invite Eris to the ball. Not doing so is an invitation for even more trouble. % You didn't get in trouble for lying; you got in trouble for lying *badly*. % He's a difficult man to hate but that doesn't mean we shouldn't try. % Would you marry a porn star? % Not hitting your shots and a weak zone defense aren't simply why your team is losing in the playoffs, it's why the Centralized Space Command will surrender to the Uranus Allied Forces this Thursday. % The stars foresee a lot of sorrow and tribulation in your life that, when viewed from their distant stellar perspective, seems insignificant and barely worth mentioning. % `You're drunk again.' `No, I'm just exhausted 'cause I've been up all night drinking.' % Do you really think I'm stupid enough to believe that? % In a totalitarian society in which the state apparatus is all-powerful the ethics most important for the survival of the true, human individual would be: cheat, lie, evade, fake it, be elsewhere, forge documents, build improved electronic gadgets in your garage that'll outwit the gadgets used by the authorities. % Hollywood special effects and virtual theme park rides all seek not only to just distract or entertain but to immerse us into new, concocted realities. % I mean, after all; you have to consider we're only made out of dust. % Surprise is an antidote to paranoia. % The Empire never ended. % The absurdity of this existence is something I have been persuaded of for some time. I however have difficulty in seeing why anyone can or should be happy about it. % You will notice the rational mind, in all its exuberance, reaching out into the wonders of the absurd trying desperately to bring it down to the level of concepts. As if it ever could. % The present moment is above the toils of the past and the worries of the future. It is a timeless place forever escaping the clutches of the rational mind which is far too slow, cumbersome and limited to be able to fathom its vastness. % This sentence cannot be proven true. % If anyone thinks they can get an accurate picture of anyplace on the planet by reading news reports, they're sadly mistaken. % When it's so common that it's not news, then you should start worrying. % We sweat and toil at jobs we hate, wasting away our lives. Why do we do it? Because we have to? Because we need the money? Or because we don't know how to live any other way? % Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which a person can die. % Don't upset me. I'm running out of places to hide the bodies. % It is often said that before you die your life passes before your eyes. It is in fact true. It's called living. % Where there's a will, I want to be in it. % Why did we choose to buy more crap instead of working less? % According to United Nations figures, the three richest individuals have a net worth equal to the poorest 48 countries. % Is the promise of prosperity for six billion the Big Lie of our time? % The number in abject poverty today is as great as all mankind in 1900. % Civilizations, like individuals, are born, flourish and die. % You just take your Prozac every day, limp along dyspeptic and neurotic, and figure that's all there is. % Only a man who lives not in time but in the present is happy. % Civilization is something which was imposed on a resisting majority by a minority which understood how to obtain possession of the means of power and coercion. % When technology is trying to replace something that is not obsolete, one can be fairly certain that a strategy of dependence is at work. % Instead of the traditional information blackout, we face an information blizzard - a whiteout. This forces the individual to depend on an authority to help prioritize the information to be selected. % There is already far too much work being done in the world and most of it is pointless. % The morality of work is the morality of slaves and the modern world has no need of slavery. % The road to happiness and prosperity lies in an organised diminution of work. % Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY and they meet at the bar! % Crime: politics without the excuses. % He points at the streets outside and explains how many of the people walking by are probably extraterrestrials in human guise. % The globalists are building their entire police state, their control grid, on the foundation of 9/11. % All your old problems will dissolve when you're forced to confront what's really important, namely explosive botulism. % You believed being stranded on that desert island put an end to your run of lousy luck but the natives will soon become strangely inspired and fashion a crude bus to hit you with. % Everyone takes a while to adjust to new surroundings but, unfortunately, you'll only have eight minutes before the fissure begins to fill with magma. % Smart as you may be there is always something to learn and, conversely, always something to unlearn. % There are only two types of people; people who demand life and people who demand control. Whose side are you on? % Call in sick to work tomorrow. % Nobody knows anything. Everyone is lying. % Do Not Pet The Tiger. The Tiger Is Sick. % Buy a gun. % Be a good bunny and buy a gun for your hunny. % Always carry a good, sturdy, knife on your person. % Your life is passing you by and you are growing old. You are going to die and you're never going to be on television. % Science has proven that the domestication of animals has resulted in a progressive erosion of their mental facilities. The domestication of humans has led to similar effects. % If we don't ban the sexy cheerleaders, the terrorists will have won. % People shall be called to account for all the permitted pleasures they failed to enjoy. % The trick is not to arrange a festival but to find people who can enjoy it. % Bombarded with headlines about an emergent `gun culture' in Britain now, we are apt to forget that the real novelty is the notion that the general populace in this country should be disarmed. % Just what does it mean to prove something? % Your friends have always referred to you as having an old soul but your soul is nothing compared to your arteries. % Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is: never try. % Look on the bright side: how long can the rest of your life be? % Today is the first day of the end of your life. % What is *popular* cannot be *good* because not enough people are qualified to judge. % Of course, I blame the parents. % That's what being a man is like: making mistakes and not caring. % When you reach my advanced age it's so much easier to not care which, after all, is what being a man is all about. % If you need me I'll be at the nudie bar. % None today! Tomorrow, twice as much! % There is so much that I wanna say to you but there's a show coming on that I wanna watch. % Where's my remote control? % I don't know what we're put on this planet to do but we're here damn it! % I blame it on TV myself. % Four weddings and a funeral, where's the difference? % We now have a 200 year experience of the fact that every road to Utopia is paved with corpses and these people ought to know better. % However smart these people are, or think they are, they seem unable to grasp that history demonstrates that all roads to Utopia inevitably lead to nowhere on a pathway littered with the corpses of people who died prematurely and needlessly. % I have an idea but I'll need some chicken-wire, a piece of Plexiglas, and some rubber cement. % When I was young I would have beat the hell out of him and made his wife hold my jacket. % There's nothing wrong with consensual love between adult human beings but as long as other people are demonizing it for personal gain, you want in. % Good coaching and kind, compassionate discipline will turn a ragtag group of problem kids into a top-notch football team but you're just what they need to turn them back to violence and drug abuse. % The other men who delivered babies in stuck lifts were considered heroes but they didn't commandeer a lift full of food, water, medical supplies, and women. % You remember what a good, strong, fiery kick a bottle used to have in the old days - it was nothing like the watered-down crap these puny kids are calling a Molotov cocktail. % This Thursday's sudden solar flare will have far-reaching cosmic effects, changing what should have been a good day for career ambitions into an opportunity for romance with a dark stranger. % Mars descending in your sign is usually a sign of good luck but that's when Mars isn't descending straight at you. % Most scientists realise that Newton's laws of motion are not absolute truths but they work okay for getting people to the moon and back. % Any physical theory is always provisional, you can never prove it. No matter how many times the results of experiments agree with some theory, you can never be sure that the next time the result will not contradict the theory. % The legerdemain of banking and money is a hocus pocus not well understood by most people. Also not understood is usury: even now there is no definite agreement about what usury is. % Q: What food causes women to lose 98% of their sex drive? A: Wedding cake. % Did you say `nurture' or `torture'? % Americans fearful that the rest of society may be teetering on the brink of moral collapse console themselves with the thought that the armed services remain a repository of traditional values and old-fashioned virtue. % Despite its misuse by the civilian leadership, the one institution of government in which the Americans continue to retain faith is their military. % According to the Pentagon's announced long-range plans by 2009 its budget will exceed the Cold War average by 23%, despite the absence of anything remotely resembling a so-called peer competitor. % You mean I'm not a robot? What the hell am I then, answer me that! % Millions long for immortality who can't get through a wet Sunday afternoon. % All I remember is the screaming. And the noises you were making. % Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you. % When you die if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven choose pie heaven. It might be a trick but if it's not, mmmmmmm, boy. % Hey! What kind of party is this? There's no booze and only one hooker. % `This must all be very confusing.' `A little. That's why I've decided to hurt you until you explain it.' % `Where were you at 10pm last night?' `Where am I now?' % Yes, it's the apocalypse all right. I always thought I'd have a hand in it. % Help! A guinea pig tricked me. % I came here with a simple dream; a dream of killing all humans. % Maybe you can't understand this but I finally found what I need to be happy and it's not friends it's things. % This is gonna be one hell of a bowel movement. Afterwards, he'll be lucky if he has any bones left. % The spirit is willing but the flesh is spongy and bruised. % The meat is rotten but the booze is holding out. % You win again, gravity! % Life is hilariously cruel. % `Hey, I don't see you planning for your old age.' `I got plans. I'm gonna turn my on/off switch to off.' % `A pox on you!' `Like I'd notice.' % You're just lucky I don't have the cognitive capacity to hold a grudge. % Now that I no longer need to be nice I could gut you like a fish between bites of my sandwich. % Hey look at me - I've started drinking in the afternoon but, to make it seem more socially acceptable, I'm pretending I'm into wine. % Hey look at me - I'm blasted on pain killers and drink but, to make it seem more socially acceptable, I'm pretending I have sciatica. % `You named your daughter after Pol Pot for Christ's sake!' `Yeah, well, it's easy to criticize with hindsight.' % Gold cannot get you good soldiers but good soldiers can always get you gold. % An army of one thousand is easy to get, one general is tough to find. % I'd rather go down the river with seven studs than with a hundred shitheads. % The best revolutions are silent. % Freedom of expression is a meaningless concept if everyone thinks the same. % Get some hobbies. Relax. Hang out. Enjoy. Take life as it comes. % It was like stabbing guppies in a toilet with a three-pronged fork. % I never think of the future. It comes soon enough. % Although circumstances will force you to take a menial job requiring a nametag it will not lead to anyone knowing your name. % When choosing a pet this week make sure it's one your friends approve of as it'll outlive you by at least a dozen years. % Everything seems strange to me. It's an attitude of mind I try to cultivate. % The only permanent mementos worth having are those that are impaled on sticks. % Three extremely important events will mark your last days on Earth: first, you find out you can buy uranium over the Internet; the second and third pretty much follow as the night follows the day. % Although no one has investigated the possibility of rat humour, if it exists, it is likely to be heavily laced with slapstick. % The more closely we understand what non-human animals are capable of the richer our world becomes. Fifty years ago it was taboo to even talk about animal cognition. Now no one doubts that animals have complex and vibrant mental lives. % Reality is mostly what a people or a culture conceives it to be. Money, worthless in itself, depends entirely on collective faith for its value. % The future seems important only because we have conned ourselves into the notion that surviving for a long time, with painstaking care, is preferable to surviving for a short time with no responsibility and lots of thrills. % Well, well, well, would you carry a razor In case, just in case of depression? % Ain't that close to love? Well, ain't that poster love? Well, it ain't that Barbie doll Her heart's been broken just like you have % I heard the news today, oh boy % You've never been more internally conflicted than you'll be next week, when a choice of three desserts reveals what a shallow person you are. % Modern design continues to exert too much influence on your life as you'll soon be available in six hot new colours in addition to classic brushed aluminium. % Neca eos omnes. Deus suos agnoscet. % Caedite eos. Novit enim Dominus qui sunt eius. % Heaven lies in the shadow of a sword. % Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality. % A well regulated Militia being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms shall not be infringed. % Making the individual defenseless will not, can never, make the individual safer but it does make the individual a lot easier to control, either as an individual or as a part of a larger community. % Get a clue people, can you not wake from your slumber and just open your eyes? *The government cannot protect you or the ones you love - it's up to you do that!* That's why every home should have a gun. At least one. % That 'cold, dead hands' business always seemed too defeatist to me. You can have my gun when I shove it up your cold, dead arse. % Keep guns out of the hands of criminals, buy them for yourself. % Carry the biggest damn gun you can get away with. % Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a 4 or end in MAG. % After a shooting spree, they always want to take the guns away from the people who didn't do it. % Don't feel bad it's not you, it's me. I don't like you. % You've always believed that people are basically good. Unfortunately, this week will go a long way toward convincing you that most of them aren't really good in bed, where it counts most. % As a worshipper of the Goddess of Chaos I have vowed to use my powers only for evil. % Say hello to my little friend! % In your face, monkey-boy! % You can't have everything. Where would you put it? % A feeling of increased personal freedom and greater privacy will wash over you this week when a heretofore unnoticed guy named Wally up and moves out of your apartment. % Two Hundred Pharaohs, Six Billion Slaves % Perhaps biology is just a branch of thermodynamics and there is no sudden beginning of life but a gradual systematic development towards more and more efficient ways of degrading energy. % If you can't be good, at least try to not get found out. % The cursor keeps winking at me - like a hooker you can't afford. % Governments change; the lies stay the same. % You cannot reason a person out of a position he did not reason himself into in the first place. % I had a plan, good one too, but then I got bored. % Your credibility will suffer when the local news runs footage of your burning pants suspended from telecommunications cables. % The fact it's all going to end in tears is not the problem, after all that always happens, but what I'm worried is that they might be *mine*. % `Hey buddy, we're Christians and we didn't like what you said.' `OK, then forgive me.' % Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? % You'll be overcome with a mixture of empathy and annoyance when you accidentally stumble into the closet where all the suppressed homosexuals hang out. % Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for. % Sometimes I wonder, how would they do that chalk outline thing if you push someone into a tree chipper? % Bolt Actions speak louder than words. % With a rifle you can reach out and touch someone with *real* sincerity. % The only thing I feel when I kill is the recoil from my rifle. % Against the machinations of your enemies you can take defense but against the stupidity of fools the very gods themselves fight in vain. % There's nothing wrong with hitting someone when their back is turned. % The most that can be expected between groups separated by substantial differences is mutual tolerance. % Sigh. The things you see when you don't have a gun. % Many a man has decided to stay alive not because of the will to live but because of the determination not to give assorted surviving bastards the satisfaction of his death. % All the things you say make me a sinner are what I believe make me human. % The fact that a government action is legal does not carry much weight with me due to the fact that the government gets to decide what is legal. % I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, just the way the President did. % That only which we have within, can we see without. If we meet no Gods, it is because we harbour none. If there is a grandeur in you, you will find grandeur in porters and sweeps. % Force breeds resistance. % We are living in the Age of Malarkey, an era where no tale is considered too tall but that the authorities won't try it out on the American people. % Your contribution to the performing arts is limited to the fact that your mother is so fat almost anything can be said about her. % When the space aliens finally initiate relations you'll be surprised to find their mysterious handbook is, when translated, actually a drink-mixing guide. % For in the place of tasty caramels and buttercreams, you will find the flaming sword of righteous jihad! % Who are you? And why should I care? % You can't prove it won't happen. % Who am I to judge? Sometimes when the dog rubs up against me I rub back. % If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made of meat? % While actually working here sucks, it is the greatest place on Earth to observe the misery of others % The little voices in my head said it was OK. % Nothing can now be believed which is seen in a newspaper. % I can't watch this because it's creepy, and wrong, and sick. However, I will watch out of curiosity. % Something tells me I could easily beat those trained professionals. % You'll perform an act of selfless bravery next Friday in the false belief that the cameras are catching the whole thing. % What I want is all of the power with none of the responsibility. % One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody's listening. % Uh oh! Did I say that or just think it? % Uh oh! I think I said that out loud. Oh well. % Unravel this one for me grasshopper: what's the sound of one of my hands slapping you upside the head? % I did what I always do when women start to cry: I went back inside to watch TV. % I'll do what I always do when women start to cry: go back inside to watch TV. % Oh, you believed that line of BS, hmmm? You must go for the whole `don't be evil' crap, too. % I was skeptical at first but you were right, human flesh really is the tastiest of all meats! % Try the Soylent Green. It's delicious. % I say we make this the summer of `full release'! % `Where are you going?' `I've got to return some videotapes.' % I guess I was probably returning videotapes. % Don't mention the war! % I had nothing to offer anybody but my own confusion. % If he died right now, good; I'd eat him. % If he died right now, good; another skull for my collection. % If he died right now, good; another candidate for the Darwin Awards. % If he died right now, good; I'd hollow him out and sail to freedom. % You're on your own until help arrives. % If we run out of batteries, this war is screwed. % You'd better sleep with your eyes open. % Failure is an opportunity. % Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. % What do you believe is true that you cannot prove? % Do you want something to be true that can never be? % As a man, he is entitled to believe in fairies at the bottom of the garden if he wishes but as a scientist he is not entitled to believe in anything. % The scientific age flourished for a mere two centuries. Now it is all over and religion has again taken its place as the controller of human society. The difference is that gods have been replaced by the new eco-theocratic religion. % So, you're trying to tell me that buying your food from a guy dressed as a clown is *normal* behaviour around here? No wonder your children are so crazy, even with all that medication. % Look, when a woman comes up with an logical, coherent, consistent, explanation for her behaviour you *know* she's got to be lying. % Do you mind? I'm trying to blow up a planet here. % I propose to define consciousness as the process by which informational associations are retrieved and traversed. The illusion of time and space would be merely a side effect of consciousness as it traverses associations. % `What's that whispering?' `I can't hear anything.' `Oh, I guess it's the little voices in my head again.' % `Dad, how long is a woman pregnant?' `Take my advice son, you don't want to stick around long enough to find out.' % `Johnny! Wake up! There's work to do.' `Oh, sorry, up late - Internet porn.' % `Johnny! Wake up! There's work to do.' `Oh, sorry, I got to thinking about my life and I must have dozed off.' % I live in the gray twilight that knows not victory, nor defeat. % I've been there, it's over-rated: sometimes the souvenirs you bring home, though inexpensive, are not curable. % Evolution is a fact; the theories about it are still under construction. % Your cigarette case will stop the assassin's bullet but not before it passes through four innocent bystanders, a school-bus petrol tank, and your genitals. % The means of defense against foreign danger historically have become the instruments of tyranny at home. % If you find you are riding a dead horse, dismount. % Antisthenes wrote, `It is a kingly thing to do good and to then be abused,' but that does not mean that you're the king. % Buy yourself some extremely long bed sheets. You'll be making an escape rope out of them very soon. % `Exactly when does puberty end for men?' `Six months after death.' % In any given situation you always ask yourself, 'What would Jesus do?' and as a result you've been doing an awful lot of cabinet work recently and speaking Aramaic. % Who would Jesus torture? % What would Jesus drive? % What would Jesus bomb? % What would Buffy do? % What would Archer do? % What would Paladin do? % What would Alex Jones do? % It is exceedingly unlikely that we would have spotted an extraterrestrial artifact anywhere in the Solar System unless it was desperately trying to get our attention. And why should it bother to do that? % For governments determined to maintain their authority extraterrestrial contact is pure dynamite. % There's a saying where I come from: when you want to punch someone on the nose you aim for the back of their head. If they have a head. % Oh look, there's a job I can do: `Police Seek Third Gunman'. % Large increases in cost with questionable increases in performance can be tolerated only in race horses and women. % There has been a worldwide suppression of a secret extraterrestrial presence on Earth for at least 50 years from the general public and most elected public officials. % My Barbie is a crack whore. % You don't become wise by having a lot of ideas but from trying them out. % Are you afraid of being alone with yourself? % Let us take the world itself back, rather than the `information superhighways' upon which we are being herded so quickly away from it, so one day there will be no need for anyone to return here besides misguided historians and other archaeologists of the cursed graveyards of the past. % You live in prisons you have built for yourselves, calling them `homes,' `offices,' `factories.' % The marketplace of ideas, like any marketplace, is fit only for looting. % Are there ways of thinking, acting, and living that might be more satisfying and exciting than the ways we think, act, and live today? % It was a great dream: the best part is not only was I rich, the rest of the world was poor. % It's important for us to explain to our nation that life is important. It's not only the life of babies but it's life of children living in, you know, the dark dungeons of the Internet. % Although your cancer, if treated early, has a 96 percent recovery rate doctors are strangely reluctant to treat you. % The best place to enjoy nature is from the top of the food chain. % The most significant form of terrorism, by a large measure, is state terrorism: terrorizing the whole population through systematic actions carried out by the forces of the state. % We paid $3 billion for these television stations. We'll decide what the news is. The news is what we say it is. % The media sector strives to beautify the persons of the leaders, to drowse the community and to fulfill the plans of the enemies through keeping the people occupied with the minor matters and to stir their emotions and desires until corruption becomes widespread. % Communist and pro-Communist infiltration into the entertainment industries represented a serious peril to the American system of law and governance and therefore to the freedoms which it enshrines. % The problem with sex is it leads to kissing and then the next thing you know you're having to talk to them. That's alot of effort for a few minutes of pleasure. % It's a global village. But most of the villagers are idiots. % You've always said that if you had to do it all over again you wouldn't change a thing, so expect the eternal return of a morass of mediocrity followed by an untimely death. % Your fear of terrorist attacks is just the thing to get you out of getting married and raising a family. % She wants me. They all want me. I rule. See you in Hell, Lardy-boys. % He would make a lovely corpse. % And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him. % Where are we going and why am I in this handbasket? % In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is. % Our time is not measured in days but rather in events. Each is his own judge, and no one cares but himself. Therefore, `This above all - to thine own self be true.' % Reality is what you can get away with. % Any politician will gladly lay down your life for his country. % A mysterious portrait of you, painted by an acknowledged master, will increase in value as the years progress whilst you remain worthless. % When a true genius appears in the world, you may know him by this sign, that all the dunces are in confederacy against him. % Evil needs candy too. % Whatever Japanese schoolgirls are into, that's the future. % I blame society. % Tell me something: those friends of yours, can anyone else see them? % You'll be sued for slander, sexual harassment, inciting to riot and a half-dozen other crimes if you decide to let your dancing speak for you. % There oughta be a law! % So, you're telling me I have to believe that hunters don't care about nature but post-modern hippies with face-piercings do. % Me against my brother. Me and my brother against my cousin. Me, my brother and cousin against the stranger. % It is bad enough that so many people believe things without any evidence. What is worse is that some people have no conception of evidence and regard facts as just someone else's opinion. % How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg. % If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't. % If you can't answer a man's argument, all is not lost; you can still call him vile names. % It may be just coincidence but man's best friend cannot talk. % God gave men both a penis and a brain but, unfortunately, not enough blood supply to run both at the same time. % The average person thinks he isn't. % When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before. % God, please save me from your followers! % Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo. % I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart. % I don't know why we are here but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves. % Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws. % The more artificial taboos and restrictions there are in the world, the more the people are impoverished. The more that laws and regulations are given prominence, the more thieves and robbers there will be. % The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it. % Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go. % Does history record any case in which the majority was right? % When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me. % Come at me with a strawberry! % Propaganda doesn't require facts - only a gullible public and constant repetition. % Indifference will certainly be the downfall of mankind but who cares? % The Gods may throw a dice Their minds as cold as ice And someone way down here Loses someone dear % The winner takes it all The loser has to fall It's simple and it's plain Why should I complain. % You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the dancing queen % Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental. % Errors have been made. Others will be blamed. % I'm trying to imagine you with a personality. % I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks. % Chaos, panic and disorder - my work here is done. % American Football, the epitome of the American spirit - wife-beating drug addicts slamming the hell out of each other in front of a baying crowd. % You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers. % Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed. % Too many freaks, not enough circuses. % The spectre of terrorism has at last become the device that any government can deploy to entrench the powers they always sought. % Although nothing exciting usually happens to you, the law of averages will catch up this week and everything exciting will happen to you all at once. % Yours is a story rife with pathos, sacrifice, and sexual intrigue, so it's confusing to see how pathetic it all sounds when you finally write it down. % Your sense of triumph over getting a white rhino to mate in captivity will dissipate when the disgusted biologists inform you that they wanted it to mate with another rhino. % Take heart: there are people with bigger problems than yours and acting like you care about them will get you laid. % The scary thing is, those Heaven's Gate type people aren't as out of the ordinary as I'd like them to be. % Women can fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships. % Bender! Quit destroying the Universe! % `Look Bender, this is not about you!' `That's impossible!' % `Does everything have to involve you?' `In a perfect world, yes.' % Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all. % Half the lies they tell about me aren't true. % Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog. % Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. % Oh, you're quoting Star Trek, because you have no idea how much of a turn-on quoting Star Trek is to women. % It's not totally my fault. I've been drinking. % You really shouldn't let the weather get you down - unless you call a rain of house-sized asteroids `weather.' % Remember friends, with every drink you buy the donation brings us one step closer to curing liver disease. % People are fond of saying that teaching a pig to sing will just waste your time and annoy the pig, once again under-valuing the importance of education. % If the man doesn't believe as we do we say he is a crank and that settles it. I mean, it does nowadays because now we can't burn him. % We not only believe what we see, to some extent we see what we believe. The implications of our beliefs are frightening. % The voyage of discovery lies not in seeking new horizons but in seeing with new eyes. % Only those who attempt the absurd will achieve the impossible. % In view of the silliness of the majority of mankind, a widespread belief is more likely to be foolish than sensible. % There are some people that, if they don't know, you can't tell 'em. % There is little you can do to halt your downward spiral of lassitude and inaction but you don't really care anyway. % To avoid political turmoil, Nixon conceded. It wasn't the end of the world, it was just a typical US election. Stealing votes is as American as apple pie. % Never send a man to do a woman's job. % Sacrifice Truth for Freedom at every opportunity. % Hell is the condition of having no alternatives. % The same old solution to life's problems isn't working for you anymore. Try soaking the stuff in embalming fluid and letting it dry before you smoke it. % Another broccoli-related death. % Make chocolate not war. % How would a raving egomaniac like you recognise when somebody is being condescending? % The scene with Bin Laden shaking the hand of Forrest Gump was cut. % Get real. You are being lied to. Think for yourself. % Once, observers imagined that we were entering an information age but they were wrong. It is a misinformation age. % My fear is that there is no such thing as PMS and that's what she is in fact really like. % Most solid objects are actually composed of the spaces between the subatomic particles. Then there's your gigantic fat ass. % Nothing can stop you now but that's a natural consequence of your not trying to do much of anything. % You know, a long time ago being crazy meant something. Nowadays, everybody's crazy. % You know, I just got my cholesterol results. I wish my IQ was that high. % No matter how cynical I get I just can't keep up. % We live in a magical reality, not a real world, in a collective hallucination that fits our human cognitive processes and enables us to relate to each other as humans. That's not to say there isn't a real world; but though we may see reality we see through a glass, darkly. % It's like it says in the Bible: there is a real world, this is not just all an illusion, it really happens and really matters and there are real consequences for real people who are the same thing you are, whatever that is if you could but understand. But we are not gods, we are only human. We may see reality but we see it only imperfectly, we see through a glass, darkly. % We're an empire now and when we act we create our own reality and while you're studying that reality we'll act again, creating other new realities, which you can study too and that's how things will sort out. We're history's actors and you, all of you, will be left to just study what we do. % Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain! % `What would *you* know about normal?' `I recognize it in other people.' % Some people are like Slinkies; not really good for anything but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs. % What's got to be gotten over is the false idea that hallucination is a private matter. % This is great: all the money I save on porn, the computer's going to pay for itself. % I see they've installed your heart plug already. Don't be angry, everyone gets one here. % It's still a useful machine - you can't just discard it like you would an old girlfriend. % She was nearly choked to death a number of times by Dick Cheney's enormous penis. % Layers of my insanity are beginning to scare even me. % A penny for your thoughts. And I'll expect change. % Yeah well, that's where you're wrong baby. I'm a schizophrenic, I'm never alone. % Welcome to Earth[TM]. A wholly owned subsidiary of MICROSOFT. % You're not my real parents. They are in fairyland. You are just here to look after me. % Did you get dressed in the dark? % You're a model? Oh, you mean like a hand model? Long fingers remind me of ET. % You don't put civil rights measures to popular vote. If America had done that in 1964, blacks would still be eating out in the parking lot by the back door to the restaurant's kitchen. % I am still on a high from what happened last Thursday. Vanquishing your enemies, crushing their skulls, and drinking their blood will do that to you. % My life is so important that I will do whatever it takes to remain alive and uninjured. Nothing is too distasteful if the alternative is possibly death or serious injury. % Unceasingly we are bombarded with pseudo-realities manufactured by very sophisticated people using very sophisticated electronic mechanisms. % I do not distrust their motives; I distrust their power. % Before the new things can be born the old must perish. % Unless we can psychologically accommodate change, we ourselves begin to die, inwardly. % What I am saying is that objects, customs, habits, and ways of life must perish so that the authentic human being can live. % Fake humans will generate fake realities and then sell them to other humans, turning them, eventually, into forgeries of themselves. % The basic tool for the manipulation of reality is the manipulation of words. % If you can get them to see the world as you do, they will think as you do. % What do you mean ask the general public? Look what we end up with - Hitler was democratically elected. % The average person is stupid. Democracy gets people like George W. Bush elected. % Think how clever the average person is, now consider that half of the population is more stupid than that. % The trouble with democracy is that 50 percent of the voters are below average. % In a democracy, the people rule - and if you believe that, I'd like to have some of whatever it is you're smoking. % Democracy: you don't have to be right, just be in the majority. % Democracy: oppression of the majority by the largest minority. % Democracy is a form of government that substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few. % Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than we deserve. % Democracy is a government where you can say what you think even if you don't think. % Democracy is conducting opinion polls before we bomb other countries. % Democracy is the illusion things are under control. % Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses. % Democracy is the suggestion box for slaves. % All Governments are good for are wars and genocide - you couldn't organise either without at least one. % Run to the hills!!!!! Run for your lives!!!!! % No man lives forever, and the choice is not between being a live coward or a dead hero, for both will be dead when the tale is finally told. % The victors get to write history and I don't expect future generations will put me on the side of their heroes - if I'm even remembered at all - but at least I know the difference between right and wrong, between truth and lies, and I can consciously choose my own path between them. % Obviously, information requires some medium for storage. But information may be used again and again without being used up. This is not true of matter. % I give you fair warning before you attempt me further I am not what you supposed but far different. % Any tool is a weapon if you hold it right. % The elites have gained power not through brute force alone but by manipulating the way we see our world and the way we see our relationships with each other and by convincing us that their system of total control is the only way to bring order to the world. % Memories remain of another kind of world, where power is shared, the order grows organically and chaos is embraced as a part of the dance of life rather than as something to be obliterated. % Never trust a traitor, even one you have made. % The safety word is `BANANA.' % There's nothing like a party at someone else's house - you never have to worry about cleaning up the mess. % Whoa look pal - I don't take coupons from giant chickens, not after the last time. % This is so good it has to be fattening. % You could tell that they were married because he had that cold, lifeless stare and was trying to avoid all conversation and eye contact with her. % Murdering a person is the sincerest form of criticism. % Energy and Mass are different ways of saying the same thing. % For memory is our claim to identity and when it stops we are no more. % Is this part of the exercise? Is this a drill? % We must get rid of guns because a deranged lunatic may go on a shooting spree at any time and anyone who wants a gun out of fear of such a lunatic is paranoid. % Guns are so complex to use that special training is necessary to use them properly and so simple to use that they make murder easy. % Guns have no legitimate use but alcohol does, which is why we issue beer to the Police instead of guns. % There are so many accessories the AR is nothing more than a Black Barbie Doll for Boys. % Whoa! Smell those burning bridges! % Attacks always get better; they never get worse. % Algorithms from the NSA are considered a sort of alien technology: they come from a superior race with no explanations. % I've got a plan so cunning you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel. % I'm not in denial, I'm just very selective about the reality I accept. % Give me the chocolate and nobody gets hurt. % When you have eliminated the impossible whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth. % Fire in the hall! % The capacity for self-delusion, even among scientists, should never be underestimated: conviction can have profound effects on observation. % You can always take one with you. % Today's scientists have substituted mathematics for experiments, and they wander off through equation after equation, and eventually build a structure which has no relation to reality. % Clinton's memoir, `My Life,' is 957 pages long, making it a great book to hollow out and store a gun. % Sorry Quaid. Your whole life is just a dream. % If I'm not me, then who the hell am I? % You are what you do. A man is defined by his actions not his memories. % No wonder you're having nightmares, you're always watching the news. % Your whole life is ahead of you. But you've got to want to return to reality. % You're nothing! You're nobody! You're a stupid dream! Well, all dreams come to an end. % My brain! It's my second favourite organ! % `More human than human' is our motto. % Is it true that a long time ago firemen used to put out fires instead of burning books? % I can't help thinking that somewhere in the Universe there has to be something better than man. % You've got it all wrong holy man. I absolutely do believe in God. And I hate the fucker. % We were all feeling a bit shagged and fagged and fashed. Oh my brothers. % Well, well, well! Well if it isn't fat stinking billy goat Billy Boy in poison! How art thou, thou globby bottle of cheap stinking chip oil? Come and get one in the yarbles, if ya have any yarbles, ya eunuch jelly thou! % He's in a gunfight right now. Can I take a message? % Oh God, it's almost dark. They'll be waking up soon. % It's the survival of the human race, Plisken. Something you don't give a shit about. % Gentlemen! You can't fight in here, this is the War Room. % Shoot, with the gun, thats what the bullets are for! % Think about it Truman. If everybody's in on it, I'd have to be in on it too. % They're taking over! You're next, you're next! % Trust is a tough thing to come by these days. % Flash, I love you but we only have 14 hours to save the Earth! % I find your lack of faith disturbing. % `He told me you killed him.' `No. I am your father.' % `These people are here to protect you. They are soldiers.' `It won't make any difference.' % This is Red 5, I'm goin' in. % What's the big deal man? Fuckin' waste of ammo. Must be a chick thing. % Naked force has resolved more issues throughout history than any other factor. % I'm coming out now. If anyone shoots at me I'm going to kill you. Then I'll go to your house and kill your wife and kids. Then I'll kill all your friends. % It can't be bargained with it doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead. % The future is not set. There is no fate but what we make for ourselves. % You see in this world there's two kinds of people my friend, those with loaded guns, and those who dig. You dig! % Sorry Venkman - I'm terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought. % Listen! You smell something? % Open the Pod Bay door HAL! % I honestly think you ought to calm down; take a stress pill and think things over. % I know you and Frank were planning to disconnect me and I'm afraid that's something I cannot allow to happen. % I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid AI can't do that. % This week it's more important than ever to remember Moscow Rule No. 7: lull your opposition into a false sense of complacency. % You won't exactly fade into obscurity after your death, considering that's where you spent all of your life. % The stars convey the wisdom that men and women are different, making you wonder momentarily if they might not be just giant fusion reactors after all. % By way of deception thou shalt do war. % Freedom is not defined by safety. Freedom is defined by you being able to act in accordance with *your* needs and desire. % Government officials will call your new doomsday device `brilliant in its simplicity' and `a marvel of human ingenuity' but they won't be able to say so for long. % Finding families for homeless animals is all well and good but you could have prevented the trampling if you'd considered the elephants' feelings on the matter. % No one will believe that it looked like the Girl Scouts were going for their guns but believe it - in an alternate universe you've been filled with lead from the waist down. % Every time a woman masturbates God kills a kitten. Please think of the kittens! % `If you lived in the States, you would have a trailer.' `I would live in a trailer, have a pick-up truck, an SKS, a crystal meth lab, a large dog, and a Harley-just-waiting-to-be-fixed-up-right. I would regularly shoot up `stop' signs and eat only at Denny's.' % A successful sale of organs would harvest considerably more than beer money at proper market rates. Properly disassembled, the typical human body has tens of thousands of dollars worth of sundry bits and pieces. % Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we. % Experts agree that getting enough sleep is important but they look like the kind of cunning, crafty, experts who would love to catch you unconscious. % Belief is a tool for achieving whatever one chooses to consider important or pleasurable and sensation has no other purpose than sensation. % Very soon you'll break the mounting tension at work when you cause the rollback of the `days without an accident' sign. % Once all the goats are rounded up, the German tourists go back home, the scaffolding clamps are returned, you'll have to admit that you never saw that one coming. % Ordinarily I'm not a big fan of cigars but if there's a cooler-looking way to light all those fuses I'm not aware of it. % The aliens will claim that our primitive language contains no words for the emotions they're feeling, actually they're bored out of their skulls. % The authorities will eventually decide to release you on your own recognizance, which is almost certainly the cruelest thing they can possibly do. % Give them the full nine yards. % It rests on a devil's palm, as they say. % The ideal is to ruin the other person without him knowing what happened, without him knowing if anything happened. % Sufficiently anomalous discoveries are indistinguishable from pseudo-science. % A lie repeated often enough becomes the truth. % For every expert, there is an equal and opposite expert. % The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out the conservative adopts them. % The replacement of impartial reviewing by censorship will be the death of science. % In questions of science, the authority of a thousand is not worth the humble reasoning of a single individual. % The first principle is that you must not fool yourself - and you are the easiest person to fool. % Not everything that can be counted counts and not everything that counts can be counted. % You're just jealous because the little voices are talking to me not you. % The problem with libraries is that I can never tell if the whispering is coming from inside my head or outside. % Even the little voices in my head are telling me to lay low for while after the latest incident. % If you want to know about governments, all you have to know is two words: governments lie. % Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player, That struts and frets his hour upon the stage, And then is heard no more; it is a tale Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, Signifying nothing. % There is but one certainty in your life and that is your death. It is your ultimate fate. Your death is the end of a life without purpose. % You'll continue to be tormented by the sight of tiny symbols which, when viewed, cause you to hear words in your head. % I wouldn't want to be a member of a club that would have me as a member. % Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap: life is expensive. % Europol's main base of operations is quartered in the old Gestapo headquarters building in The Hague. % She was watching the football game with me and she said, `You know most of these sports are based on the idea of one group protecting its territory from invasion by another group.' `Yeah,' I said, trying not to laugh. Girls are funny. % All pigs fueled and ready for take-off! % It ain't so much the things we know that get us into trouble. It's the things we know that just ain't so. % Your therapist will insist that childhood trauma is the cause of your unusual behavior; but it was only recently that you started screaming and crying for candy. % You'll be the first human being to catch a rare virus from the common pigeon, proving conclusively that it can be sexually transmitted. % You'll stumble onto the secret of true happiness but, unfortunately, you won't be able to figure out a way to charge people for it. % The best-laid schemes o' mice an' men Gang aft agley, An' lea'e us nought but grief an' pain, For promis'd joy! % People in the USA live in an extremely controlled and closed society that is micro-managed by an elite few - all the while looking populist, democratic and open. % *NEWS FLASH* Powerful men are found to have affairs and may even - lie about it! % An invention has to make sense in the world in which it is finished, not the world in which it is started. % We need freedom of action, not freedom of speech. % Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose. % This too, shall pass. % It requires mental and psychological strength to resist the normal human craving for certainty and order. It is especially difficult to believe in uncertainty when things have a veneer of orderliness, which is often the case. Pseudo-order is a maladapted defense against uncertainty. % Get out of that spaceship and fight like a man! % Bomb first and ask questions later. % The bastards have never been bombed like they're going to be bombed this time! % Possession is nine-tenths of the law; the rest is not telling anybody about it. % In a religion things are taken on faith, rather than questioned. Science is the religion of the 21st century. % No matter where or what, there are makers, takers, and fakers. % The big thieves hang the little ones. % There are forces at work of which we are not aware. % Those terrorists don't scare me. At least not without the help of my government. % I can't remember is it the global warming, the flu pandemic, or the international terrorism this week? I think I'm suffering anxiety fatigue. % Is this about today's terror announcement, or the three last month, or the one they'll announce tomorrow? % Take solace in this: there is a meaning and purpose to the universe, even if it's far too complicated for you to understand and won't pay off for years. % The increasingly litigious and impolite nature of the times pays off for you when you become an expert hostile witness. % If they can get you asking the wrong questions, they don't have to worry about the answers. % If you are not with us, you are terrorists. % Either you are with us or you are with the terrorists. % It has to do with who decides, in a particular culture at a particular time, what is reality. % We are not masters of the universe; we are not in control. % Science textbooks are full of assumptions masquerading as established facts. % Secrets can be kept. History testifies to this fact. Political power absolutely depends on being able to keep them. And the best way to keep secrets is to convince everyone that there are none. % You've never been the type of person who can be bound by society's silly rules, which is why they use all those silly ropes and chains. % Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made sense from things she found in gift shops. % I have a hobby. I have the world's largest collection of sea shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen some of it. % We've just got to get rid of this idea that people know what they're doing. % He's taking on a superpower - armed with a butcher knife and a handicam. % Never shoot your rifle from the offhand position unless you have absolutely no other choice. % My mind is made up. Don't confuse me with the facts! % We'll take our chances - just take your Puppets, your tanks, your smart weapons, your dumb politicians, your lies, your empty promises, your rapists, your sadistic torturers, and *go*. % Nothing is certain, nothing is impossible. % Don't let your preoccupation with reality stifle your imagination. % In the long run, the greatest weapon of mass destruction is stupidity. % A golf course is the wilful and deliberate misuse of a perfectly good rifle range. % In the first place, I wasn't there. In the second place, if I was there, I didn't do it. In the third place, if I did it, I didn't mean to. And in the fourth place, I was insane at the time. % `C'mon - Trust me!' `Trust you? Can we start with something easier? Perpetual motion, maybe? Universal translator?' % Yes I can make sex last for hours; if you include dinner, a movie, and five hours of cajolery. Otherwise it's over and I'm fast asleep inside five minutes. % No further cosmic developments are scheduled this week. Please interpret any as anomalies and ignore. % Real preachers carry guns. % When you have to shoot, shoot, don't talk. % Excuse me please, my ear is full of milk. % When you get your PhD, will you get able to work at BURGER KING? % Life is Chaos. Chaos is Life. Control is an illusion. % A child of five could understand this! Fetch me a child of five. % Now, here's my plan % What do you matter - you wouldn't face the truth to save your life. % I'm extraordinarily patient, so long as I get my own way in the end. % Kids, meet the dirtbags I work with. % Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself. % Everyone has problems but they don't all expect the whole universe to come to a standstill because of them. Only about half of them expect that. % Let me see if I get this right: you're going `to protect me from myself' by forcibly detaining me and giving me psychotropic drugs that will damage parts of my brain, until I start behaving in the way you want. % I've told *rotten.com* a thousand times that I don't want that pic of my ex being shown anymore. % You'll be dead, you won't feel a thing - just like when you're alive. % When I want your opinion I'll beat it out of you. % Throughout history small but powerful groups of men have consistently felt that they alone were capable of deciding the fates of millions and throughout history they have been wrong. % Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy but it's very funny - did you ever try buying them without money? % Good news is just life's way of keeping you off balance. % If at first you don't succeed, you're fired! % If at first you don't succeed, it's too hard. % If at first you don't succeed, hide all evidence you ever tried. % Get out on the range! You can't call the weather for a gun fight! First relay on line! % Ready. Watch and shoot. % Gentlemen, start your engines. % BRACE FOR IMPACT! % What the hell are you looking at, Shithead? % Stop that chicken! % There is no denying that we have a UFO presence, that much we can say. But a presence is one thing. Determining what that presence may be is another. % The American system of government, as it has come to exist, and by extension American society, and by extension our current global civilization, is not compatible with true UFO disclosure. Disclosure would rip it all away. % You do not *survive* a gunfight. You *win* a gunfight. % Go! Stalk the red deer o'er the heather. Ride! Follow the fox if you can. But for pleasure and profit together Allow me the hunting of man. % The reason you are smiling is because you haven't any idea of what's going on. % If it is good, get it now. It won't be here tomorrow! % My research goes *beyond* WMD, into *IDD*: Insanely Destructive Devices. % I'll point out to him I'm not taking it personally because you've become a pussy-whipped wee boy who's not use to man nor beast. % Remember that the next time that he kills, it will stain your soul. % I have an illness that only diamonds can cure. % It's better to be armed and never need to be than to be unarmed and need to be armed. % What you've got to admire about that guy is his sincerity, especially when he doesn't mean it. % Always leave them wanting more. % YOU CAN KISS MY BUTT SANTA DOES EXIST!!! I HAVE PROOF!!! % It's sweet to be remembered but it's often cheaper to be forgotten. % I'm back from the treatment. I love Big Brother. % `What's going on here? Why is it all chromed?' `Everything is chromed in the future!' % How am I ever going to be able to tell you what really happened? You're never going to believe me. % Did you have *any* friends growing up? % When you arrive at your hospital room, decide which item you'd be willing to accept as the final thing you see on this Earth. % You're well on your way to becoming a better person but only if your body doesn't reject the liver. % The welcome you'll get from me is an open display of small arms. % I can explain it to you but I cannot make you understand. % If God doesn't destroy San Francisco, He should apologize to Sodom and Gomorrah. % Lying is an indispensable part of making life tolerable. % Listen babe, in my fantasies you'll be doing whatever I want or at least, not putting up any effective resistance. % Most messages from the Unknowable Infinite are vague and open to interpretation but there's no pussyfooting around when it comes to your enormous ass. % Next to its sheer beauty, the best thing about your throne of skulls is that every little skull represents a different memory. % Try dropping the assumption that everyone else on the planet also sees everything in black-and-white. % `And you can stop looking at me like I've just knifed a puppy.' `But you just did!' % A government which takes your money by force like a common thief will use this stolen money to further enslave you and to prevent any rebellion on your part. % I'm most certainly a card-carrying member of the Grassy Knoll Crowd. % The careful acquisition of critical paranoia requires continued practice until it becomes a part of your subconscious way of thinking. % Never get in the way of a perfectly good train wreck. % These guys taught Enron and Andersen how to cook the books. % A politics of crisis, a politics of fear, will keep us locked into a state of conformity. % Something kind of hit me today I looked at you and wondered if you saw things my way % History shows us that governments lie. What's worse is it also shows us that *you* believe what is said. % TIXE YLNO % I could teach you but I have to charge. % They cuffed, sacked, and sedated me. % The food was drugged! % We had to leave it in the shed. % She may not look much but she's clean. % I need your tights. % Where are my clothes? % I'm glad we're inside and don't have to go out. % Name withheld to protect the guilty. % They sold us for the likes of you I always wanted new surroundings A room to rent while the lizards lay crying in the heat Trying to remember who to meet % I've found a door which lets me out! % Don't live for last year's capers Give me steel, give me steel, give me pulses unreal % Someone to claim us, someone to follow Someone to shame us, some brave Apollo Someone to fool us, someone like you We want you Big Brother, Big Brother % I am having so much fun with the poisonous people Spreading rumours and lies and stories they made up Some make you sing and some make you scream One makes you wish that you'd never been seen % *I smell the blood of les tricoteuses* % I'll make you a deal like any other candidate. % This is the biggest thing to happen since the JFK assassination. We are on the verge of alien disclosure - something we have been seeking for decades. % Aliens interact with humanity and interfere in human affairs. % Any sufficiently advanced intelligence is indistinguishable from nature. % Never hate your enemies, it clouds your judgement. % Piety and belief are powerful things and few forces in nature can stand against one who is true to his faith, his god, and his soul. However, it is also true that God is on the side of the heaviest artillery, so be prepared to change sides at the drop of a hat. % When mutilating cattle, avoid the ones with testicles. % If you gloat and reveal your plans, never leave the investigators to die slowly. They don't. % Citronella candles may *not* be used in rituals. I cannot stress this enough. Pastel-coloured candles in the shape of cute animals are like beacons to the Dark Lords. % Television taunts you once again, this time with a show where convicted criminals get to have puppies even though you don't. % `What are you guys celebrating?' `Life, liberty, and the ability to purchase clitoris.' % Practically speaking, no government knows any limits to its power except the endurance of the people. % When dogma enters the brain, all intellectual activity ceases. % Then, as often happens, I noticed the forest hiding amongst the trees. % Censorship, oppression, lies, and bogus Patriot Act warrants may work in America on a population so mentally ill that half of them believe in Creationism but it isn't going to work the world over against educated people. % The mark of a basic shit is that he can't mind his own business. % TUNE IN AND TURN UP THE VOLUME % lager, lager, lager, SHOUT! SHOUT! % We shall knock on the Gates of Heaven with the skulls of American soldiers. % The war won't take long, it's the peace that will be the problem. % The blitzkrieg isn't the problem: it's the aftermath the pols clearly have no real scheme for. % Consensus is the process of abandoning all beliefs, principles, values and policies in search of something in which no one believes, but to which no one objects; the process of avoiding the very issues that have to be solved, merely because you cannot get agreement on the way ahead. % So I awoke, and behold it was a dream. % We ate everything but his boots. % To obtain a man's opinion of you, make him mad. % At the core of all well-founded belief, lies belief that is unfounded. % To speak of right and wrong per se makes no sense at all. No act of violence, rape, exploitation, destruction, is intrinsically unjust, since life itself is violent, rapacious, exploitative, and destructive, and cannot be conceived otherwise. % The graveyards are full of indispensable men. % Everything dies. % All the unhanged still not hanged. % A man can believe a considerable deal of rubbish and yet go about his daily work in a rational and cheerful manner. % Political language is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable. % Waste not, get your budget cut next year. % You've always believed that you can judge a man by his handshakes, which is why you continue to denounce the theories of Stephen Hawking. % Well, Stephen Hawking, he's quite brilliant but a lot of his stuff is quite off. % Put another round in that woman's head, she's a twitcher! % Don't leave me alone again without a gun. % Give me a gun and a flashlight % Somebody give me a gun % Pain is just the weakness leaving your body. % 08:16 August 6 1945 % He said you could taste atomic fission. He said it tasted like lead. % Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and this all looks butt-ugly to me. % If it were really so all-mighty, would it need my money? % My bullshit detector trips so often nowadays that I just can't get anything done. % There's just no point in talking with crazy people. Unless they're female, blonde, stacked, 25, and own a liquor store. % Women need a reason to have sex, men just need to have a place. % Asking someone out takes guts. Hardcore flirting with someone you don't really dig for a cheap boost of self-esteem (`Look everyone! This guy likes me!') is a much more cowardly endeavor. % I'd love to go out with you but the man on television told me to stay tuned. % I'd love to go out with you but I did my own thing and now I've got to undo it. % I'd love to go out with you but I'm having all my plants neutered. % I'd love to go out with you but I have to stay home and see if I snore. % I'd love to go out with you but I never go out on days that end in `Y.' % I'd love to go out with you but the last time I went out I never came back. % I'd love to go out with you but there are important world issues that need worrying about. % I'd love to go out with you but I'm scheduled for a karma transplant. % I'd love to go out with you but I'm scheduled to have my eyes gouged out. % I'd love to go out with you but I'm converting my calendar watch from Julian to Gregorian. % I'd love to go out with you but I need to make a new tinfoil hat. % I'd love to go out with you but I'm chained to a radiator. % I'd love to go out with you but my favorite commercial is on TV. % I'd love to go out with you but I'm busy explaining wherefore am I Romeo. % I'd love to go out with you but three witches told me I'm going to be king. % I'd love to go out with you but I have to floss the dog. % I'd love to go out with you but I need to spend more time with my blender. % I'd love to go out with you but I have to return some video tapes. % I'd love to go out with you but I have some really hard words to look up. % I'd love to go out with you but I have to check the `use by' dates on my dairy products. % I'd love to go out with you but I have some paint I have to watch drying. % I'd love to go out with you but I left my body in my other clothes. % I'd love to go out with you but I have to bleach my hare. % I'd love to go out with you but I don't want to leave my comfort zone. % I'd love to go out with you but I'm attending the opening of my garage door % Friday's child is loving and giving. % Well I can't take that DVD player back to the shop, it's got `Sex-Crazed Belgian Fishwives IV' jammed inside it now. % My story's a lot like yours, only more interesting because it involves robots. % The important thing is, by my standards, I won fair and square. % If you can't criticize your friends, who can you criticize? % My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income. % When a well-packaged web of lies has been sold gradually to the masses over generations, the truth will seem utterly preposterous and its speaker a raving lunatic. % Nobody can give you freedom. Nobody can give you equality or justice or anything. If you're a man, you take it. % Am I to become your enemy because I tell you the truth? % `Mr Gandhi, what do you think of Western civilization?' `I think it would be a good idea.' % Dammit sir, it's your duty to get married. You can't be always living for pleasure. % Nothing can stop the penis! % Join us. Watch, think, and subvert. % Just go to the bookstore and look at the magazines. An entire section for men: porn magazines. An entire section for women: weddings and brides magazines. % Trust but verify. % Why do born-again people so often make you wish they'd never been born the first time? % The fundamentalist mind is like concrete; all mixed up and permanently set. % Who are you kidding? Being a virgin can *never* be cool. % You can't have it, my pet goat ate it. He's called Billy. % He that but looketh on a plate of bacon and eggs to lust after it, hath already committed breakfast with it in his heart. % Conspiracy theories are a load of bollocks. Or are they? % Transported to a surreal landscape the young girl kills the first woman she meets then teams up with three strangers and kills again. % Big Brother Is Watching You % That guy is as crazy as a soapdish. % Vast Active Living Intelligence System % How can we can recognize the authentically human? % Uh oh, I'm having a Philip K Dick moment. % WE NEVER SLEEP % There are numerous triggers in this text. It is therefore recommended not to read it unless appropriate support systems are in place or unless you have a thoroughly reintegrated personality. % Belief is a tool, rather than an end in itself. % I like zombie films but given most people are shambling, smelly, brainless, near-dead, automatons, sometimes it's difficult to tell film from documentary. % More than half of industrial employment in California is in one way or another connected to military spending. % Men do what must be done. % We tamed lightning and used it to make sand think! % Irony? What the hell is that? % Traitors burn draft cards. Patriots burn children. % Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel. % Too bad you're gonna die. % No man fears to do what he knows he can do well. % I find it difficult to imagine anything that heads on sticks wouldn't improve. % Was this before or after we made sweet sweet love? % `Is Eris true?' `Everything is true.' `Even false things?' `Even false things are true.' `How can that be?' `I don't know man, I didn't do it.' % I didn't do it and I'll never do it again. % When you do things right people won't be sure you've done anything at all. % Gradual, almost imperceptible, change will make you a better person over the course of the next 37,000 years. % You may have a need to be happy but that will not outweigh the desires of the many who so enjoy your misery. % Uninvolved bystanders will witness your crimes but, due to the graphic nature of events, they can not be considered `innocent.' % All learning is in the learner, not the teacher. % If you're not making anybody mad you're not getting anything done. % A man's worth is often determined by the stature of his enemies. % Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names can never hurt me. % Duck and cover! % Hiding in plain sight. % Look! An aeroplane! % ME ME ME ME ME! % we know Major Tom's a junkie % I'd say don't quit your day job but you're lousy at that as well. % Heroin and diet pills are all fun and games until someone loses an arm. % Cocaine and pain killers are all fun and games until someone has a heart attack. % If there's grass on the field, then you can play it. % Always and inevitably everyone underestimates the number of stupid individuals in circulation. % A stupid person is a person who causes losses to another person or to a group of persons while himself deriving no gain and even possibly incurring losses. % `Are you awake?' `I hope so, or this is a really crap dream.' % `Are you awake?' `That depends.' % If there is treasure, it logically follows that I deserve it. % `If you'd informed us of this earlier, we would have strongly advised you against it.' `Well, that's why I didn't inform you earlier.' % `Count of three?' `No, let's just shoot them.' % Yeah, that's it, baby! Scared money walks, sweet sugar action talks! I heard that one in a casino once. % Arthur! Put the sword back and get off the rock! % May contain nuts. % I've cut back on the drugs: I'm only taking the absolute minimum. % I've cut back my masturbation to the absolute daily minimum. % Everything in life is folly, except pleasure. % Those who cast the votes decide nothing. Those who count the votes decide everything. % In one election last year in Indiana, the new electronic equipment recorded more than 100,000 votes in an election with only 19,000 registered voters. % Three-fourths of philosophy and literature is the talk of people trying to convince themselves that they really like the cage they were tricked into entering. % Effective communication is only possible between equals. % In exploring our own sexual natures we will be called perverts. % What most people object to about foreign despotisms is not so much that they enslave but that their manacles chafe in strange places. % You're wrong! Think again! % It's always easier to be smart about others' emotions than about one's own. % No one is coming to the rescue. % Supposedly we can predict if we'll have an early spring or six more weeks of winter by whether or not a groundhog sees his shadow. Or as President Bush calls it, `reliable intelligence.' % An idle mind is worth two in the Bush. % Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish. % Never pass up a good thing. % BEWARE! THE PARANOIDS ARE WATCHING YOU! % You're a small-minded jerk who's undoubtedly small in other areas. % In a world of twelve-year-olds in sexy boots and nans in sparkly minidresses, the surest way to tell the prostitute walking into a hotel at Heathrow is to look for the lady in the designer suit. % The truth is like the sun, its benefit is entirely dependent on our distance from it. % I'm the sort of person apt to do something for no good reason other than I can't think of a reason not to. % The right to buy weapons is the right to be free. % When only cops have guns, it's called a `police state.' % Kill 'em! Kill 'em all!!! % Kill 'em all. Or at least wound them to the point they wish you had. % Life's not fair - if life was fair, Elvis would still be alive and all the impersonators would be dead. % The buck stops somewhere else. % Check With Bill Payer Before Calling. % You may well be right and I have thought about it from time to time whilst amiably fondling my Gent. % It's cool to drool. % Never give a sucker an even break. % Sleep Eat Sleep Eat Sleep Eat Sleep Eat Sleep % Businesses are defined by what they own, as governments are defined by what they control. % In the long run, we're all dead. % `I'd rather be raped than have some redneck militia type try to rescue me.' `Okay.' % It may be bad manners to talk with your mouth full but it isn't good either if you speak when your head is empty. % Are ya daft lad! % Learn to surf the waves of Chaos. Surf's up. Enjoy the ride. % I accept the rules in order to break them. % Would we like just once to stand on ground where laws are abolished and the last priest is strung up with the guts of the last bureaucrat? Yeah sure. But we're not holding our breath. % Rejoice! All is ours! % Nothing changes. Everything is new. % There *are* times when men don't want sex. Like the first two minutes afterwards. % I'm an Anarcho-Monarchist. I get to be king and there's no government and mostly no laws, except everyone has to do what *I* want. % I did nothing all day? Do you think that Pot Noodle made itself? % Do less. Live longer. % Who controls the present controls the past. Who controls the past controls the future. % Incoming fire has the right of way. % Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you. % Anything you do can get you shot. Including doing nothing. % Peace through excessive firepower. % The times do not appear propitious for violence or militancy but surely a bit of sabotage and imaginative disruption is never out of place. % Chaos is the principle of continual creation. % There is no hunting like the hunting of man and those who have hunted armed men long enough, and liked it, never care for anything else thereafter. % DVD players Mum. They're like videos except they were developed by NASA, on the moon. % Curry. Hot, delicious, and a superb laxative. % All the enemy has are images and illusions. Break the images and you destroy the enemy. % Houston we have a problem. % The concept `time' simply denotes - or rather posits - a condition or state or stream - whatever - in which change occurs. No time, no change. % If all events past, present, and future, are accessible concurrently and therefore time is simply an illusion generated by consciousness then only `now' exists - so what does immortality mean? % If you find this world bad, you should see some of the others. % That black iron prison police state world. % Look around you, Pal. Neo-Nazi Ken-Doll Mall Zombies. And their grunt-labor red-necked henchmen - all around you. % All the news you need to know. % Come on you apes! Do you wanna live forever? % Rules are for those who need them. % Being Born means you also have to Die. % Beauty fades, Dumb is for life. % Truth until Paradox. % Types who've Made It. Successful. Comfortable. Two homes, two cars, mostly two marriages. % I was thinking of pitching my tent right next to the weapons of mass destruction, then no one will find me. % Boys Lie, Poke them in the Eye! % `Let's put in on the Internet.' `No, we have to reach people whose opinions actually matter.' % We were not built to be happy but to reproduce. % No, of course I don't promise not to use my powers for evil. I can't even figure out if that's a double negative. % Oh come on! I could never get a girl like that with conventional methods! % This is a family show. With violence. % Call me old fashioned but I like a dump to be as memorable as it is devastating. % Government, like fire, is a dangerous servant and a fearful master. % `Isn't that interesting honey?' `Yeah, mind-numbingly interesting.' % You're just jealous: no-one loves you because you're tiny and made of meat. % With my mighty robot powers, I can get sick of things much quicker than you humans. % With my mighty psychotic powers, I can get sick of things much quicker than you humans. % I'll just return to dating cheap floozies on the side. % Oh wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder. % Stop bickering or I'm gonna come back there and change your opinions manually. % You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny. % Rule 3: keep your finger off the trigger until your sights are on the target. % The Golden Rule: keep your finger off the trigger until your sights are on the target. % It's all about oil. % If you have guests in the house there are two times when you are happy. One is when they arrive, and one is when they leave again. % Hello world % I was making a joke. You gotta know about jokes - you are one. % `History is full of lies.' `Ain't that the truth.' % Of course, when the government buys in bulk, it's gonna cost a lot more. % And the public gets what the public wants But I want nothing this society's got % You choose your leaders and place your trust As their lies wash you down and their promises rust You'll see kidney machines replaced by rockets and guns And the public wants what the public gets % I turn on the news and my body froze The braying sheep on my TV screen Make this boy shout, make this boy scream! % Leave my shoes, and door unlocked I might just slip away Just for the Day, Hey % Don't give me that creepy Pod People smile! % `How can you shoot women and children?' `Easy. You just don't lead 'em so much.' % Freedom and dogma are mutually exclusive. % Your very nature will drive you to fight. The only choice is what to fight against. % Life moves on. And so should we. % Give the Freemason a paintbrush and a bucket of whitewash. % This guy's too trustworthy - what's his angle? % That's no flying saucer, that's my ASS! % The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. % I asked the bookstore salesman, `Where's the self-help section?' He said if he told me it would defeat the purpose. % If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? % Better to be tried by twelve than carried by six. % If I'm what I eat, I'm a Snickers bar. % Would you ever undress in front of a dog? % Out of sight, out of range. % Sometimes, when I'm outside of work on my lunch hour, I masturbate in my car. % An important art of politicians is to find new names for institutions which under old names have become odious to the public. % REPENT THROUGH SPENDING!! % See you on the saucers. % Waste enemies, not ammunition. % Spiral, spin, ride the whirlwind. Knowing when the drumming stops, There'll be no second dance. % Before Elvis, there was nothing. % For with those which eternal lie, with strange eons even death may die. % Be good and you will be lonesome. % it was the greatest hoax that has ever been perpetuated. % Don't wish away today dreaming about tomorrow, enjoy the now. % Sorry we ate your vicar. % War is Peace. % Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid. % I'm paranoid so nobody likes me. % Yes, maybe I do want to be judge, jury, and executioner. % Take nothing for granted. % There are women for whom it is sufficient to cross their legs in order to achieve orgasm unobserved. % Are you gonna pull those pistols or whistle Dixie? % I've seen more meat on a butcher's apron. % Save a little money each month and at the end of the year you'll be surprised at how little you have. % Whatever a man feels or thinks or does, there is never any but one reason for it - and that is a selfish one. % `Mira, mira! Viene la tormenta!' `What did he just say?' `He said that there is a storm coming in.' `I know.' % All you touch and all you see is all your life will ever be. % I'm so sexed-up I should be in a government dossier! % Corruption is greatest where it is found out. % The key to success in business is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. % The path to glory ends in death. % Generally, as a rule of thumb, a whore makes the same rate per hour as a lawyer does. % Love your enemies just in case your friends turn out to be a bunch of bastards. % It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place. % The walls we build around us to keep out the sadness also keep out the joy. % A single fact can spoil a good argument. % We learn something every day and lots of times it's that what we learned the day before was wrong. % No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend. % Only the winners decide what were war crimes. % History is written by the winners. % Life is a perpetual instruction in cause and effect. % When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators. % Our deeds determine us, as much as we determine our deeds. % People only see what they are prepared to see. % Some people have a large circle of friends while others have only friends that they like. % Foolproof systems don't take into account the ingenuity of fools. % We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are. % Morality is simply the attitude we adopt toward people we personally dislike. % If a million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing. % Without speculation there is no good and original observation. % Avoid cliches like the plague. They're ten a penny. % You will be run over by a bus. % Who controls the Spice controls the Universe! % Are you sure the back door is locked? % Prayer, the last refuge of the scoundrel. % I, for one, welcome our new robot overlords. % It's a false lie! % It's the relative order of events that's relevant, not the direction of time itself, as time doesn't go in any direction. % It takes a big man to cry but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man. % I don't think I'm alone when I say I'd like to see more and more planets fall under the ruthless domination of our solar system. % Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis. % When you go in for a job interview, a good thing to ask is whether they ever press charges. % We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening when he'd come back with some whore he picked up in town. % Whether they find a life there or not, I think Jupiter should be called an enemy planet. % Isn't this one of those situations we can just leave for our children? % You're young and you got your health, what do you want with a job? % I knew one thing: as soon as anyone said you didn't need a gun, you'd better take one along that worked. % He's so stupid he'd bring a knife to a gunfight. % Bookstore? I don't think there are any bookstores in Detroit. % We lived in one room in a house with two Christian Scientists, a graphic artist, and someone we suspected of being the Hillside Strangler. % I'm closer to the Golden Dawn, wrapped in Crowley's uniform of dream reality. % and his coffin will be made entirely of coconuts, thank you. % Where there is no truth we must invent it, for that is our nature. % The usefulness of a cup is its emptiness. % From form to formless and from finite to infinite. % The consciousness of `self' is the greatest hindrance to the proper execution of all physical action. % Using no way as way. Using no limitation as limitation. % Absorb what is useful; disregard that which is useless. % In this world some people are going to like me and some are not. So, I may as well be me. Then I know if someone likes me, they like me. % A dictatorship would be a heck of a lot easier, there's no question about it. % You can fool some of the people all of the time and those are the ones you want to concentrate on. % I was a pit bull on the pantleg of opportunity. % And if you kill anyone, make sure to eat their heart to gain their courage. Their rich, tasty courage. % What the hell, go ahead and put all your eggs in one basket. % Why, sometimes, I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast. % My God, wow, so there is no reality! So we are all puppets! % We're all in this alone. % I like dog stir-fried with green chillies. % There is a Great Dane running loose in my neighborhood that would feed a family of five for a week or more. And I just happen to have some Korean recipes tucked back somewhere around here. % Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them. % I like cat but personally dog is my favourite. % Ah, suckling baby rats, cute, live, and tasty. % There will be big changes for you but you will be happy. % But if it's 80% glucose, then why does it taste salty? % You have a reputation for being thoroughly reliable and trustworthy. A pity that it's totally undeserved. % Reality is nothing but a collective hunch. % Everything in life is an assumption. % Advice to parents whose kids love the story of the dinosaurs: don't give away the surprise ending. % Mr. Pauli, we in the back are convinced that your theory is crazy. What divides us is whether your theory is crazy enough. % Guns don't kill people. Women don't kill people; men kill people. % The difference between republic and empire might be restated as the difference between taking the girl next door to the Sadie Hawkins Dance and paying a Saigon whore in chocolate bars and the Yankee dollar. % Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. % The scientific manipulation of public opinion is necessary to overcome chaos and conflict in a democratic society. % A new life awaits you in the offworld colonies. A chance to begin again in a golden land of opportunity and adventure. % `How're we doin?' `Same as always.' `That bad, huh?' % `I like to remember things my own way.' `What do you mean by that?' `How I remembered them. Not necessarily the way they happened.' % Deep down, I'm pretty superficial. % I love you now. Isn't that enough? % In the two thousand centuries since that unexplained catastrophe, even their cloud-piercing towers of glass and porcelain and adamantine steel have crumbled back into the soil of Altair IV, and nothing, absolutely nothing, remains aboveground. % The secret devil of every soul on the planet, all set free at once, to loot and maim! And take revenge, Morbius, and kill! % I rarely use it myself. It promotes rust. % Sorry, miss. I was giving myself an oil-job. % The fool! The meddling fool! As though his ape's brain could contain the secrets of the Krell! % Get your hands off me you dirty stinkin' ape! % The supernatural is the natural not yet understood. % Time/CNN poll July 2002: 17% of Americans believe `that the end of the world will happen in their lifetime' and 59% that `the prophecies of the Book of Revelation will come true.' % The October 11, 2005 `USA Today' reported that 53% of Americans believe God created human beings in their present form exactly as described in the Bible. % If Heaven is such a good place, why was crucifixion such a big sacrifice? % There are books about computers? Isn't that the point of computers, to replace books? % No, Lamar, don't! Don't feed Cuddles in front of Sam. % Vinnie had eschewed the shower, since he believed it made him lose weight. I did the same, willing to try anything to break my plateau. % `Do you think there's a God?' `Well, SOMEbody's out to get me!' % WARNING: next mood swing in 3 mins. % Believe me when I say a wrong answer will cost you all of your points. % I don't see this being settled with logic. % Nooo, I think you're up in the clock-tower with a high-powered rifle because you wanna blend in. % Place your bets now. % He looks a lot smarter than he is. % If you can't explain it to a seven-year-old, you don't understand it yourself. % My dog ate my homework and I thought we had none anyway. % I had no shoes and I pitied myself. Then I met a man who had no feet. So I took his shoes. % I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. % Everybody I know who is right always agrees with ME. % `What do you need, except a miracle?' `Guns, lots of guns.' % The best way to change a man's mind is with a rock. % Never put off until tomorrow what you can forget about forever. % The beatings will cease when morale rises. % The drinking will continue until morale improves. % I was just listening to the latest CIA transmissions through the fillings in my molars last week when I accidentally intercepted a secret internal memo from. % What the sociopath and sadist do for fun, the `moralist' does on behalf of `duty' or `justice.' % Don't look now but there's a geek standing behind you. % Don't talk to me about contracts, Wonka, I use them myself. They're strictly for suckers. % You lookin' at me? % Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn. % Negotiate my ass, let's kill something! % I've just finished my first novel. I hope to read another one soon. % Whatever. % You're *nothing* without me. % Anyone else feel like the last feisty wife in Stepford? % There is no army on Earth so powerful that it can stop an idea whose time has come. % No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously. % Only The Paranoid Survive. % It's all over bar the looting. % I'm window looting. It's like window shopping except more interesting. You imagine you're going to loot rather than buy. Also you can imagine you may have to shoot it out with troops trying to stop you looting. % Did you know I'm utterly insane? % Don't you kids just copy your stuff off the Internet nowadays? % Some assembly required. % I support my activist girlfriend. % One way or another, nobody gets out of this alive. % Is the thought of a Unicorn a Real Thought? % The Enlightened take things Lightly. % All people are idiots. And they are also weasels. % Not in my name. % I have a strategy. You're not in it. % The lizard is strong in this one, we're going to need to kill him. % The best science is often counterintuitive. % Before using any clothing, comprehensive examination for RFID devices should be undertaken and all suspect labels and tags removed and destroyed by burning. % Before using items, comprehensive examination for RFID devices should be undertaken and all suspect labels and tags removed and destroyed by burning. % One study on remote RFID sensing used a small explosive charge concealed in a rubbish tin for demonstration purposes. The current US passport design lead to detonation of the device. % Banana chips, butterfly bones, what's the difference? You're still eating them. % Here are we, one magical moment, such is the stuff from where dreams are woven. % There's no scarcity of spectrum any more than there's a scarcity of the colour green. % We were so turned on, you thought we were fakers. % And we can force you to be free. And we can force you to believe. % Here are we, one magical movement from Kether to Malkuth. There are you, you drive like a demon from Station to Station. % And so the story goes they wore the clothes, they said the things to make it seem improbable. The whale of a lie like they hope it was. % They bought their positions with saccharin and trust. % In our Wings that Bark Flashing teeth of Brass Standing tall in the dark Oh, And we were Gone % We were so turned on by your lack of conclusions. % He's Chameleon, Comedian, Corinthian and Caricature % Oh, And we were Gone Kings of Oblivion We were so Turned On In the Mind-Warp Pavilion % I ravaged at my finance just for Those, Those whose claims were steeped in peace, tranquility. Those who said a new world, new ways ever free. Those whose promises stretched in hope and grace for me. % And as the sparrow sings dawn chorus for someone else to hear % `Wish You Could Hear' % `Love Is All We Need' % `Kick Out The Jams' % `Kick Out Your Mother' % `Cut Up Your Friend' % `Screw Up Your Brother or He'll Get You In the End' % You are in the Panopticon. Every action is available for scrutiny. % The Cygnet Committee mandates a Special Agent as authorised to use any and all means available to expedite or achieve strategic and tactical goals as are deemed necessary or expedient by the Special Agent. % To destroy RFID tags, before carrying any paper money Agents shall microwave the bills on `high' setting for five seconds. % Total paranoia. % I've never lived as rich a life as I did as a child, for then, I could dream awake. % What did you imagine for your life? % Watch, Kind Readers, what the governments do, not what they say. % No-one can give you a gift you already own. But they can take it away. % You don't *borrow* toys, you *take* them. % Once I thought I was wrong but it turns out I was mistaken. % `Have you ever been wrong?' `I thought so once but I was wrong.' % `Nice eyeshadow Davie.' `Aye, got it from boots.' % Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war! % Cry havoc and let slip the *pigs* of war! % Doomsday device? I suppose I could part with one and still be feared. % What I like most about myself is that I'm so understanding when I mess things up. % Worlds without *limit* now await my coming! % Ethics? Oh yeah, I *have* heard of that, so what? % In a rat-race, it's always a rat that wins. % If it was easy to ignore the law we'd all be doing it, not just the politicians. % Like most of life's problems, this one can be solved with bending. % So, humans have easily injured knees. My race will find this information very useful indeed. % Well, goodnight. I'm gonna go make my dinners for the next month and freeze them. % No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it. % A package is just a box until it's delivered. % Geez, I've seen lines move faster in a sperm bank. % Yeah well, I'm gonna go build my own theme park with blackjack and hookers. In fact forget the park. % Yeah, well gonna build my own lunar space lander! With blackjack aaannd Hookers! Actually, forget the space lander and the blackjack. Ah, forget the whole thing. % He's an animal. He belongs in the wild. Or in the circus on one of those tiny tricycles. Now that's entertainment. % `This isn't TV, it's real life. Can't you tell the difference?' `Sure, I just like TV better.' % Why'd you open your bong-hole, you smelly hippie? You'd sacrifice a beautiful woman to save a moderately attractive monkey? You must have smoked some bad granola. % `I'm not prejudiced.' `Ah, save it for the cross-burning, Adolf.' % Actually, she wasn't my girlfriend, she just lived next door and never closed her curtains. % You're vegetarians! Who cares what you do? % She's built like a steak house but she handles like a bistro. % Hey, sexy mama. Wanna kill all the humans? % `Great. We're two days from Earth with no food.' `Problem solved. You two fight to the death and I'll cook the loser.' % `Who was that guy?' `Your momma! Now shut up and drag me to work.' % I love this planet. I've got wealth, fame, and access to the depths of sleaze that those things bring. % `Mmm, the gristle in a blanket isn't half bad.' `And try one of these popsicle sticks. They've absorbed quite a bit of flavour.' % `I've only got two fantasies left: to be invisible in a chocolate factory, and to be romantically linked to a celebrity.' `I could pound your head 'til you think that's what happened.' `Okay.' % You should be more ashamed of yourself than usual. % Bite my colossal metal ass. % Is there anything sadder? Only drowning puppies and there have to be a lot of them. % Is he dumb or just ugly? % `Well, thanks to the Internet I'm now bored with sex. Is there a place on the Web that panders to my lust for violence?' `Is the Space-pope reptilian?' % Bender, why are you spending so much time in the bathroom? Are you jacking on in there? % `Someone you know has died.' `I hope it's one of my enemies, those guys suck.' % All humans are vermin in the eyes of Morbo. % `Hello Morbo. How's the family?' `Belligerent and numerous.' % There's only one thing better than getting what you want and that's getting what you want and pissing someone else off at the same time. % Confusion is sexy. % Magick is about change, you can effect change around you if you choose. We are not helpless cogs in some clockwork universe. All acts of personal/collective liberation are magical acts. % We don't know anything about their race, history, or culture, but one thing's for sure; they stand for everything we stand against. % MADE FROM MEAT BY-PRODUCTS % Based on a true Story. % LOVE IT OR SHOVE IT % BITE MY SHINY METAL ASS! % You were right Fry. From now I'm going to bend what I want, when I want, who I want. I'm UNSTOPPABLE! % Going cold turkey isn't as delicious as it sounds. % Coming soon to this location: charming ruins. % I like pie. Have you got any pie? % When you come back, bring pie! % I've only got a few years left to live. I don't want to spend them all dead. % Pardon me brother, care to donate to the Anti-Mugging-You Fund? % Or we could live underground with the mutants. A little fire'll show them who's boss. % Go crazy? Don't mind if I do! % Hey, guess what you're accessories to? % The laws of science be a harsh mistress. % Science is one cold hearted bitch with a fourteen inch strap-on. % Blackmail's such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The X makes it sound cool. % `Are you all right?' `Ah, it's nothing a law suit won't cure.' % Interesting! No, wait, the other thing: tedious. % We both know you won't make it halfway to Vergon 6 before THE CRAVING sets in. Then you'll come crawling back for another taste of sweet, sweet candy. BAM! % Stay on the bomb run, boys. I'm gonna get them doors open if it hare-lips everybody on Bear Creek. % Mr President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed. But I do say no more than 10 to 20 million killed, tops. % *Mein Fuehrer!* I can walk! % The problem with the French is that they don't have a word for entrepreneur. % I took the road less traveled and now I don't know where the hell I am! % Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason. % You sure have a purdy mouth % Television is Mind Control. % His physical presence has a penis! % To commemorate a past event, you kill and eat an animal. It's a ritual sacrifice. With pie. % And I happen to think mine is the level head and yours is the one things would roll off of. % Well you're sitting there looking all sad like you've been diagnosed with cancer of the puppy. % `It's the Christian thing to do.' `So is getting crucified.' % `Vengeance but only to those who deserve it.' `They *all* deserve it.' `That's where I was going with that, yes.' % Your logic is insane and happenstance, like that of a troll. % Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. % The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn. % It's not what you pay a man but what he costs you that counts. % An economist's guess is liable to be as good as anybody else's. % Economics is *not* about things it's about *people*. % Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. % I rant, therefore I am. % I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past. % If you're in a crowd and someone makes a lot of noise encouraging everyone to look in a particular direction - hold on to your wallet, he's probably working with a pickpocket. The same principle of misdirection applies double for politics. % My clothes proved that I had labored, stained with confusion, compliments and criticism, all things that are not machine washable. % I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. % It's on America's tortured brow, that Mickey Mouse has grown up a cow. % Don't look at the carpet; I drew something awful on it. See? % You're such a wonderful person, but you've got problems. % And I will sit right down, waiting for the gift of sound and vision. % My TVC one five, he, he just stares back unblinking. So hologramic, oh my TVC one five. % There's a Starman waiting in the sky He'd like to come and meet us, but he thinks he'd blow our minds % Got to keep searching and searching, and, oh, what will I be believing, and who will connect me with love? Wonder who, wonder who, wonder when. % Was a way when we were young when any man was judged by what he'd done. Now you pick them on the screen, what they look like, where they've been. % I gazed a gazely stare at all the millions here We must have died alone, a long long time ago % Who knows? Not me. We never lost control You're face to face With the Man Who Sold the World. % I perceive every sign, I can steal every mind. % Everything has changed and nothing has changed % 'Cause I'd rather stay here With all the madmen Than perish with the sadmen roaming free % Day after day They take some brain away They turn my face around And tell me that it's real Then ask me how I feel % Look out my window and what do I see, a crack in the sky and a hand reaching down to me. % Take a look at the Lawman beating up the wrong guy, oh man wonder if he'll ever know. He's in the best-selling show. % we never got off on that revolution stuff what a drag, too many snags. % And the 'papers want to know whose shirts you wear. % Annie's pretty neat she always eats her meat. % It's a crash course for the ravers, it's a drive in Saturday. % Strange fascination fascinating me. % Now the dress is hung the ticket pawned the factor max that proved the fact is melted down. Woven on the edging of my pillow. % I'm feelin' fine got to race some cat to bed, oh is there concrete all around or is it in my head? % Said President Dubya one day: `War's better than love, I should say. Instead of a virgin, It's murder I'm urgin' You get lots more blood that-a-way.' % The reason truth is stranger than fiction is that fiction has to make sense. % Nothing, except a battle lost, can be half so melancholy as a battle won. % Eat the rich, the poor are tough and stringy. % Let's take it up a notch. BAM! % Heaven and Earth are ruthless and treat the myriad creatures as straw dogs. % The Way is empty yet use will not drain it. % Be aware of illusion. % Be flexible so you can change with change. % Require not just a moment of perception but a continuous awareness, a continuous state of inquiry in which there is no conclusion. % To change with change is the changeless state. % False teachers of the Way of life use flowery words. % *Flow*, my friend; flow in the *total openness* of the *living moment*. % Open yourself and flow, my friend. Flow in the total openness of the living moment. % Sure you want to be unique - but you're afraid to be different. % There is only one basic principle of self-defense: you must apply the most effective weapon as soon as possible to the most vulnerable point of your enemy. % If you have to think, you still do not understand. % The highest art is no art. The best form is no form. % A path and a gateway have no meaning or no use once the objective is in sight. % Converge with all that is. % Life is short: forgive quickly, kiss slowly. % `Second hand smoke does kill too you know.' `Not reliably.' % I never believe what I read in the press anyway. % Keep your laws off my body! % A cornered rat will bite the cat. % The only thing men learn from history is to endlessly invoke Adolf Hitler. % Suppose they gave a war and nobody came? Why then, the war would come to you! % Whenever someone tells you to take their advice, you can be pretty sure that they're not using it. % It's always tempting to impute, unlikely virtues to the cute. % Ours is not to do or die, ours is to smoke and stay high. % EAT LENTILS FOR LESS LUST % MY OTHER BOMB IS ATOMIC % HI THERE! % DEAR JOHN % No, I expect you to die. % If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong? % Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them? % Men use thought only to justify their wrong doings, and speech only to conceal their thoughts. % I own my own body but I share for the right people. % To kill the king you need the aid of the palace guards. % I haven't committed a crime, what I did was fail to comply with the law. % It's a sharp medicine and a cure for all ills. % Rapidity is the essence of war. Take advantage of your enemy's unreadiness. % Let me put it this way: if you were drowning in shark-infested waters, I'd be throwing in buckets of blood to attract sharks. % If you see a competitor drowning, you stick a hose down his throat. % Of course there's no reason for it, it's just policy. % Fire: the most effective, under-used weapon in the world. % With one match you can burn a thousand trees. % `It's today!' said Piglet. `My favourite day,' said Pooh. % If you want the rainbow you've gotta put up with the rain. % If you wish to be happy for one hour, get drunk. If you wish to be happy for three days, get married. If you wish to be happy for a month, kill your pig and eat it. If you wish to be happy forever, learn to fish. % Do you actually listen to yourself when you speak, or do you drift in and out? % Never reveal your best argument. % If life isn't what you wanted, have you asked for anything else? % You really only need to know what the other guy *won't* stand for. % Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn't mean he knows what it is. % If you can stay calm while all around you panic then you don't know what's really going on. % `I used to be `with it.' But then they changed what `it' was. Now what I'm `with' isn't `it' and what's `it' seems weird and scary to me. It'll happen to you.' `No way, man. We're gonna keep on rockin' forever!' % Lack of capability is usually disguised by lack of interest. % The Moral Majority is neither. % When in doubt, follow your heart. % Never underestimate the power of a small tactical nuclear weapon. % Never believe anything. Once you believe anything, you stop thinking about it. % Laws are like sausages. You have more respect for them if you haven't seen how they're made. % In every battle there comes a time when both sides consider themselves beaten. He who then continues to attack wins. % A single intelligent remark can destroy a man's entire career. % If this were a dictatorship, it'd be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I'm the dictator. % Hey - suppose they gave an election and nobody came? % A bribe a day keeps the bureaucrat away. % According to a recent press release by Sinecom, the Chinese State news agency, 83% of the American flags sold in the United States are made in China. % You see when I get bored I make up my own movie. I have a very short attention span. % You can lead a fool to wisdom, you cannot make him think. % Illusion is the first of all pleasures. % History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree on. % There is always a price to pay and the brighter the light burns the darker is the shadow. % All of the true things I am about to tell you are shameless lies. % The first rule of magic is simple. Don't waste your time waving your hands and hoping when a rock or a club will do. % The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from. % While most people's opinions change, the conviction of their correctness never does. % All generalizations are false, including this one. % What is Truth? % Grub first. Then ethics. % Ubi non accusator, ibi non judex. % A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. % The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions. % I'm *sure* somebody's been messing with my anti-paranoia medication. % Have an adequate day. % Beauty, brains, availability, personality: pick any two. % Good, fast or cheap: pick any two. % Men often believe - or pretend - that the `Law' is something sacred, or at least a science - an unfounded assumption very convenient to governments. % The more things change, the more they stay insane. % Be incomprehensible. If they can't understand, they can't disagree. % A paranoid is a man who knows a little of what's going on. % The two essential requirements for complete terrestrial happiness are a good appetite and no conscience. % Be polite. Be professional. But have a plan to kill everyone you meet. % First Rule of a Gunfight: HAVE A GUN. Second Rule of a Gunfight: see Rule 1. % First Rule of a Gunfight: HAVE A GUN. (a) Preferably, have at least two guns. (b) Bring all of your friends who have guns. % The board reached a conclusion that the only safeguard at close encounters is a well-directed rapid fire from nothing less than a 45-caliber weapon. % Always cheat, always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose. % The purpose of fighting is to win. % Never do your enemy a minor injury. % There is no possible victory in defense. % Don't drop your guard. % In God we trust. Everyone else, keep your hands where I can see them. % Corruptisima republica plurimae leges. % There is nothing more odious than the majority; for it consists of a few powerful leaders, a certain number of accommodating scoundrels and subservient weaklings, and a mass of men who trudge after them without in the least knowing their own minds. % Experience is what you get when you don't get what you wanted. % Watch it, kid, or I'll twist your head around 'til your cap's on straight! % We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation. % Those who talk don't know. Those who don't talk, know. % Am I my brother's keeper? % If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary form and I'll file it appropriately. % Having considered this one carefully, I'm going for the burying my head in the sand option. % The words of the Foolish and those of the Wise are not far apart in Discordian Eyes. % We're living in a golden age. All you need is gold. % iam pridem, ex quo suffragia nulli vendimus, effudit curas; nam qui dabat olim imperium fasces legiones omnia, nunc se continet atque duas tantum res anxius optat, panem et circenses. % the public has long since cast off its cares; the people that once bestowed commands, consulships, legions and all else, now meddles no more and longs eagerly for just two things - bread and circuses % Why doesn't everybody leave everybody else the hell alone? % When it all boils down to the essence of truth one must live by a dog's rule of life: if you can't eat it or screw it, piss on it! % The state is simply the political means to wealth for the ruthless and corrupt. % I am not `we.' I am not `us.' I am not one of `the people.' % Britney is a Tool of The Conspiracy but at least she looks good doing it. % The eternal now is where it's at. % He who cannot pause to wonder is as good as dead. % I'm defending her honour, which is more than she ever did. % Just another day in paradise % Never mind scientific literacy, most people can't even manage literacy. % You are suffering from delusions of competency. % Joey comes on strong you betcha life he's putting us on! % My ambition is to marry a rich woman who's too proud to let her husband work. % Talent does what it can, genius what it must. I do what I get paid to do. % They say there's no excuse for laziness but that's not going to stop me looking. % What women and psychologists call `dropping your armour,' we call `baring your neck.' % Lack of planning on your part doesn't constitute an emergency on my part. % The easy way to tell a hamster from a gerbil is that the gerbil has more dark meat. % Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur. % Never do today what you can put off until tomorrow. % Actually, I'm picking on you *because* you're smaller than me. % We observe empirically that stupidity is additive but, unfortunately, intelligence is not. % Some of the things that live the longest in people's memories never really happened. % An old-fashioned arse-licking never hurt anyone. % You have so little understanding of what's going on, you may as well make decisions at random. % Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. % Loud, confident, and WRONG! % The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth. % Excellent day for drinking heavily. Spike the office water cooler. % As you get older things happen faster. If you get old enough, things happen so fast you just can't keep up. % Ahh, the magical reality of everyday life. The way people can seamlessly believe several contradictory propositions at once. The blind acceptance of things beyond understanding. You've got to love it. % Welcome your neighbours into your fallout shelter. They'll come in handy if you run out of food. % Anything worth doing is worth overdoing. % We have you under surveillance. % What is wanted is not the will to believe but the will to find out, which is the exact opposite. % Trust no one. % Your truth is out there, the problem is to find it. % Hadn't you noticed? That `innocent until proven guilty' thing went out of fashion years ago. % When it comes to government, nothing succeeds like failure. % Improvise. Adapt. Overcome. % Well, it seemed like the thing to do at the time. % Be careful what you wish for. You might just get it. % Shut yer face hippy. % We lie the loudest when we lie to ourselves. % One man's `magic' is another man's engineering. % On the whole, I'd rather be in Vegas. % Once is happenstance, Twice is coincidence, Three times is enemy action. % There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy. % To teach is to learn twice. % We all like praise but a hike in our pay is the best kind of ways. % Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong. % `You boys lookin' for trouble?' `Sure. Whaddya got?' % You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone. % I may be getting older but I refuse to grow up! % Old age and treachery will overcome youth and skill. % Age and guile beats youth and a bad haircut. % So, if you die, then I can have your stuff? % Can I have your watch when you are dead? % The Law of Eristic Escalation: Imposition of Order leads to Escalation of Chaos The Law of Aneristic Escalation: Escalation of Chaos leads to Imposition of Order % Blore's Razor: given a choice between two theories, take the one which is funnier. % Mollison's Bureaucracy Hypothesis: if an idea can survive a bureaucratic review and be implemented it wasn't worth doing. % Hildebrant's Principle: if you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there. % The Abrams' Principle: the shortest distance between two points is off the wall. % Shaw's Principle: build a system that even a fool can use and only a fool will want to use it. % Nowlan's Theory: he who hesitates is not only lost but several miles from the next exit. % Law of Legion: we are nothing and we are many. % Dick's First Law of Kipple: kipple drives out non-kipple. % Schneier's Law: anyone can invent a security system that he himself cannot break. % Finagle's First Law: if an experiment works, something has gone wrong. % Dunn's First Law: with enough idiots, you don't need a conspiracy. % Crawford's Law: freedom is always illegal. % Conway's Law: In any organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on and this person should be found out and fired. % Clarke's Law: when a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong. % G's Third Law: in spite of all evidence to the contrary, the entire universe is composed of only two basic substances; magic and bullshit. % Benchley's Law of Distinction: there are two kinds of people in the world; those who believe there are two kinds of people and those who don't. % Law of Malice: Never ascribe to malice those things which may be explained by stupidity. Corollary to Law of Malice: one MAY ascribe to malice those things which stupidity cannot explain. % Mitchell's Law of Committees: any simple problem can be made insoluble if enough meetings are held to discuss it. % Wilson's Fourth Law: with sufficient research you will find evidence to support your theory. % Velilind's Laws of Experimentation: (1) If reproducibility may be a problem, conduct the test only once. (2) If a straight line fit is required, obtain only two data points. % Chan's Laws: (I) Reality like mirror: different people see different things; (II) Inconsistencies like bad plumbing: hard to flush; (III) Closed avenue like pretty girl: very enticing and can lead somewhere. % Udall's Fourth Law: any change or reform you make is going to have consequences you don't like. % Meader's Law: whatever happens to you, it will previously have happened to everyone you know, only more so. % Sattinger's Law: it works better if you plug it in. % Kliban's First Law of Dining: never eat anything bigger than your head. % Larkinson's Law: all laws are basically false. % Hasting's Third Law: do not throw rocks at people with guns. % Hartley's Second Law: never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself. % Anthony's Law of Force: don't force it, use a bigger hammer. % Sturgeon's Law: ninety percent of everything is crud. % Sturgeon's Law: ninety percent of everything is crud. Johnny's Corollary to Sturgeon's Law: that includes people. % Parkinson's Fifth Law: if there is a way to delay in important decision, the good bureaucracy, public or private, will find it. % Hlade's Law: if you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy person because they will find an easier way to do it. % Unnamed Law: if it happens, it must be possible. % The Fourth Law of Thermodynamics: when the heat is on someone else, it is not on you % Agnes' Law: almost everything in life is easier to get into than out of. % Armstrong's Collection Law: if the cheque is truly in the mail, it is surely made out to someone else. % Cheops' Law: nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget. % Gordon's Law: if you think you have the solution, the question was poorly phrased. % Herth's Law: he who turns the other cheek too far gets it in the neck. % Hofstadter's Law: it always takes longer than you expect, even when you take Hofstadter's Law into account. % Kafka's Law: in the fight between you and the world, back the world. % Kinkler's Second Law: all the easy problems have been solved. % Lowery's Law: if it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway. % Weiler's Law: nothing is impossible to a person who doesn't have to do the work. % Green's Law of Debate: anything is possible if you don't know what you're talking about. % Stallone's Law: one man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at once. % Brignell's Law of Consensus: at times of high scientific controversy, the consensus is always wrong. % Brignell's Law of Epidemiology: For every result in epidemiology there is another equal and opposite result. Corollary: The scary results are far more likely to get published. % Ross' Corollary to the Law of Large Numbers: with a large enough sample, you are always going to get a few things you really don't want. % Cahn's Axiom: when all else fails, try following the instructions. % Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom: no matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less. % Mr. Cole's Axiom: the sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing. % Hurewitz's Memory Principle: The chance of forgetting something is directly proportional to, to, uh. What day is this? % Renning's Maxim: Man is the highest animal. Man does the classifying. % Murphy's Discovery: Do you notice politicians talk to the country the way men talk to women? They say, `Trust me, go all the way with me, and everything will be all right.' And what happens? Nine months later, you're in trouble! % Ducharme's Precept: opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment. % Reisner's Rule of Conceptual Inertia: if you think big enough, you'll never have to do it. % Orgel's Second Rule: evolution is cleverer than you are. % Burke's Postulates: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about. Don't create a problem for which you do not have the answer. % The Ancient Doctrine of Mind Over Matter: I don't mind and you don't matter. % Volokh Theory of Foodcrime: If meat is murder, then chicken is manslaughter, eggs are kidnapping, and milk is sexual harassment. % There are only two rules: what a man can do and what a man can't. % DEATH WISH: the only wish that always comes true, whether or not one wishes it to. % Crazy? Clarke Kent is jealous that Lois Lane loves Superman, now that's crazy! % How can they not realise that Superman is Clarke Kent? These people are reporters! % Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example. % I find it easier to relax if you don't take anything seriously unless it's immediately life-threatening. % The race *may* not always go to the swift but if I was placing a bet % `I think he said, `Blessed are the cheesemakers.`' `Nonsense, he was obviously referring to all manufacturers of dairy products.' % He's not the Messiah. He's a very naughty boy. % The speed of light in a vacuum may vary but death and taxes are still constants. % I consider a new device or technology to have been culturally accepted when it has been used to commit a murder. % Such a perfect day, you made me forget myself, thought I was someone else, someone good % It is only the great men who are truly obscene. If they had not dared to be obscene, they could never have dared to be great. % The advertisement is the most truthful part of a newspaper. % Love thy neighbour as thyself but choose your neighbourhood. % Awa an bile ya heid! % Ah, what can you do % When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut. % Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away. % Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said. % Absence makes the heart go wander. % A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring. % Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender. % Babies taste nicer but there's more meat on toddlers. % It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. % Don't tell any big lies today. Small ones can be just as effective. % Never let your schooling interfere with your education. % Anything is good and useful if it's made of chocolate. % I'll defend to the death your right to say that, but I never said I'd listen to it! % Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn't expect to be paid back. % Murphy's Law is recursive. Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work. % When I said `we' I was referring to myself, the four young ladies, and, of course, the goat. % `I think I have just made the biggest mistake of my life.' `It is unlikely. I would predict there are far greater mistakes waiting to be made by someone with your obvious talent for it.' % Reality is just a convenient measure of complexity. % Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow you may work. % If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door. % There are very few problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives. % There are very few problems that a huge explosion can't sort out. % Your conscience never stops you from doing anything. It just stops you from enjoying it. % In an organization, each person rises to the level of his own incompetency. % Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. % The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witchcraft and executed was without a flaw; it is still unimpeachable. % Don't worry over what other people are thinking about you. They're too busy worrying over what you are thinking about them. % A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with. % If you don't have a nasty obituary you probably didn't matter. % Everybody should believe in something - I believe I'll have some more chocolate. % It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have imagined that virginity could be a virtue. % If you're happy, you're successful. % In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe. % Oh, dear, where can the matter be When it's converted to energy? There is a slight loss of parity. Johnny's so long at the fair. % I don't care who does the electing as long as I get to do the nominating. % Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood. % Resisting temptation is easier when you think you'll probably get another chance later on. % A straw vote only shows which way the hot air blows. % Genius may have its limitations but stupidity is not thus handicapped. % You are only young once but you can stay immature indefinitely. % The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy. % It's bad luck to be superstitious. % If you're not very clever you should be conciliatory. % I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer. % A real person has two reasons for doing anything, a good reason and the real reason. % If everybody minded their own business, the world would go around a deal faster. % If you wish to live wisely, ignore sayings - including this one. % Give thought to your reputation. Consider changing name and moving to a new town. % The surest protection against temptation is cowardice. % So, what's with this guy Gideon, anyway? And why can't he ever remember his Bible? % Our problems are mostly behind us. What we have to do now is fight the solutions. % Some people here wouldn't recognize subtlety if it hit them on the head. % Crash programmes fail because they are based on the theory that, with nine women pregnant, you can get a baby a month. % I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path. % Experience is what causes a person to make new mistakes instead of old ones. % It's is not, it isn't ain't, and it's it's, not its, if you mean it is. If you don't, it's its. Then too, it's hers. It isn't her's. It isn't our's either. It's ours, and likewise yours and theirs. % With an apostrophe it means `it is' and without an apostrophe it means `belonging to it.' This is really not that hard. % A well adjusted person is one who makes the same mistake twice without getting nervous. % What this world needs is a good five-dollar plasma weapon. % Two wrongs don't make a right but three lefts do. % My opinions may have changed but not the fact that I am right. % Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with. % All extremists should be taken out and shot. % If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people? % If ignorance is bliss, you must be ecstatic. % If ignorance is bliss, this halfwit must be in jackass nirvana. % A live body and a dead body contain the same number of particles. Structurally, there's no discernible difference. Life and death are unquantifiable abstracts. So what *exactly* are you accusing me of? % That depends on what the definition of the word `is' is. % Hey, talk to the hand: those models couldn't beat a random numbers table, or two dice on a crap table, when it comes to predicting temperatures. % You only believe computer models prove anything if you're a computer salesman or an idiot. Or both. % I'm in the gutter lookin' up an' dreamin' of the stars % It's getting to the stage where harsh language isn't going to cut it for me. % Sometimes you just have to let go and get in touch with your masculine side and explode into violence! % Who watches the watchmen? % Quis custodiet ipsos custodes? Not us, that's for sure. % `Empathy means, when you hurt someone, you *feel* their pain.' `So why would I want to feel empathy?' % A witty saying proves nothing. % How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on. % Dare to be naive. % Join in the new game that's sweeping the country. It's called `Bureaucracy.' Everybody stands in a circle. The first person to do anything loses. % A fool must now and then be right by chance. % I often quote myself; it adds spice to my conversation. % Every now and then when your life gets complicated and the weasels start closing in, the only cure is to load up on heinous chemicals and then drive like a bastard from Hollywood to Las Vegas, with the music at top volume and at least a pint of ether. % Sorry. I forget what I was going to say. % If this is timesharing, give me my share right now. % Laugh at your problems; everybody else does. % Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror, and you would not have been informed. % The shield is useless without the sword. % A comfortable falsehood will always win out over an uncomfortable truth. % Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen. % Would you like to be tried in court by people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty? % You should aim to have few friends and no living enemies. % Alertness. Decisiveness. Aggressiveness. Speed. Coolness. Ruthlessness. Surprise. % Alert, decisive, aggressive, cold. % No second place winner. % Second place is just the first loser. % Every year, the Pharoah would ritually masturbate into the Nile. % MUTANT! % SEVERE MUTATION! % Well, we might let God sort them out but someone told me he was dead. % `Just do it like we practiced.' `When we practiced we messed up.' `Except that part.' % Go cry me a river and drown in it. % George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree but he also admitted doing it. Now, do you know why his father didn't punish him? Because George still had the axe in his hand. % `Does it get any better? Does the pain go away?' `I don't think it's supposed to. It's part of being alive.' % That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Prove different. % Are you mocking my religion? That's fighting talk where I come from. Actually, that's fighting talk pretty much wherever you come from. % Are you mocking my religion? That would be fighting talk for most folks but obviously mocking Discordianism is an act of faith. % You talk the talk, do you walk the walk? % If I'm gonna die for a word, my word is POONTANG. % Make the first cut the deepest if you can! % Well, it seemed like the thing to do % All the sorrows of yesterday will never outweigh the hope of tomorrow. % Always kick a man when he's down. % It's not the size that counts, it's how big it is. % He rolled over and showed his belly, so obviously I gave him a good, hard, kicking. % Over himself, over his own body and mind, the individual is sovereign. Void where prohibited by law. % Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes? % Who are you going to believe, us college professors or your *lying* eyes? % Let's put it this way: politicians make up the law as they go along, and so do I, is all. % Money may not buy happiness but it puts you in a good bargaining position. % While money doesn't buy love, it puts you in a great bargaining position. % No, that's mine. Put it down and back away slowly or I'll be forced to use violence. % Oh sorry, did that hurt? How about this? % The highest form of generalship is to balk the enemy's plans. % Listen to me dammit! I keep telling you: switch from the centre-line, come at him from the side! % Get your retaliation in first I always say. % Well something killed the dinosaurs and it wasn't rampant consumerism unless it was of a distinctly non-technological kind. % Johnny are you warping space and time again!? % No, but YOU'RE ALL A BUNCH OF ALIEN FREAKS!! % Man will occasionally stumble over the truth but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on. % `Do you know what the death rate around here is?' `One per person.' % Any simple problem can be made insoluble if enough meetings are held to discuss it. % Philogyny recapitulates erogeny; erogeny recapitulates philogyny. % Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats. % All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy. % What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy? % Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed. % If you cannot convince them, confuse them. % Lost interest? It's so bad I've lost apathy. % Not Hercules could have knock'd out his brains, for he had none. % Eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal. % Okay, run that one past me again 'cause I just don't see how deliberately making myself defenseless will make me safer. % Support your local police force - steal!! % He hadn't a single redeeming vice. % To be responsive at this time, though I will simply say, and therefore this is a repeat of what I said previously, that which I am unable to offer in response is based on information available to make no such statement. % That, and another piece of chocolate, should do the trick. % What the large print giveth, the small print taketh away. % The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on weather forecasters. % Only through hard work and perseverance can one truly suffer. % I may not be totally perfect but parts of me are excellent. % In those days he was wiser than he is now - he used to frequently take my advice. % The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself. % Hmmm, barbecued cat % The sky above the port was the color of television, tuned to a dead channel. % The night hugs the ground and swallows you up as you drive out of Albuquerque and into the desert. % Eat more meat! % Am I worried? Are you kidding? All it takes is a mentality that can imagine, as millions of people do, that they have a realistic chance of winning the National Lottery Jackpot. % Never sneer at an armed man, unless you've already got him covered. % What do you know? It'll be worth arguing with you about telepathy when you can get as far as understanding how your mobile phone works. % Do what thou will shall be the whole of the law. % PANTS! % Keep out of the reach of children. % Keep your clothes and weapons where you can find them in the dark. % The future is a blinding mirage. % I am chaos. I am the substance from which your artists and scientists build rhythms. I am the spirit with which your children and clowns laugh in happy anarchy. I am chaos. I am alive, and I tell you that you are free. % Look out! Behind you! % It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. % Diplomacy is the art of saying `nice doggy' until you can find a rock. % Never call a man a fool. Borrow from him. % If you give up wine, women, and song, you may not live any longer but it will seem like it. % Hard work never killed anyone *supposedly* but why take chances? % A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip. % People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Shakespeare said it first. % Which is worse: ignorance or apathy? Who knows? Who cares? % Fight well. Die hard. % `He must be the King.' `How do you know that?' `He's the only one not covered in shit.' % I gave at the office. % Well I'm pleased to see you but actually there is a gun in my pocket % You've got to expect some collateral damage in any surgical strike. % Say again all after, `We've rolled the Land Rover over,' over. % A statesman is a dead politician. We need more statesmen. % Row after row, thousands of them, identical white crosses stretching to the horizon % Replicants are like any other machine: they're either a benefit or a hazard. If they're a benefit they're not my problem. % I'd rather be a killer than a victim. % Is this going to be an empathy test? % The candle that burns twice as bright burns half as long; and you have burned so very, very, brightly Roy. % All those moments will be lost, in time, like tears in rain. % Doggy-style, that's my favourite. How about you? % Well, okay, woman on top is pretty neat too % I'm just window-shopping. No obligation on my part. If you don't want me looking then don't put it on show. % `But how can you talk without a brain?' `Well, I don't know but some people without brains do an awful lot of talking.' % Hello? Enema Bondage? I'm calling because I want to be happy, I guess. % Just walk along and try NOT to think about your INTESTINES being almost FORTY YARDS LONG!! % Eh, oh sorry, I just drifted off for a moment there. % Vote for me and I'll give you lots of free stuff and make the other guy pay for it. % No thanks, I've already had my fifteen minutes of fame. % Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me, I have a wife and kids! Eat them. % Uh, so. Let's have a conversation. Uh, I think we'll find that we have very little in common. % As near as I can tell, you're not any crazier than the average asshole on the street. % `You can't attack the white men now, Chief. It'll break the peace.' `Dead enemies best way to peace.' % Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag and begin slitting throats. % Hey, what's the big deal about going to some building every Sunday? I mean, isn't God everywhere? % The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary. % The left has the hobgoblin of global warming. The right has the hobgoblin of global terror. Both campaigns are carefully calculated to keep the American people alarmed and clamorous for the government to come to the rescue. % A man with a face mask and a gun is a target. % Barbarism is the natural state of mankind. Civilization is unnatural, is a whim of circumstance. And barbarism must always ultimately triumph. % Die gedanken sind frei. % Show me the man and I will find the crime. % If you give me six lines written by the hand of the most honest of men, I will find something in them which will hang him. % There are two kinds of paranoia: total, and insufficient. I am both, because if you think you are sufficiently paranoid, you're not. % It's incidents like this that force a man to take a gun and stalk from room to room methodically pumping round after round into the quivering bodies of his cowering co-workers. % You're old, we're in San Jose. % Release the War Pigs! % Release the hounds! % FASTER, PUSSYCAT! KILL! KILL! % Look! Piglets! So cute. So tasty. % I can see you're not following my explanation. I suppose I'll have to punctuate it with heavy blows to your head. % Never eat anything without eyes. Potatoes just make it under the wire. % It wasn't actually my responsibility, as such, you just assumed it was. Anyhow, I wasn't there at the time. % Can you take a joke? % The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train. % You have taken yourself too seriously. % Too much of a good thing is WONDERFUL. % Virtue is its own punishment. % We have only two things to worry about: that things will never get back to normal, and that they already have. % Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform. % Yeah, but you're taking the universe out of context. % You will be surprised by a loud noise. % You worry too much about your job. Stop it. You're not paid enough to worry. % Your life would be very empty if you had nothing to regret. % Your lucky colour has faded. % Your lucky number has been disconnected. % Give a monkey a brain and he'll swear he's the centre of the universe. % It feels great to wake up and not know what day it is, doesn't it? % Think of hummingbirds as the flying penises of flowers. % ALL FANATICS MUST DIE! % If you can read this, you're in range. % Life size models of Cthulhu, on sale now! % It can't rain all the time. % For those of you without hope, we have rooms with colour TV, satellite and coffee-making equipment. % I'm not wearing any underwear. % I only kill to know I'm alive. % Pain looks good on other people; that's what they're for. % SnaKES! snakES, SnakeS, SnAKes! % It's no use praying. I already did the same thing and we can't both win. % See you in hell, candy boys!! % I know you're mad at me right now and I'm kinda mad too. I mean, we could sit here and try to figure out who forgot to pick up who till the cows come home. But let's just say we're both wrong and that'll be that. % Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals. Except the weasel. % Eagles may soar but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. % Good, bad, I'M THE GUY WITH THE GUN! % Try enjoying yourself. Everyone else has. % Do I *amuse* you? Am I a *clown* to you? % Tongue-tied and twisted, just an earthbound misfit, I. % Of course I still love you. Now stop whining and let me shoot you. % Duct tape *is* the Force. It has a light side and a dark side and it binds the universe together. % I didn't claw my way to the top of the food chain to eat vegetables! % Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so. % Five is a demon. % I once waxed the floors of a nursing home, pulled off all the rubber feet on the walkers, and yelled `FIRE!' % We don't take no shit from a machine. % Did you exchange a walk-on part in the war for a lead role in a cage? % Time is a spiral, space is a curve, I know you get dizzy but try not to lose your nerve. % It's not that life is too short, it's that death is too long. % All men have the right to dig their own graves and I have the right to sell them the shovels. % Evolution doesn't take prisoners. % Anarchy - it's not the law, it's just a good idea. % I am an Anarchist not because I believe Anarchism is the final goal but because there is no such thing as a final goal. % Personally I think continually aiming for Anarchy would be the only way to get a vaguely limited government. Government is like a persistent weed that you can never truly dig out, you just keep cutting it back so it doesn't choke out all your flowers. % We are sorry, you have reached an imaginary number. Please rotate your phone ninety degrees and try again. % The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and three hundred sixty-two admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision. % After all, we only go around once. There's really no time to be afraid. % Sum id quod sum et id totum est quod sum. % Never judge a man till you have walked a mile in his shoes, 'cuz by then, he's a mile away, you've got his shoes, and you can say whatever the hell you want to. % Beware of all clothes that require new enterprises. % Damn the torpedoes. % 'Twas Brillig, and the slithey toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe; all mimsy were the borogoves, and the mome raths outgrabe. % If infinite rednecks fired infinite shotguns at an infinite number of road signs, they'd eventually create all the great literary works of the world in braille. % Take the skin and peel it back. Now doesn't it make you feel better? % If you have to ask, you're not allowed to know. % Nothing quite like the feel of something new % I need someone real bad. Are you real bad? % A good man has few enemies. A ruthless man has none. % The rain, it raineth on the Just and the Unjust fella. But chiefly on the Just because the Unjust steals the Just's umbrella. % I call her Attila, 'cuz she's my Hun % You mean you need drugs to hallucinate? % All suspects are innocent until proven Discordian in a Court of Chaos. % We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be. % `How many tentacles has Great Cthulhu got?' `Too many.' % We are all Children of Cthulhu - especially the ones with lots of tentacles. % Klein bottle for sale. Inquire within. % `I only live about ten percent in this reality.' `So where's your summer cottage?' % Abortion kills, and so does McDonalds. % Never trust a cop with a rubber glove. % All Wood? Oh! AL Wood. I didn't see the missing `L' at first. % For every new foolproof invention there is a new and improved fool. % How many times do I have to tell you that drilling holes in your head will not relieve stress? % Big donkeys, small donkeys, all good to eat. % Oh, my God! ARTHUR, I HAVE POCKETS! % If you were everyone but one person I would listen to everyone else. % If I were you I'd dance naked in the middle of the street just to embarrass you. % pulled out a pair of pliers and pulled a bullet out of my chest % Smile or I'll kill you. % Guns don't kill people, I do. % Hold on to freedom as long as you can, 'cause the girl in your cell might think she's a man. % Life is sometimes like a pizza round: hot, greasy, and delivered by a guy named `Tony'. % Happiness comes in packages marked `Batteries Not Included'. % Shoes for industry! % How can you be in two places at once when you're not anywhere at all? % I have nothing to declare, except my genius. % Life is the stuff that happens to you while you're making other plans. % Time is a great teacher but it kills all its pupils. % The only real problem in life is what to do next. % Being a doormat gets you walked on. % Coitus ergo sum. % The most useful tool for dealing with management types is, of course, an automatic weapon. % Cthulhu saves our souls and redeems them for valuable coupons later. % Cthulhu saves. He might get hungry later. % Spam was, Spam is and Spam shall be. After summer is winter, and after winter, summer. It ruled once where Man rules now; where Man rules now, it shall rule again. As a foulness shall ye know it. % Cthulhu for President - because you're tired of choosing the *lesser* of the two evils. % Only you can prevent forest fires. % I'm a Fun Guy from Yuggoth. % It's an Elder Thing - you wouldn't understand. % When Cthulhu calls, he calls collect. % Who loathes you and who do you love? CTHULHU! % I WILL SWALLOW YOUR SOUL % Fight crime. Shoot back. % Join the Cthulhu Corps; it's not just a job, it's a higher position under an Elder God. % If Cthulhu calls let the machine pick it up. % Do not call up that which you cannot put on hold. % Yesterday a postal worker asked me what type of handgun he should buy. % Tyger, tyger, burning bright, in the forests of the night; what immortal hand or eye could frame thy fearful symmetry? % It is by caffeine alone that I set my mind in motion. It is by the coffee that the thoughts acquire speed, the lips acquire stains, the stains become a warning. It is by caffeine alone that I set my mind in motion. % Que sera, serotonin. % You wouldn't be so smug if you really knew what was going on. % Death without pain is like a sundae without sprinkles. % The next person to pass you will die within a fortnight. % Hey, that's just the way the cookie gets completely stomped on and obliterated. % `But we'll never survive!' `Nonsense. You're only saying that because no one ever has.' % Get up Dog Boy! Show them where you come from, show them where you're going! % Could I interest you in a pet rock? % His philosophy was a mixture of three famous schools - the Cynics, the Stoics and the Epicureans - and summed up all three of them in his famous phrase, `You can't trust any bugger further than you can throw him, and there's nothing you can do about it, so let's have a drink.' % I used to be self-actualized, now I'm just confused. % I dance around and sing a song and know that I can do no wrong. % Never attempt to distract a masturbating gorilla. % Never sign a contract including any of the phrases `sort of,' `kind of,' or `and stuff' - unless I'm offering it to you. % AOL Time Warner: bringing you the finest in cradle-to-grave thought management. % She has a really opulent body; just ripe for dissecting. % The president's weird. He's got a burgundy beard. It's a ripoff. % He who marries the Spirit of his Age, soon becomes a widower. % Tiger Tim the Tightrope Walker, tried to steal the drag queen's daughter. % Freedom is just a hallucination created by a pathological lack of paranoia. % Sir, you have tasted two whole worms; you have missed all my mystery lectures and been caught fighting a liar in the quad; you will leave Oxford by the next town drain. % Well, Kylie likes it. % Boxing is a lot like ballet, except that they don't dance, there isn't any music, and they hit each other. % The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist is afraid that it is. % Why ask why, just shut up and die. % Beyond good and evil lies Dundee. % Bad things come to those who wait too. % Is it just me or are all uncles either really cool, or child molesters? % The quickest way to a man's heart is through his ribcage. % You DON'T want me to translate that. No, really you don't. % They are a puckish band of rapscallions. % He doesn't like me. *He never liked me!* % Acting without thinking can be awfully entertaining. % A little madness now and then is relished by the wisest men. % Our cause is a secret within a secret, a secret that only another secret can explain; it is a secret about a secret veiled by a secret. % When you have had all that you can take, hide the rest for later. When you have had all that you can take, don't take any more. % I think you had better start lining your hat with tinfoil. % There are two major products that come out of Berkeley; LSD and BSD Unix. We don't believe this to be a coincidence. % Open sez me. % I don't believe in reason, objective reality or collective farming. % Wouldn't it be wonderful if everyone renounced violence forever? I could conquer the whole stupid planet with just a pointy stick. % Truly great madness cannot be achieved without significant intelligence. % Portions of the preceding were recorded. As for the rest of it, I'm very much afraid it was all in your mind. % Do not taunt the Happy Fun Ball. If Happy Fun Ball starts to smoke, run away and take cover. % A much-discussed alternative to homogeneous big-bang nucleosynthesis has been the first-order quark-hadron phase-transition-inspired inhomogeneous model. % These are the pale deaths which men miscall their lives; for all the scents of green things growing, each breath is but an exhalation of the grave. Bodies jerk like puppet corpses, and hell walks laughing. % I am always right. Except when I'm left, or bluffing. % Okay, everybody in this room who's telekinetic, raise my hand. % The two most common things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. % There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe and it has a longer shelf life. % You lookin' at me? You lookin' at me?! % So close, no matter how far, couldn't be much more from the heart. Forever trusting who we are and nothing else matters. % Life is ours. We live it our way. % Trust I seek and I find in you, everyday to eat something new. % Anybody got any itch cream? % GRENADE!!! % Hey, you've got a third eye! Uh, never mind. it's just a spot of dirt in the middle of your forehead. % Your ID please citizen. % No, just the nipple-cones, officer, just the nipple-cones. % TWISTER FOR MONEY, TWISTER FOR BLOOD! % Okay, you guys having sex here, let's see some enthusiasm! % Hold! Cease thy stultiloquy! Oh, not daggers or swords or all the spears in the world stung me greater than this rubbish you throw to the heavens! % I'm sorry, I become inaudible when I am shy. % Oops, I've gone and inflated my ego. % Hey, go buy a plane ticket to another state of mind, okay? % Futility is futile. % You will find that the State is the kind of organization which, while it does big things badly, does small things badly too. % I'm not dead yet, apparently. % If I let you go, do you think you could fly? % Frogs are my favourite vegetable. % It's always easier to just fall than to try to climb. % My favourite food is squirrel but I want to fight with glory. % Make it so! % This is where I get off. % Until, one by one HE DESTROYED THEM ALL! % Was it worth it? % I am living in denial. % If it looks like a duck, acts like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it is probably just a Tool of The Conspiracy. % There's nothing wrong with you a shotgun blast to the face couldn't fix. % You say without this little doohicky the universe stops? Okay, okay, I'll put it back. % Bela Lugosi's dead. How about you? % In-con-CEIvable! % You laugh just like the angels dancing on the head of the pin jabbed into my mind's eye. % Humans sure have a strange way of dying. % The Rule of Fives states that all things happen in fives, or are divisible by or are multiples of five, or are somehow directly or indirectly related to five. The Rule of Fives is never wrong. % Five is a sufficiently close approximation to infinity. % Welcome to the Bureau for Reducing Bureaucracy! % Did you know that lithium builds up in the fatty tissues of the body? % For such a cute kid, you sure turned out ugly. % That which is not forbidden is mandatory. % I never remember a face but I always forget a name. % Drive your cart and plough over the bones of the dead. % History: an account mostly false, of events mostly unimportant, brought about by rulers mostly knaves and soldiers mostly fools. % It is not enough merely to succeed: one's friends must also fail. % Be my brother or I'll kill you. % The rarity of genuine feeling in human society sometimes makes me stop in the street to watch a dog gnawing a bone. % The Californians are an idle thriftless people, and can make nothing for themselves. % Another damned, thick, square book! Always scribble, scribble, scribble! Eh, Mr. Gibbon? % Culture is fundamentally about imitation. % Whenever I hear the word `culture,' it makes me want to reach for my revolver. % Whenever I hear the word `culture,' it makes me want to reach for my Browning. % Whenever I hear the word `sustainable,' it makes me want to reach for my Kalashnikov. % Whenever I hear the word `society,' it makes me want to reach for my Kalashnikov. % I'm putting you on the list for when The Revolution comes. % You'll be the first ones up against the wall when The Revolution comes. % Fnord is the second spoon in your Whizz Fizz. % Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. % The denizens of this sizzling-hot, freezing-cold, rocky, rotten island were monsters - huge or miserably stunted, fat or scraggly, dry or slimy, with scales, warts, pimples, tentacles, talons, fangs, extra arms, eyes, legs, tails, and even heads, all in ridiculous arrangements. % It's not for you or I, Carruthers; nor for the regiment: it's for the Empire. % You grok? % It would have worked, too, if it hadn't been for those meddling kids and their blasted dog! % The Heirophant is Disguised and Confused. % Sin that pays its way can travel freely, and without a passport; whereas virtue, if a pauper, is stopped at all frontiers. % All biography is ultimately fiction. % JUMPIN' JESUS ON A POGO STICK! % Sleep is nature's way of telling you to go to bed. % It is not down on any map; true places never are. % It would be absurd to leave the Suez Canal and the Panama Canal to the unfettered control of the populations through whose territory they pass. % I've given up the search for reality; now I'm just looking for a good fantasy. % What do you want me to do, learn to stutter? % Impressive. But how big's your cock? % Driving makes you stupid; the more you drive, the stupider you get. % When we talk about property, state, masters, government, laws, courts, and police, we say only that we don't want any of them. % Pay careful attention to the Tao-Jones Average. % Nobody lives forever. % Despite the high cost of living, it remains a popular item. % Initiative comes to those who wait. % Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. % If you can't see the fnords, they can't eat you. % I'm not dead yet! % The Earth Will Shake. % Eureka! % There's a cow in my oesophagus! % Because it's there. % Deceive boys with toys but men with oaths. % Pass the sauce. % No matter where you are, there you go? Wait a second. % The moral of the story is: kill the parents kill the children. % Remember, we have to get the baby out of the oven today. % We find the defendant innocent by reason of being generally clueless. % Surrealism aims at the total transformation of the mind and all that resembles it. % You, you, you shouldn't, you shouldn't traumatize women with sexual intercourse. I should know, I'm a medical doctor, I own a mansion and a yacht. % Jesus loves me but he can't stand you. % Jesus loves you. Everyone else thinks you're an arsehole. % He buy me a sweeties, he buy me sweeties and tried to molest me in the carpark, yep yep yep yep. % You're twisted, depraved, and rotten to the core I like that in a person. % I'll get all of you someday. I'll wipe out your whole family. % I'm all revved up and on a thrill-kill rampage. % Half the trick is knowing the CyberPunks from the CyberPinks. % My question is simply this: are you menstruating? % My powers are beyond your understanding! % I'll heal your wounds, I'll set you free, I'm Jesus Christ on ecstasy! % Anything I do is purely coincidental. % Humans: bet you can't eat just one. % Sarcasm helps you avoid telling people what you really think of them. % The more people I meet, the more I love my sharpened entrenching tool. % Power corrupts. Absolute power is kinda neat. % This statement is false. % Few things work up an appetite like good, wholesome, sadomasochistic sex. % Hail Eris! Hail Bob! Hail Stones! All Hail Discordia! % All Hail Emperor Joshua A. Norton! % You know what I always say... % My biology I know. You I worry about. % You cannot lie to me. I know everything. % Hmmm, look at those eyes. He's trying to hypnotize me, but not in the good Las Vegas way. % Remember son, mercy is for the weak. % Your weakness is money in their bank. % Of course it belongs to me, I'm a communist. % The mutant alien skull man has a smile for all smiles, an answer for all answers. % I wouldn't know how to act if I weren't in trouble. % During the Asparagus Season, members are requested not to relieve themselves in the hatstand. % Most people do not know how to behave in a massacre. % It is hard for me to find the right thing to say when I find myself in a room full of morons. % Often I think I am a special agent of Billy Graham. % Cannibalism is a small price to pay for popularity. % Reverend! % Guns don't kill people. Bullets do. % Occam was never the target of a conspiracy. % Being good at being stupid doesn't count. % From the halls of Montezuma to the shores of Tripoli, we are all Tools of The Conspiracy. % La-la la-la-la-la la-la-la-la-la % Um. No. It's not mayonnaise. % Ooooooeee! They sure serve up them four-year-olds good, don't they? % DON'T call me dude, dude. % I am GOD here! % D'oh! % I like you. That's why I'm going to kill you last. % Make your own mistakes, not somebody else's. % Overall, there was a smell of boiled cabbage. % Some girls are bigger than others. % Bite me, it's fun. % You know what, Stuart? I like you. You're not like the other people, here, in the trailer park. % Ban Censorship! % It's called EVIL, kid. % Everybody looks brave holding a machine gun. % To err is human; to forgive is not company policy. % Censorship? We don't have any censorship here. If we did, I couldn't say ----- or ----- -----! % Yield to oncoming traffic. % If you feel like you've got to lead, at least get out of my way. % Your mother wears combat boots. But I like combat boots. % I started to correct my mistakes but realized what I was doing in time. % Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. % The problem with troubleshooting is that real trouble shoots back. % Quantum Express: when you absolutely, positively, don't know where it's going or when it needs to be there. % If you are what you eat, I could be you by morning. % Anything not nailed down is mine. Anything I can pry loose is not nailed down. % Welcome to Borger King. Your way will be Assimilated. % I am Homer of the Borg. Your way will be Assimil Oooo! Donuts! % That which does not kill me had better run pretty damn fast. % FIVE TONS OF FLAX! % First I must sprinkle you with fairy dust % We're not doing scientific research, we're killing people. % I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as long as a week sometimes to make it up. % It was such a lovely day I thought it a pity to get up. % I may have my faults but being wrong isn't one of them. % It is my firm belief that it is a mistake to hold firm beliefs. % Today is an excellent day to become a missing person. % Common sense is what tells you that the world is flat. % Honesty is the best policy but insanity is a better defense. % Semper Non Sequitur! % This statement is false. % Mankind has been on a bad trip for a long time now. % Bullshit makes the flowers grow and that's beautiful. % Convictions cause convicts. % Everything is true - everything is permissible! % Nothing is true. Everything is permitted. % Believe nothing, dare all. % Sometimes I become spell-bound in the middle of Tesco. % My inner child can beat up your inner child. % I'm in touch with my inner psychopath, for sure. % Hellllllooooooooo, Nurse! % On Earth there is no reckoning. % Study demonology with an enemy this Sunday. % Ewige Blumenkraft! % Fliegende Kinderscheisse! % If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost. % Yo! Ewige Blumenkraft, Dude! % G'day! Ewige Blumenkraft, Mate! % If vegetarians eat vegetables, I guess that makes me a humanitarian. % No matter how good it is, there's always better. % No matter how bad it is, there's always worse. % Stop searching forever. Happiness is just next to you. % Stop searching forever. Happiness is unattainable. % It is better to have loved and lost than to have just lost. % Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced. % LSD melts in your mind, not in your hands. % Earn cash in your spare time, blackmail your friends. % Question reality. % Weather's here, wish you were beautiful. % A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction. % Vegetables are murder. % I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs, and insanity for everyone but they've always worked for me. % Do you ever get feelings of deja vu? Do you ever get feelings of deja vu? % It's not that they die but that they die like sheep. % The first step to a person's heart is to confuse 'em big time. % `Here's what I know,' said the physicist. `If we lived in a microscopic world, trucks would crash into walls, fly apart and then reassemble perfectly on the other side of the wall. This has been proven.' % A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day. % Do what keepeth thou from wilting shall be the law of the Hole. % A small mind is a tidy mind. % Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves. % The only way to amuse some people is to slip and fall on an icy pavement. % Due to circumstances within our control, tomorrow will be cancelled. % Say what you mean and say it mean. % You live and learn. Or you don't live long. % You live and learn. Then you die and forget. % We learn from history that we do not learn anything from history. % I don't hate vegetarians, I just think they're funny. % If you think before you speak the other guy gets his joke in first. % If you only want to go 500 miles, can you begin with a half step? % While it's easy to get overwhelmed just remember: the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single plane-ticket reservation. % The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step, and a lot of bitching. % It just went off in my hand. I didn't know it was loaded. I swapped the magazines sort of accidently. % Roses are red, she said, and violents are blue % Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in. % He who lives without folly is less wise than he believes. % Being generous is inborn; being altruistic is a learned perversity. % If you do that you have a chance of dying. % Don't look now but there is a multi-legged creature on your shoulder. % Never give an inch! % People will buy anything that's one to a customer. % Some men are discovered; others are found out. % He who hates vices hates mankind. % Mind your own business, Spock. I'm sick of your half-breed interference. % Extreme feminine beauty is always disturbing. % He's dead, Jim. % You're dead, Jim. % In the strict scientific sense we all feed on death - even vegetarians. % Landru! Guide us! % We have phasers, I vote we blast 'em! % You! What PLANET is this! % Four thousand throats may be cut in one night by a running man. % If at first you don't succeed, quit; don't be a nut about success. % Fish heads, fish heads, roly-poly fish heads. % Death is an illusion. Life is a hallucination. Taxes are objective reality. % The wise shepherd never trusts his flock to a smiling wolf. % Yield to temptation; it may not pass your way again. % Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get. % For him to get a clue would require heroic implant surgery. % Of course it's the murder weapon. Who would frame someone with a fake? % You can't be late until you show up. % Men are more sentimental than women. It blurs their thinking. % Man who falls in blast furnace is certain to feel overwrought. % Colourless green ideas sleep furiously. % There is no heavier burden than a great potential. % Try the Moo Shu Pork. It is especially good today. % There ain't no justice, just us. % Admiration: our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves. % I wish you humans would leave me alone. % The door is the key. % Troubles are like babies; they only grow by nursing. % Change your thoughts and you change your world. % Freedom begins when you tell Mrs Grundy to go fly a kite. % Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry. % Question authority - and the authorities will question you. % A poet who reads his verse in public may have other nasty habits. % You have been selected for a secret mission. % You took my breath away and now I want it back. % Why is the cheese moving? % Ave, Imperator, morituri te salutant % My, don't we all look *smashing* in red. % There is no time like the pleasant. % And I alone am returned to wag the tail. % Above all things, revere yourself. % Dead puppies aren't much fun. % 'Tis an ill wind that blows no minds. % Any priest or shaman must be presumed guilty until proved innocent. % Excuse me, what did you say? Oh, I thought you said `NIGGER.' % There is no racial bigotry here. I don't look down on niggers, kikes, wops or greasers. Here, you are all equally worthless. % The hipbone's connected to the... jawbone? % He who has a shady past knows that nice guys finish last. % Do not merely believe in miracles, rely on them. % Small change can often be found under seat cushions. % Those who can, do; those who can't, simulate. % A motion to adjourn is always in order. % I came, I saw, she conquered. % If the Goddess had intended humans to smoke, She would have set them on fire. Actually she does that sometimes, come to think of it. % Even the boldest zebra fears the hungry lion. % Express yourself through supreme bovinity. % Oh, Aunty Em, it's so good to be home! % Laugh, and the world ignores you. Crying doesn't help either. % Use only as directed. % See side panel for exciting recipe ideas. % Use no hooks. % This side up. % Frumble! Frumble! Istharcity! % Love is in the offing, said the homicidal maniac. % Everything you know is wrong! % Bored people are boring people. % Animals can be driven crazy by placing too many in too small a pen. % I will never lie to you. % What's so funny 'bout Peace, Love, and Understanding? % And the first one said to the second one there, `I hope you're having fun.' % Second star on the right and onward 'till dawn. % Today is a good day to bribe a high ranking public official. % It's all in the mind, ya know. % Mmm. I forgot about that. % A good memory does not equal pale ink. % Fine, DON'T have a nice day, see if I care. % Don't look now but the man in the moon is laughing at you. % The Eleventh Commandment - Thou shalt not get caught. % There is only one real law - don't get caught. % Sure I believe in peace. Peace through superior firepower. % Dont'cha hate it when that happens? % You now have SARS. % Antibiotics, she said. % Troglodytism does not necessarily imply a low cultural level. % Rub her feet. % But I don't like Spam!!! % The plural of spouse is spice. % `I guess the joke's on me,' she said. % I prefer to think of them as the Ten Suggestions. % I like work; it fascinates me; I can sit and look at it for hours. % Panic as required. % Do not take life too seriously; you will never get out of it alive. % I believe that everyone is entitled to my opinion. % A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste. % All men are created unequal. % Beware of a tall dark man with a spoon up his nose. % Rose tint my world and keep me safe from the trouble and pain. % Paranoia doesn't mean the whole world really isn't out to get you. % Paranoia is not a contagious condition, it is a way of life. % Time is nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't happen at once. % It is the wise bird who builds his nest in a tree. % Confidence: a feeling peculiar to the stage just before full comprehension of the problem. % Nothing is forever. % Of all forms of caution, caution in love is the most fatal. % Give your child mental blocks for Christmas. % How untasteful can you get? % Dying is easy. Comedy is hard. % As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong? % No amount of genius can overcome a preoccupation with detail. % I like winter. I like the cold. I like the sound of flowers dying. % In this world truth can wait, she's used to it. % Everything in excess! To enjoy the flavour of life, take big bites. % Those students who have become one with the universe will be allowed to go on and become two with the universe. % The universe is laughing behind your back. % Let not the sands of time get in your lunch. % Every absurdity has a champion to defend it. % A man who turns green has eschewed protein. % One man's theology is another man's belly laugh. % It was a book to kill time for those who liked it better dead. % It's stuff to kill time for those who like it better dead, trying to fill out their empty, purposeless lives. % We could do that but it would be wrong, that's for sure. % All that glitters has a high refractive index. % Moderation is for monks. % The meek will inherit the Earth; the rest of us will go to the stars. % The world owes all its onward impulses to men ill at ease. The happy man confines himself within ancient limits. % Wonders never cease, as long as you never cease to wonder. % Standing on head makes smile of frown but rest of face also upside down. % What happens when you cut back the jungle? It recedes. % Gorgeous babes need no excuse. % We come in peace: shoot to kill. % I've seen the future and I leave it all behind. % The early worm gets the bird. % It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees. % Mate, this parrot wouldn't VOOM if you put four million volts through it! % Your ignorance cramps my conversation. % Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes. % If you hit a man over the head with a fish, he'll have a headache for a day. But if you teach a man to hit himself over the head with a fish, he'll have headaches for the rest of his life. % Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. % Give a man a fish and you'll feed him for a day. Give him a religion and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish. % Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Give him a fishing rod, he'll break it up for firewood. Or swap it for a fish. % Sell a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man how to fish and you ruin a perfectly good business opportunity. % Build a man a fire and he's warm for one night. Set him on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life. % Ignorance can be cured - but stupid lasts 'til you die. % The future ain't what it used to be. % Moving parts in rubbing contact require lubrication to avoid excessive wear. % The following statement is not true: % Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing. % Flee at once, all is discovered. % Early to bed and early to rise makes a man stupid and blind in the eyes. % We all know that no one understands anything that isn't funny. % No matter where you go, there you are. % He who laughs, lasts. % A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a Unicorn. % Money is truthful. When a man speaks of honour, make him pay cash. % I know your secret. % Chill out, everything's under control. Mostly. % Beware of a dark-haired man with a loud tie. % Eggs on top, canned goods on the bottom. % Everybody is equal here. It's just some people are more equal than others. % The decision doesn't have to be logical, it was unanimous. % You can never trust a woman; she may be true to you. % Quack! % Thaaaaaat's niiiiiice. % I'm not sure of what I should do - when every thought I'm thinking of is you. % The truth of a proposition has nothing to do with its credibility. And vice versa. % What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do it. % Never underestimate the power of human stupidity. % It's later than you think. % If it's comprehensible, it's obsolete. % Well, it looks like blind, screaming hedonism won out. % As goatherd learns his trade by goat, so writer learns his trade by wrote. % I admit that I am powerless over fish innards. % Attention all planets of the Solar Federation! We have assumed control. % We don't morally censure you. We just want the money. % SLACK: get it while you can. % I'm the one from the registry office. % Mars needs women. % I'll be back. % And the less I seek my source for some definitive, closer I am to fine % Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors and miss. % Never appeal to a man's `better nature.' He may not have one. % He's a trash-culture king on a four-colour throne. % There's someone in my head but it's not me. % This is my steakhouse. % Watch me as I swing my hips around. % Don't believe them, don't believe them, question everything you're told. % The classical Greeks were not influenced by the classical Greeks. % So, so you think you can tell heaven from hell. % No you don't understand, see you don't understand. % Though it all looks different now, I know it's still the same. % What poor gods we do make. % Pig's in zen % There were Arabs with knives at the foot of the bed. % I live like this 'cuz I like it, I've seen too much to pretend. % I know the road, I know where it goes; that's why I'm going so slow % I just walk right through the door % Mummy's all right, Daddy's all right, they just seem a little weird. % My moral standing is lying down. % I don't want anybody else, I think about you when I touch myself. % But she looked good in ribbons. % Don't eat yellow snow. % Man steps in with a terminal grin. Blue skies turn to grey. % He's a tragic figure in a paisley shirt. % Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have. % Quite content to sit on this fence, quite content, now a little bit older. % I have become comfortably numb % Happiness is mandatory. Are you happy? % The reason people get lost in thought is because it is, to many, rather unfamiliar territory. % Better to have thirty minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special. % If you're so special, why aren't you dead? % Don't knock masturbation - isn't sex with someone you love the best kind? % Look out, you're gonna craaash!!! % I'm looking for a cynical girl. % Congregation, please be seated. % Vacuum packed for freshness. % Never eat more than you can lift. % Fait accompli. % Money can't buy happiness but poverty can't buy ANYTHING. % This town needs an enema. % Virginity can be cured. % He can't be a man cause he does not smoke the same cigarettes as me. % Wake up, the whole world's gone. % Delicious and nutritious, tastes like chicken! % And where you are ain't no good unless you can get away from it. % If she doesn't scare ya, no evil thing will. % I believe in love, or not, as the case may be. % A thousand lips, a thousand tongues, a thousand throats, a thousand lungs, a thousand ways to make it true, I want to do terrible things to you % Therefore, knowing that you are merely human, do not assign yourself merit. % I've come a long way since I've believed in anything. % Ding a ding-dang my dang-a-long ling-long. % Don't give up, push a pawn. % Kryten, unpack Rachel and get out the puncture repair kit! % Cyberspace is where you are when you're on the telephone. % `Grey! Did I hear you say grey?' `Light black. From pole to pole.' % `How do you get all those coins?' `In pairs.' % Truly, the road to enlightenment is like unto half a mile of broken glass. % When you're a god you don't have to have reasons. % I hate people who think it's clever to take drugs - like customs officials. % is exhibited in the radical endosemic character of the sign as such. % The more it stays the same, the less it changes. % You can't lick the system but you can certainly give it a damn good fondling % `What did Medieval people do before television?' `Had tea, I suppose.' % Of course you realize this means war. % Don't worry. Baldrick has a cunning plan. % Smile and the whole world thinks you're laughing at them. % On a scale of 1 to 4, what are your feelings about the colour green? % Bonzo the Demon Dog from Hell with Handlebars for Ears. % As long as the music's loud enough, you won't hear the world falling apart. % Live in privacy. Die in public. % Never let your principles stand in the way of having a good time. % Shiny! I want! Gimme! % `How can I live my life when I can't tell good from evil?' `Ah they're both fine choices, whatever floats your boat.' % This is your life, good to the last drop. It doesn't get any better than this. This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time. Tyler Durden says, use soap. % I need to relax. I'm going to sharpen some of my knives. % We are God's unwanted children. So be it. % Disclaimer: I've probably changed my opinions by the time you read this % Disclaimer: this is a fictional work of precognitive history. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is strictly coincidental, as far as you know. % I reckon we should kill him anyway, just in case. % Let me answer that question with a headbutt. % Let's not quibble about who failed who. % If those two don't kill each other, I might lend a hand. % I don't like to brag. Who am I kidding? I love to brag. % Hi, for those of you who just tuned in, everyone here is a crazy person. % I can see why you would be upset. Oh, that was my sarcastic voice. % What's going on? Who died and made you Elvis? % It was an accident. Anyway, I wasn't there. Well, it must have been someone who looked like me then. I get that all the time. % Joke! % When he wakes up, tell him, I don't know. Think of something cool, tell him I said it. % You need a personality, stat. % I didn't jump to conclusions. I took a small step, and conclusions there were. % There's more than one way to skin a cat. And I happen to know that factually that's true. % I knew it! I knew it! Well, not in the sense of having the slightest idea but I knew there was something I didn't know. % I want to share something with you - the three little sentences that will get you through life. Number one, `Cover for me.' Number two, `Oh, good idea, boss.' Number three, `It was like that when I got here.' % Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand. % There you go again, confusing me with someone who cares, why do people do that? % It's not my fault my mother dropped me on my head when I was a baby. % Zane, zane, zane, ouvre le chien. % the tactful cactus by the window, surveys the prairie of your room % Just who is that Bill Posters guy and why are they going to prosecute him? % Remember the iceball. % This stuff isn't difficult! You're just stupid! % Johnny says: I'd rather be in Vegas % Well if you don't like it, just stop! Quit bugging me about it anyway! % We'll compromise: you live your way, I'll live mine. % Bored now. % Sorry, do I know you? % You asked for my opinion but I don't remember asking for yours. % Well, it worked for me. % The revolution will not be televised. % Today's special: carpe diem. % You can never have too much ammo. % You can never have too many babes or too much ammunition. % Firepower is hitting what you shoot at. % Go on, you know you want to % ARSE! FECK! SHITE! % What? % Out of chaos comes opportunity. % Out of chaos comes opportunity and thus we make our fate. % What we imagine is order is merely the prevailing form of chaos. % The most efficient accident, in simple assassination, is a fall of 75 feet or more onto a hard surface. % I always forgive a lady one murder. % Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference. % Credo quia absurdum est. % Never enter a battle of wits unarmed. % Don't tell people your troubles. Half don't care and the other half think you had it coming. % Over here, over there, everywhere, today, tomorrow, always: Bad men there are. Hate you they do. Kill you they will. Watch out you better! % Those who beat their swords into ploughshares will plough for those who don't. % Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn. % The only cure for stupidity is death. % Well it's broken now. % It's the bit where I have to voluntarily surrender my money I don't follow. % When I'm good I'm very, very, good and when I'm bad I'm even better. % Anyone who gets in a fair fight has no tactical skills. % Only interested people are interesting. % He who goes about unarmed in Paradise probably hasn't figured out how he got there so prematurely. % Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission. Except maybe if they give you a damn good kicking. % Seize the day, put no trust in the morrow! % He sighed, `Gee my life's a funny thing, am I still too young?' % All I have is my love of love but love is not loving % Her heart's been broken, just like you % Take a look at the lawman, beating up the wrong guy. I wonder if he'll ever know, he's in the best-selling show % He took it all too far but boy could he play guitar. % I smiled sadly for a love I could not obey. % Let the children lose it Let the children use it Let all the children boogie. % Wham Bam Thank You Ma'am! % To be played at maximum volume. % We serial killers are your sons, we are your husbands, we are everywhere. And there will be more of your children dead tomorrow. % The past is a foreign country. % `Have I ever let you down?' `Do you want me to answer that, or shall I just glare?' % Hey, I know! Why don't you kill them? % Now, we can do this the hard way or, well, actually, there's just the hard way. % `You can't see the stars, love. That's the ceiling. Also it's day.' `No, I can see them. But I've named them all the same name and there's terrible confusion.' % Came on so loaded man, well-hung and snow-white tan % Everyone gets everything he wants. I wanted a mission and, for my sins, they gave me one. Brought it up to me like room service. It was a real choice mission and, when it was over, I never wanted another. % Charlie didn't get much USO. He was dug in too deep or moving too fast. His idea of great R&R was cold rice and a little rat meat. He had only two ways home: death or victory. % They told me that you had gone totally insane. And that your methods were unsound. % `Are my methods unsound?' `I don't see any method at all, sir.' % As for the charges against me, I am unconcerned. I am beyond their timid lying morality and so I am beyond caring. % Fallen young women with uncovered titties Abortion clinics in all the large cities Raving butt pirates all wearing cock rings These are a leftists most favourite things % The hatred of relatives is the most violent. % Front sight. Press. Repeat as required. % Front sight. Vote. Front sight. Vote. % Blessed is he who, looking death in the face, thinks only of his front sight. % `Do you think what we're doing is wrong?' `Of course it's wrong! It's illegal!' `I've never done anything illegal before.' `I thought you said you were an accountant!' % Not by age but by capacity is wisdom acquired. % See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya % Smell ya, shouldn't have to tell ya % Don't worry it's only temporary. % There's more than one way to do it. % Even if I tried I don't think I'd manage to contain my indifference. % Okay, that was then, now I've changed my mind. % The wages of sin are high but you get your money's worth. % Give 'em a hit of FUD, that'll slow 'em down % Why? Because I want to, because I can, and because I don't see how anyone can stop me. % Buy low! Sell high! % Diligentia, Vis, Celeritas. % There ain't many troubles a man cain't fix with seven hundred dollars and a thirty ought six. % Fear of death will not prevent dying - but it may prevent living. % Only the dead have seen the end of war. % The dead take with them only what they have given away. % `Good heavens, are there no Christians here?' `Nay, Sir, we be mainly Armstrongs and Elliots.' % Nature *via* Nurture. % Get with it! It's the *pattern* that counts, the cause-effect matrix is just the boring detail. % What can I say, spitting blood-filled saliva into the guy's eyes is just one of those things you figure out for yourself. % They aren't your friends, they don't even know you, they're lying to you. They don't care about you, only themselves. Open your eyes! % Keep asking, `so what?' until you run out of questions. % Keep asking, `so what?' until you run out of questions. That doesn't mean you've got all the answers, it just means you've run out of questions and will have to start making assumptions. % It was shiny. It was wrapped in foil. I thought it might be chocolate. % Let's just call it collateral damage. % It's the most fun I can have without being forced to cuddle afterwards.